


Skating Your Way Through

by ANTchan, fallsouthwinter, rogueshadows, wingedbears



Series: Skating Your Way Through [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Eventual Smut, Ex Hockey Player Bodhi, Figure Skater Cassian, Fluff, Ice Skating, Kid Fic, Kid Paige, Kid rose, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Winter, single parent Bodhi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-15 23:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 85,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13623318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANTchan/pseuds/ANTchan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallsouthwinter/pseuds/fallsouthwinter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueshadows/pseuds/rogueshadows, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedbears/pseuds/wingedbears
Summary: An injury sends figure skater Cassian Andor to a tiny Canadian town for rehabilitation. He’s instructed to heal, rest, and enjoy the clean mountain air. And he hates the very idea of it.Until he falls - literally - into the lives of single dad Bodhi and two exuberant daughters. Cassian finds himself unbelievably charmed by the little family and, as it turns out, the feeling is mutual.Bodhi Rook never expected to find love again but with Cassian...he starts to hope.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you see a sappy movie summary and accidentally crowdsource a fic! (Please come save us from these idiots, we just want them to kiss!)
> 
> Unending gratitude to misskatieleigh for being our lovely beta!
> 
> Also, enjoy this official [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvwmcS6_Sf8oADNvYb3SA1aGq0moM1KLB&disable_polymer=true) to go along with it!

\----------------- 

_“What’s this nonsense of Tuesso’s about you being in Canada?”_

Cassian tucks the phone under his chin and tries to remember that Draven isn’t yelling at him. Yelling is different. Yelling is saved for the rink.

And yet, this is somehow so much worse.

“It’s my knee again. Kay says this rehab center is supposed to be good.” He nearly keeps the bitterness out of his voice. Nearly.

 _“So you’re quitting the season? Because your knee aches?”_ Draven asks, his voice getting higher in pitch through the tinny phone speaker. Cassian knows what’s coming, can clearly picture the vein starting to throb in his coach’s temple. Draven has been Cassian’s skating coach for nearly twenty years; over that time Cassian has witnessed nearly every variation of Draven’s moods.

“It’s not by choice, I told you,” Cassian says. He looks out across the lobby and glares at the large, roaring fireplace. The wide picture windows along the wall give a clear view into the Canadian wilderness, nothing like the usual cold and clinical rehab centers back home. It looks inviting and cozy, but Cassian feels anything but comforted by the atmosphere.

Draven sighs heavily. _“You know you don’t have that many seasons left, Andor. You can’t be wasting time on this. After how well you did last year, you promised to buckle down and really make a go of it, what’s changed?”_

“I won’t have any seasons, _period_ , if I don’t do this. Kay said rest and PT - or risk surgery and never being able to compete again.”

 _(Jumper’s knee, stage three,_ Kay had diagnosed - it wasn’t the first time he’d been warned of the condition and he wishes he could still shrug it off. Cassian had always worked through pain before. Why should this be any different? Only this time he could tell he’d pushed too far. In hindsight, Cassian’s surprised Kay didn’t bodily drag him to rehab that very day, considering how serious he looked delivering the news.)

This argument is why Cassian had flown out without telling his coach, knowing if he saw Draven beforehand the man would somehow convince him to stay. With Draven’s hands tied by distance, the only thing the coach can do is relent, not that he’ll do so kindly.

 _“You know I don’t like this,”_ Draven growls, and Cassian rubs a hand over his face. The front desk receptionist looks concerned, so Cassian turns back to look at the fireplace. Why a rehab center needs something so ornate is beyond him. Every curve of mahogany and stone screams luxury lodge, not sports rehabilitation.

“I don’t like it either,” Cassian agrees with a sigh, trying to not let the anxiety he feels come through in his tone. Sitting out this season means he’ll get rusty. And once he gets rusty, he’ll get nowhere in the rankings. Part of him wants to give in to Draven and run back to train but his persistently aching knee serves as a reminder of why that’s a terrible idea. Kay’s warning had made him feel so uncomfortably aware of his body’s limitations, not that he’d admit that much vulnerability to his coach.

Cassian repeats the seriousness of the diagnosis to Draven for the umpteenth time, as if it will make a difference to his already passed judgment.

"I can't face not getting on the ice again," Cassian says. "You know I’m serious about my career, just trust me to make this choice.” Draven doesn’t care enough to respond to that in any kind way, making a longsuffering sound over the phone line.

“ _Just keep me updated_ ,” Draven grumbles, hanging up abruptly. It isn’t a real concession and Cassian dreads the next call he’ll receive from the man, no doubt to ask when the doctors estimate he can come back. Cassian understands Draven’s anger all too well, having beat himself up a thousand times over the choice to step back for most of the season. Even taking the time out to rest feels like giving up. But as much as he’s afraid that Draven is right, that he’ll be too out of practice and have to relearn his routines, he has to believe he’ll come back in better shape.

Cassian feels guilty for putting Draven in this position, knowing how he’d feel if the situations were reversed. The cost of pain is nothing compared to his - to _their -_ goals. He could be a gold medalist someday, and then all these years of hardship would be worth it. He just needs to make it there without faltering.

Kay, on the other hand, has always insisted Cassian is doing too much.

_“You’ll rupture the tendon,” Kay says, massaging the knee while Cassian bites back a wince. “I don’t want you going back on the ice.” He whips out a pen from his lab coat and jots something down on Cassian’s thick medical file. “You need physical therapy, and rest.”_

_And so Cassian does what every athlete swears they’ll never do: he disregards his doctor’s advice. Draven insists that he push through, and Cassian agrees. He can’t sit around all day, as much as Kay wants him to._

_The routine starts fine, the constant ache in his right knee keeping him company on the ice, until Cassian tries to land the first triple axel on his right leg. His knee gives out completely, his ankle bending the wrong way. Not even the humiliation of falling right on his ass is enough to block out the pain._

_Draven is pissed about even the slightest delay in his training, and that always rankles Cassian. But he has never seen Kay as riled as after that fiasco. He yells, slams his clipboard on the table and glares at Cassian with so much hurt and rage. “Just because I’m your friend does not mean you get to ignore my advice as your doctor, **Cassian,** ” he hisses, and then stomps out of the small clinic room, leaving Cassian utterly alone. He returns fifteen minutes later, considerably calmer. Too calm. “You’re leaving,” he announces, sitting down on the room’s only chair. _

_“I’m not quitting,” Cassian sputters._

_“If you would let me finish,” Kay says. “You’re going to a rehabilitation center, in Canada, all expenses paid.” He slaps down a flyer to punctuate the sentence. It reads **Alliance Resort & Rehabilitation - Fespin Falls, British Columbia** in a fancy font. Cassian furrows his brow._

_“By who?”_

_“By you. I gave them your payment information. It’s already paid for. You have to go.”_

Cassian looks around the place and curses Kay again for this move. He knows Cassian’s pride is only outweighed by his distaste for wasting anything, and he’s played Cassian like a fiddle. Cassian also, unfortunately, knows Kay wouldn’t have gone this far unless it was actually vital. So he’d shown up and taken the perfunctory tour of the huge and almost intimidating rehab campus with the administrator, a small, equally intimidating woman named Leia, who promised they’d do their very best to get him better. He knows Kay probably called her ahead of time and explained the circumstances so he’d be notified if Cassian made a jailbreak. It’s the only reason he can think of that the center’s administrator would personally show him around.

Cassian turns back to the receptionist, a middle-aged woman with silvery gray hair and a plaque that reads _Norra Wexley_ on the desk in front of her, who looks up at him from her list of patients.

“Mr. Andor?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Luke is ready for you in Therapy Room 2, I can show you where you’ll be.”

“Thank you,” Cassian says, although he’s grumbling inside at the thought of meeting this “Luke.” Is the center so unprofessional that they won’t even pair him with a specialist? “Luke” doesn’t sound like a doctor or even a proper therapist. “Luke” sounds more like some bubbly, muscular boy who likes puffy vests.

When she leads him back through the medical wing of the center and opens the door to one of the brightly lit PT rooms, Cassian feels immediately vindicated.

“Hi, I’m Luke,” says the - look at that - bubbly, surprisingly muscular young man, who looks more like a boy than a doctor. To top it off, his smile is as bright as the sun glinting off the ice, radiating a sense of welcome. He looks even _less_ like a professional than Cassian had imagined, wearing gym pants and a t-shirt that hugs his form just right. “It’s nice to meet you,” Luke continues eagerly.

“Cassian,” he greets with none of the same warmth, not bothering to echo the sentiment. “What are we starting with?”

“Oh, just some mat exercises,” Luke says, either not catching or outright ignoring Cassian’s rudeness. “Lie down and we’ll start.”

Cassian does as asked (for Kay’s sake only, he tells himself) and lies down on the mat. He frowns up at Luke, who kneels next to him. “Shouldn’t we be starting with my medical history?”

“Oh, don’t worry, I talked directly with Dr. Tuesso. He suggested a regimen of leg and hip exercises; some band work for your ankle too. Which I agree with, as a start. Maybe some low impact exercise in the pool if it’s needed. And plenty of rest, of course!” Luke winks, then pushes Cassian’s leg into a bent position and starts raising it higher and higher. “We’re just going to test your range of motion. Let me know when it starts to--”

Cassian grunts, biting back a curse.

“--hurt.” Luke checks the position of Cassian’s knee, clearly displeased with how little time it’s taken to gain a reaction, and squints. “How long has this been going on, Cassian?”

“Kay didn’t tell you that too?”

“I’d like to hear it from you,” Luke says earnestly.

“...Two years, on and off,” Cassian admits, resigning himself to a lecture.

That’s not what happens. Luke only hums and lets Cassian’s knee down to rest. “So you’ll be here for eight weeks,” he concludes, and to Cassian it sounds like he’s skipping right to the end of a much longer speech, “and you’re not to go on the ice.”

Cassian nods and pretends to listen as Luke outlines his recovery for him, but in his head, he’s already thinking about ways to sneak in practice over the course of his stay.

Cassian waits at least until after PT and lunch, when both the resort employees and the other guests seem occupied with their own activities, and heads to the on-site rink with his skate gear. He scans his card at the entry point, and it beeps at him. The light on the indicator stays red. “Come on,” he hisses, trying again. It beeps again. Red. “Damn it,” Cassian says, hitting the door. He jiggles the handle, but it stays locked. He should have known they’d lock him out.

Cassian looks through the window out to the rink, one or two people skating, gracefully carving the ice in gentle loops. Gut churning _envy_ fills him. Cassian should be out there, he can’t afford to waste all this time away from training. What’s worse is that he misses it, the swoosh of the ice, the feel of the cool air all around that lets him lose himself. He’s so frustrated at the thought of sitting in his room all night, alone. How can they possibly expect him to relax like this?

He turns and storms back the way he came, knowing standing there will do him no good. He pushes inside the blessedly empty glass elevator, yet another over the top luxury. The window gives him a clear view of the mountains and surrounding lakes he’d passed coming into town and he sighs until, in sudden clarity, the view gives him an idea. He sends the elevator back down to the lobby with his new goal in mind, hoping to spend the rest of the day actually practicing like he’d set out to do. Norra Wexley looks surprised to see him again where he’d just walked by a few moments ago.

“Can I use your phone?” Cassian asks, mentally daring the receptionist to deny him. “And do you have the number for a taxi service?”

There’s nothing he’d enjoy more at this moment than to accuse them of holding him prisoner. But she only smiles, lets him make his call, and wishes him a safe evening. But she stops him before he can make a hasty exit with a patient warning. “Be sure to be back before they lock the front gate for the night, Mr. Andor.”

The words have him feeling like he’s some teenager planning on sneaking out after dark. Something he used to do early in the morning rather than for late parties, skipping out to the rink before his mother could insist on feeding him breakfast. At least this time he doesn’t feel bad deceiving these people he hardly knows, who think he can’t make his own judgment on what is too much for his knee. Besides, it’s not like Kay is here to stop him.

The taxi driver is a scruffy looking brunette with a crooked grin who doesn’t bother with small talk as Cassian directs him past the town limits. It’s only when he suddenly asks the man to stop the car on the side of the road that he turns around and looks at him skeptically. “This is the middle of nowhere, kid,” the man says. Cassian glances at the posted information card. Han Solo, the ID reads.

“This is where I want to be, Solo,” Cassian says firmly.

“Okay, guess I know what’ll be on the police blotter tomorrow,” Solo shrugs. It’s the only token argument he makes, accepting what Cassian pays him in cash without another word. Cassian climbs out, waits with his gear until Han leaves, and then limps toward the iced-over pond he’d spotted behind the treeline.

He sets his duffel bag down and looks out at the ice, wondering if it’s actually thick enough to skate on. There’s only one way to find out. He sits down, pulls off his boots, and shivers at the cold, quickly slipping into his skates and lacing up. The last thing he takes from his bag is his abuela’s St. Cassian medallion, which he never skates without. He fastens it securely around his neck and tucks it into his coat as he stands at the edge of the ice. His knee still feels weak, but manageable, with the ridiculous velcro brace Luke is making him wear. He just wants to do a little warm up, he convinces himself. Surely, that’s not pushing it, right? He pulls his hair back into a ponytail, takes a deep breath, and finally slides out onto the ice.

It’s like coming home, despite the twinge of pain, skating through it with determination. The tension of travel and Draven’s distant complaints melt away.

Cassian glides as easy as breathing, each slide of the blades like water in a steady current. He shifts his weight, turning backwards in lazy circles, tracing the lines he’s already made. The brace makes it easier to hold himself up and keep his posture without worrying that he’ll collapse at the slightest twinge. _Okay,_ he thinks, _I can’t do my full routine, but just one jump. Just one._

He builds up speed, skating faster and faster, ignoring the way his knee protests at the movement. He spins into position for a single axel, just like he’s done a thousand times. He kicks off without issue and for a second he’s sure he can do it, until his knee betrays him again; giving out just as he tries to stick the landing. He falls backwards and hits the ice hard, only just managing not to crack open his skull in the process. The fall knocks the wind out of him and it’s only a panicked second later that he remembers to breathe, heaving deep and shuddering breaths in the cold.

Cassian’s chest aches and it feels like he’s falling apart. He can’t do it anymore, not even a single jump rotation. His heart and mind race, his knee burning from the twist, the pain radiating up his entire right side. Cassian clutches at the medallion hanging around his neck, the sides of it biting hard into his palm and fingers, feeling utterly alone and helpless. He's not prone to crying, but right now, he's close.

He lays on the ice, letting the cold seep into his clothes, trying to breathe right. The sun is bright, but suddenly there’s a shadow looming over him. A man standing above him. With the sun behind him, a man so _beautiful_ that Cassian is sure he’s hallucinating. Either that, or he’s being visited by an _angel._ An angel with dark hair and wide dark eyes that look fathomless in the shadow. The angel smiles curiously at him, and Cassian’s eyes are drawn to his pink cupid’s bow lips.

Maybe he had hit his head after all.

“You okay there? Need help?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Man finds Body on Pond - You'll Never Guess What Happens Next!?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who left such lovely feedback on the first chapter!
> 
> Beta'd by the excellent misskatieleigh!

\-----------------

It’s Rose who alerts him first. “Dad!” she calls from the the other room. “There’s a man skating on our pond!”

Bodhi stops in the middle of cooking mac and cheese, one of three meals that the girls will both eat, even with the broccoli he insists on adding. “There’s a what?” he calls back.

He waits for half a second for his youngest’s voice. But instead of Rose, it’s Paige who answers this time. Rose’s shout must have drawn her sister. "Well…” she says tentatively, “he was skating...now he's just laying there. On the ice."

“Dad, I think he fell!” Rose yells, sounding concerned.

Bodhi sighs. “Shit,” he mutters very quietly. He can only hope the ice hasn’t cracked. He turns off the burner and sets the pot aside, going to the back door and pulling on his snow cleats and scarf as quickly as he can. Sure enough, as he steps out onto the back porch, he can see there’s someone laying on the pond.

What kind of idiot goes skating alone on a frozen pond?

Bodhi covers his eyes against the glare coming off the ice, and walks closer, checking for cracks and weak spots on the way out. Thankfully, the ice is strong, and he makes it out to the man with little trouble. For a moment he’s not even sure the fallen newcomer is moving, and worry spikes through him.

_All at once Bodhi remembers the dull roar. The rink is never silent, except for when it’s empty. Even without the crowd, there’s always the scrape of metal across the ice, the clack of sticks, the sound the puck makes as it’s struck. And all of that is still there, if Bodhi strains for it. But mostly it’s just a dull thrumming that Bodhi only later realizes is the blood rushing through his ears._

_Someone shouts above him, but he can’t make out the words. The chill of the ice starts to seep through his uniform, and Bodhi tries to move--_

_And he can’t._

_He can’t move--_

Bodhi sucks in a breath, uses the winter chill in his lungs to shock himself back to reality. The trespasser on his property is awake, blinking up at him. Right. Just an idiot tourist looking for thrills, then. An idiot tourist with long, soft looking dark hair and a jawline that could cut the ice just as well as his skates could.

“You okay there? Need help?”

The man stares up at him for a while, dazed. And then he starts to scowl. “I’m a professional,” he says, like that changes the fact that he wiped out, pushing himself up on his elbows.

Bodhi almost, _almost_ rolls his eyes, but stops at the last second. “A professional...faller? Professional trespasser?”

“Skater,” the guy snips. It’s unfortunate that he’s kind of a jackass, because he’s stunningly handsome, and he probably knows it, too. No way a man with those chiseled cheekbones doesn’t know he’s attractive. Bodhi offers his hand anyway, somewhat surprised when Mr. High and Mighty accepts. He understands as soon as the other man gets to his feet and slips, his leg giving way with a curse and a grunt of pain. He starts to fall but Bodhi steadies him, pulling him in close to keep them both from toppling over. His breath is warm on Bodhi’s chest.

“So what was that move called?” Bodhi jokes. It earns him a glare. “Also, why are you out on this ice? You know how easy it is to skate over a weak spot? You could’ve fallen through!”

“I needed a rink,” the man replies. Bodhi pushes a shoulder under the guy’s arm and helps him limp back towards the house.

“Well, use an indoor one, there’s a few in town,” Bodhi says, none too pleased with the stranger’s attitude. The stranger mumbles something under his breath, letting out a curse on the exhale.

“Sorry, what was that?” Bodhi asks.

“Nothing. I may have to. The ice sucks out here, it’s full of bumps.”

Bodhi rolls his eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry nature isn’t accommodating enough for you.”

“Just rent a zamboni, should be easy enough.”

Bodhi doesn’t laugh, but he does bite his lip at that. It’s a comeback, but a relenting one. The stranger falls quiet after that, leaving them in thick, smothering silence as they slowly, carefully pick their way back across the ice. It’s hard to ignore someone who is literally clinging to your side for support though, and Bodhi breaks the silence. As much as the stranger might not want to talk, with the amount of pain he must be in he could probably use a distraction.

“My name’s Bodhi,” Bodhi says eventually.

“Cassian.” A lock of hair falls out from Cassian’s hair tie, framing his face. Bodhi watches, finds his eyes tracking the scrunch of Cassian’s face as he tries to toss his head to dislodge it. The urge to brush it back into place hits him so fast he has to bite the inside of his cheek.

 _You’ve been lonely for too long,_ he berates himself, and keeps that thought in mind as they climb up onto the porch. There’s a bit of scuffling as they both work to get the skates off, Cassian wincing as he shifts his weight from foot to foot, Bodhi somehow managing to both hold him up and help him unlace the skates. He doesn’t bother with taking his cleats off after, simply guiding Cassian through the house and down onto the couch.

Bodhi watches his trespasser turned guest out of the corner of his eye as finally he takes off his heavy ice cleats, and tries not to make it look obvious. Cassian is looking around their cozy living room with a frown. Bodhi feels like it must be attached there permanently. But if Cassian is making judgments about Bodhi’s small, comfortably cluttered home, he doesn’t speak them.

“Let me check your leg, at least,” Bodhi offers, compassion winning out over his irritation at the man’s abrupt nature.

Cassian opens his mouth, and Bodhi can feel the acidic retort coming, but he suddenly stops, eyes wide. Bodhi turns to follow Cassian’s line of sight, and finds Paige and Rose peeking around the door jam at them.

Oh, boy. Well, there’d be no stopping the girls now anyway. “Come on out girls, and say hello to our guest,” Bodhi says, shooting a subtle glare at Cassian if he dares to say even one unkind word to his daughters. “He needs to thank you for spotting him out on the pond,” he continues pointedly.

Whether or not Cassian intends to actually thank the girls doesn’t matter, because he can hardly open his mouth before the kids are bombarding him with questions. But it doesn’t appear to bother him, to Bodhi’s surprise. It’s clear from the way his expression gentles that even his heart is a little melted at the attention.

Rose starts. “Who are you? Why were out on the ice? Are you a _real_ ice skater?”

Paige, caught up in the excitement just as much as her sister, seems to forget to give Cassian time to answer before she’s adding her own. “Are you hurt? Why do you have a brace on?

Cassian smiles, something momentarily impish flickering onto his face, and holds up his hand to pause her line of questioning. Bodhi absolutely does not think it’s cute. He leans against the nearby armchair to watch. Paige blushes, looking a bit sheepish but still excited for the answers. “Okay, let me try to get through these. My name is Cassian Andor, and I... _think_ I’m a real figure skater. I was out on your pond because I wanted to skate. Yes,” he swallows, suddenly somber, “I hurt my knee, but don’t worry, it’s an old injury. I’m here visiting a doctor to fix it.”

“Are you staying at Mr. Luke and Miss Leia's?” Rose asks. Bodhi never fails to laugh at Rose’s endearingly formal nicknames for his friends. From the rough shape he seems to be in, Bodhi isn’t surprised that Cassian recognizes the names from the resort.

“Yes actually, um, Mr. Luke made me wear this,” he says, gesturing to his knee brace. “I’m sort of grateful that I was now.”

“Why were you skating if you were hurt?” she asks, the crux of the issue, out of the mouth of babes. “You can’t get better if you keep falling.”

Cassian looks caught and a bit embarrassed, his mouth opening and shutting like a fish. Clearly, he doesn’t have a good answer for that. Bodhi hides a smile behind his hand and takes pity on him.

“Okay, give him a bit to recover before you ask him any more questions. Paige, please run out and get Mr. Andor’s duffel bag by the pond. Rose, can you please turn on the kettle?” Dinner, it seems, is going to have to wait.

Paige nods and heads to the back door, and Rose perks up. “You could use some hot cocoa!” she says brightly.

“Then we can ask you about figure skating!” Paige exclaims from the back door.

“Don’t forget your coat, Paige!” Bodhi shouts after her. He tips his head to listen as his daughter fumbles around by the coat closet until the back door slams shut. “Sorry about that,” he shrugs. “They like meeting new people. You don’t have to answer all their questions.”

“No, it’s okay. They’re… they’re really sweet girls.” Cassian smiles, and it’s a real smile this time, not a patient or joking one. His eyes crinkle at the corners and it’s…

Bodhi clears his throat. “Let me check your leg,” he says.

“It’s jumper’s knee,” Cassian says as Bodhi kneels before him. “I really am at the resort.”

“I believe you,” Bodhi says, squeezing Cassian’s ankle. “Did it rupture just now?” Bodhi asks, moving his hand up under Cassian’s brace carefully.

Cassian winces but shakes his head. “No,” he says. “No, just the same old pain as before. Just, sharper.” Cassian looks at him consideringly and speaks again. “Do you work at the rehab?” Bodhi snorts and shakes his head.

“Nope, just a lowly fisherman. I own the bait and supply shop in town.”

“Oh. You seem to know what you’re doing, is all.”

Bodhi flicks his gaze up. His jaw clenches around the words. “This whole town lives with the ice,” he says lightly. “We see injuries like this a lot.” It’s _a_ truth, at least, even if it’s not Bodhi’s truth. But he doesn’t owe anyone the whole story that goes with it, let alone some stranger that showed up on his pond.

Cassian nods and doesn’t ask anything further.

Bodhi bends Cassian’s knee slowly, making sure it has enough range of motion still. Cassian grimaces, obviously in pain, so he stops, pulling his hands away. “Okay,” he says, getting up and ignoring the shiver of pain in his own back. “Hot cocoa and then I’ll drive you back to the resort.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t--” Cassian starts, but Rose appears in the kitchen doorway and Paige a moment later at the back door.

“The water is almost ready!” Rose pipes up.

“And I got your stuff!” Paige hefts the bag over to the couch, beaming. Bodhi goes into the kitchen to ready the mugs of hot cocoa. He keeps an ear open, however, just to make sure the girl’s pestering isn’t too overwhelming for Cassian.

“When did you start ice skating?” Paige starts in, just as insistent as before. This time she at least gives Cassian a chance to breathe and answer.

“When I was eight.”

Rose gasps excitedly. “I’m eight! Could you teach me to skate?” she asks.

“Well, I--”

“I have really good balance, Dad says so!”

“Me too, can you teach me? I’m twelve, I can learn!” Paige joins in. Bodhi already feels a little bad for leaving Cassian outnumbered. Just a little.

“I don’t know if I’m allowed--”

Bodhi calls out from the kitchen, halfway done with mixing the packets of chocolate into the water, “Girls, leave Mr. Andor alone!”

There’s half a minute’s pause.

“What move were you trying to do?” he hears Paige ask, keeping her voice lower this time, as if continuing the barrage of questions _quieter_ means she’s doing as she’s told. Bodhi bites back a grin. “Was it a hard one?”

“Oh, ah-- I was trying to do a triple axel,” Cassian says, but the barely perceptible waver in his answer has Bodhi fighting not to snort. He has only a small idea about what that is, but _sure_ , of course he was. The girls ooh and ahh accordingly all the same.

“Can you do that crazy backflip onto one foot thing like Surya Bonaly?” Paige asks. Bodhi’s momentarily surprised by the hushed awe in her voice. He wonders when Paige had gotten so interested in figure skating - and why she’s never mentioned it.

Ah, no, he knows exactly why she’s never said anything. She never talks to him about the ice, not since his injury.

“Not really, my body is framed differently,” Cassian answers, sounding a bit surprised himself at the specificity of the question.

“But you _can_ backflip, right?” Rose asks, like it’s just a given.

Bodhi walks out to Cassian smiling warmly. “Yes,” he laughs. “I can backflip.”

“Woah!” Rose says, Paige joining in her awed reaction.

“Okay,” Bodhi interrupts, presenting the tray with piping hot mugs, “hot cocoa. No backflips. Mr. Andor’s injured, remember?”

“Yes, Dad,” they sigh at him.

“Thank you,” Cassian says, accepting the mug that Bodhi holds out and taking a sip. He bites his lip and tucks an errant piece of hair behind his ear. It’s a gesture so surprisingly sweet that Bodhi finds himself knocked off guard.

 _‘This isn’t fair,’_ he thinks mournfully.

“Once you’re done with that, I’ll drive you back,” Bodhi hastens to say, fingers tapping nervously against the mug. Cassian looks almost like he wants to argue again, but Rose butts in helpfully before he can.

“Can we visit you? Will you visit us? You’re definitely teaching us to skate, _right_?” she asks pleadingly. Bodhi feels a bit jarred by his daughter’s serious request of the man they only just met.

“Girls, he’s busy trying to heal...the last thing he needs is kids bothering him.” The girls look disappointed at the answer, ignoring him in favor of fixing Cassian with matching pouts.

Cassian looks a little nervous at first, like he’s thinking it over. He catches the moment Cassian gives in from the shy smile that dawns on his face. “I can’t make any promises but...if my knee is better in a couple days then I could show you the basics? If your dad says it’s okay, of course.”

Cassian looks to Bodhi for permission, seeming worried that he’s overstepped. Bodhi almost wants to say no, to tell them that they can’t learn or at least can’t take up Cassian’s time to do so. He’s trying to figure out a way to shut it down softly when those little pouty faces turn to him, brown eyes pleading with him, and Bodhi caves.

“I really don’t want you to push yourself too hard, but if you think you're up to it... No pressure of course,” Bodhi says. The kids light up at the answer, cheering with a fervent chorus of thank yous and excited planning for all the cool skating things they’ll learn. He doesn’t even bother to repeat that they’ll only learn _if_ the skater feels better.

It doesn’t help that Cassian smiles even brighter at their happiness, his initial haughty demeanor entirely gone. He’s so different from the grouch that had greeted Bodhi out on the ice, far kinder and more patient. Now he can only see a soft man being kind to his daughters.

Bodhi has the distinct, awful feeling that he’s in trouble.

There’s more questioning from the girls, and Bodhi is afraid that Cassian will grow weary from the third degree he’s getting from both of them, but the man seems to soak it up instead. After the cocoa is finished, Bodhi shuffles everyone into his sturdy old pickup for the ride to the resort. (The kids won’t watch themselves and there’s no way he’s dropping them off at Jyn’s if it means explaining the handsome stranger in his car.) The kids pile into the back, insisting that Cassian sits with them instead of in the vacant spot up front. It’s entirely ridiculous, but Bodhi doesn’t argue with them as long as Cassian appears comfortable. Rose sits close, looking at Cassian like he hung the stars. Paige seems equally fond, especially after Cassian humors them with a story about landing his first triple salchow in competition - whatever that is. Bodhi is only half listening. Really.

When they finally reach the resort, Bodhi thinks Cassian might have finally had his fill, looking up at the building ahead, a bit tired, but just as kind to them. Bodhi doesn’t know what to say, feeling absurdly like he should be the one thanking Cassian for humoring his girls. Bodhi makes a soft noise as Cassian reaches for the car door handle to get out, a protective instinct rising in him. “Are you okay to get to the door alone?”

Cassian nods, shooting Bodhi a final grin and a goodbye before he grabs his gear and hobbles away towards the front door. He turns back and looks almost surprised to see that Bodhi is waiting for him to go inside. The girls wave, calling out a goodbye to their new friend again. It probably sounds muffled to Cassian, but it’s perfectly loud for Bodhi. He watches Cassian grin and wave back before finally disappearing into the resort.

The girls’ excited energy finally seems to deflate after they pull away, even as they talk amongst themselves. The whispering doesn’t mean anything good for Bodhi, going from past experience. He manages to get them back out onto the road before he’s the center of attention.

“Did you like him, Dad?” Paige asks.

“Do you think he’ll come back?” Rose follows up.

“I thought he was nice,” Bodhi says, which is the truth. “I don’t know if he’ll come back, my dears, he’s probably a very busy man.”

“He was skating on our pond, he can’t be _that_ busy,” Paige argues. Bodhi curses the fact that she’s managed to pick up so much of Jyn’s sass from prolonged exposure.

Bodhi doesn’t roll his eyes, as much as he’d like to, but he does huff a laugh. He doesn’t want to break the girls’ hearts, doesn’t want to coax a fire that will only be doused. “He might come back,” he states again.

“But you _liked_ him, right?” Rose says, leaning as far as the seatbelt will allow. Oh, Bodhi knows that tone. He knows nothing good comes of it, but tries to keep his answer obtuse, hoping the girls will let it be.

“I said he was nice!”

“But do you _like like_ him?” Paige says and it’s the third variation of the question that actually has him laughing at the absurdity of being interrogated on his nonexistent… _’like’-life_ by his own kids.

“I don’t _like like_ anyone, especially after only a few hours.”

“So you’re saying you could like him if you spent more time with him?” Paige asks excitedly.

Rose shifts closer to whisper conspiratorially to her sister, in a voice that is not at all subtle and barely an actual whisper. “It’s a good thing Mr. Andor is coming back!”

“Okay, one, I can hear you!” Bodhi interrupts, just to break up the gossip and stop his ears from burning. “And two, contrary to household opinion, I’m not in ninth grade, okay?” Paige and Rose giggle and Bodhi recalibrates his earlier assumption.

He’s _definitely_ in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Local Fisherman Makes MASSIVE CATCH! - Reels in Romance_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, we want to thank all of you for giving us feedback on the last chapter! <3 It brings us so much joy! This chapter is a bit longer than the last, but it's full of cuteness and PINING so... we figure it's a fair trade.
> 
> We'd also love to give a special thank you to misskatieleigh for taking the precious time to beta this mess - even when we rewrite half the chapter.

_ \----------------- _

_Trouble_ is nothing compared to what Bodhi is in for the next morning.

Bodhi is _doomed._

The first thing his daughters do upon arriving at the bait shop that morning, after trading sunny hellos with Jyn, is tell her everything about the past evening’s adventure. It’s a highly romanticized tale of how he rescued a real life figure skater from possible _death_ (“What? He was _not_ dying - he didn’t even hit his head!”) _,_ imbued with glowing praise for Cassian (“I mean he was alright…”) and a great deal of editorialization on the subject of Bodhi’s feelings. (“I-- no, Rose, we went over this. I do not _like like him_.”) And Jyn’s growing _interest_ in the whole thing only makes it worse.

It’s the type of situation that makes him wish the girls’ vacation week was over already, so the women in his life would stop conspiring against him for at least some small measure of time. Or conspiring “for him” as they see it. Whatever may be the case, Bodhi spends the first twenty minutes of his day being subjected to _knowing looks_ and _secret smiles_ , until the kids finally run off to draw and start the books they were assigned to read over the short break.

Jyn only waits until the kids are happily distracted and out of earshot to round on him.  “A trespasser, huh? A trespasser that you _noblely saved._ And you gave him hot cocoa. Of course you did. A regular knight in shining armor, you are.”

Bodhi relays the story with much less romance and embellishment: he’d simply found a jerk that turned out to be pretty nice (“Emphasis on pretty?” Jyn teases. Bodhi ignores her.) on his pond and possibly saved his life from his own stupidity. It was nothing, _really_. As much as the kids are looking forward to skating, there’s still a strong chance that they might never see Cassian again. He only hopes the injured man doesn’t feel too beholden to his promise. “You know how the resort people all are,” Bodhi waves a hand around.  

“Yeah,” Jyn replies, looking dubious. “Those winter sport people can be a real pain. You think figure skaters are as bad as hockey players?” Her mouth curls into a grin.

Bodhi rolls his eyes.

“So, was he cute?” Jyn says, cutting to the point as always. She has that brow of hers arched, knowing exactly which of his buttons to push. Sometimes Bodhi regrets moving to this small town with his best friend. _Sometimes._

“Why is that important? He could have been anyone! You should be scolding me for letting him into the house - like the time you told me not to take in that cat.”

“That cat was evil. I am _so_ glad the owners retrieved it... that’s beside the point though! I’m just asking out of personal curiosity - usually figure skaters are pretty gorgeous. Maybe I want to know if it’s true.”

“Well, he wasn’t. Maybe a little...I don’t know, whatever.”

And Paige isn’t as out of earshot as Bodhi had assumed, sitting just on the other side of Jyn’s sales counter and blatantly eavesdropping. She quickly chimes in to add her own two cents.

“Dad totally thought he was cute. He stammered a lot when he smiled and everything. Just like when Luke wears nice clothes!”

Bodhi chokes on his own horror, his face heating. “I did _not_ , you traitor!”

Rose twirls into view, apparently bored with drawing already. She’s been mimicking ice skating moves all morning and he’s afraid this isn’t going to be an easy obsession to get through this time around.

Jyn raises an eyebrow at him, grinning.  “Looks like your whole family is enamored,” she says.

He’s stopped from giving her a scathing remark by the bell to the shop chiming. And Bodhi is forced to bite back his response - if he can even remember it. Because Cassian Andor has, as if summoned, appeared in his shop. There’s the tiniest curve of a smile on his face as he catches sight of them. His hair isn’t pulled back today, instead falling around his face, framing the sharp angles of his cheekbones and his jaw.

 _Doomed._ Bodhi is _doomed._

“Mr. Andor!” Paige cries, popping up from her seat. Rose twirls by just in front of Cassian, lost in her own world until she notices him and stops, immediately launching into how figure skating is her _dream_ now with a wide grin on her face. Paige ducks past to join her sister and Cassian only looks amused by the ambush.

Jyn, ever the opportunist, pokes Bodhi and whispers, “Oh, he _is_ cute!” in her most teasing voice. She’s not _wrong_ , not by a longshot. But Bodhi has only known this man for a total of twelve hours and he doesn’t need this.

Bodhi can’t turn to glare at her for fear of drawing attention. But he does hiss, “ _Shut up, Jyn,_ ” as loud as he dares. She isn’t at all fazed by it.

“I just have to talk to your dad for a second, but I promise I’ll tell you another story before I go,” Cassian is saying to the girls.

He looks up and all Bodhi can think is: _Wow, he’s smiling at me._ Despite his argument with the girls the night before that he’s _not_ in ninth grade, Bodhi hasn’t felt this awkward since high school.

“Can I… um, can I help you?”  Bodhi asks, pointedly ignoring Jyn’s snickering. He ruthlessly suppresses the fluttering in his chest.

“I actually came in to apologize, well, for being such a jerk at first,” Cassian confesses with a wince. “I know I won over the kids, but I was really unfair to you when you were just trying to help me.”

Bodhi curses his own penchant for forgiveness. It would be easier to be petty, just this once, for his own self preservation. But the fact is that he’d forgiven Cassian for his rudeness long before dropping him off at the rehab center the night before.

“You were in a lot of pain, I get it. It’s nothing, really. Water under the bridge,” he says.  

What he doesn’t say is that he’s been there. That he knows how the pain and stress of injury can make you lash out at the people around you. If Jyn had held everything he’d snapped at her during his recovery against him, Bodhi would still be working for her forgiveness.

Cassian looks relieved. “I’m glad.” He shuffles his feet, and there’s a moment of silence between them where Cassian starts looking around. “So this is your place, then? Is it usually like this in winter?” He gestures at the empty store.

Bodhi huffs a laugh. “No, no, we just came out of the winter tourist season, is all.”

“You get fishing tourists in winter?”

Jyn takes her chance to lean over the counter, motioning towards the poster along the side with a grin. “They come for the ice fishing.”

Cassian’s eyes light up. “Ice fishing?”

“Oh yeah,” Jyn says, unusually, suspiciously helpful. A distinctly bad feeling wriggles at the base of Bodhi’s skull. “Bodhi is the absolute best ice fishing guide, _hands down_.”  Her smile only grows sharper, ignoring Bodhi glaring daggers at her.  “I’m Jyn, by the way,” she says, leaning forward and offering a hand. Cassian accepts the handshake, looking confused. “Today is a great day for ice fishing! Clear day.”

“Dad! Are you going out on the ice? Can we take Mr. Andor with us?” Paige pleads. She picks up the slack far too quickly for Bodhi’s liking. She turns to Cassian with wide eyes. “Mr. Andor, you could come fishing with us! Please?”

“Girls, Cassian hasn’t even said...” Bodhi is in the middle of protesting when Cassian clears his throat.

“I’d love to go, especially, ah, if it’s a good day for it. If you don’t mind?” he says, stumbling over his words. His eyes avert quickly to Paige instead. “You can just call me Cassian, if I can call you Paige? And Rose?” The pair of them nod, all happy smiles.

“Dad, please, can Cassian come with us?” Rose asks alongside her sister. She’s entirely too young to be this crafty.

Bodhi’s heart tightens. This isn’t _fair._ The plaintive, adorable faces of his daughters and the cute guy who likes his kids is-- not necessarily asking him out, no, Bodhi won’t even consider _that_ \-- but wants to spend time with them. Because Bodhi would bet a week’s salary on Cassian having zero interest in ice fishing.

“Okay, we can go,” he relents, throwing his hands up in surrender. The girls bounce up and down and squeal, Rose going back into spins, with her older sister joining her this time. Jyn winks at Bodhi as they rush off, dragging Cassian with them, and he waits until the girls are far enough ahead of him to flip her off.

Bodhi grabs the strap on cleats for the girls and eyes Cassian’s feet before grabbing a set for him as well. “Everything else is out back,” Bodhi says, and he leads the way.  

The girls beat both of them to putting their cleats on, running ahead to attempt to pull the sled of equipment out onto the lake.  “Wait for me, girls!”

Paige frowns heavily.  “Dad, your back!”

“I’m fine,” he says calmly, attaching the cleats onto his boots.  He glances over at Cassian, who is frowning gloomily at his boots after failing to secure the cleat on properly. Heaven save him from cute, grumpy people. “Need help?” he offers, already kneeling at Cassian’s feet.  

“I wish I could say no, but yes, thank you,” Cassian says.  

“Put your hand on my shoulder,” Bodhi says, taking Cassian’s mittened hand and placing it on his left shoulder. Cassian’s hand squeezes gently. He tries not to let his thoughts linger on that. “Okay, right foot,” Bodhi instructs, and Cassian lifts it on command, Bodhi sliding the cleats under his feet and strapping them on correctly. He repeats with the other foot, though more carefully this time, letting Cassian lean his weight on Bodhi’s shoulder. He eyes the brace wrapped firm around Cassian’s knee as he stands. “Your knee okay after yesterday?”

Cassian smiles wanly, giving a small shrug. “Sore,” he admits. “But I can manage.”

“Enough to spend a few hours on the ice?” Bodhi asks.

An expression of such longing flickers across Cassian’s face that Bodhi immediately regrets his wording. “Like this? Yeah.” Cassian’s smile is full of mournful humor. “You ready?”

Bodhi fights not to fidget with his gloves. “Uh, yeah,” he stammers. “Follow me.”

At the lakeside, Rose is on the sled, sitting upon their equipment like it’s her throne. And Paige, the prototypical older sister, is fussing at her, much to Rose’s annoyance and obstinance.  Bodhi looks back to Cassian.  “You sure you’re up for this? I know the kids kind of steamrolled you.” If he has to, Bodhi’s willing to play the bad guy - or perhaps just the no-fun parent - and reign in their expectations.

Cassian shrugs.  “Honestly? I like it, they’re both really sweet.”  He smiles, so small and soft that Bodhi has to remember to breathe again.

“Okay kids, let’s go,” Bodhi says, walking up to the sled.

“Rose,” Paige hisses, making Rose’s name contain an extra syllable from sheer bossiness.  “Get off! You know Dad shouldn’t pull all that weight.” The younger girl whines in response.

Cassian blinks at him, and tilts his head.  

“Old back injury,” Bodhi explains quickly. “It’s nothing.”

Cassian grabs onto the sled’s rope. “Bet we could work together,” he offers. Bodhi would fuss at him for putting unnecessary strain on his knee, but he’s right, with both of them pulling, the weight isn’t so hard on him. Rose is thrilled to keep her perch on the sled. She’s given the very important job of holding the bucket of live bait, small minnows from the shop that usually draw in the trout. Bodhi hopes she isn’t naming them again - but just as the thought crosses his mind, she’s asking:

“Dad, can I keep a minnow?”

Bodhi turns to face her with an amused look, because they’ve had this conversation on nearly every fishing trip. “Sweetheart, we’ve talked about this…” he says. Beside him, Cassian huffs a laugh under his breath. Rose sighs, but nods back at him acceptingly. It had been harder when she was younger and he couldn’t bear explaining that the fish were going to get eaten, lying through his teeth and saying they had busy fish jobs to do.

They reach a spot far out enough and Bodhi unloads the auger, thankful that it’s run on gas and not by hand like some of the purportedly “more authentic” fishermen insist on using. His back would never forgive him for that. He warns the kids and Cassian to step back and aims the drill at a spot in the ice. He tugs the pull cord and the machine buzzes to life, and all Bodhi has to do is bear down his weight to cut a smooth circle through the ice. He shuts it down and slides the auger back on the sled, unable to ignore the impressed look on Cassian’s face. And unable to stop himself from the absurd, _unneeded_ rush of pride that shoots through him.

Bodhi gets them set up the rest of the way, setting up the small chairs around the hole and baiting the line. He asks Cassian if he wants his own line and the man looks a little aghast.

“I’d rather just watch you, I think. I’d probably mess it up.”

“Alright.... if I get a bite you have to reel it in though, or else I’m not really doing my job.”

“That seems fair.” He sits beside the girls and Bodhi is struck, not for the first time, by how ridiculous it is to take them out here when the waiting really is a bit boring. Most of the fish have moved further downstream this time of year. They might not even catch anything at all, truthfully. If he wasn’t so ridiculous, now would be a good time to actually get to know Cassian. Maybe ask him where he’s from; from the looks of how tightly he’s wrapped around himself it must be someplace warmer. Ask him _anything._ Before he can get up the nerve to make any regrettable small talk, Rose serves as a better distraction. Rose cracks out of boredom first as the minutes tick by with nothing happening, starting to fidget and eventually getting up. She walks away and around the little scene in circles and soon Cassian climbs to his feet as well, stretching out before he goes over to talk to her.

“I can show you some skating poses,” he suggests, and Rose lights up.  

“Show me how to spin!” she gasps in delight, and Cassian laughs.  

“That’ll be a little hard in these cleats, _cariño._ But there’s a lot of steps between poses and spinning,” he says.  “Have you ever taken ballet?”

Rose shakes her head, already enraptured. Paige gets up to join them as well. Bodhi isn’t even sad to be abandoned, watching the scene play out as Cassian leads the impromptu lesson.  

“There’s a lot of balance poses that ballet requires that translate easily into skating.”

“You take ballet?” Paige asks in wonder.

“Yes, for flexibility and agility. Here,” he says, touching his heels together as best he can in the heavy boots, feet flat out like someone put a straight ruler from toe to toe.  “Position one.”

The girls copy him through the simple moves, Cassian kneeling down to help them, quietly reassuring when they wobble on position four. The three of them look more than a little ridiculous in their heavy coats and snow pants. Rose puts her arms over her head in a circle, mittened fingers touching, and Bodhi has to bite back a smile. “I do this with my arms, right Cassian?”

“You can, try to stand straight!” They waver, balanced on one leg, Paige giggling when Rose stumbles out of hold and has to try again. “Skating is all about balance,” Cassian explains. “You can do all the fancy tricks in the world, but if you don’t keep your balance, they just look messy.” Then in what seems like a fit of inspiration, excitement and a little bit of showing off, Cassian shows the girls another, more advanced pose. With one leg swinging up behind him, and his arms going up and back to grab his foot, Cassian’s chest pushes out, creating a beautiful form.

Bodhi’s breath catches in his throat. He forgets all about worrying over the strain Cassian must be putting on his knee.

He must be poetry on the ice.

Cassian, oblivious to Bodhi’s watching, releases his hold after a few seconds, smiling at the girls’ dazzled cries.  He moves on into position five, calling it out as he adjusts his feet. Pose five is more difficult for the girls in their heavy coats and boots and a bit hilarious to watch. While the exercise keeps them both focused for a while, they eventually run out of much to do. Cassian talks a bit more about the benefits of ballet but the girls are clearly a bit restless with how long the fishing adventure is taking.

“Fishing is _boring_ ,” Paige complains.

Cassian laughs. “I think so too,” he says in a mock whisper. Bodhi is about to butt in with a complaint about how they’re the ones who insisted on coming out there when he finally feels a pull on the line.

“Well, if you bored people want to come fish, I think we’ve got one!” The girls break from their ballet poses and rush over, hovering near him excitedly. Cassian comes close, standing behind Bodhi.

“Hey, you promised you’d reel it in!” Bodhi says. The other man looks a bit nervous but nods, taking the reel from Bodhi’s hands, careful not to let the line go loose. Cassian turns the reel handle and pulls and soon the trout comes flailing out of the water. It comes easier than Bodhi had expected. He kneels down to pull the fish out and it slaps around on the ice where Bodhi places it as he cuts the line. The girls yelp watching it flail and Cassian seems a bit stunned at how big it is, even though it’s on the smaller side of the stock in the lake.

“Should we take it home and eat it?” Bodhi asks the girls, who both shake their heads as expected. They’ve eaten fish from the lake before but he supposes seeing your dinner caught would be a bit much for any child. He looks to Cassian and takes in the sight of the man wrinkling nose adorably at the suggestion.

“No thanks,” Cassian says. Bodhi considers throwing the fish back but it’s healthy and good sized enough for a meal.

“Jyn loves trout, lets bring it back for her at least,” Bodhi decides. He stuns the fish and packs it into the cooler on the sled. The girls follow him over with Cassian in tow and he’s not surprised they’re already set to call it a day.

“If you were a real fisherman we’d have to catch more than one,” Bodhi teases, “but I guess I can make an exception.” The kids seem relieved and Cassian smiles. They turn the sled and pull it away back across the ice to the shop where Jyn is waiting on the back porch to greet them. They undo their cleats and follow her inside, shaking off the chill of the ice incrementally.

“So, did you catch anything?” she asks the girls and they launch into how Cassian had pulled in the fish and how it had been _amazing_. Cassian blushes almost imperceptibly and Bodhi can’t help but snicker. He opens the cooler with a flourish to show off the catch, informing Jyn she can have it for all their trouble. She smiles and suddenly gets a glint in her eye.

“That is a very pretty fish. You know what that means.” She pulls the polaroid camera from behind the counter. “We’ll need a picture for posterity.”

“Oh, I don’t--” Cassian is starting to say, and Bodhi is going to agree with him - this is so unnecessary, but Jyn pulls the fish from the cooler and all but shoves it into Cassian’s arms. Cassian, very noblely, doesn’t drop it as much as he looks like he wants to.

“Line up,” she orders cheerfully, and Paige and Rose eagerly stand up next to the wall, a large ruler carved into wood for comparison.  Cassian walks over with the fish, trying to look like he’s not disgusted but failing.  “You too, Bodhi,” Jyn says, planting a hand between Bodhi’s shoulder blades and pushing him. Bodhi shoots an unimpressed glare back at her but does as she says for the sake of getting it over quickly. They all shuffle together, Bodhi’s elbow brushing against Cassian’s when Jyn insists everyone move closer for the picture.

She finally holds up the camera and Bodhi smiles, surprised at how genuine it feels even in the forced photo.

“Say ‘catch of the day’!” Jyn says, then winks at Bodhi pointedly before the flash goes off. Bodhi _hates her._ Truly. But hopefully that doesn’t come through in the picture. Jyn grabs the photo from the dispenser, shaking it firmly. “There we go, it’ll go on the wall with the rest of them.” The four of them step away from the wall, the girls going over to watch the picture develop, and Cassian replacing the trout in the cooler a little too quickly to be casual.

“I should… probably get going,” Cassian murmurs. “I’ve already taken up too much of your day.”

“No! You can’t go!” Rose wails, whirling around to face him. “You haven’t finished teaching us!” There’s a pout forming on her face, aimed at Cassian full blast. “You said you’d teach us to skate...”

Cassian’s eyes go wide. “Rose--” The pout only grows deeper, more plaintive. Bodhi’s about to step in - because it’s not Cassian’s job to let his daughter down gently from her short-sighted demands. (As doomed to failure as this sudden hero worshiping of Rose’s is.) But he never gets the chance, because Paige joins in.

“I wanted to learn too,” she says quietly. And her second confession is said with a glance at Bodhi that makes his heart twinge horribly. “On real skates. Not just practicing poses.”

“Girls,” he cuts in, before Cassian can be put on the spot. “He’s not obligated to teach you to skate just because you asked him.” The chorus of whines he gets for it, only makes him stand firmer. “You two don’t even have skates!”

“We can get some!” Rose begs.

Paige’s expression is starting to turn stormy. Which is a bad sign. “Even Poe gets skating lessons!”

A heavy sigh builds in Bodhi’s chest. The last thing he wants from this is an argument. He _hates_ arguing. But Cassian stops him, crouching down (with only the slightest wince) to speak to both the girls. “I’d love to teach you,” he tells them, his voice so earnest that Bodhi barely chokes back a noise of distress. (From behind the group, Jyn shoots him a taunting grin. _Damn her._ ) “But I don’t think we can today.”

“But you _will_ teach us? You promise?”

“If your dad still thinks it’s okay, yes, I promise. We can start tomorrow.” And just like that, Bodhi is cornered by two pairs of pleading brown eyes.

“I--” What is Bodhi supposed to say to that? How is he supposed to explain the thought of either of them on blades sends a frisson of worry down his spine? But they looked so excited at the prospect of learning… “Sure,” he gives in. And it’s worth it, even with his worries, for the sunny smiles it brings to Paige and Rose’s faces.

Even after Cassian eventually takes his leave, with continued promises that he’ll see them all tomorrow, the girls never stop grinning or wondering excitedly about what tomorrow will bring. Bodhi tamps his anxiety down enough to feel excited too.

“Looks like he’s sticking around for a bit longer, huh?” Jyn chuckles at him, holding out the developed polaroid.

“I guess he is,” is all the satisfaction Bodhi gives her. But he takes the photo anyway, peering down at the four faces smiling back at him.

They look happy. All of them, including himself. Not that Bodhi can say he’s been _unhappy_ , no. Everyday with Paige and Rose is its own kind of wonderful adventure. But this is different.

He still hates Jyn for this meddling, but that doesn’t stop him from taking the picture home that night, just to see a glimpse of a happiness he hasn’t felt in too long.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Horrified Man Represses Fact That He Has Feelings!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left feedback and a huge thank you to misskatieleigh for beta'ing and being awesome <3

\-----------------

Cassian wakes up the next morning and finds that, for the first time in a while, his first thoughts aren’t of training. He lies there, looking up at the ceiling, wondering if it’s ridiculous that he’s excited to head back to Bodhi’s so soon. But, he’d promised the girls a skating lesson, so there’s no harm in it, surely.

The plan to head over straight away falls apart when he shifts and his knee goes stiff - better than when he first arrived, but still a painful hinderance. And twinging with a little more insistence since his fall on Bodhi’s pond. He forces himself up anyway, hoping that if he just stretches it out it might feel better. But, ultimately, it slows him down too much and Cassian concedes that he might have to go to his scheduled PT appointment after all. (He’d completely skipped his appointment with Luke the day before in favor of going out to Bodhi’s shop - probably a factor in the way he aches today.)

A quick glance at the clock tells him he’s already late. But he heads down to the lobby anyway, figuring they’ll at least reschedule if he missed his slot. Norra is manning the desk again, and tells him, with notably forced politeness, to head into the medical wing despite his tardiness. He spots Luke there easily, again in workout clothes, leaning casually against the doorway of the exam room, chatting with another doctor (this one at least in slacks and a collared shirt) until he spots Cassian and smiles.

“I’ll see you later, Luke,” the dark-haired doctor concludes upon noticing Cassian as well. Luke waves him off before turning to his patient.

“Thought you weren’t going to show,” Luke says. Cassian shrugs, hating that he’s so predictable. The session itself goes fairly easy: Luke gets right to business making Cassian stretch out his stiff muscles on the mat, showing him more exercises that don’t put as much pressure on his knees as his usual training would. He’s lying on the mat, resting between sets of hamstring curls, when he notices Luke is looking at him a bit more seriously, like he’s about to scold Cassian.

“What?” Cassian bites out, sitting up and wrapping an arm around his braced knee. Luke sighs.

“So, I’ve heard a rumor you were out by Porkin’s Pond with your gear a few nights ago.”

The taxi driver - Solo, or whatever his name was - must have a bigger mouth than Cassian thought. Cassian hates that he actually feels chagrined at the tone. He thinks of lying for a moment, daring Luke to question him, but instead he deflates.

“I didn’t push myself too hard, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Luke doesn’t pout, but the look on the man’s face is close enough to one. “It’s not my body and it’s not my money being wasted, but can you please just promise to be careful? If not for your own sake, then for Kay’s. He keeps calling here asking about your progress and I did you a real favor not telling him you skipped your whole second day.”

“Thank you, but he’s not here and it’s not his business what I do. Aren’t there HIPAA laws anyway?”

“He’s your primary physician, Cassian.” Cassian curses the day that he’d thought it was a good idea to make such a nosy doctor his friend. He knows Kay means well and that this whole thing is for his own good, but Cassian is restless already. He can’t imagine how the next seven weeks are supposed to go. He doesn’t let himself wonder how he might fill that time outside of the hospital instead, or dwell on how the thought of teaching the girls to skate seems more and more appealing compared to being lectured and slowed down.

He almost tells Luke this, or a version of it - that he will skate as long as he feels up to it - when the same doctor that Luke had been with in the hall knocks once and pops their head into the doorway.

“Excuse me,” the dark haired man says, nodding to Cassian before he continues. “Dr. Skywalker, you’re needed at the nursing station.” Luke sighs and the other man looks like he’s holding back a laugh.

“I’ll see you there, Dr. Antilles,” Luke replies. The man salutes and shoots Luke a wink before shutting the door.

Cassian’s cell phone rumbles in his sweatshirt pocket where he’d laid it over the chair before Luke has a chance to continue. Luke frowns at him, as Cassian isn’t even supposed to have it with him in the medical wing. He stands up, hating to admit that his knee does feel a little better after the stretches, and reaches for the phone. Reading the caller ID, his jaw clenches - the call from Draven he’d been dreading.

“I’ll really keep everything you said in mind,” Cassian says dismissively. He picks up the call, mutters “One moment, please don’t hang up,” and grabs his sweatshirt, heading out without another word. It’s rude, but necessary.

“Hello,” Cassian greets, trying not to sound nervous or breathless from how fast he’d walked (not really that fast considering his injury) to duck into the stairwell and actually take the call.

“Have you come to your senses yet?” Draven asks, already sounding put out from waiting.

“My senses...right, because that was the problem,” Cassian fires back, just as stubbornly despite the welling anxiety in his chest. Draven curses.

“You have responsibilities, Cassian. I just want to be sure you can live up to them. You’re acting like a petulant child, running off like this and--” Cassian knows Draven is right; that there were better ways to go about leaving, but he’d felt so trapped at the time that he couldn’t see another way out.

“I wish I could come back and be automatically healed, but the way I feel--” Cassian stops short of admitting he couldn’t even do a single axel the first night here, knowing Draven would only see it as another weakness. Another excuse. “I’m not coming back. It wasn’t my choice, but I’m here now and I plan to stick out the whole eight weeks if Kay thinks it’s for the best.”

Draven scoffs.

“It’s always your choice Cassian: to be a winner or to quit.”

“That isn’t fair,” he hisses. “You know I didn’t decide to be injured like this.” He tries to keep his voice steady, but it’s all crashing down on him again - the ways this break will alter his chances for not just this season, but the one after it too, for the Olympics. _Fuck._

Of course Draven retorts, voicing Cassian’s own thoughts back to him: “You take off mid-season over a sprained ankle and some aches, set to ruin your career, and I’m the one not being fair.” Cassian hates that he’s so belittling. But maybe his pain had been blown out of proportion, maybe if he just tried... _no_.

“It’s more than that,” is all Cassian gets out, feeling small and petulant. It’s not enough to make him run back - he’s made his decision - but he never expected it to tear him up so much. Draven must hear the broken note in his voice, but instead of easing off he only leans harder into the moment of weakness.

”I’m not sorry for telling you the truth, son. _I_ care about you more than any of the doctors up there. You’re throwing away your shot like it’s nothing, and all I can say is I hope you don’t expect me wait around for you. I can start shopping for new trainees if you aren’t going to commit to this full time.” It’s an empty threat, Cassian knows. Draven has worked with him too long, invested too much time in him, to simply quit. But the words rattle him all the same.

“I’ll see you in eight weeks,” Cassian promises. “I’ll be well enough and training harder. You’ll see.”

“I hope so,” Draven says, hanging up without a goodbye, leaving Cassian in the ringing silence, and Cassian-- He can’t do this right now. He goes back to his room, crawls, aching knee and aching heart and all, back into bed and sleeps.

\-----------

Cassian snaps awake, immediately wishing he could just roll over and sleep through the night, maybe even through the rest of the week. But something burrows at the back of his mind. Something important, and it has him lifting his head. He looks at the clock and sees he’s only slept into the afternoon, but the feeling doesn’t go away.

He remembers his promise far too late. He sits up, running a hand through his hair, guilt roiling in his chest. The girls have probably been waiting for him. _Bodhi_ has been waiting for him. Imagining their disappointed faces has him up and moving, wanting nothing more than the distraction and happiness they bring to his otherwise maudlin situation. This time when he rushes past the front desk, Norra barely holds back her disapproval at seeing him hauling the duffel of his gear along with him again.

“Goodbye, Miss Wexley,” Cassian says with pointed finality.

She looks shocked that he remembered her name at all, which almost stings worse. “You be careful out there, Mr. Andor!” she calls back. This time the practiced brightness of her voice strains thin. “Don’t push that knee.”

He waves over his shoulder at her without answering, slipping out the doors and making a beeline for the resort shuttle into the center of town. He could have called a taxi again to take him right to Bodhi’s door, but Cassian needs the walk to clear his head. And he has a feeling everyone already knows too much about him at the resort. The last thing he needs is Luke finding out that he’s going out to the pond again.

He doesn’t feel nervous until he’s standing on the porch and knocking, wondering if Bodhi was really okay with him teaching the girls. Wondering if he’s too late. Bodhi had told him to meet them at the house today, but what if they’d gotten fed up with waiting for him? The door opens too quickly for Cassian to reconsider the visit any more, and then it's hard for him to consider _anything_ with Bodhi standing in front of him, looking bright and a bit surprised. Cassian takes in the sight of him and tries not to stare, thinking this would all be easier if Bodhi wasn’t so beautiful on top of being so kind.

“Hey, you actually came,” Bodhi says, clearly a bit flustered. Cassian barely keeps the grimace off of his face.

“I'm sorry, I know you probably didn’t expect me this late. If I’m intruding, just-- please tell me and I’ll go.” Cassian shuffles, fighting not to search for an exit. If his knee wasn’t so tempermental, he would probably bolt.

“No!” Bodhi says quickly. “I just thought you were sick of us, really. Come on in, we’re just eating lunch!” He’s so warm and welcoming, with a bright smile on his lips, that Cassian can’t deny him. He follows Bodhi into the house, stamping the snow off his boots before leaving them and his coat in the hall. He sets his bag by the door before he follows Bodhi into the kitchen, where he hears Paige and Rose chattering away. They turn to him excitedly, and Bodhi has to stop them from leaving the table to greet him.

“Cassian’s going to eat lunch with us, um, if he wants to.”

“We’re having PB&J!” Rose adds enthusiastically. Bodhi shoots her a fond look, but turns back to Cassian.

“I have grown-up food too. You don’t have to--” Cassian cuts him off with a gentle shrug.

“PB&J sounds great actually, if it’s not too much trouble.” Cassian can’t remember the last time he’d had something not entirely nutritional. It almost feels like a luxury.

“Of course, I’ll just...make you one,” Bodhi falters, shuffling to the other side of the kitchen. “Here, sit.” The girls are whispering to each other and Cassian knows he’s probably in trouble. Or in for another round of twenty questions. And as much as he’s enjoying spending time with them, it’s best to head that off before it starts.

“So what have you been up to today? Enjoying your winter break?” he addresses them as he sinks into the free chair.

Rose nods, already having taken a big bite of her sandwich, but Paige answers brightly. “Not as fun as fishing yesterday, but we went into town with dad and he even got us skates!” Cassian can’t help but be pleased by that news. He’d wondered how seriously someone like Bodhi, who didn’t seem to skate himself and who seemed reluctant about his daughters’ sudden interest, would take their demands.

He grins. “Did he? I can’t wait for you both to try them out.”

Bodhi comes back with a bashful smile, setting down the plate with the neatly cut sandwich in front of Cassian. “You don’t have to teach them, of course. Just... they really wanted them and I figured, well, we rented them, so it’s no big deal if you aren’t interested. Jyn could always take them to the rink.” Bodhi’s rambling a bit - actually _rambling_ and Cassian finds it entirely too endearing.

“Bodhi, hey, of course I meant it,” Cassian soothes, not missing the relieved look on Bodhi’s face at the answer. Feeling oddly light, Cassian turns to the girls just to stop the long string of infatuated thoughts running through his mind. That way lies danger and madness.

“You’re in luck, my knee does feel a lot better. I brought my skates, if you two are up for a lesson after lunch?” Cassian offers, and the girls both let out thrilled agreements. They look like they might just rush through the rest of their food to get on the ice faster, until Bodhi tells them to relax and let Cassian eat his own sandwich too. Cassian picks it up and takes a bite, and it’s so much better than he remembered. The comfort the simple meal brings him is irrational and more than a little ridiculous.

When the girls finish with lunch, at only a slightly unreasonable pace, Bodhi lets them head out on the back porch to get their skates on, sternly making them promise not to go on the ice alone. Bodhi gathers the plates from the table, brow furrowed and gaze distant. He closes his eyes and nods, bracing himself on the counter.

Cassian, abruptly, feels like he’s intruding on something. He wants to step closer and offer even a small measure of comfort to whatever is bothering the man. Maybe even lay a hand on his arm. But the thought is just as _terrifying_ as it is stupid. So grabs his bag from beside the front door and ducks out to follow the girls. He sits on the porch and laces up his skates while they watch intently, as if there’s some professional secret in the way he ties them.

He glances up from beneath where his bangs have fallen loosely, just in time to watch them trying to mimic the way he’s pulled his skates on. They’re both bright with excitement and the nerves that come along with new adventures. It’s a thrill that Cassian has forgotten in his time on the ice: the sheer joy of it beyond perfectionism.

Cassian steps out on the ice first, but doesn’t go far, watching as Paige and her sister take their first tentative steps hand in hand. He stays in reach of them just in case they stumble, knowing how strange it can feel at first to balance on the thin blade, the way it puts a different tension in your legs and feet that can take some getting used to.

“The first lesson is just to stand here and balance a bit,” Cassian says as they teeter unsteadily, “which may sound boring, but a minute of it might save you later. Just knowing the way your weight has to distribute to stay upright, knowing how you can use that to change which way you go is the big secret.”

Bodhi appears on the porch, wrapped in his thick jacket with a mug of something warm in his hands as he sits at the patio table. He seems to trust Cassian enough to just watch, though Cassian can’t help but feel a bit disappointed that he doesn’t seem interested in joining in.

After the balancing exercise, Cassian skates out a few feet further and has them slide forward as straight as they can to his side. They make it well enough, with only a bit of arm flailing. From there it’s a little bit boring, but so rewarding, seeing how they learn their own balance and move. Both of them stumble a few times, falling, but not too hard. Paige takes to the basics after a few attempts, like a real natural. Rose is a little bit frustrated when she over-balances and slips onto the ice, but still smiles when Cassian helps her up and gives her a few pointers.

Before long he has them skating in simple circles. They’re thrilled, Paige already testing her speed like a true natural. Bodhi whistles across the ice in encouragement at his daughters and Paige only smiles more, coming to a clean stop to wave at him. Cassian peeks over to where Bodhi is watching, standing now to wave back while Rose flaps her own wave. Bodhi practically glows in the late afternoon light, and Cassian remembers Bodhi above him just days ago, like an angel.

He still looks like an angel.

 _You’re being ridiculous,_ Cassian scolds himself.

The kids are preoccupied with practicing the ballet poses from yesterday, but on actual skates this time. It’s more than a little awkward for them, not quite managing to skate on one foot for more than a few seconds, but still entirely adorable. Paige asks Cassian a million questions about scoring and if she’s doing things right. And Rose just asks if she looks pretty - to which Cassian answers a resounding yes. Not for the first time, Cassian marvels at how much he likes hanging out with them; how much he loves teaching them how to skate.

Cassian has never really thought about having kids - he didn’t schedule it in his life plan of competing and training and winning. But it wouldn’t be so bad if his hypothetical children were like these two.

The sun sinks low on the horizon after only feels like an hour, giving everything an amber glow. The ice shines like metal at the angle. Bodhi calls them all back in, yelling out over the ice that he has cocoa ready inside if they want it, Cassian’s been so caught up that he hadn’t even noticed the man going inside to make it. The kids perk up and try to speed off, sending Paige flailing a bit, but not falling.

“Hey, don’t take it too fast, the chocolate will still be there,” Cassian says with a laugh. She sticks out her tongue at him and they all head in together. Rose skates to his side and takes his hand. All at once, Cassian feels warm and awed by Rose’s trust and friendship. He likes the feel of her small hand in his big one, and wonders what it might be like to have this kind of feeling for always.

They get up to the porch and Bodhi helps the girls back into their shoes. They’re thrilled to tell their dad about everything they did even though he saw most of it. Cassian slides off his own skates, marveling at the fact that his body isn’t completely worn out after getting off the ice, and a little surprised that he didn’t at least get any practice in on his turns.The thought to do so had never even crossed his mind. Just watching the kids had been rewarding enough.

“Did you see how fast I went dad? It was so cool!”

“I even did a twirl! Did you see?” Rose speaks half over her sister. Bodhi laughs, holding up a hand to pause them.

“I saw. I’m so proud of you both! You’re such fast learners. You really have to say thank you to Cassian though; it was very kind of him to take time out with you here.” Rose is on Cassian in an instant at that, wrapping her arms around his waist in a barreling hug that takes him off guard. He almost stumbles back, letting out an awkward laugh. Before he knows it Paige has joined in too, plastering herself to his side.

“Thank you so much, Cassian!” Rose says. “This was the best day ever!”

Cassian hugs them back lightly and, after what feels both like an eternity and too short a time, they finally pull away. The flood of warmth in his heart, knowing that he’s made them so happy just by sharing what he knows, is _overwhelming_. And Bodhi is _looking_ at him with a fond smile of his own, like Cassian has given him something precious. “Come on, hero, there’s hot cocoa for you too.”

And that’s the most overwhelming thing of all - the sudden realization that Cassian would do anything to keep Bodhi looking at him like that. That he _wants_ to keep coming back for more lessons and cocoa and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Cassian _wants_ to stay, but another part of him realizes that this, this is a distraction. Draven was right, but then again, he usually is, isn’t he? He needs to stay focused. Skating with the kids is one thing, spending so much time with this little sweet family is entirely another.

“I actually have to get back,” Cassian says, finding his voice again beyond the swell of emotion in his chest. A flash of disappointment sweeps over Bodhi’s face, but then he’s smiling again softly. Cassian doesn’t know if he can take this. This gentleness, this understanding.

“Of course. Have a good evening, Cassian.” Bodhi averts his eyes, and Cassian becomes momentarily mesmerized by the soot dark fan of his lashes against his cheeks. “Do you need me to call the shuttle for you?”

“No,” Cassian blurts out a little too quickly. “I’ll be fine. I’ll… stretch out my knee a bit on the walk back.” He’s already backing down the porch steps, his smile feeling forced. “Thank you for today.”

He turns and leaves Bodhi frowning after him as the sun begins to dip behind the distant mountains.

\-----------

After dinner, Bodhi washes the dishes and Paige dries. It’s their little nightly routine that gives them a chance to talk alone and relax. It’s not that Rose isn’t welcome, but he tries to give each of the girls their own attention from time to time. Their own activity that’s just for them. He hands Paige a plate and notices the hint of concern on her face even as she dries, like she’s trying to work up the nerve to say something. He doesn’t push, simply waits and a moment later she speaks.

“Dad, can I ask you a question?” Paige starts tentatively.

“Anything, angel, you know that,” Bodhi says, wondering what could have her so concerned. She pauses for a long moment before letting it out.

“Why don’t you skate anymore?” she asks. “I mean, I know your back was injured but you said that doesn’t hurt you anymore...”

The too-familiar lump forms in Bodhi’s throat. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, or, not often at least. I guess I just don’t need to skate anymore. I spent so long doing it and now it seems…” Bodhi pauses, not wanting to be cruel when his daughter obviously loves to skate so much. His daughter, who clearly had an interest before gaining the opportunity just this week. How long has she been hiding that one? “It just isn’t for me anymore, if that makes sense?”

Paige’s brow furrows at that, but she nods, taking the next dish from Bodhi’s hand without meeting his eyes.

“Why do you ask?” Bodhi chances, hoping he hasn’t said something wrong.

“Being out on the ice today, I just...remembered you being with me, during the family skates and everything and I missed it.” Bodhi’s heart clenches, they don’t talk about that time in his life, how small Paige had been and how important it had been for both of them.

_He still remembers the way her eyes gleam. She’s only six, she’s been with them for barely four months - but even at six Paige is so smart and vigilant. Bodhi sees the way she watches him, watches Nadia, watches them both with Rose. And Bodhi knows that look. He knows what it’s like to wonder at which point they’re going to change their minds; to wonder which mistake is going to get you sent back._

_And that’s why this is so important. He sees the fear in her eyes when he sits her down, and all of his careful explanations go out the window. All he ends up saying is: “The team’s having a family skate before the game this week. All the kids get to skate out onto the rink with their dads. Do you want to skate with me?”_

_Bodhi can see the emotions shifting in her face, the worry and fear giving way to confusion, and then shock, and then a sheen of tears - relieved tears, happy tears? “I can skate with you?” Paige asks in a small voice._

_Bodhi’s throat closes tight. “Of course you can, baby,” he manages to tell her. He ignores the way his voice cracks. And so will she, hopefully. “I’m your dad, if you want me to be.”_

Paige’s smile the day she’d gone out with him on the ice, when they’d called her name alongside his and she’d held his hand as they took a lap around the rink, Bodhi in his hockey gear and her in a miniature of his jersey, is one of Bodhi’s most cherished memories. It’s one of the few that hadn’t been tainted by what happened later. Rose was too little then, still held in Nadia’s arms on the sidelines. But they’d laughed and blown kisses to them as they passed.

“I miss it too,” Bodhi admits, whispering it into the silence like a confession, shooting her a gentle look. There’s a question she isn’t asking, will not ask for fear of hurting him, and that almost hurts worse than anything else. She’s always been so careful. Bodhi wonders if he can really bring himself to skate again - but if there’s anyone who could convince him, it’s his little girl.

“I can’t promise that I’ll skate again, but I promise you I’ll try, baby.”

Paige sets down the dish she’s finished drying and wraps her arms around him in a solid hug. He squeezes back, so grateful to have her with him. Skating again has seemed unfathomable for so long, but he knows she’ll be there for him either way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oblivious Men on Slippery Slope Headed Toward Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left feedback and a huge thank you to misskatieleigh for beta'ing and being awesome <3

\-----------------

Jyn has that all too knowing glint in her eyes and Bodhi _refuses_ to rise to the bait. (Pun _not_ intended, damn it.) He settles at his desk, looking through the order forms he has to send for new stock from the apparel website as she continues to wait him out, fiddling with her own things at the sales counter. A customer comes in and distracts her, but it doesn’t last long. Eventually, she appears behind his shoulder with a huff.

“You’re not going to ask?”

“ _No,_ Jyn,” he says.

It doesn’t deter her in the least. “I know something about your mystery date. Quite a few _somethings_ , actually, that might be of interest to you.” Bodhi curses, abandoning the idea that he’s going to get anything done until he answers her.

“He’s not my ‘mystery date’ and I don’t care, Jyn. I kind of have a store to run, you know.”

Jyn snorts. “You’ve been staring at the same spreadsheet for twenty minutes instead of calling the asshole from the ski store about our order.” Bodhi grumbles. So what if he’s slacking off? He owns the place.

“You know, you _could_ do these for me,” he says, and Jyn only smiles.

“Maybe if you let me tell you what I learned on google last night, I would.” It’s tempting. Of course it is. And Bodhi wishes it was that simple. But for all that he wants to know about Cassian, for all that he (stupidly) _craves_ to know about him, it all just feels like an invasion of privacy. He shakes his head.

“Unless he’s an axe murderer, I _really_ don’t want to know, Jyn. It’s not that I don’t appreciate your stalking...just...I want to take this slow, get to know him for real. Not... that it’s even going anywhere.”

Jyn pouts theatrically at him. “I bet he’s googled you. You’ve got wikipedia articles, and hockey sports sites, and _Facebook fan groups_ , Bodhi. It’s not like it’ll be--”

“ _Jyn._ Please,” he begs. Jyn sighs, but seems to relent at the plea. Whatever she knows that he doesn’t, must not be that bad then. If it were something awful, she wouldn’t have teased him at all, just simply cornered him with the information.

Still, she looks concerned, adding in a final comment before she goes to wait on a customer loitering near the boots. “Just be careful,” she says, with a soft pat on his shoulder. Bodhi sighs, grateful to have her there with him for all that she pesters and teases him.

“I will.”

\-----------

Bodhi is still uneasy when Cassian shows up at the house later, skates in hand and a wide grin on his face as the girls push past Bodhi to greet him at the door. They pull him through the house towards the back porch as he laughs. Bodhi sends him an apologetic look, saying, “I’ll just be a moment.”

He slips into his bedroom, his mind on the box that has been tucked away in his closet for years. He gets as far as standing in the open closet doorway before he freezes up, staring down at the nondescript box that had been shoved to the back long ago. The skates inside aren’t the same ones he’d once played in, of course. Those were long gone, but these had been in here for nearly as long. Jyn had bought them as a small gift to celebrate his recovery, when he finally started going out fishing and things really fell into place here in Fespin Falls. She’d presented them quietly, telling him just to _give it a chance,_ fully knowing the weight of her suggestion. She hadn’t pushed after that, and the skates went untouched. Bodhi has always been surprised that the pull to the ice he once felt so fiercely had never fully returned. There’s just too much baggage clouding his past happiness.

Paige appears in the doorway just as Bodhi finally works up the nerve to open the box, staring at the sharp, brand new skates in dread and wonder. She speaks quietly, as if she’s trying not to startle him.

“Dad, are you coming?” she asks, sounding so hopeful that he forces himself to nod.

“Yeah, baby, I am.” She smiles at him like he’s given her the greatest gift, tilting her head for him to follow before she rushes away. Bodhi takes a steadying breath and picks up the skates.

Paige waits for him by the back door, offering a hand as they walk out to the pond. Bodhi kneels and helps her lace up her skates before sliding on his own. The sense memory of it is almost overwhelming, but Paige doesn’t leave his side and it gives him the strength to power through. He reaches out and presses a gloved hand to the ice, his throat too tight to form the words. _Be good to me,_ he thinks; an instinctual mantra rising out from days long past. (The _ice_ had been good to him that day. The problem hadn’t been with the ice. It had never been with the ice.)

He stands on shaky legs, toeing the edge of the pond just to peer out. Cassian and Rose are already out in the center, looping in lazy circles around each other. Cassian looks over and he must sense Bodhi’s hesitancy because he says something to Rose, leaving her momentarily to meet Bodhi at the edge.

Paige lingers worriedly at his side, but Bodhi waves her off, mustering a calm smile.

“Go skate with your sister. I’ll be out in a second... just gotta get back into it,” Bodhi reassures, forcing himself to sound more confident than he feels.

Cassian stays while Bodhi takes one deep breath after another. He almost wishes he could explain to Cassian why this is so hard for him. Cassian doesn’t look impatient though, and simply waits for him even as Bodhi looks warily at the ice.

“Glad you’re joining us. The kids said you might be nervous.”

“Haha, yeah it’s... been a while,” Bodhi mumbles, thinking of all the self-deprecating things he would say if Cassian knew. _‘I’m a coward for not trying sooner,’_ he’d say. _‘Skating was my life once.’_ Or _‘I was almost paralyzed last time I did this, no big deal.’_ He bites them all back because Paige and Rose believe in him, and Cassian is here like some cosmic sign that it’s time. That he can _do this_. It was all he was good at for a while, after all.

“I’ll have to stick close, then. I can catch you if you fall,” Cassian says, a hint of teasing in his tone.

“Great, then your knee will give out and we’ll both be screwed,” Bodhi jokes, taking a tentative step onto the ice. He tries to get his bearings and show that he doesn’t _really_ need the help, but the moment he wobbles Cassian offers out a steadying hand. Bodhi feels a bit disingenuous in taking it. Cassian’s hand in his is as good a distraction as any from his anxiety, though, his grip warm and firm. Bodhi can’t think of the last time he’d held hands with anyone romantically, silently scolding himself for thinking of it that way when Cassian is only being kind.

Bodhi pushes out, following Cassian’s patient lead as they skate a slow circuit around the pond.

“Hey,” Cassian says, squeezing Bodhi’s hand, “you’re doing great.” Bodhi smiles, because what else can he do without sounding hoarse from potential tears?

The movements come back so easily Bodhi could cry, knowing if he let go he could probably outskate most people still. He could try if he were honest about himself, but the old fear - the fear of failing, of getting hurt again - still burrows heavy in his chest. Paige grins brightly when they come close to the girls, who have been practicing their own newly learned maneuvers in Cassian’s brief absence.

They skate another circuit around, his muscle memory kicking in. He almost feels guilty for still holding on to Cassian’s hand, but he doesn’t let go. Even when Bodhi loosens his grip, Cassian holds on, tight and reassuring. He looks over and Cassian is smiling at him. In that moment, it’s easy to push away his past tragedy, a well of joy and _something_ building in his chest each time their gaze meets.

Cassian is stunning on the ice, his form perfect, his hair getting blown every which way, making him appear endearingly disheveled. Bodhi’s prepared for the rush of want he feels, but it’s the _affection_ that comes with it that blindsides him. It’s not just that he desires Cassian. Beyond the physical, he _yearns_ for things he’d given up on long ago. For a partner like Cassian to hold his hand and keep pace. For someone to understand. For someone to hold. He’d thought his life would trace out that way once, with Nadia in the frame, but it’s been gone so long that he’d pushed it all away.

In this moment he wants so many foolish things: to pull Cassian’s hand to his lips in adoration, to reach over and tuck the loose strands of hair behind his ear. The quiet intimacies he’d all but forgotten. He wants to tell Cassian ‘thank you’ and maybe ‘you’re just what we needed’ but Bodhi says none of these things and just holds on.

He’s stopped in his reverie when Rose calls out to them. “Can I spin for real now?”

Cassian laughs and looks over at Bodhi, his eyes warm. “It’s okay?” It takes Bodhi a moment to realize Cassian is asking permission.

“Yes,” Bodhi says. Cassian untangles their hands. Bodhi... tries not to miss the warmth too much.

Cassian skates over to Rose, and Bodhi is left standing there, watching his daughter grow up. It’s an almost silly thought over something so tiny as learning to spin on skates, but his chest feels tight nonetheless. Paige glides over to meet him, already so confident in her skating that he can’t help but grin. Like a changing of the guard, she holds out a hand for Bodhi to take, an offer he gladly accepts. Together they start off around the ice, just like they had when she was six. And even with his anxieties, a peace settles over him at the memory.

Paige looks up at him, gaze soft and studying before she speaks. “I’m proud of you Dad,” she says.

He smiles, his throat catching, so glad that he’s made her happy. He shakes his head and holds a finger up to his mouth. “Shhh, don’t make me emotional.”

She nudges his elbow playfully and returns his grin with one of her own. She pulls him along more steadily after that and he relaxes, feeling the cool air on his face and just taking it all in. They only slow when they hear Rose’s excited laughter, pausing to watch whatever move Cassian is showing her.

Cassian has his arms planted firmly under Rose’s arms, his touch sure as he pulls Rose into a small lift, making her soar over the ice. Her skates only go about six inches off the ground, but it must feel like she’s flying and she’s _thrilled_. She’s actually squealing, and wiggling around too much for Cassian’s knee, probably. Bodhi is about to caution Cassian to be careful, when Paige catches his attention. “Do you think he could lift me?” she asks, a little hesitant and shy.

Bodhi smiles at her, brushing a hand over the top of her hat, pretending to consider Cassian’s strength. “Yes,” he hedges, and then adds more conspiratorially, “but he shouldn’t with his knee.”

She nods and immediately comes up with a compromise, reminding him how grown up she is already. He wants her to be six forever like when they first met, but then he wouldn’t be so proud of her now. “I’ll ask him about jumps instead,” she says, skating off to do just that.

Bodhi merely watches as Paige glides over, giving Cassian and the girls space. Cassian glances up and grins at Paige, listening to her intently as she asks if he thinks she’s ready to try a single salchow. Bodhi doesn’t really know if that’s the forward jump or the scarier backwards one but he really isn’t sure if his nerves could take watching her try one. Not yet, at least. He’s trying. To his relief, Cassian seems to have similar thoughts or at least intentions.

“I’m not sure if my knee could handle that lesson today, Paige,” he lets her down gently. “That’s a little too advanced for any of us right now.” Her face falls, but Cassian is quick to amend with: “We can watch videos of jumps and I’ll answer questions whenever you want, I promise.” That, at least, seems to pacify her for the time being.

The girls occupy themselves after that, trying out spins and simple moves. Rose attempts to lift Paige, but doesn’t get any air, winding up hugging her sister tightly instead and grunting as Paige giggles. Bodhi can’t hold back his own laughter at the scene as Cassian slides close.

“How are you doing? Sorry I got kind of sidetracked there,” Cassian says.

There are too many words caught on his tongue, ones of trust and relief. The fact that Cassian has him feeling like this is as overwhelming as the cold air around them, intangible and capable of leaving him breathless. Cassian watches him in patient anticipation and Bodhi wants to tell him everything, to be honest, even about the things that hurt. He knows it's too much and it terrifies him as much as it makes him hope. Instead, all that he utters is a quiet, hitched sound, followed by, “I’m fine. It’s like riding a horse, I guess...not that I’ve ever ridden a horse.” Cassian laughs at the stupid remark and Bodhi finds himself joining in, shocked by the realization that he hasn’t been this happy in a long time.

They all go in after a while, Bodhi and the girls shucking off their coats and their skates. Cassian only changes back into his boots, lingering near the door.

“Stay for dinner?” Bodhi offers. “Or at least cocoa.”

Cassian smiles, but shakes his head in apology. “I have to get back or Miss Wexley will lock me out.”

Bodhi has to accept that, though mournfully. Norra would, just to prove the point. “Okay. At least let us take you back this time. It’ll be dark if you walk again.”

This time he doesn’t let Cassian wriggle out of a ride back, all of them piling into Bodhi’s pickup. The girls relinquish their claim on Cassian, letting him sit in the front seat rather than squeezing him between them in the back. They still lean forward to chatter at him about the day (no matter how many times Bodhi warns them to sit back in their seats). Rose in particular has latched onto the idea of skating costumes with the same fervor as she does everything else. Her wild imagination is already at work on the _perfect outfit_ for her eventual dream career on the ice.

Bodhi peers at her through the rearview mirror. “Wouldn’t the tutu be a little cold, Rose?”

Her face scrunches in concentration in the back seat. “Maybe not if I wear my legwarmers? Oh! Or my clown leggings!”

Cassian glances sidelong at him. “Clown leggings?” he whispers theatrically.

“Her bright yellow leggings with rainbow polka dots. She wore them with a clown costume,” Bodhi explains.

“Ah.” Cassian leans sideways between the seats to address the little girl, his expression solemn. “The clown leggings would work perfectly, _cariño._ Are you going to do a routine as a clown?”

“A clown _princess._ A warrior princess of the clown kingdom!”

“Ohh, I see. That’s very artistic, Rose.” He says it with absolute sincerity and none of the condescending patience that adults typically use when faced with a child’s imaginative schemes. Instead he leans a little farther around the seat to smile at her, and actually ask her about her ideas, and dutifully answer Paige’s questions about this technique or that.

Bodhi has to bite his lip to keep himself in check. That lock of hair has fallen into Cassian’s face again, momentarily obscuring his gentle smile as he talks to Bodhi’s daughters. (Talks to them like they delight and fascinate him. Like they are more than just someone’s children - like they’re individual people. Like he enjoys learning about them just as much as Bodhi himself does.) Bodhi’s fingers twitch against the steering wheel, the urge to reach out and brush it back nearly overpowering.

Instead, he reaches over and playfully shoves at Cassian’s shoulder, ignoring the way his traitorous heart flips at even the slightest contact. “Hey, do I have to scold you too? Stay in your seat, man! Car rules!”

And Cassian laughs softly, his eyes sparkling as he settles back into the passenger seat. All Bodhi can think about is how _right_ this all feels; about how much he’d love to keep this… for however long the universe will let him.

Their arrival at the Alliance Resort comes too soon. Bodhi walks Cassian up to the door in silence that, to him, feels suffocating. They hesitate in the entryway for too many breaths. Bodhi shoves his hands in his pockets, fighting not to fidget. “Well, thank you,” he says, still wanting to say more. Reluctant, to let Cassian leave him, as irrational as he knows it is.

“Thank _you_ ,” Cassian replies. “I had an amazing day.”

Bodhi swallows. “Me too.” It sounds wistful in his own ears, and he tries to cover it up by waving an awkward goodbye.

Cassian disappears into the resort; Bodhi returns to the truck and the girls to drive back home. But the feeling sitting heavy in his chest, like his heart is too full - of love for his girls, of love of the ice, and of hope that Cassian might share even a fraction of these emotions...

That feeling lingers in Bodhi, long into the night.

\-----------

After saying goodbye to Bodhi, Cassian feels… off. Like he’s both too heavy and too light. Like time has ceased to flow properly. It makes Cassian restless in the relative boredom of the rehab center. There are game rooms and libraries and lounges, of course, but Cassian has never been good with leisure. And at the moment he feels… strangely motivated without a direction.

Thinking back to Luke’s words earlier in the day, about how concerned Kay had been when he called, Cassian decides to bite the bullet and call him. He blames the sudden urge to speak with his friend on this newfound motivation. He’s feeling a bit better, after all, and Kay deserves to know that his scheming was working out. The phone picks up on the second ring to a surprised, and somewhat baffled, Kay.

“Cassian? Who died?”

With no one to see him in his room, Cassian rolls his eyes as hard as he can. “No one, I just wanted to check in,” Cassian says, settling on the bed.

“You? _Checking in?_...I must be hallucinating.”

“Really Kay, I’m doing well.”

“Last time we spoke, you said you were never speaking me again. I knew you were being _overdramatic,_ but still, you never call first. Something has to have happened.”

His empty threat comes racing back to him, said in the heat of the moment and at the height of Cassian’s annoyance with his friend. "Oh. I forgot about that. No, I just wanted to tell you that it's actually...really nice...here." That same sensation comes rushing back to him. Something light and fluttering in his chest. Kay goes suspiciously quiet again and Cassian huffs before he continues. “My knee feels a lot better and the doctors are a bit meddling like _you_ , but they’ve been reasonable.”

“Cough once if you’re being held captive,” is Kay’s response and Cassian can’t help but laugh.

Kay makes a distressed noise. “Cassian, did they give you any strange pills? Did you convince another patient to give you _their_ pills?”

“You’re being ridiculous. I’m just calling to check in, _really_ , nothing’s up. The scenery is beautiful. It’s been refreshing.” Cassian tries not to think of how the scenery isn’t the _only_ beautiful thing that’s come into his life since arriving here.

"A copious amount of pain pills would explain your knee feeling better...." Kay mutters like he’s still trying to puzzle out the whole phone call.

“Kay!”

“You sound _happy._ You’re never happy.”

“Agh, I’m hanging up,” Cassian scoffs, biting back another laugh as he does just that. His friend is ridiculous, but he might not be wrong. He rubs a hand over his chest, where the dizzy, fluttering feeling continues to sit.

He’s _happy._ He’s been so used to being lonely for so long that he’d forgotten what that’s like. And now he just wants to savor it as long as he’s allowed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctors Astounded by Friend's Romantic Disaster! You Won't Believe Your Eyes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a huge thank you to misskatieleigh for her beta work!

\-----------------

Kay Tuesso has a problem - has almost always had a problem. An idiot perfectionist type of problem by the name _Cassian Andor_. And when said idiot calls him and sounds… happy… Kay knows something is awry. Because if Cassian is _happy_ , then it most certainly means he’s doing something he shouldn’t. Because if there’s _one thing_ Cassian Andor cannot do, it’s cope with his problems in a healthy way. Cassian’s short list of how to deal with things that upset him is to: a) avoid the problem entirely, b) throw himself into training until he drops, or the rare and terrifying c) to consume anything that will take him outside his own mind for a while when all previous options fail.

Option C is something Kay has only ever witnessed once, after Señora Andor’s passing. That particular moment is forever seared in Kay’s memory: finding Cassian surrounded by shards of shattered glass - the remnants of a trophy he’d won at sixteen - in his apartment, not passed out but instead staring at the mostly empty bottle of liquor in his hand in dreadful silence.

It’s option C that scares him the most.

They’ve never spoken about that night, not really. But Kay cannot help the little shiver of fear every time he recalls seeing Cassian at his lowest. Or the dread that’s been brewing in him every time his friend has continued to ignore his suggestions to seek help.

And now Cassian is a thousand miles from where Kay can keep an eye on him, and acting strange. So Kay does the only thing he can do:

He books the first redeye flight from LA into Kelowna. And breaks several traffic laws in his rented sedan on the drive north. But, he reasons, a man’s life may be at stake.

He reaches the little village of Fespin Falls just before midmorning, driving past the sleepy town square and up into the surrounding hills towards the grand facade of the Alliance. Kay pulls up into the building’s promenade and parks the sedan there, bustling inside while grumbling about the cold. The center is luxurious and cozy, and everything that Cassian hates. It was just as an added, petty bonus of also being one of the finest rehabilitation centers for winter athletes in North America.

Kay only gives the lobby a passing glance on his way to the receptionist’s desk. “Hello,” he starts without waiting for the attendant to greet him. “I’m looking for Cassian Andor. Could you please ring him?”

The woman nods with only the slightest arch to her brow, and looks up Cassian’s room number to dial him. She punches in some numbers, then holds the phone to her ear. For an instant, Kay relishes the thought of jolting Cassian out of sleep. It would serve Cassian right for worrying him like this. But a moment, two moments, pass. And then she frowns. “He’s not answering.” She cuts a look to Kay. “Should I leave a message for him?”

“He’s not here?” Kay asks flatly. The same feeling, the dread and the worry, start welling up again. Where _is_ his idiot figure skater?

“Not in his room, sir, and I’m not allowed to hand out his schedule.”

“I’m his primary physician,” Kay balks, sensing that will hold no sway with this woman. Especially not with the unimpressed “mhmm” she utters under her breath. “I’m fairly certain this is a life or death situation, madam,” he continues. “Cassian called me last night--”

“Dr. Tuesso?”

Kay turns around at his name, recognizing the voice. He’s only ever seen Dr. Skywalker in the official photos of the rehabilitation center. Only ever spoken to him through email and over the phone. None of it has prepared him for his sparkling blue eyes or his greatly amused smile.

“Dr. Skywalker!” Kay exclaims, narrowing his eyes on the too-happy man.

“Luke, please.” He leans around Kay to smile sweetly at the receptionist. “Don’t worry, Norra, I’ve got it.”

The woman shakes her head, returning his smile with a wry one of her own. “Alright, Luke. Just get him out of my lobby before he disturbs the guests.”

He finds himself being led away from the desk, into one of the empty lounges. “What can I do for you, Dr. Tuesso?” Luke questions kindly.

Kay can’t muster up the same patience. “I am looking for Cassian. He’s not in his room, and he’s not with you, so he’s likely dead on the road somewhere.”

Dr. Skywalker laughs, his smile bright. “Oh, I don’t think so,” he says. “Or at the very least, it’s highly unlikely.”

Kay pauses. “You’ve _met_ Cassian, correct?”

The young doctor’s ever present smile transforms into a sly grin. “A few times, when he’s not skipping our sessions. Why don’t you check out the bait shop down by the lake?” he suggests. “Cassian likes to hang out there.”

“ _Off campus?_ ” Kay nearly shouts. He’s unsure which grates on him more, the fact that Cassian is skipping out on his physical therapy or that he’s being allowed to run around unsupervised.

Luke winks. “Off campus,” he confirms, and walks away with nary a care.

And so Kay storms out of the resort and back to his rental, slamming the car door shut. He fumbles for a minute on his phone, looking for a bait shop, thankful for international data.

Only one pin shows up. “Hook, Line, and Sinker Bait and Tackle,” he reads. “That’s an awful name. Who decided on that?” It’s rated five stars, but Kay thinks a town as small as Fespin Falls has little choice.

Kay is directed there by Siri’s soothing voice, which only does minor things to calm the particular type rage that only worrying for a best friend can bring. Miraculously, he isn’t dumped in the middle of nowhere. Instead he finds himself taking a path away from the center of town, down a snowy little lane that leads towards the lake. Kay looks up at the shop through the windshield of his car as he pulls it to a stop. It’s seemingly innocuous, a quiet, unremarkable storefront, so he climbs out of the car and then up the front steps. The door jingles pleasantly as he opens it, a world away from the electronic, jarring _‘bing-bong’_ bells of the city.

Kay sees fishing rods, and yes, bait - little minnows swimming around in a tank near the door. And shelves upon shelves of various kinds of outdoor supplies and tack that he’ll never know or care the use for. There’s a too-familiar duffel bag sitting by a door looking out onto the frozen lake, no doubt containing the skates Cassian should _not be using._

But what really captures his attention is Cassian sitting on the counter, deep in conversation with a lean, dark-haired man standing in front of him. And in the exact moment that Kay takes the pair in, Cassian’s shoulders hunch and he’s _laughing,_ light and careless in a way Kay hasn’t heard in years. Kay clears his throat, but it doesn’t seem to draw their attention. Cassian is still looking at this man and-- ah.

Yes, well. Kay’s pretty sure he knows _the story_ now. “I see,” Kay says loudly, finally making Cassian’s gaze shoot over to him.

Cassian’s apparent love interest jumps to attention, his eyes wide. “Can I help you?”

“I was looking for an errant patient of mine,” Kay drawls, sliding his eyes over to Cassian who is, dare he say it, _blushing_. His relaxed posture has gone ramrod straight and he looks, to Kay’s immense satisfaction, like a teen caught out where he shouldn’t be. Good. “Ah,” he hums, “and there he is.”

Cassian jumps down off the counter, which he _truly_ should not be doing on that knee of his. At least he’s wearing a brace now. It seems Dr. Skywalker is competent enough to keep him in one, if not safely in rehabilitation. “Sorry, Bodhi, just a moment,” Cassian excuses the both of them, his voice strained. He grabs the crook of Kay’s arm as he rushes by, all but shoving him out the door. Back out into the cold. Having lived in California most of his life, Kay never really liked the cold, but he’s quickly coming to _hate it_. “What are you doing here?” Cassian hisses.

“Out a knee, but up a boyfriend. That’s not too bad,” Kay huffs. “Better than I was expecting, anyway.”

“He’s not-- Shut up,” Cassian says, and he looks absolutely mortified, even his ears turning red.

Kay considers this. “You seem awfully embarrassed about me knowing about one of your paramours. You know it doesn’t bother me who you sleep with and how frequently, Cassian.”

Cassian’s mouth twists furiously at that. “Shut. Up,” he repeats with far more emphasis, hand squeezing Kay’s arm. And that is true anger in his tone this time, not simply embarrassment. Almost as if...

Kay’s eyes widen. “You’re _not_ sleeping with him? That’s not how you usually go about this. Are you… _pining?_ ”

Cassian mumbles something about wanting to die.

There’s a scoff from behind them that has them both turning. A sharp-faced brunette has joined them on the shop’s front stoop, eyes darting between them. She assesses the situation, looking suspiciously in Kay’s direction. “Hello,” she says. “Who’s your friend, Cassian? And why are you blocking the door?”

“His best friend,” Kay clarifies at the same time Cassian answers: “My doctor.”

“His best friend _and_ doctor,” Kay amends.

“Both of those things can be fixed,” Cassian says pointedly.

The woman’s face quickly goes from sour to unimpressed. “Let me know if you need anything,” she says, clearly not meaning the sentiment. She climbs the steps, hand waving dismissively between them until they give her enough room to pass.

As soon as she’s through the door, Cassian turns back to him. “Kay,” he growls. “I checked in last night. What are you doing here?”

“You sounded happy on the phone,” Kay says.

“And that’s a reason to interrupt me?”

“Interrupt what?” Kay asks. “You’re not following your schedule, you’re skipping your appointments, and you’re not sleeping with your new beau. It seems to me all I’m ‘interrupting’ you loitering in a horribly monikered bait shop.” The door chimes again, and this time it is a little girl that pokes her head out.

“Dad says the cocoa is almost ready,” she announces, peering with open curiosity at Kay. Kay returns the look.

The annoyed snarl on Cassian’s face melts away in an instant. In fact, the warm gleam in his eyes is nothing short of adoring. “Thank you, Rose. I'll be back in just a minute.”

The girl leaves them with a timid smile, but not before peeking through the door at them for a few more seconds.

“Kids,” Kay says flatly.

“Don’t say a word about Paige and Rose,” Cassian warns.

“ _Two kids._ ”

“Kay!”

He sighs, knowing better than to continue with that. _“You_ , my dear friend, are in… deep. I know you’ve got an achilles heel for kids, but these girls, is the father your--” Kay pauses at Cassian’s glare. “New friend?”

Cassian’s mouth tightens. “His name is Bodhi, and yes, he’s their dad.”

“Ah. Well, I’m sorry I interrupted your... loitering. I will let you return to it,” Kay says. He's had more than enough of this, and more than enough of the _cold._ “Give me your keycard, I’m not paying for a hotel room.”

Cassian digs out his wallet and hands over his pass with a grouchy: “You’re sleeping on the couch.”

“I am a guest,” Kay says, moving back down the stairs. “You should treat me as such.”

“And I have an injured knee,” Cassian snaps back. “That you _sent me here for._ ”

“I see you’re admitting it now. Perhaps loitering has been good for you.” He pauses before turning back. “I just wanted to see if you were alright,” Kay confides. “I do worry about you, Cassian. I will see you when you return to the center. Enjoy your cocoa.”

\-----------

Kay gets in the car and drives off, finally leaving Cassian alone. Well, Cassian reminds himself, not totally alone. He’s got to go in there and apologize to Bodhi for Kay’s sudden appearance. For his own rude departure. He can only hope that Bodhi and the girls hadn’t overheard their conversation. Just the thought of it unsettles him. Cassian takes an extra moment to let the cold air relax him, to shake off the burning of his face.

He goes back in, and is immediately welcomed by hot cocoa (one of these days he’s going to have to turn down the offer-- all this sugar can’t be good for him) and the girls clamoring over him. “Who was that?” Paige asks in tandem with Rose. “Do you know him?”

“Is he a skater too?” Rose gasps.

“Are you leaving with him?” It’s Paige’s final question that catches him off guard. The subtle downturn in her tone, something guarded and hesitant, has his heart clenching. The careful glance that Bodhi’s levelling at him over Paige’s shoulder doesn’t help.

“It was just my friend... Kay. His name is Kay. He came over to, uh, check on me,” he finds himself stammering. “He’s not a skater, no. He’s my doctor back home.” He looks over to Bodhi. “Sorry about Kay, he’s um…” Cassian pauses, trying to think of a kind euphemism for ‘sack of shit that cares too much about me,’ and instead lands on: “...aggressively caring.” He has to cover up his grimace with taking a sip from his cocoa.

The hard line of tension around Bodhi’s posture seems to relax, and with it, a measure of Cassian’s own tension. Bodhi shrugs. “I know how best friends can be,” he says kindly, then slides his eyes over to Jyn. “Aggressively caring is the least of it.” He grins slyly and laughs when Jyn punches his arm.

That should be the end of it. But the uneasy feeling still sits heavy in Cassian’s chest. Kay here in Fespin Falls, in the _bait shop_ , is a jarring reminder that there’s a world outside of Bodhi and his family. _Cassian’s_ world. His world of competition and training and pushing himself farther than he’s ever dreamed. A world that he’d been so angry to be ripped from, that he still wants to go back to. One that he still craves. But now there’s Bodhi, and Paige, and Rose...

Cassian abruptly loses his appetite, the sugary hot chocolate too heavy on his tongue. He sets it down with another apology and a flimsy excuse to everyone about an appointment at the resort. It seems to be accepted well enough, and the girls wring a promise out of him for another lesson on Monday.

“We’re going back to school, everyone is going to be so jealous that we’re getting lessons from a real figure skater!”

Cassian forces a smile, but his eyes catch Bodhi’s as he leaves. The concern on Bodhi’s face has him quickly averting his gaze again, but, luckily, Bodhi doesn’t make a move to stop him. He hopes that the walk back to the shuttle stop will clear his head. But his thoughts linger on Bodhi the entire way back to the Alliance.

There’s no point in denying that he _wants_ Bodhi anymore. Bodhi, who has a life already, who has a _family_ , who certainly doesn’t need the complication of Cassian. He doesn’t have the space, or even the want for a broken down man like Cassian in that life. A completely hopeless attraction, almost a _crush_ (though thinking of it as that makes Cassian want to squirm in mortification). For all he knows, Bodhi’s just interested in a couple of free skating lessons for his kids.

Cassian isn’t made for relationships. He knows that. He can count the number of “boyfriends” he’s had on one hand. That one boy he’d a burger with at a McDonalds in the middle of the U.S. Championships. The man that he went exploring New York City with, that lasted a period of days. The snowboarder he hung around with at the Olympics. A few hookups here and there across a span of years. Trysts, dalliances, Kay would always call them as Cassian rolled his eyes. There was nothing wrong with that. Cassian has never regretted his time with those men, even if that time was a single night.

But this is _different_ somehow. Nothing and no one could have prepared him for what he thinks he could feel for Bodhi. It's something deeper and it's _craving._ Not simply based on sex, not even based on touch. Cassian would do anything to simply keep Bodhi’s eyes on him. To be graced with his smile.

He shouldn’t let himself do this, for Bodhi’s sake. For Paige’s and Rose’s sake. But Cassian knows that he’s just selfish enough to keep coming back, to let this _thing_ that he feels keep festering, ruining any possibility of keeping a friendship with the man.

By the time he makes it to the resort and heads to his room, Cassian feels unsteady on his feet. And he can’t even blame it on his knee this time. But Kay waits for him, his gaze not even lifting from his phone as Cassian steps through the door.

“Enjoy your time?” Kay calls in greeting. “I thought we could actually do some of your pool exercises now that you’re back...” he says, then trails off as he eventually looks up. “What is it? I distinctly remember leaving you in higher spirits.”

Cassian shakes his head. “I’m fine,” he lies, his face twisted into what he thinks is a smile. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind Kay, and sees it’s more a baring of teeth. He lets the mockery of a smile slip from his face, casting his gaze to the floor instead.

The momentary silence seems to stretch on forever. “Alright,” Kay announces, merciful this time. He doesn’t push, understands not to right now. Cassian is in turns thankful and near tears. “So, heated pool exercises?” he asks, and Cassian nods. Losing himself in the stretch and burn of a workout - even as limited as they are now - would be good. He needs to get out of his own head for a moment.

Cassian changes and Kay guides him down to the pool, a warped paperback in his hand. Kay catches the look Cassian gives him in the elevator, gesturing to the book. “I have to entertain myself while you’re doing leg lifts in the water,” he says simply.

Cassian peers at the cover. “ _The Devil in Winter_?” he asks, poking the purple book in Kay’s hands. “It’s a romance novel isn’t it?” It’s got to be, by the whimsical cover photo of a woman in period clothing.

“When’s the last time you read anything more than a nutrition label?” Kay says, tugging the book almost defensively away from Cassian. “Besides, it’s an exemplary novel in the genre.”

The elevator dings just as Cassian rolls his eyes. His best friend goes over to sit in one of the lounge chairs at the poolside and Cassian tosses the towel and his change of clothes at Kay’s feet. “I read,” he huffs, but doesn’t expand on it. Kay, since he’s clearly being merciful, doesn’t call his weak defense. Cassian steps into the pool before Kay changes his mind about that.

The pool is thankfully deserted at this time of day, so Cassian can enjoy the soothing heat easing the tension out of his muscles without distraction. He looks over to Kay for instructions. “Twenty leg lifts, both sides, two sets,” Kay says from behind his book. Cassian nods, and slowly lifts his good leg from the hip and has to stop, the right knee aching at the strain. Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped his PT days in favor of teaching the girls to skate. He wades in deeper, until the balls of his feet brush the bottom, his arms treading water to keep him afloat. He lifts again and this time unbalances, tipping onto his back.

He’s about to complain to Kay when the doctor calls out. “Hold onto the side for the first set.”

Cassian sighs and swims over to the side where Kay is. He lifts again with his good leg, and while the pain from support is still there, it’s not as sharp, the pull not as strenuous.

The next hour is spent this way, doing exercises and stretches while Kay occasionally looks at him from over the top of a paperback. Eventually, Cassian pulls himself out of the pool and grabs the towel at Kay’s feet before hitting the showers. The facility is built with athletes in mind, so the showers are open. Cassian shucks off his shorts and grabs onto the handicap bar, his legs feeling shaky, and turns the water on.

He lets the hot water sting his flesh, and wishes briefly for a tub to soak in. Something to let his knee rest for a moment. His body is exhausted even after this small work out. And now that his energy is gone, now that his mind doesn’t have the distraction of work to fall back on, the emotions of the day come flooding back. The whiplash of being so unexpectedly content around Bodhi and the sudden reminder of how much his actual life is falling apart crashes down on him all at once.

Skating has been the only thing he’s cared about for so long. The fear that his body really might not be cut out for it anymore has him suddenly set adrift. What if his knee can’t recover? The only place Cassian has ever felt any peace has been on the ice, in competition and even under the rigors of practice. Figure skating might not be life and death, but to him the thrill had always been his calling. The slip and scratch of the ice beneath his blades, the hum of an entranced crowd - to Cassian, it’s been his everything. Thinking he may never have that again makes his chest go tight.

He has to shut his eyes to keep back the the sudden rush of exhausted tears, knowing he can’t do this _now_. He can’t afford to break down. Especially not with Kay out there waiting for him.

He drags himself from the shower to dress, and heads back out to meet his friend - and Kay can see right through him. Of course, he can. Fixing him with that same concerned expression, he beckons Cassian closer.

“We should talk,” Kay says.

“You make it sound like you’re breaking up with me,” Cassian tries to joke, but it falls flat, unable to even muster a convincing smile.

“Come on, let’s get out of here. Then you can explain to me what you’re torturing yourself over this time.” Kay tilts his head towards the door, and Cassian sighs. He lets Kay place a hand on his shoulder to lead him back to the room. It takes everything he has not to sag into Kay’s side. Cassian practically collapses on the couch once they return to his room. He tips his head to look out the window, the night sky beautiful and cold.

He’s so tired.

A glass of water appears in his line of vision, Kay’s silent offering, and Cassian sits up to drink it.

Kay sinks down next to him on the couch, his gaze down at his hands. He’s quiet and patient. _Too_ quiet and _too_ patient. Cassian can feel the lecture coming, realizing with a jolt that Kay has waited until he’s too exhausted to run away. Cassian levels a glare at him, setting the glass down with a particularly annoyed clinking of glass. It’s the best he can do at this point.

Kay clears his throat, face screwed up as he carefully chooses his words. “I know I’ve suggested this before - and it’s fallen on deaf ears - but I want you to see a counselor.”

“I don’t need a therapist.” Cassian’s answer is almost second nature by now. “I’m happy, I’m resting, I even did my PT with you. I’m doing what you asked. Why do this now?”

“You are _none_ of those things, and we both know that.” Kay twists in his seat to meet Cassian’s eyes. And while Cassian can usually call that bluff and deny it with a straight face, he can barely manage holding Kay’s gaze this time. “I spoke with Dr. Skywalker today. You’ve gone to barely half of your appointments. You are not truly resting - you’re sneaking off campus to go to that man’s shop. And don’t think I didn’t see your skates, because I did. You’re skating on the lake because they won’t let you skate here.”

“I’m not _skating_ \--” Kay’s reaction to that is a pointed glare that has Cassian growling in frustration. “Not like I do in practice! I’m giving Paige and Rose skating lessons. They can’t even spin without someone helping them yet.”

He ignores Kay’s patronizing echo of: “Oh, you’re giving them _lessons_.”

“All _Dr.Skywalker_ is having me do is stretches, anyway. I do those on my own. I know how to keep from locking up.”

“So I see you’ve somehow earned a doctorate in kinesiology while you were here. Excellent. Maybe you can give Dr. Skywalker some advice at your next appointment.” Kay purses his lips, eyes narrowing. “And you’re deflecting. Which only proves my point.”

“I’m not--” Cassian sighs, fighting the urge to shout, or tear out his hair, or simply thwack Kay in the arm. “What _is_ your point then, Kay?”

“The point is that you’ve never taken inactivity well. And you would much rather find something to obsessively occupy your time rather than deal with the problems you’re facing. You throw yourself from one thing to the other. And now that your usual method of training until you drop isn’t available to you, you may have found something else.”

Cassian wants to deny every word of it on instinct alone, but he knows that Kay is right about him throwing himself into things. As for the something else? The answer can only be one thing: Bodhi and the girls. His interaction with them has been the only thing to bring him something other than pain and frustration, and the only thing he’s thought about since meeting them. The implications of that send cold trickle of horror down Cassian’s spine. He can feel the blood drain out of his face. “No, I-- oh god,” Cassian breathes.

“Yes, well,” Kay says. “You’ve never been quite religious, but if you want to pick that up--” Cassian smacks Kay’s leg. His friend gestures encouragingly at him. He’s going to make Cassian say it. Going to make it real.

He clenches his hands into fists. “I’ve been using them, haven’t I?” Cassian chokes out.

Kay sighs. “Not… using. You’ve been trying to cope with your body working against you, your coach driving you to an early grave,” Kay puts a hand up here, to stop any excuses Cassian has about Draven. “And with the fact that your only friend is your doctor. I’m proud to be your best friend, Cassian, but I know that having a wider support circle is better for everyone.”

“How can you say that I’m not using them?” Cassian asks. It’s so clear now, with the way he’s fallen in with them so easily.

“Cassian, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. And your new… _friend_ seems to do that for you.” And here Kay tips his head in Cassian’s direction, eyes seeming to bore straight _through_ him. “There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with him, either, as long as you’re both on the same page about your _friendship._ ”

“You’re not really being subtle when you say it in that tone. You know that, right?”

“What’s important is that your feelings are healthy ones,” Kay continues as if he hasn’t heard Cassian. “That’s why I’m asking you to please see the on-staff counselor.”

Cassian lets out a long sigh, thinking of all the times he's been asked before. About all the times he’s thrown Kay’s suggestions aside. Despite all the fuss, and how much he instinctively hates the thought of it, he trusts the staff here to be understanding. Maybe it would work, and if not he could at least figure out if he was being fair to Bodhi, if he was capable of a… _friendship_ with him at all. He nods in finality. “Alright. I’ll see them.”

“Excellent.” Kay climbs to his feet. “I’ll talk with Dr. Antilles in the morning. The sooner we get you an appointment, the better--” But he stops mid-thought, scrutinizing Cassian again. “You’re still sad,” he declares.

Cassian huffs and rolls his eyes, sinking back into the couch before he realizes that just makes him look like a sulking child. “How am I going to do this?” he asks, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Counseling is hard for everyone-- ah, you’re not talking about that. Are you?” Kay bends his long legs, kneeling in front of the couch so Cassian can’t look anywhere but into his face. “You’re not alone, Cassian. Best friend, remember?” He reaches for Cassian’s arm, hand squeezing gently.

Cassian can only manage a weak smile.

He thinks that Kay’s going to let go after that, but instead his face goes even more somber. “Your mother trusted me to keep an eye on you. She loved you very much, Cassian and she would be proud of your actions today, even more than winning the nationals. She was always proud of you.”

He swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. As much as he knows it’s true - that his mother would only want him to be happy, regardless of what that looked like; that she was proud of him no matter what how he placed in competition - it’s still difficult for him to hear.

“Thank you,” is all he can say.

They settle on Cassian’s bed. He completely forgets his plan to relegate Kay to the couch until it’s too late. His best friend only smirks at his mutinous grumbles and steals the tv remote, because he’s _an ass._ Kay flips through the channels for a while before landing on the Property Brothers, of all things, and spends the next half hour yelling about design choices. Cassian pulls the covers up, watching Kay as much as the television. It’s only late afternoon, but he’s so tired, and it’s so _easy_ to let Kay’s voice and the sounds of the program wash over him. He’s almost relaxed when his phone starts buzzing across the nightstand, a mere second before his too-bright ringtone goes off. Even before reaching for it, Cassian can feel himself going tense all over again.

It’s no surprise to see Draven’s name staring back up at him from the screen.

“Ignore it,” Kay says.

Cassian presses the side button, silencing the call, still watching Draven’s name. His eyes dart up to find Kay’s, and while they don’t speak, Cassian hears what the doctor is saying clearly enough. He clicks the side button again, declining the call, and sets it back on the bedside table. The amount of relief that rushes over him should be more than a little worrying. The fear of his future, the anxiety of having to defend his decision to Draven, is still there.

But this is _his_ choice in the end, and no one else’s. For the first time in a long time, he’s reminded that no one knows his limitations better than himself. Draven will cope with the change, and Cassian will go back in eight weeks, ready to compete. He just needs time.

He falls asleep to Kay muttering at the television.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 Top Tips to Keeping Your Crush a Secret! You'll Never Guess How These Men Fail at All of Them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone! We appreciate every single comment, kudos, bookmark, and hit. 
> 
> Heads up there's a much longer chapter this time around :)
> 
> Also, we've added a few more songs to the [Official Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvwmcS6_Sf8oADNvYb3SA1aGq0moM1KLB) if you'd like to check that out.

\-----------------

Cassian’s alarm buzzes and he groans, feeling far too sluggish to function properly. He’d slept fitfully the night before, suddenly unaccustomed to being alone again. He hadn’t realized how just having Kay there to talk him to sleep the past couple nights had been helping him. But the weekend had passed, and after fine tuning Cassian’s recovery regimen, Kay had made his inevitable goodbyes.

(“I do have other patients.” Kay had smiled ruefully before his departure Sunday afternoon.

Cassian’s answer was mostly just bravado. It was easier than admitting that he didn’t want Kay to leave. “Do you make friends with them too?”

“Only the stubborn ones, it seems.” His friend had pulled him into a hug without proper, or needed, warning, and Cassian couldn’t be blamed for clinging just a little. “I’ll miss you, Cassian.”)

He sits up and stretches, sighing as he looks at the time. He knows he actually needs to go to his appointment with Luke today, as much as he would love not to. If he doesn’t show up again, Kay might just invent a way to strangle him through the phone. Besides, there’s no denying the way his knee aches as he gets ready for the day.

His pre-appointment meeting with Luke is blissfully short, and without the lecture Cassian would likely get from Kay if he’d pulled this stunt with him. They go through the warm-up stretches and Luke seems pleasantly surprised to hear he’d actually been keeping up with his pool time the past few days.

“Kind of hard not to with Kay breathing down my neck,” Cassian explains without ire.

“I bet - his bedside manner certainly is something. Wish he could stay and put a couple of my other patients in their place.” Cassian smiles. “Alright,” Luke says, clapping his hands and then rubbing them together. “Clam time.”

Cassian sighs and gets on his uninjured side - lifting his right leg, holding for a couple of seconds then slowly bringing it back down. This is Cassian’s least favorite exercise, the ligament to his knee strains every time, twinging pain running down his leg. Not to mention the ridiculous position he’s in. He looks at Luke as he’s releasing the hold.

“I can’t imagine him running a clinic like this. He’s too much of an asshole for the rich people who come around here, used to getting their way,” Cassian says.

“Nothing like you then,” Luke chirps, looking far too smug. Cassian makes a face at him. He pulls his knee up to his chest after his clam reps and doesn’t wince for the first time in a while. It’s such a small sign of progress, but he feels begrudgingly pleased all the same.

Cassian eyes the clock on the wall, unconsciously counting down the minutes. The kids won’t be out of school for a while longer and Bodhi is probably at the shop. He yearns for the appointment to be over, just to pop down for a visit, away from the suffocating atmosphere of the resort.

“Are we done here then?”

“Somewhere to be?” Luke counters, not even trying to make it sound casual.

“Maybe,” Cassian allows, getting up before Luke can give him an actual answer, straightening out his clothes and reaching for his jacket. He slips it on, blatantly ignoring how giddy Luke looks.

“ _Maybe_ our appointment can be over then,” Luke says with a grin. “Say hello to Bodhi for me, and the kids.”

Cassian refuses to look back at him, knowing he’ll only further give himself away by the heat in his cheeks. Does the entire resort know that he’s been going to see Bodhi?

“See you at my next appointment, _maybe_.”

Cassian all but flees after that, not wanting to run into any more of the busy bodies in charge of his care. He manages it with only the seemingly ever-present Norra sends him off with a crisp, “Enjoy your day, Mr. Andor.”

He heads down to the lakeside on foot, his knee honestly feeling better than it had a week ago upon his arrival in Fespin Falls. Whether because of the brace or the exercises (or the _rest_ , as Kay would no doubt say), it’s the first time in days that his uncertain future hasn’t scared him. He’s making progress, little by little. It’s not until he reaches Bodhi’s shop that those doubts and fears come into play again. He finds himself hesitating on the shop’s doorstep. Bodhi’s already going to be spending time with him later during the girls’ skating lesson. What if he doesn’t want Cassian taking up his whole day?

Before he can dally any longer, the door opens and Bodhi’s there, shivering noticeably and rubbing his arms to ward off the cold. “Hope you’re not planning to stick around in the cold all day?” Cassian laughs and shakes his head.

“Maybe I am,” he says. “It’s nice. We don’t have anything like this weather back in LA. It’s like… an ice rink, but _outside._ ” Bodhi laughs at the stupid comment and his smile is as bright as the sun off the snow. It makes Cassian’s heart clench.

Bodhi steps aside, averting his eyes from Cassian’s face, which just brings Bodhi’s dark lashes into sharp relief. It does some truly distressing things to Cassian’s heartbeat. “Come on in, Jyn’s up and abandoned me for a bit and you’re just on time to help. If you don’t mind?”

“Of course,” Cassian says, following Bodhi inside to the cozy shop. The small wood stove is burning hot and he’s not surprised that Bodhi had shivered at the temperature difference before. Cassian strips off his coat, following Bodhi back into the store, further than he’d actually ventured before. There’s a row of stacked shoe boxes and a few sets of boots lining the wall already on the lower levels of the wall display. Bodhi pulls a six foot ladder from beside the shelf.

“So Jyn likes to make fun of me for needing someone to hold the ladder, but she never volunteers to go up and put the display boots up herself. I was... wondering if you could keep it steady and pass some boots up to me?”

Cassian grins. “That I can manage. I was afraid you were gonna send me up there for a second.”

“Can’t have you falling into my arms,” Bodhi says with a soft laugh and Cassian snorts. Bodhi ducks his head almost bashfully and seems to busy himself with unwrapping some of the boots. He sets them down within Cassian’s reach, centering the ladder as best he can before he climbs up. The movement makes Bodhi’s grey henley ride up the small of his back, stretching as he brushes a rag against the display, and Cassian is unable to ignore the sliver of skin there. There’s a line along Bodhi’s spine - a scar. It’s long, clinically straight, and paler than the skin around it, and it gives Cassian pause. Paige had mentioned Bodhi hurting his back that day at the pond, but Cassian had no idea that it had been serious enough to require surgery.

Cassian only manages to break out of his unconscionable staring when Bodhi reaches out an arm for a pair of the boots. He just barely holds back from clearing his throat as he hands it up.

“So, you sell a lot of different things for someplace so remote. Is business...good?” Cassian flounders for a conversation, wishing he were as graceful with words as he is with his body on the ice.

Bodhi is too busy to notice Cassian’s awkwardness, or just too kind to mention it. “It’s good enough,” Bodhi says, stretching up again as Cassian averts his eyes to pick up the next boot. If he keeps watching and… _lusting,_ this is going to turn into a disaster. “This store’s been in this town a long time and become a bit of a mainstay. I’ve only been running it for a few years. It’s… not what I imagined I’d be doing, but it pays the bills. Ever since we moved out here I just couldn’t picture the girls growing up anywhere better than this, you know?”

Cassian nods, wondering what exactly Bodhi had imagined he’d be doing, wishing he knew him well enough to ask. Before he can figure out the words, Bodhi cuts him off with his own question. “How about you - are you liking the town so far? I know you probably didn’t want to be up here… with the injury and all.”

It’s a fair assumption, Cassian hadn’t wanted to be in this town _at all_ when he first arrived. Now he can’t quite say that, especially not when it comes to Bodhi. “It’s grown on me I guess,” Cassian says. “The girls have kept me busy enough that it hasn’t been boring at least.”

“Boring is what recovery is _supposed_ to be,” Bodhi chides, climbing down to unwrap the next pair of boots from the stack of boxes. “I still can’t believe I let them goad you into so much. I really am sorry.” Bodhi looks over with a grimace.

“Nothing to be sorry for. Probably good for me to slow down and teach them instead of pushing myself. Ah, like that first day.” Cassian admits the last part begrudgingly and Bodhi smiles.

“You’d still make a great professional faller.”

“Shut up.” Thinking of their first meeting, he bites back the retort that Bodhi would still make a perfect angel, knowing immediately how stupid that sounds.

Bodhi’s thankfully oblivious to his turmoil. “Just this last pair then we can relax until the girls are out.” Bodhi climbs up a rung and pauses. Cassian has to look up slightly to meets his eyes. Bodhi almost looks like he wants to say something else and Cassian is too drawn to him, waiting patiently. (A braver version of himself might tug Bodhi down by his shirt and kiss him breathless. He wonders if Bodhi will go pliant against him. If he’ll be even more beautiful after his mouth has gone red with too many kisses.) He’s just about to ask ‘ _what?’_ when Bodhi looks away, letting the moment pass.

Cassian lets out the breath that has been caught in his chest.

“Jyn really abandoned you for the day?” Cassian asks, forcefully shoving those thoughts away, making an effort to keep cool.

“Yeah, the one time she’s out of my hair… I had a feeling you’d stop in though.” It’s enough to make Cassian wonder just how transparent he’s been, but Bodhi only shoots a smile his way. “With how much you hate sitting around at the resort, of course.”

It shouldn’t be such a relief that it’s only a joke. That they’re gently ribbing each other like friends. That this horrible _thing_ of his has so far gone unnoticed. Instead, he watches Bodhi put the last pair of boots up, holding the ladder steady.

“Alright, that’s the last of it,” Bodhi announces, starting on his descent, and Cassian barely resists the urge to still hold the ladder while Bodhi climbs down into his arms. He steps aside, keeping it steady until Bodhi steps off the last rung entirely.

After putting everything away, they return to the front of the shop. Bodhi takes his place on the chair behind the computer, ostensibly to work. When Cassian hops up on the counter, wanting to be closer without being obvious, Bodhi looks up at him like he’s the only thing in the room. Cassian feels both pleased and a bit nervous at his focus.

He searches quickly for something to say, his eyes landing on the notice board behind the counter. A collection of pictures from the town had been hanging there before. But now the fliers and photos have been replaced by a world map with pins stuck in different countries. Each pin has a thread tying it to a photo, all of the same pair of smiling older men.

“‘Where in the world are Baze and Chirrut?’” he reads the banner above it all. “That’s new.”

A smile twitches at the corner of Bodhi’s mouth, and he turns to look at the board as well. “Oh! Yeah, the girls finished it this weekend.” He gestures to one of the pictures, a selfie with the two men pressed close together, the one with close cropped hair smiling broadly and leaning far into the other man’s space. There’s a filter over the picture that reads _St. George, Bermuda_ in colorful, looping font. “They’re the previous owners of the store. They left it to me after they retired. They went off on their ‘retired honeymoon’ last summer, and send pictures whenever they stop in a new place.”

“That’s nice of them,” Cassian murmurs. Bodhi hums in agreement. The silence falls heavy between them, jarring and foreign, and it takes Cassian a moment to realize why. “It’s different talking to you without the girls butting in,” Cassian voices the thought and then adds, “Not-- Not that I _mind_. They’re a little… _enthusiastic,_ but they’re great.” Cassian can’t keep the smile from his face at the thought of the pair, marveling at how kind they both are, how excited they seem about everything. Cassian’s soft spot is a mile wide when it comes to them and he’s sure both of them know it by now. Bodhi clearly does.

“It is strange, huh? No one running in and yelling about cocoa or twirling, as much fun as the two subjects can be.”

“I could do a twirl if you miss it that much,” Cassian offers and Bodhi lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head.

“Nah, I’m all set,” Bodhi says. “Not that I doubt you could do it. You’re a natural. How did you even get into figure skating, anyway?”

Before his injury, the question would have made him almost wistful. Years before this, he’d be proud to answer. Now it only sends a jolt of grief though him. “You know, the usual, just watching it on TV with my mother. I would think ‘hey, I could do that.’ As kids do.”

What Cassian doesn’t explain is how unbelievable it was that his mother had taken this naive, childish desire, and given him his life’s passion. Cassian remembers her, always on the periphery of the rink, to be there whenever he needed her. Just her encouraging looks had made him feel like he could do anything. She never missed a competition, always cheering him on, hugging him tight when he fell and felt so frustrated with failure. Without her, he knows that never would have gotten so far.

Cassian’s not quite ready to share so much and so he pushes the memories aside, attempting a smile.

“Mostly, I started like Rose is,” he teases instead, “twirling around the house.”

Bodhi chokes on a laugh. “No, don’t joke about that!”

“Oh, you’re in for it. Just wait. You could have two future Olympic skaters in your house. You’ve seen the interest Paige has taken in it.”

“I don’t think I could afford that.” Bodhi sinks back in his chair, the line of his body relaxed. “Hopefully this is a phase that passes, or that it stays a hobby. No offense.” A sheepish smile flickers across his face.

Cassian only shrugs. “None taken. It’s not easy. Most don’t make it nearly that far. It takes talent and… boundless confidence. Or stubbornness.”

“So you were a confident kid or a stubborn one?” Bodhi teases.

“Both,” Cassian smirks. “Well, the _only_ thing I was confident about was skating. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good for.” He says the last part with a self deprecating shrug.

“I doubt that,” Bodhi says immediately, and Cassian fights not to squirm. Bodhi’s too kind, and the sudden fluttering feeling just under his ribs unnerves him. “You’re right, I’m not that good.”

“Sure Mr. Professional, I saw you do that,” Bodhi gestures vaguely, “leg thing… that hold out on the ice. I was impressed when you had the girls out there. It was kind of amazing.”

Cassian isn’t sure if he should feel embarrassed or flattered. He hadn’t realized Bodhi was even watching him then. “Thanks. I’m naturally pretty flexible, which helps a lot.” He realizes the innuendo after the words have left his mouth. Bodhi coughs and Cassian has to bite back a laugh.

“Good to know,” Bodhi murmurs, suddenly very interested in the computer in front of him. Cassian’s face heats, but it doesn’t make him feel so uncomfortable this time.

The bell chimes, startling them both. Jyn enters the shop, stomping her boots on the mat and brushing miniscule, melting snowflakes out of her hair. “I’m back!” she shouts. “It’s starting to come down out there, just in time for you to pick up the girls.”

“We’re getting barely an inch,” Bodhi says, idly tapping at the keys. Like he’s trying to make it look like he’s been doing something _other_ than talking with Cassian this whole time.

“They say it’s supposed to be a two footer,” Jyn says coming up to the counter, adding a belated, “Hey Cassian.” Cassian nods to her and feels a little silly sitting on the counter like a kid. He slides down to stand more casually.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Bodhi mutters. He stands and stretches, the damned shirt riding up again, the flash of skin seemingly taunting Cassian. “I’m gonna go grab my stuff and pick up the girls. Wanna come with?” he asks Cassian.

“Of course, if you can stand them begging for their skating lesson.”

“You think they’d revolt if I made them wait until after homework?”

“I’m a little scared to find out.”

Bodhi only grins, grabbing his keys from the desk and shuffling past Jyn to give her the spot behind the counter instead. “I stocked the boots and didn’t break my neck thanks to Cassian. Try not to burn the place down,” Bodhi tells her, grabbing his jacket from the rack by the door. Cassian follows suit, shrugging on his coat while Jyn rolls her eyes at Bodhi.

“We’re only open another three hours. I’m probably going to end up playing Tetris and being bored out of my mind. Again.”

“You still won’t beat my high score though,” Bodhi says smugly. Jyn ignores the comment in favor of waving them off dismissively.

“Tell the girls I said hi and that I’m sorry they have such a nerd for a dad.” Bodhi shakes his head and waves back as they go.

“See you,” Cassian says, noting the careful way Jyn is watching him. He ultimately shrugs it off. He can’t blame her if she’s a little wary of him -- he _has_ practically invaded their lives after all. He pulls up the hood on his coat when he sees how much the snow really is coming down, wondering if it will clear up like Bodhi expects or if they’ll have to call off skating lessons entirely.

Bodhi’s (charmingly _hideous_ ) truck is parked just across the street and they make their way over through the snow, shuffling into the front seat and shaking off as best they can. The ride to the school is pretty quick - it’s practically around the corner and Cassian wouldn’t be surprised if the girls just walked to the shop in the warmer months. They drive up through the queue of parents picking up their kids until Cassian spots the girls wrapped warmly in their winter jackets, huddling under the weather canopy. They wave excitedly and all but run to climb into the backseat.

“Cassian!” Rose cheers, like seeing Cassian there is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to her. “I can’t believe you came to pick us up!”

“It’s so cool,” Paige chimes in.

“Well it _is_ snowing,” Cassian says, barely believing his own horrible joke. The girls laugh anyway and Bodhi shakes his head at the overjoyous response to Cassian’s presence.

“What about ‘Hi dad! Thanks for not making us march home in the snow!!’” Bodhi sighs, pretending to be put out.

“Hi dad!” Paige says dutifully. “Thanks for not making us march home in the snow… like you’d ever do that without panicking.”

“I’d say you’re on thin ice but that’s a worse joke than Cassian’s.”

\-----------

The drive home is quick even though the snow shows no sign of stopping. Cassian is turned around in the front seat, regaling the girls with yet another skating tale. Bodhi can hardly believe how genuinely he seems to get along with them and how much he seems to care already. Bodhi wonders if Cassian cares about him too, thinking about how effortlessly they spent the afternoon chatting about nothing. Bodhi thinks some of it could even have been flirting, but... maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

Cassian’s eyes had followed him, lingering, and sometimes… Bodhi pauses, remembering the steady focus of Cassian’s gaze. Maybe, just maybe, his hope isn’t entirely unfounded.

Bodhi can’t help but feel strange thinking about someone in this way again, after so long. He’s had hookups since coming to Fespin Falls, of course. Some meaningless, and some with people he’s developed close friendships with. But dating someone? It’s been plenty of time since Nadia, as Jyn loves to remind him. And yet, sometimes, the wound still feels raw. Bodhi doesn’t know if he’s ready to put himself out there like again. He’d trusted Nadia so much, only to have everything fall apart when he needed her most.

None of that makes Bodhi want Cassian less, catching the curve of his smile out of the corner of his eye. Bodhi swallows and focuses on the road ahead, loathe to admit that he might actually be _pining_.

Bodhi rolls up to their driveway with the disappointing news for the girls on the tip of his tongue: that there’s no way they can go out on the pond unless the snow magically lets up. Cassian must be able to read the tight expression on his face, beating him to it and softening the blow.

“I know I promised skating lessons, but it seems the weather has different priorities.”

The girls both balk at that, as expected. “It’s not that bad!” Paige says and Rose chimes into the small chorus of complaint with: “We can still skate a little!” Cassian hushes them gently and continues with a compromise, patient and kind.

“I was thinking we could do more ballet instead. It is a very serious part of my training, after all, and you do want to be like professionals, right?” The girls seem to mull it over a moment, still a bit disappointed. But then Paige nods, Rose falling in line with her sister’s agreement.

“You are really good at it,” Paige says. “I want to try the moves we practiced not trapped in a winter jacket and snow pants this time. I bet I’ll do better without them!”

Cassian laughs. “You will, I’m sure of it.”

Once they make their way inside, the girls are already hyped for their lesson. Rose barely gets off her boots and jacket before she runs off to find her tutu. Paige is a bit more patient, but barely, volunteering to go move some furniture so they have room to practice.

“Be careful of the lamps,” Bodhi warns. She sticks out her tongue in response but does move more carefully.

Once they’re out of sight, Cassian leans closer. “I hope you don’t mind my improvisation there, I can make it a short lesson if you want me to get out of your hair.”

“You’re a lifesaver, honestly. I thought I was going to have a rebellion on my hands. If you don’t want to stick around, you don’t have to. But it’s nice having you around.” Bodhi feels so transparent admitting that, but still can’t help the way his heart warms at Cassian’s bright smile.

“At least I sort of get to train this way.” Cassian shrugs. Bodhi wonders if Cassian even realizes that his attention has meant the world to the girls (and _Bodhi_ ) in the short time they’ve known each other.

“I’m going to get dinner started while you do your thing. Just don’t let them jump on the couch.”

Cassian nods, his smile small and peaceful, and Bodhi has to make himself turn away.

Bodhi heads to the kitchen, even though it’s a little early to actually start cooking. Anything that buys him time to quell his foolish thoughts. He takes his time to prep the meal instead, chopping up the vegetables and even digging a box of brownie mix out of the cupboard for dessert. He hasn’t invited Cassian yet, exactly, but Bodhi’s going to insist he stay for dinner this time. It’s only fair after all he’s done for them.

The soothing tones of Cassian’s voice drifts into the kitchen, telling the girls to lift up a leg, or stand on their toes. There’s an eruption of giggles, so Bodhi peeks around the corner to see Rose has fallen and Cassian and Paige are helping her up. “You okay?” Cassian asks. He’s still kneeling next to her, his hands hovering over her nervously.

Rose giggles and hops a little on her toes. “I got dizzy!”

“Ah.” Cassian’s smile is small and warm. “Maybe you shouldn’t twirl so much.”

“But I _like_ spinning!”

Bodhi ducks back into the kitchen, his chest tight, his heart racing. _This_ is what’s different - what’s frightening. This jolt of warmth at Cassian’s smile, when he’s sweet and caring, when they share a glance, isn’t like the attraction he’s felt in so long - not with Luke, or Lando. He hasn’t felt this way since those bright, idyllic days with Nadia, before it all went sour.

Bodhi shakes himself of his worries, setting their meal to cook before edging back into the living room. He sinks down onto the couch, immediately set upon by two excited ‘ballerinas.’ “Dad, watch us!” Paige cheers. The two of them demonstrate what they’ve practiced, lifting up onto their toes, going through wobbly hold after wobbly hold. Behind them, Cassian quirks a brow at Bodhi before going into a pose of his own: the same that he performed that day on the ice. Bodhi nearly chokes on nothing.

The man is beyond graceful and lithe, and it’s honestly overkill.

Cassian continues on, seemingly unaware of Bodhi’s plight, leading the girls through their poses. He tilts his head while he’s bending over to touch his toes, his sweater riding up and showing his back. “I think something’s boiling over,” Cassian says, standing up. Bodhi jumps as their eyes meet, and Cassian seems to falter as well.

“T-Thanks!” Bodhi gasps, leaping from the couch. He brushes by Cassian, who seems unable to look away either. There’s the slightest flush rising on his cheeks. At least the awkwardness is mutual.

Bodhi hides in the kitchen for the rest of the lesson, listening in as Cassian instructs, “Fifth position, good!” and “Rose, arms higher! Excellent.”

Eventually he’s forced to peek back around the kitchen doorway, finding Cassian kneeling on the floor as he steadies Paige through the next position. “The food is ready if ballet class is finished?”

The girls immediately rush for the table. Apparently ballet is hungry work. Cassian bends his knee and makes a face as he goes to get up. Bodhi offers his hand, which Cassian accepts gratefully. Bodhi pulls him up, and only realizes after that this puts the beautiful skater far too close in Bodhi’s space. He lets go, missing the warmth of his touch already, and takes a step back. Cassian’s eyes flit to the front door, but Bodhi speaks before he can make his usual excuses.

“‘I made you a plate too, come on.”

This time, Cassian doesn’t protest.

Sitting at the dinner table with Cassian between him and the girls feels almost too natural. Cassian listens intently as the kids take turns talking about their day in between bites of their dinner. Rose has a class play coming up and she got assigned the role of a jellyfish. Paige is doing a book report and chose the biography of a figure skater for it, joking that she wished Cassian had a biography out because she’d get an A for sure. Cassian laughs at that: “I _do_ have a wikipedia article, at least.” Yes, the one Bodhi is sure Jyn has pored over by now. It confirms Bodhi’s suspicions that Cassian’s career is a big deal, all the more reason that Bodhi really needs to get a grip and not get too attached.

Bodhi is so caught up in his thoughts that he startles when the oven timer goes off, blushing a bit at Cassian’s amused look. The girls are thrilled to see the brownies pulled from the oven. It’s been a while since he’s made a real dessert, boxed or not.

“They have to cool a bit. Why don’t you two get your homework started?” They make the usual sounds of protest but go to get their backpacks and supplies together. He cleans up the kitchen with Cassian’s help, even though Bodhi tries to reassure him otherwise. It’s all so _domestic,_ the two of them working side by side, and Bodhi suddenly remembers Cassian has somewhere else to be. Bodhi can’t just keep him forever... as much as he might like to.

“I’m going to let the kids work on their homework a bit before I drive you back, if that’s okay? Or I can just call you a cab. I know I’ve already kept you longer than you planned.”

“I really didn’t have a plan,” Cassian assures him. “I’m not in a rush to get back to my boring room anyway.”

Bodhi smiles and tilts his head toward the living room. “C’mon. We can relax for a bit. They’ll call if they need help. I’ve found it’s easier to just butt out of it all and let them use the buddy system.”

He sets the plate with two brownies on the table as he passes, making them promise not to take more from the tray. He nearly laughs at the overly innocent looks they shoot him and he’s sure they’ll each break the rule to sneak a bit extra. It won’t hurt just this once, he figures, not wanting to hover over them to enforce it. Bodhi heads towards the living room and Cassian follows, looking sheepish at the disarrayed furniture.

“Sorry for making a mess of your house,” Cassian says, helping Bodhi push the couch back into place. Bodhi fixes the side tables and shoots him a smile.

“You haven’t actually met my kids if you think _this_ is a mess. Rose’s painting phase was a stressful time in my life.” Cassian settles onto the couch with a laugh, looking more at ease than Bodhi has ever seen him. It’s a good look on him, one that makes Bodhi feel incredibly awkward sitting close beside him. Bodhi refuses to make things weird, breaking his eyes away to look ahead towards the TV.

“I could... put something on Netflix?”

“Sure, anything you want.”

Bodhi tries not to feel too self conscious about his Netflix queue, half filled with the girls’ choices and his own questionable taste in B-movies. (He blames Jyn for it, really. All the midnight movies they went to in high school must have warped his brain or something.) He chooses the next episode of Farscape in the end, sneaking a peek at Cassian. Cassian doesn’t seem too judgmental at the choice, at least. He does arch a brow when he catches Bodhi studying him as the credits play out.

“I’ve never seen this show,” Cassian remarks, turning his gaze back to the start of the episode, the small alien puppet yelling at the astronaut. “It’s… interesting.”

“It’s a classic, I promise.”

Cassian smiles, seeming to pay genuine attention as the episode plays out, laughing at the jokes and asking Bodhi a few questions about the characters. Bodhi has to duck out a couple times to check on the girls who are working on their school work without much issue. They only pester him about Cassian a little bit, which he counts it as a win.

He brings back a plate with a couple brownies for Cassian and himself. Cassian hesitates to take one, and Bodhi wonders just how strict his diet might be for skating.

“It’s just a box mix. I won’t be offended if you turn me down,” Bodhi promises. Cassian shakes his head and takes the brownie, after all the consideration. He takes a bite and his expression melts into absolute _bliss_. Bodhi’s forced to look away, stuffing his own brownie half into his mouth as a distraction.

He keeps his eyes on the TV after that, not daring to risk another glance in Cassian’s direction for a long while.

“Dad, we’re finished!” Paige calls out from the kitchen just as the episode is ending. Bodhi turns to Cassian, who has tipped further into his space. Bodhi is about to ask Cassian about heading back to the resort soon when... he realizes Cassian is asleep, breathing soft and even, his features smoothed out peacefully.

Bodhi could wake him easily. Could take him to the resort so he have a real bed. But he looks so comfortable that Bodhi doesn’t have the heart. Cassian’s lashes are fanned out against his cheeks and his hair brushes across his forehead in the way that has him itching to brush it aside.

Bodhi breaks himself from staring and eases carefully off the couch, flicking off the television and the lights as he leaves the room. He hustles into the kitchen before the girls can call out again or come find him themselves. He looks over their homework and deems it finished, shuffling them off to get ready for bed.

“But dad, I want to say goodnight to Cassian!” Rose complains and Paige looks just as affronted as he blocks them both from the living room doorway.

“He’s really tired, but he’ll come back when the weather clears for more lessons. I’m sure of it,” Bodhi deflects, knowing if he tells them he’s considering leaving Cassian asleep on their couch, they would be entirely too gleeful about it. The last thing Bodhi needs is more teasing.

They aren’t thrilled by his answer, but they’re both tired enough after the makeshift ballet class and tough math homework that they don’t argue further. Paige does shoot him a suspicious look before she goes. If she’s figured him out, though, she doesn’t say. Bodhi peeks into the living room again after the girls have gone. Cassian has shifted further onto his side but hasn’t woken, his arms wrapped around the throw pillow that had sat between them. Bodhi pulls the blanket down from the back of the couch and lays it over Cassian, careful not to wake him.

The house is silent, but for Cassian’s quiet, even breaths and the faint rustling from the girls upstairs.

He ducks back into the kitchen and sends off a text to Norra, warning her not to expect Cassian back tonight, and that everything is fine.

It takes only a second for her to send back a winking emoji. He groans.

**He’s asleep on my couch, it’s not like that, Norra!!**

_Are you SURE? He’s a very nice boy, a little grumpy, but nice._

**I texted you out of courtesy so you’d know he’s not dead in a ditch. Not for speculation on my love life.**

_So he IS part of your speculative love life?_

**I’m never texting you again.**

Bodhi stuffs the phone back in his pocket, ignoring it entirely as it buzzes again. Instead of dwelling on Norra’s assumptions, he stands in the doorway a moment longer, watching the rise and fall of Cassian’s chest.

“Goodnight,” Bodhi whispers in the quiet, finally dragging himself away in search of his own bed. It feels colder and lonelier than usual, like the idea of Cassian by his side has set something loose that can’t be put back. Bodhi curls up beneath his comforter and wishes he didn’t want more.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man Has Good Day - Doubts Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, something almost happens this chapter!
> 
> As always, thank you so much to all of our readers!

\-----------------

Bodhi wakes up and has to squint at the blinding winter light that pours in through the windows. There’s a stillness and hush that Bodhi recognizes all too well, even before he pulls himself out of bed. He peers out his window and huffs at the realization that Jyn was insufferably right about the storm. Outside, the snow has taken over everything, leaving the world a searing white wonderland. His phone buzzes on perfect cue with Jyn’s gloating message:

_TWO FOOTER. BOOM._

Bodhi rolls his eyes and heads downstairs, carefully stepping past the girls’ rooms as not to wake them up. He’s already certain that school will be called off or at least delayed.

He tiptoes into the living room only to find Cassian is sitting up on the couch, looking blearily around. His hair is in complete disarray, the worst Bodhi’s ever seen. And Bodhi wonders, for just the briefest of moments, how it might feel to comb his fingers through it. Cassian looks entirely _too soft_ in the early light. It’s doing horrible things to Bodhi’s concentration.

“Morning,” Bodhi says softly from the doorway, not wanting to startle him.

Cassian turns his head, and there’s an imprint of the couch’s pillow on his face. Bodhi bites his lip. “Morning,” Cassian returns, groggy and clearly still half asleep. He reaches up to brush his hair back but it does nothing to help tame it.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please.” There’s a sheepish twist to his mouth, a gentle blush creeping up his neck. “I’m uh, sorry for the inconvenience. You should’ve woken me last night, really.”

“You slept on the couch! Honestly, it’s no big deal,” Bodhi says. “I just hope your back isn’t suffering for it… I should have at least offered you the guest room.”

“No, I mean, I slept great actually.” Bodhi feels heat rise on his own face because Cassian practically fell asleep _on_ him. Cassian climbs to his feet, shivers, and tugs the blanket up around his shoulders. He winces with the first step, stumbling and clutching at his bad leg.

“Are you alright?” Bodhi takes a step closer, unsure if he should try to steady him. Cassian waves him away, bending his leg to stretch out the ache.

“Probably shouldn’t have slept with the brace on,” he mumbles. Bodhi hovers, uncertain, as Cassian adjusts the straps of the brace. But Cassian seems to have it in hand. He straightens and slowly follows Bodhi into the kitchen, mussed hair and blanket clutched around his shoulders and all. Bodhi is torn between cursing Cassian for being so adorable or cursing himself for fond, warm fluttering in his chest.

He busies himself with coffee instead of dwelling on it, setting the coffee beans to grind and taking out mugs and plates in preparation for breakfast. The grinder makes its usual hideous racket, but it’s the unofficial signal to the girls that the day is about to begin, so Bodhi doesn’t worry. He decides on espresso this morning, and spoons the grounds into the moka pot on the stove. There’s more than enough time this morning, after all.

“Are you driving the girls to school soon?” Cassian asks.

Bodhi laughs gently. “You haven’t looked outside have you?”

“No…?” Cassian shuffles to the kitchen window, and gasps. Maybe at the sun glinting off the snow. Maybe at the snow itself coming down in soft waves still. “Oh, wow,” he says, blinking.

“They don’t have this in LA either, huh?”

“No, never. If we ever even got snow flurries in LA it would shut the whole city down. How do you _do_ anything with all this?”

“You learn to live with it.” The moka pot has finished producing its sweet, glorious caffeine, and Bodhi pours two cups. “Sorry, you’re stuck here with us for a bit longer.” He hands Cassian the mug.

“Well. That’s not too much of a hardship,” Cassian says, looking at him from under his lashes. Their fingers brush as Cassian takes the coffee and Bodhi has to tamp down the warmth it shoots through him.

There’s a squeal from above, then several stomping noises as both girls run down the stairs, appearing in the kitchen doorway in a flurry of motion.. “It snowed!” Rose squeals. “Real snow!” If possible, her eyes bulge even wider at the sight of Cassian leaning against their counter. “And Cassian is here too?” She bounces on the tips of her toes, clearly unable to handle the excitement.

Bodhi crinkles his nose and laughs. “Yes, real snow. Talking like a true Canadian now,” he says, giving Rose and Paige a good morning kiss on the forehead. “Cassian...” Bodhi clears his throat, searching for the right way to explain it. “Spent the night,” he lands on, looking no one in the eye.

Cassian’s face goes pink before Rose diverts his attention, tugging him into the living room and chattering about how much fun they’re going to have today. He hopes Cassian doesn’t have any plans he actually had to get to. He doubts the girls will let him go.

“Can we have pancakes?” Paige asks and Bodhi makes a mock put-upon face before he takes out the skillet, just to make her laugh. She gets him a mixing bowl from the cabinet and he gets started with the batter. She watches him in silence for a while, until Bodhi starts to get suspicious, shooting her a questioning look. She shrugs at the glance, smiling. “Nice going, Dad,” she says, face bright.

Bodhi wonders what the hell Jyn is teaching his daughters that he has to put up with this nonsense so early.

“He slept on the couch, he was exhausted,” Bodhi explains and then feels stupid for even clarifying. Because he shouldn’t have to - she’s _twelve._ She’s far too young to be playing matchmaker and he knows he has Jyn to blame.

“He’s sticking around a bit today though, _right_?”

“He can hardly get back to the resort in this...it’s…” Bodhi shakes his head. “Stop looking at me like that. Just hush and go make sure your sister isn’t overwhelming him with an early morning ballet lesson or something.”

“Sure Dad,” she says, still sounding too amused. She doesn’t ask anything else though, doing as he requested and joining Cassian and Rose in the living room. He’s glad to be free from discussion about his nonexistent love life for the moment, even if he knows it won’t last. He focuses instead on breakfast, making a few questionably butterfly-shaped pancakes because he knows the girls love them. It takes a little while and he finds himself relaxing with the sound of the girls’ laughter in the other room. “There you go, just like that!” he hears Cassian laugh, and wonders what he’s teaching them now. The sound of Cassian’s laughter alongside that of the girls is already so familiar in the way it echoes around the house.

It’s… nice.

The girls must smell the pancakes because as soon as the first few are plated and set out they appear in the doorway, Cassian hanging back until Rose grabs his hand and tugs him along.

“Sit next to me, dad makes the best pancakes!” Rose insists.

Paige rolls her eyes. “It’s a round table Rose, he’s sitting with both of us.” Rose sticks out her tongue in response and Cassian laughs. The girls take their seats with Cassian between them. Bodhi flips the last few pancakes, depositing them on his own plate and bringing them to the table along with the coffee mug balanced in his hand.

“Surprise bed and breakfast,” Bodhi says, then catches how unsure Cassian still looks and amends his comment, “er, couch and breakfast.” Cassian’s shoulders lose a hint of the tension he always seems to carry, the anxiety that Bodhi wishes he could smooth away.

“It looks great,” Cassian says genuinely, picking up his knife and fork to cut into the stack on his plate. Rose and Paige are ahead of him, already digging in. There’s a questionable amount of syrup on Rose’s plate that Bodhi hadn’t been able to moderate, being so distracted by Cassian.

They’d eat in silence if it weren’t for the girls excitedly going on about their plans for the snow day. Rose wants to build a fort in the living room. But Paige thinks they should go down to the park for a while first and have a real adventure, getting her sister onboard with the promise of building a _snow_ fort instead. They’re talking as if they’re going to rush off the second they’re done with breakfast.

“I think that’s doable, darlings. But let me sit and drink a bit more coffee first?” he suggests.

“Cassian could play with us in the living room some more!” Rose says. Cassian doesn’t say no, exactly, but he falters long enough for Bodhi to speak up.

“Let him relax too. He’ll be with us a few more hours, I think...if he wants to.”

“I will,” Cassian says. “The park sounds fun.”

The girls are placated by this, putting their dishes in the sink and rushing off to entertain themselves for a little while at least. He hears the sound of their giddy laughter down the hall as they go. Bodhi has a sneaking suspicion it might be at his expense.

They’re left in the relative quiet again, Cassian taking a small, satisfied sips of his coffee. Bodhi busies himself with clearing the table instead. But the silence soon grates on him, knowing he should say something. _Anything._

“Sorry I ambushed you there,” Bodhi starts. The apology is beginning to feel familiar. “The girls just really love spending time with you and you didn’t seem in a total rush to escape.”

Cassian huffs out a soft laugh, shooting Bodhi a disbelieving look. "You always try to tell me I don't have to stay. But you know I... actually do like spending time with you as well, right?" He sounds amused as he says it, almost teasing. Bodhi ducks his head, suppressing a grin. Cassian’s earnest expression makes him feel so _light._

“Well, you should know that goes both ways,” Bodhi answers sincerely. Cassian nods but looks surprised at the words in turn. Had he not expected Bodhi to feel the same? That’s… unacceptable, he decides.

The peaceful moment can’t last forever. It won’t be long before the girls are ready to leave, sure to whine over how long it’s taking the adults to get moving. He remembers Cassian bundled in a blanket just a short while ago and comes to a realization.

“If we’re going out in the snow, you’re gonna need a better jacket,” Bodhi says. The coat Cassian has been wearing, the ridiculously fashionable and flattering peacoat, is not going to cut it this time.

“What’s wrong with mine?” Cassian asks, almost pouting. It’s unfairly cute. Bodhi isn’t strong enough for this.

“Nothing _wrong,_ but you’re going to freeze. I have an old one in my room you can borrow, c’mon.”

Bodhi leads him upstairs, not thinking about it until he turns to see Cassian standing in the doorway and peering around. He blushes, fighting not to compulsively tidy the slight disarray of his bedroom. Fighting not to think about Cassian standing _in his bedroom_ for the first time. Bodhi slides open the closet, pushing things aside until he finds the coat all the way at the back. He pulls it out and shakes it, hoping it doesn’t smell too much like the cologne that stuck to the nearby suits.

“This should fit you fine, we’re about the same size,” Bodhi says, holding it out. He ignores the part of him that would rather wrap it around Cassian himself, to bundle him up and pull him close. Those are dangerous thoughts, with how they make his hands itch to give in. Cassian takes it, sliding it on the thick blue coat easily. It’s a bit oversized and the fur hood bunched around Cassian’s neck makes him look unquestionably cute. It’s possible… that Bodhi should've thought this out more.

“Good?” Bodhi asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as raspy as it does to his own ears, and Cassian nods, buttoning a snap on the sleeve so it fits tighter.

“It is warmer,” Cassian admits begrudgingly and Bodhi smiles.

They head back downstairs to find, of course, the girls are dressed and waiting for them. “Come on, I want to build a snowman!” Paige demands.

“We have to make the fort _first_ ,” Rose says. He hopes this won’t turn into an argument.

“We can decide when we get there,” Bodhi cuts in, eying them over to make sure they’re dressed properly. “Gloves - check. Scarves - check. Boots - check. Impatience…” Paige rolls her eyes reaching for the doorknob already as Rose whines _‘dad.’_ “--check.”

He chuckles and goes for his own coat, pulling his winter gear on quickly to fend off anymore protests. By the time he turns back, Cassian has tucked on his on gear, his hair curling alluringly around his face and against the pale fur of his hood. They’re ready as they will be and so they finally get on their way. Rose hops down the porch and into the snowbank just off the steps with outright glee. It would be safer for Bodhi to shovel them a path out to the street, but she seems happy enough just to pounce through the deep snow.

Cassian offers his arm to Paige as they both wobble down the steps. There’s a simple, almost childlike delight on the man’s face, mirrored in his daughter’s smile, as they hop off the last visible step and into the snow.

Bodhi has no idea how he’s gonna make it through the day.

**\-----------**

Cassian hadn’t pictured his day going this way - with Paige on his arm, listening as Rose sings a song through the snow. She’s hopping between Bodhi’s footprints as he leads the way, only singing along when Rose insists. He wonders, not for the first time this morning, if this is all some kind of dream. If he’s actually still asleep on Bodhi’s couch.

Today was supposed to be hard, with his first scheduled counseling session he’s now thoroughly skipped. and maybe that’s why he’d let himself stay for dinner in the first place, desperate for some form of comfort to the anxieties that have been looming for days.

(It only proves Kay’s point, doesn’t it? He’s latching onto the first good thing that will have him. But how can Cassian regret any of this?)

“You don’t seem used to the snow,” Paige notes as Cassian walks hesitantly beside her. She must notice how he fights for balance every now and again, not rushing him as they trail behind her exuberant sister. If she finds irony in the figure skater not knowing how to keep his balance in the snow, she doesn’t say anything.

“You’re not wrong,” Cassian laughs. “Not much of it back home in California. I certainly never had school canceled for it. You’re pretty lucky.”

“It is great being off! I was looking forward to our skating yesterday, though,” Paige says. “You’ll still come back for that right?” She’s fixing him with a pleading look but honestly, she doesn’t need to convince him.

“Of course, as soon as I can.”

“Do you think I could ever be a real skater?”

Cassian smiles. She’s so young and she loves skating so much. He’s not sure if Bodhi will kill him for encouraging her, but he won’t lie either. He thinks of what his mother said to him when he first wanted to try competing, what he wishes she was still there to remind him sometimes.

_“As long as it makes you happy, cariño. If it makes you burn with passion and joy, you can do anything.”_

“It’s a lot of hard work but if you stick with it, maybe,” Cassian says. “You just have to be sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, you know? It’s not all about being the best.” Paige considers his words seriously, giving a small nod.

“I’ll _try_ my best anyway.” She gazes up at him with a small smile. “You’re a great teacher.” Cassian ducks his head at the compliment. The thought that he might actually be making a difference to the kids is overwhelming.

“I’m just glad to help you guys.”

The conversation is broken up as the park comes into view. Rose gives excited yell as she runs ahead, diving into the fluffy snow and turning onto her back to make snow angels almost immediately. Paige smiles at Cassian before she breaks away from him to chase after her sister. There are a few other parents with kids, closer to the snow covered playground equipment, but the girls have headed off farther into the field. The snow is still fresh and untouched aside from the boot prints they leave and Cassian can’t help but marvel at the sight.

“Be careful!” Bodhi calls out, shaking his head in amusement before he turns to face Cassian. He tilts his head after the girls, offering out his hand to Cassian. Cassian only hesitates a moment, assuming it’s out of pity for how clumsily he had worked his way through the snow the past few minutes. Or that he’s over-worrying for Cassian’s knee. Either way, he’d held Bodhi’s hand on the ice. It’s only natural that he’d want to do the same for Cassian.

“It’s much easier to be graceful on the ice,” he confesses and Bodhi laughs. Even through his gloves, Cassian’s hand is warmer in Bodhi’s grasp as they walk down the snowy path a bit more carefully than the girls had. Cassian tries not to shy away from the happiness building in his chest. He can’t let his stupid doubts _ruin_ this. Not today.

“Do you want to build a snowman?” Bodhi asks when they reach a spot not far from the girls, who have started in on the Rose’s requested fort.

“Don’t start that again,” Cassian jokes, gently elbowing the other man when he snickers. “You don’t want to wait for the girls?”

“I usually end up building theirs, anyway, and then they decorate.”

“I’ve never built one before, which… might not be a shock to you.” He shrugs. “I’ll try, though.”

Bodhi pulls his hand from Cassian’s and he almost regrets the loss, even as he watches Bodhi get to work on the base. He tries to help, picking up bits of snow and adding them until it’s only a slightly lopsided mess. The girls rush over as predicted, stealing Bodhi’s hat with only giggles at his token protest. The slightly misshapen pile of lumps, no donning Bodhi’s woolen hat, is deemed ‘Mr. Snowman’. Their next task is all about finding rocks and sticks on the edge of the woods to make the face and arms. This is a far more critical process than the last, far more than Cassian had expected but Bodhi seems used to it. The girls consider a great amount of pebbles and pinecones to make up the face, rejecting ones they don’t deem perfect enough for Mr. Snowman’s ‘look.’ After the third disapproval of a pinecone for a nose Bodhi is looking at a loss.

“I’m sure it’ll look great!” Bodhi tries to convince the girls.

“We should have brought carrots. We had plenty in the fridge,” Paige complains.

“So you could get out of eating them for dinner? I don’t think so.” The face Paige makes is telling enough for Cassian - and Bodhi, who grins at her. “Nice try.”

In the end, Cassian hands Rose a smaller pinecone that is deemed acceptable - after much debate between the girls. Bodhi shoots Cassian a relieved smile and a mouthed ‘thank you,’ now that they’ve been freed from the Great Nose Hunt. They the return to give Mr. Snowman his face, only for Rose to perk up at the sight of two figures picking their way through the snow.

“It’s Mr. Luke!” she says, waving furiously at the pair. The man waves back and Cassian can see that she’s right - it’s Luke, wrapped in a bright orange jacket alongside Dr. Antilles. They’re walking close together, perhaps trying to ward off the cold, smiles on their faces. Cassian feels even less regret for not calling about missing his appointment, considering the fact that they aren’t at work in the first place.

Luke comes forward, smile bright and too knowing at Cassian before he speaks. “Hey Bodhi, girls. ...Mr. Andor.”

Cassian scoffs under his breath. Of course _now_ is the time when Luke - _Dr. Skywalker_ \- remembers his professionalism.

“Hey Luke, haven’t seen you in a while!” Bodhi pushes forward to wrap the man in a hug, turning to Dr. Antilles too and… if Cassian isn’t mistaken, that is a blush on his cheeks. “Hey Wedge,” Bodhi adds. Wedge rolls his eyes, pulling him in for a brief hug of his own.

It’s stupid for Cassian to be surprised they know each other. It’s a small town, right? Bodhi would have to run into the psychiatrist at some point, if not made friends with him. Which he obviously… is.

“Dr. Skywalker, Dr. Antilles,” Cassian says awkwardly. Wedge laughs, but not unkindly, reaching out a hand to grasp at Cassian’s shoulder. Cassian doesn’t shy away from the friendly gesture, but only just barely. With their appearance, he suddenly feels on edge.

“You know Luke hates that,” Wedge chuckles. “I know we haven’t really met, but Wedge is fine.” Cassian manages a smile in return.

“Didn’t think I’d see you today. Thought you must still be asleep when you ditched our 9 o'clock,” Luke says, clearly trying to make Cassian feel guilty. Cassian really doesn’t want to talk about it here, feeling like a scolded child. He opens his mouth to at least offer a fake apology when he’s surprisingly cut off.

“I texted Norra last night!” Bodhi jumps to Cassian’s defense. “The roads were already terrible so he crashed on my couch. It’s my fault he was held up, really.”

Luke raises his eyebrows and Cassian looks away, anywhere but Luke’s knowing face. He can only expect there will be more teasing at his next appointment. Great.

“Mr. Luke! Do you like our snowman?” Rose asks suddenly, an interruption Cassian is grateful for.

“He’s great!” Luke says. “Looks just like your father!” Rose and Paige both laugh at that.

“Glad you noticed - he stole my hat,” Bodhi huffs.

“I think he might be pulling it off better,” Luke teases. Bodhi rounds on him, his face pinched in an equally teasing warning. They bicker back and forth like that until the girls interject, asking Luke if they can borrow _his_ hat for the snowman’s friend that now apparently has to be built.

Feeling more left out than he’d like to admit, Cassian edges away from the group. They seem to form an easy alliance, chatting as they start on Mr. Snowman’s friend. They’ve seamlessly fit themselves in with Bodhi’s family, and Cassian wonders if he should make excuses to leave. He crosses his arms over his chest, debating. Wedge has hung back as well, watching the kids play for a while before he glances over to Cassian. It’s an easy look that shifts into concern and Cassian already knows what’s coming, dread pooling in his stomach.

“You okay?” Wedge asks, quiet and too polite. He’s already reading Cassian like an open book. He can’t imagine what actual counseling will be like.

“I’m fine. Just cold.” Cassian wraps his arms tighter around himself, looking down at the ground to his buried feet in the snow. He’ll start heading back in a few minutes, he convinces himself. Bodhi will understand. Wedge breaks into his thoughts, clearly trying to sound casual.

“I know you were probably with Bodhi to get as far from the resort as possible. I really am sorry for intruding on your day, but… I do hope you’ll reschedule your appointment with me when you can.”

Cassian sighs, biting back the curse on his lips. He has to force himself to be honest, hoping it will make Wedge let the subject go.

“I will. I really did mean to come today. I promised a friend I would.”

“It’s not my business here but, I’m glad you weren’t just alone in your room like Luke thought. You looked like you were having fun with Bodhi and the kids.” Cassian doesn’t know why, but the observation only makes him feel _worse_.

“Which you’ll probably tell me is just a coping mechanism, right?” Or that he should stop and leave Bodhi alone. Bodhi has enough friends, he doesn’t need Cassian obsessively clinging to him.

But Wedge only blinks, clearly not expecting the words, raising his hands in surrender. “Woah, are we already that far in? I’m just making conversation, I swear. I’m not trying to psychoanalyze you. Never without consent or outside the office.”

Shame swells in his chest. He hates himself for being so defensive, just further proof that he’s a mess. “I’m sorry, it’s just...something my friend said made me think...” Cassian takes a deep breath, like Kay had always told him to. Wedge is just trying to be kind and talk to him while Luke and Bodhi are occupied, it isn’t something to be upset about.

How has he become so messed up that he can barely recognize polite socializing?

“Hey, I understand,” Wedge says. “That can be something we talk about but, just person to person. I’m not counseling you right now. You’re not a bad guy. If Bodhi trusts you then I know that much.” Cassian takes in the words, the sinking feeling fading enough for him to breathe.

“Okay?” Wedge asks again, and Cassian exhales shakily, nodding all the same.

“Sorry about that, sometimes I think too much… I think.” The forced joke makes Wedge’s lips quirk even though it’s awful.

“I shouldn’t have brought the appointment up. Hell, I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely guilty. Cassian doesn’t know exactly what to say to that, settling on a shrug. He’s about to force himself to say something else, to at least try to make light of things again when Rose barrels over. Like a blessing, she breaks Cassian and Wedge from the awkward moment.

“Come help me find a nose for Mr. Snowman’s husband, you’re the best at it!”

“I can’t believe I missed the wedding,” Cassian jokes. Just the sight of her smiling face chases the heavy, sinking feeling away. It’s hard not to be happy when she shines so brightly. Wedge snorts.

“You’re the best nose picker,” Wedge drawls, sounding too amused for someone his age.

“He is!” Rose says, and then giggles until Cassian can’t hold back his own laugh.

“Come on, you can pick a nose _with me_.”

“Ew Cassian!” she shrieks, rushing off for the treeline where all the pinecones are. Cassian gives Wedge a parting nod, and follows her. He focuses on only the task of picking a nose, hating Wedge only a tiny bit for putting it that way. There is a pile of their discarded pinecones he goes through and Rose watches in consideration as he holds them up to his own face like a model. She laughs the hardest at the huge one he finds and considers it the winner, even though one similar hadn’t been good enough for Mr. Snowman just a while earlier.

They head back to the little group hand in hand. Paige is standing with her leg out in balance, babbling to Luke about how Cassian is teaching her and Rose about ballet _and_ skating. Cassian is a little concerned he’ll get a lecture about later. Luke shows her a yoga pose in response, only to have Wedge throw a snowball at his back while he’s trying to balance. Bodhi laughs loudly as Luke falls forward into the snow.

Luke stands and rounds on them with snow still clinging to his clothes. “Which one of you was it?”

“Your boyfriend did it, I swear!” Bodhi points at Wedge, promptly and remorselessly throwing him under the bus in self defense.

“Wedginald Antilles--”

“That’s _not_ my name--”

“--how could you?” Luke says, purposefully overdramatic, before scooping up a snowball of his own.

“That’s my cue to run back to the truck - it was nice seeing you guys!” Wedge says quickly, rushing for the parking lot the sidewalk. Luke gives chase, and tackles him to the ground somewhere in the middle distance. Cassian has no doubt that they aren’t coming back.

He casts a look at Bodhi. “They’re dating?”

Luke’s shriek echoes across the field as snow gets shoved down his shirt.

Bodhi has to visibly smother a laugh. “For like two years now. And mooning over each other long before that. It drove the whole town crazy.”

In the distance, the pair are up again and running for their truck. Cassian can’t tell if it’s Wedge’s or Luke’s laughter that rings the loudest.

“Well, after that excitement, maybe we should head back to the house,” Bodhi says. The tip of his nose has gone red in the cold and he rubs his gloved hands together. The girls both make plaintive sounds that they _just_ got there even though it’s been at least an hour. Despite their protests, they’re both caked in snow and huddling closer together.

“After… After I put Mr. Snowman’s husband’s nose on!” Rose insists and she rushes over to do just that. Paige laughs and asks for her dad’s phone before running off to take pictures of the snow newlyweds. Bodhi and Cassian are alone again, even if it’s sure to be brief. He watches Bodhi trying not to shiver and feels a surge of protectiveness.

“You really shouldn’t have let them take your hat,” Cassian scolds. “If I had one I would have offered instead.”

“I’m fine, really. I should be used to the cold by now,” Bodhi says unconvincingly.

“You’re frozen, don’t lie.” Cassian shuffles close and reaches out before he can second guess the motion.

His hands wrap around the fur trim of the hood, similar to the jacket he’s borrowed, and he pulls it up. He realizes his mistake in how close Bodhi is, how his dark brown eyes glimmer in the light. His hands are so close they brush Bodhi’s cheeks and even with his gloves on it’s too intimate. Bodhi blinks up at him, going just as still, time freezing like the frigid air.

 _If he only would press forward,_ Cassian’s mind supplies traitorously, _he could.._.

The thought is cut off in the rushing crunch of the girls’ footsteps, the rest of the world coming back into focus. Cassian lets go of Bodhi, jolting back as if burned. Bodhi blushes and ducks his head.

“Mr. and Mr. Snowman are on their honeymoon now,” Rose announces, “we should go home and drink cocoa.” Bodhi laughs awkwardly, schooling his face back into a warm look at his daughters.

“We’ll drink in honor of their nuptials. Let’s go, then,” Bodhi says, obviously more than ready to be back in the warm house.

Bodhi doesn’t offer his hand to Cassian again, but Cassian can’t be imagining the glances he’s getting.

Can he?

They reach the house quicker, some of the sidewalk gratefully having been cleared in their absence. The first order of business for the girls is getting out of their winter wear and into warm clothes. Bodhi is quickly called away to help Rose find her favorite pajamas when he shoots a concerned look Cassian’s way.

“You should change too. Your jeans must be soaked from the snow. I know mine are. I, uh, have clothes you can borrow, c’mon,” Bodhi says, climbing the stairs before Cassian can protest. Bodhi leads him to his bedroom for the second time that day, rustles through his drawer for a moment, and then hands over the clothes. It’s just an old long sleeved tee and some pajama pants, but it feels like something precious all the same.

Bodhi directs Cassian to the small en suite bathroom. “I’m gonna go help Rose and then get changed myself. Just leave your clothes here and I’ll throw them in the dryer.”

“Thanks,” Cassian says, shutting the bathroom door as Bodhi leaves. He strips off his wet clothes and almost wants to jump in the shower to get warmed up but knows it’ll take too long. (His hesitance might also have something to do with the unbidden image that flashes in his mind of _Bodhi_ in this shower, one that he shakes off quickly). He slides on the warm flannel pajama pants, tying the string at the front so they fit better. Bodhi had slipped a sweatshirt and some wool socks in the pile too and Cassian is grateful to pull them on.

He feels warm. And not just because of the dry clothes that have been so kindly given to him. It’s in his chest, a swell of emotion that makes him feel like he’s either going to burst or float right off the ground. For the first time in a long while, it feels like he’s starting to hope.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Cutest, Gayest Thing you'll ever see! Two men test how close they can cuddle before they have to admit their feelings!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many chapters before they kiss? Now THERE'S the question of the day. We hope you're all still hanging on with us! We promise it's coming. As always we'd like to thank you for sticking with us chapter after chapter of this monstrosity, and for all of the feedback and love we get! 
> 
> We'd also like to once again thank the lovely misskatieleigh for beta'ing this chapter for us. :D

\-----------------

Bodhi comes down to the living room and is surprised to find that Cassian is nowhere in sight. There’s movement in the kitchen, though, and he follows it. He can smell the cocoa even before he comes fully into the room, and smiles when Cassian looks up from where he’s pouring it into the mugs.

He sets his hands on his hips. “You didn’t have to,” Bodhi tells him. “You’re a guest.”

“I’ve been a guest enough times. Figured I could handle this,” Cassian says with a shrug. Bodhi grabs the milk from the fridge to top off the cocoa the way the girls like, gesturing for Cassian to sit at the table. He grabs the whipped cream too, preempting the girls’ likely demands.

He adds some to his and Cassian’s as well. Why not? They’ve earned it after being out in the cold. He sets out the cups on the table and sits across from Cassian.

“I never understood the point of whipped cream. It’s going to get all over me,” Cassian says with a laugh, scratching at the scruff at his jaw.

“That sort of is the point, I guess. The girls love when I don’t notice right away. Plus, it’s delicious.”

Cassian takes a tentative sip, like he’s really trying not to get anything on his face, but ends up with a dab of whipped cream on his nose all the same. Bodhi can’t keep back the laugh.

“I told you,” Cassian sighs, blushing and looking around for something to wipe it on - that isn’t the sleeve of the shirt Bodhi had lent him. Bodhi uses the moment of delay to take his phone from his pocket and snap a picture.

“Really?” Cassian says, sounding amused in spite of himself. Bodhi tamps back another laugh, handing over a napkin in penance. Cassian wipes his face quickly, looking to Bodhi for approval that he’d gotten it all.

“At least show me the picture,” Cassian pleads, reaching for the phone. Bodhi shakes his head and pulls it out of reach.

“No way! This is blackmail material for when you win a gold medal.”

Cassian’s face goes through a series of expressions, too quick for Bodhi to catch them all. Longing and uncertainty are the clearest, and it makes him want to reach across the table and soothe it away. “You might be waiting a while, then,” he tries to joke. “Highest I ever took was silver in 2015. I’ve only made the Olympic team once.”

“You did? When?”

Cassian’s mouth quirks gently. “Vancouver. I was just an alternate, though.”

Bodhi fights not to react to that, when all he can think about is how close he’d come to _being_ on that Olympic team. About how disappointed and angry with himself he’d been when he hadn’t made the cut. And the little voice inside Bodhi that whispers treacherous what-ifs: if he _had_ been on that team, would he have met Cassian? Would things between them have been different? Would he have been brave enough to ask for what he wanted? Or would they be just as they are now - circling around each other?

“Well, that’s farther than I ever got,” Bodhi finds himself saying, and immediately regrets it, his mind already racing to laugh it off.

Cassian starts to frown, his mouth opening to no doubt ask a question Bodhi is not prepared to answer. And that’s when the girls rush into the kitchen, pajama clad and ready for cocoa.

“Yay, it’s ready!” Rose says.

“Cassian made it. I’m sure it’s magical, just like everything else he does.” Bodhi winks at him, hoping the arrival of the girls will make Cassian forget about his near slip. He tops off each mug with whipped cream and slides them across the table to the girls. Paige takes a sip of hers and makes a considering face - she’s obviously been watching the Food Network too much.

“Not as great as dad’s, but still good,” she announces and Rose nods, having already consumed a quarter of her mug. There’s whipped cream clinging to her nose just like it had on Cassian’s, though she doesn’t seem to notice or care.

“That’s good to hear,” Cassian says at the tacit approval, reaching over with a napkin to clean Rose’s face, making her giggle.

“You looked like a melting snowman,” Cassian jokes. “I had to check.”

Bodhi ducks his head, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. He takes a long sip from his own mug to cover for it, glad the whipped cream had mostly melted in to avoid a similar crisis. There’s a warmth growing in his chest that he knows isn’t just from the hot drink. Rose finishes her cocoa, scuffing her feet along the floor impatiently until she looks at Cassian again and stops abruptly.

“Aren’t those dad’s pajamas? Are you sleeping over again?” Rose asks, clearly excited by the prospect. Paige grins at Bodhi over the top of her cocoa, reminding him all too much of her earlier assumptions. She’s entirely too young to be thinking things like that. Bodhi isn’t sure exactly _what_ she thinks is happening, but regardless she’s still too young for it.

“Cassian’s stuff got wet in the snow. They’re in the laundry so he can change before he goes. Wouldn’t want him freezing on us.”

“Laundry takes _forever_ ,” Rose says in a hushed, thrilled tone. “You get to build the fort and watch a movie with us!”

“It has to be a figure skating movie,” Paige insists. “You can tell us how many of the moves you can do.”

“I hope it’s enough to impress you,” Cassian says with a laugh. Rose pops up and heads for the living room, pulling Cassian along to ‘scout out the fort.’ Bodhi follows with two of the kitchen chairs before the girls even ask.

“I’m an expert in blanket fort engineering,” Bodhi chuckles. “It snowed a lot last winter.”

Cassian helps get the chairs in place and the girls claim half of the couch for the fort’s interior by having Bodhi throw a large quilt over it all. It’s big enough that they can lie on the couch and still see the television.

They settle in and Bodhi eyes the remaining space of the couch that’s been left for the adults. There isn’t much room for Cassian and himself, and he only panics about it a little. Cassian sits at the edge, but Bodhi doesn’t join him yet, stalling by adjusting the blanket. Paige has stolen the remote, searching through Netflix until she finds the movie she wants.

“Dad! This is the one I read about online!”

“ _The Cutting Edge_?” He reads off the screen, noting that it’s PG and probably safe for the girls to watch. He reads further onto the synopsis... and _of course_ it’s about a hockey player and a figure skater.

He heaves a quiet, put-upon sigh.

“If it’s okay, dad?” Paige asks more softly, perceptive as ever. He knows she’d choose something else if he asked. He swallows back the irrational anxiety in his chest and nods.

“Of course, go ahead and press play.” She smiles and starts the movie, beckoning for Cassian to join her and Rose in the fort, _please_. Cassian looks to Bodhi in question. Bodhi shrugs, smiling in assurance and motioning him to join them. It’s easier if he’s left alone, if he needs to slip out at any point. Cassian sits in the space in front of the couch, just out of sight behind the blanket and chairs in the way.

“I’ll be fine, all alone out here. I guess,” he jokes and Rose sticks her head past the blanket to stick her tongue out at him as he takes Cassian’s former spot on the couch.

The movie starts simply enough, setting up the characters of the womanizing lazy jock and the prissy princess figure skater. It’s slightly overdone, but Bodhi had known a few guys like that back in the NHL. He’d known far more family men like himself, though. Men who brought their spouses and kids to every team function. It seems Cassian is thinking on the figure skater character in the same way, speaking in fervent, almost embarrassed tones:

“I’m not like… that. But some definitely are. Pairs skating is very intense.”

The hockey player and the skater crash into each other on the screen, and then Bodhi braces himself as the packed hockey game starts to play out. He tries to stay, really, he does. but the sound of the crowd and the skates sliding over ice is a sense memory, a cold knife of anxiety right into his heart. There’s a reason he never goes down to the bar during hockey season.

It goes fine - reasonably fine, at least - until another player slams into the main character. Even before the second and third blows hit, Bodhi is no longer in his living room.

_He’s tunneling - they always warn him about that, about focusing too much on just getting down the ice. It leaves him open._

_It gets him completely blindsided._

_The hit takes him by surprise. He doesn’t prepare for the collision at all. His head slams against the plexiglass, thankfully protected by his helmet. But something else sends pain stabbing through him, his bones seeming to liquify--_

_It’s all he remembers before finding himself lying on the ice._

"I'll...be back," Bodhi says, getting up and going to the kitchen before anyone responds. He's glad the girls are in the fort, that they can’t see how tense he's gone. He fills the kettle and sets it to boil figuring it will buy him time to breathe. And honestly, he’s more angry at himself than anything. It’s been so long since he’s been reminded of everything so directly. He thought he’d be over it, at least a bit, after getting out on the ice himself with Cassian and the girls.

“I can do that spin… but maybe not so fast,” Cassian is saying as Bodhi comes back into the room, stopping in the doorway to glance carefully at the screen. The ice skater girl is being difficult and the hockey scene is over. He breathes a sigh of relief, padding over to the couch to sit again. He sets down his tea on the side table to draw a blanket around himself and tries to relax.

Paige peeks her head out of the fort, eying him in worry. Bodhi’s not sure if she fully understands complex ideas like trauma and flashbacks just yet, but she understands bad memories well enough. He forces a smile for her benefit, but it must not be convincing enough because she crawls out of the fort to come join him on the couch. She tucks her feet up under herself, leaning against him, and he’s so grateful for her. Sometimes he forgets that she’s been through just as much as he has.

“I wish Rose and I had costumes,” she says and Bodhi smiles for real, focusing on the screen and getting an eyeful of the early nineties fashion.

“We can look for some online, not sure they’ll be quite so… vibrant, though.”

The hockey player is finally presented to the figure skater and Bodhi can see why the movie is popular, with the humor in how they clash immediately. There’s a montage with some music just as dated as the clothes, more skating, more arguing. He wonders if Cassian is enjoying it at all until he hears Cassian’s soft laugh at the hockey player falling, and Rose giggling too.

“Cassian let me fix his hair!” Rose announces after a few more minutes, when there’s a lull in the movie. She hops up out of the fort and pulls Cassian to his feet to show off her work.

“I knew she was being too quiet in there,” Bodhi says with a grin spreading across his face. Cassian’s long hair has been pulled back in two small braided pigtails, looking pretty good for being done by an eight year old. Cassian smiles, looping fingers around one of the braids to examine it.

“Maybe I’ll wear my hair like this more often,” he teases.

Rose sighs. “I wish dad would grow his hair long again.” Bodhi studiously ignores the way Cassian’s eyes widen at that.

“I’d have to wake up way earlier to get us all ready in time for school,” Bodhi reminds her, thinking back to the day he’d handed Jyn his clippers and told her to shave it all off. He’s thankful she hadn’t taken it literally. She deemed him ‘possibly less hot’ and also ‘less of a cryptid’ at the time. He didn’t take it too personally. She was just honest like that.

“Now that Cassian is out of there I’m going back in the fort,” Paige says, getting up from her spot at Bodhi’s side to crawl in.

“No boys allowed,” Rose agrees.

Cassian hesitates, looking at the tiny space beside Bodhi until he shifts over, tilting his head toward the space in invitation. Cassian settles close, careful not to push over the chair holding up the fort, pressing his thigh closer to Bodhi’s in the process. He doesn’t seem entirely comfortable, but he leans back into the couch, turning his head to face Bodhi.

“I’m glad it’s more about figure skating… I’m not really into hockey,” Bodhi says.

“Hockey might be easier to watch, some of this has me cringing.”

“Too inaccurate?” Bodhi asks, and Cassian shakes his head.

“Yes and no, some of it is very spot on. The training especially,” Cassian sighs. “It’s reminding me what I’ll have to get back to once my knee is healed.” Bodhi can tell he’s not trying to sound too serious, but still, Bodhi can tell it bothers him.

“You’ll be back to it in no time,” Bodhi reassures him. Cassian shoots a small smile back and something fiercely protective settles in Bodhi’s chest. He thinks back to Cassian’s words that skating was ‘all he’d ever been good for’ and really hopes Cassian knows he’s worth more than that. Cassian wraps his arms around himself and something in Bodhi’s chest cracks a little.

“C’mere,” Bodhi says, lifting up his blanket in offering. Cassian looks so caught off guard by the gesture that there’s a nerve-wracking moment where Bodhi’s sure he’s overstepped. That moment out in the snow had been too much already, when they’d been so close and all Bodhi could think about was dragging Cassian down to kiss him. He’s positive Cassian is working out a way to politely reject him. Cassian doesn’t though, finally shifting to let Bodhi tuck the blanket over his shoulders. He slides his arm from around Cassian’s shoulder, despite how much he’d like to leave it there. There are only so many boundaries he can cross in one night.

Cassian is tense at first but after a few moments he settles, tension eking out of him as he leans into Bodhi’s side. Bodhi is both a little lightheaded and warm from the proximity, wondering if his heart has always beat this fast. He tries to focus on the movie instead, but who cares about the figure skater and hockey player paired on his screen when he wants so badly to be paired with the one at his side?

He only barely lets himself get carried away with the thought before Cassian groans at something on screen. The brother of the hockey player is making fun of him for figure skating. He hears the girls complaining about it too in their own running commentary to each other.

“God, this is dated,” Bodhi says in apology. Cassian doesn’t respond, eyes going wide as the hockey player rips apart a costume next.

“Those costumes cost hundreds of dollars!” Cassian says, aghast, “Sometimes thousands… it was ugly, but still.”

“I liked it! You could totally wear that in a competition,” Rose pipes up and Bodhi laughs at Cassian’s horrified grimace.

“It’s just a movie,” Bodhi assures teasingly. Cassian shakes his head. There’s a battle over the program music, and so on and so on, back into another lulling montage. Cassian eases even closer, letting his head rest on Bodhi’s shoulder. Bodhi fights the sudden urge to press a kiss to the crown of his head. (He can so clearly imagine just how soft Cassian’s hair will be against his lips. How he’ll smell like the snow outside and cocoa and home.) Instead he shifts so their hands brush between them. The movie plays on and a moment later he feels Cassian’s pinky tentatively link with his own.

There’s no mistaking it now, Cassian wants this, maybe nothing more, but _this_ moment at least. He squeezes back with his own pinky and feels Cassian’s smile against his shoulder.

They heckle the movie softly, Bodhi raising an eyebrow at the general inappropriateness of some of the content for a PG movie, but not making a big deal out of it. Paige and Rose have probably watched worse with Jyn on babysitting duty.

“I’m going to be a parent for a second. Promise me… never to drink as much as they are,” Bodhi does interject at one point.

“ _Duh_ , dad,” Paige says. “All it did was make her sad and mean anyways.”

“When are they going to be in love?” Rose whines, sounding a little bored with the movie. Paige shushes her.

He and Cassian fall silent for a while, and Bodhi can’t help but realize how comfortable he is with Cassian warmly pressed against his side. Part of him wishes Cassian would fall asleep like the night before, because he always seems to need the rest. It’s probably the same part of Bodhi that keeps thinking about how easy it would be to let his eyes fall closed and rest his cheek against Cassian’s hair, or maybe turn his head and tip Cassian’s chin up…

Fortunately Bodhi’s train of thought shatters when Cassian starts laughing at the skating move that’s being attempted on screen, pressing his face further into Bodhi’s shoulder.

“What’s so funny?”

Cassian lifts his head so he can answer and Bodhi absolutely does not notice how close Cassian’s face is. “That combination is impossible.”

Bodhi watches as the scene play out and has to laugh himself.

“The throw _is_ crazy,” Bodhi agrees.

“No, that’s a real move,” Cassian replies, shaking his head. “Both are! But not together.”

“What? They just throw people around on the ice like that?”

Cassian snorts. “That’s called a throw twist. Pairs skaters are... crazy.”

“Have you ever skated in a pair?”

“God no, or not really. When I was younger they had me try with a girl but we were a mess.”

Suddenly Rose’s head pokes out from the side of the fort, but she isn’t even phased by seeing them cuddling. Instead she just looks exasperated. “ _Dad. Cassian._ You’re being loud and ruining the part where they’re in love.”

“Sorry, we’ll be quiet, _cariño_ ,” Cassian says, barely holding back another laugh.

“I’ve been meaning to ask…” Bodhi whispers after Rose retreats back into the fort. “What does cariño mean?”

“Oh. It means ‘sweetheart.’ Or ‘sweetie’... my mom used to call me that.” There’s a small, frail little waver in this voice, and it confirms some of Bodhi’s suspicions: that there’s a reason only Kay-the-doctor-and-best-friend has come calling for him. Bodhi wants to ask more - this doomed infatuation/obsession that he’s nursing wants to latch onto any miniscule detail Cassian is willing to share. But the downcast look in Cassian’s eyes stops him.

“That’s sweet of you,” Bodhi says, fully intending the pun. He gets the reaction he’s looking for when Cassian glares, and elbows him reproachfully in the side. He offers Cassian a smile. “Hey…” Bodhi shifts, freeing his arm to wrap it briefly around Cassian’s shoulers. It’s only for a moment, just a gentle, hopefully comforting squeeze. “Thanks for being here today.”

He worries briefly that he’s taken a step too far, but Cassian’s smile is tender. He leans into the touch, resting more firmly against Bodhi’s side. “Thanks for letting me.”

They stay like that for the rest of the movie.

“Can we watch another one?” Rose asks the moment the credits start to roll.

“I should actually get going,” Cassian says, looking at the clock amid the girl’s cries of dismay. Bodhi knows how they feel.

"I'll go see if your jeans are dry," Bodhi offers, pulling the blanket off, all the while resisting the urge to take it with him, keep it wrapped around himself and soak up those last traces of warmth from sharing it with Cassian.

He finds himself hoping Cassian's jeans would still be too damp, that it would be too late for him to head back to the rehab center, that he would have to stay the night again. A thought occurs to Bodhi, that maybe he could ask Cassian to stay. It feels too soon, though.

Bodhi makes it back to the living room and hands Cassian his clothing. He doesn't watch Cassian disappear into the hallway, instead moving to the couch to refold the blanket, trying to ignore how warm it still feels, or that he can hear Paige and Rose whispering to each other from within the fort.

“Dad,” Rose whispers. “You should ask him to stay the night.”

“No,” Bodhi replies, only just managing to make it sound decisive. “Not tonight.”

“Sooo… you’ll ask him another night?” Paige presses, sounding again, far too much like Jyn. Bodhi pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs just as Cassian returns from the bathroom

“I called a cab, it should be here in a few minutes.”

“I could have driven you,” Bodhi says, knowing it’s incredibly ridiculous to feel put out, wanting to take even the smallest amount of more time with Cassian for himself.

“No need, don’t want you out in the cold more than you have to be.” Cassian goes to slide his coat and boots on as he waits and Bodhi follows, feeling unsure of what to do with himself. He wishes he could come up with the right words for how nice the time with Cassian has been. Everything that comes to mind is too close to a confession, so he holds off, worrying his lip. The taxi horn blares sooner than he expected and Bodhi schools his face into something less transparent as Cassian turns to face him.

“This is goodnight, I suppose,” Cassian says, lingering a moment too long after the words. The girls fully take advantage of his hesitation.

“Wait!” Rose bursts out, climbing out of the fort and running over to Cassian, catching him by surprise with a hug. Paige isn’t far behind her sister. The expression on Cassian’s face shifts from his initial surprise to a warm smile, as he returns the girls hugs. Bodhi feels like his heart might burst.

When Cassian is finally released, he turns to Bodhi with a laugh. “Do you want a hug too?” he asks, tone light.

“Sure,” Bodhi replies, trying to keep his tone even and failing remarkably. Bodhi only has a moment to hesitate before Cassian wraps his arms around Bodhi, pulling him close. Bodhi is positive he’s not going to survive this. He can’t get over how _warm_ Cassian is, how wonderful he smells, just the feeling of Cassian in his arms is almost too much as he squeezes back. He needs to let go before he dies (possibly of heart failure given how fast his heart is beating) or does something like nuzzle into Cassian’s neck.

When they finally do release each other, Bodhi backs away a step and shoves his hands into his pockets so he doesn't do anything strange. Like fix Cassian's scarf. Or pull him back for another hug. Or any of the several other ridiculous things that come to mind.

“Hey- um…” Bodhi starts. He avoids Cassian’s eyes, only because he feels like he’ll forget what he’s thinking if he gets caught in his gaze. The hug has made him feel suddenly too protective, like he’d do anything just to see Cassian safe and happy.

“I know it’s not any of my business but- will you- Luke’s a really good doctor, his advice is really good - you… you should take his advice. I mean, I don’t want you rushing over here and hurting your recovery,” Bodhi finishes. Then quickly adds: “But I’m not saying don’t come over! I’m saying… take care of yourself. Please.”

The expression on Cassian’s face is starting to look very much like the one he had when Rose ran up asking for a hug. His fingers are lingering on the doorknob, but he doesn’t make any move to turn it. “I… yeah. I promise.” Cassian does meet Bodhi’s gaze this time and Bodhi was right, it is incredibly easy to get lost in their depths.

Fortunately - or unfortunately - the cab honks again impatiently, snapping them back to the present. Bodhi clears his throat.

“See you tomorrow? After your appointments?”

Cassian smiles a little, and Bodhi melts for it. “Yeah. See you.”

Bodhi closes the door firmly behind Cassian, not giving in to the desire to watch the taxi until it disappears into the night. When he turns back around, however, he’s met with the knowing looks of Paige and Rose, who, at some point during the last few minutes, have retreated back into the fort and are now peering at him from the opening.

“ _Dad_ ,” Paige and Rose say in almost perfect unison, and Bodhi throws his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, I know I hugged him, but-” he starts, but Rose interrupts him.

“You were _cuddling the whole movie_.” There’s no mistaking the glee in Rose’s voice. What had happened to the glorious days when she’d turned her nose up at cooties? Bodhi starts backing away into the kitchen. “Do you _like_ like Cassian now?”

“I’m in the kitchen now, I can’t hear you!”

“Don’t fight it, Dad!” Paige calls after him. “You totally do!”

Yeah, he does. He really does.

**\-----------**

Solo (of course - seemingly the only taxi driver in town) smirks at him in the rearview mirror the entire way back to the resort. Cassian resolutely ignores him, keeping his gaze out the window instead. The silence in the cab is deafening. And continues to stay that way until the cab pulls up to the rehab center, and Cassian climbs out. If he’s not mistaken, he can hear Solo’s muffled giggling from the driver’s seat.

Cassian rolls his eyes. “Good _night_ , Solo.”

Inside the lobby, back in blissful warmth, Cassian is unsurprised to find Norra behind the desk. He has half a mind to ask her if she ever leaves. He also has half a mind to try and sneak by her to avoid a lecture. Cassian can’t suppress a flinch when she looks up, ready to bolt when her eyes widen a fraction.

But the scolding doesn’t come. Instead something suspiciously like mirth sparkles in her eyes, her lips pursing to smother a smile. “Mr. Andor,” she greets, a hint of laughter in her voice. “Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed your day off.”

“Of course,” he says gruffly. He makes to move past the desk, but as he nears, Norra’s shoulders tremble. “...Yes?”

“I like your hair, Mr. Andor. It’s very cute on you.”

Cassian frowns, and then… oh. His face immediately heats.

He’s still wearing the pigtails Rose gave him. “...Thanks,” he says, and escapes from the lobby with as much dignity and grace as he can.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You won't believe this weird trick to developing a healthy mindset!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not midnight yet so TECHNICALLY we're still posting on time! Right? Right. Once again we'd like to thank all of you for the time you take on this fic every week. It means a WHOLE LOT to us that you take the time to read about these emotional disasters. ~~They're working it out, we swear!~~
> 
> Please enjoy!

\-----------------

The next morning Cassian wakes up feeling refreshed for the first time in a while. His knee still aches distantly, but it’s nowhere near as much as it once did, the lack of sharp pain a relief he hasn’t quite gotten used to yet. He’s idly contemplating breakfast when his bedside phone rings. He blinks in confusion and picks it up, feeling a little weird having to deal with the landline which has never rang before. “Hello?” he asks, scratching at his beard. God, when was the last time he shaved?

“Hello Mr. Andor, it’s Norra from the front desk.” There’s already a flush creeping over his face, remembering getting caught the night before. “Dr. Antilles knows the weather held you up yesterday, but he has time in his schedule if you want to come by this morning. Would the slot just after your physical therapy work for you?”

Cassian mulls it over for a moment, weighing his worry over his responsibility. He thinks of Bodhi, of the girls, and of his fateful _promise_ to Kay. “Okay, yeah. I mean, yes, thank you, Ms. Wexley,” he amends, not wanting to offend her for doing her job, despite his misgivings.

“Norra, please. Have a good rest of your morning, alright?”

“I will, thank you…” He makes his awkward goodbyes and hangs up, wondering what precisely just happened.

With how good his knee is feeling, the thought of physical therapy doesn’t fill him with dread today. He knows better than to hope that Luke will just go through the motions, though. And sure enough, Luke is waiting with a grin on his face the moment Cassian enters the training room. The same as he always looks when Cassian actually attends his appointments. This time, however, he’s sporting a sturdy brace on his right wrist.

“So,” he says after instructing Cassian through a few sets of bicycle kicks, “how did your slumber party date go?” He smiles, waggling his eyebrows in an unbearably suggestive way. Cassian is thankful he’s already flushed from the workout so the heat on his face can’t give him away.

“It wasn’t a date,” Cassian starts, immediately hating how petulant he sounds. “I fell asleep on the couch and hung around with the kids, it was nothing.” He certainly doesn’t owe Luke an answer, but getting it out of the way now is easier than being teased. He hopes that Luke might just leave it at that. It is the _truth,_ after all - Cassian’s ridiculous and unrequited feelings aside. But Luke doesn’t let it go, speaking again as if he could sense the insecure thought.

“Just because it wasn’t a date doesn’t mean it was _nothing_ ,” Luke reasons gently, the words brimming with entirely too much faith. Cassian huffs a sigh, a dismissive word on the tip of his tongue just to stop Luke from whatever assurance he means to give. Luke shoots Cassian a careful look, like he knows Cassian wants to bolt.

“All he talked about was _you_ , you know,” Luke continues more conversationally. “After Rose sweet talked me out of my hat and ran off. Bodhi promised to keep an eye on you and apologized to me for letting you skate. As if you wouldn’t be out there on the ice anyway.” Luke shakes his head with an amused smile.

“I’m careful, he knows that,” Cassian says defensively, not even touching the rest of the statement. The fact that Bodhi _cares_ enough to feel responsible for him. “Skating just means a lot to the girls. It’s nice, just...being able to do something good.”

“That’s sweet.” Luke smiles at Cassian, looking entirely too earnest for someone so nosy. He holds Cassian steady for a few stretches, visibly favoring his braced arm. It clenches at his side when he releases Cassian’s leg.

Cassian nods to it, preferring to draw attention away from Luke’s searching questions and how vulnerable they make him feel.. “You alright?”

Luke appears startled by his question, briefly at a loss for words until he glances down at his arm. “Oh! Yeah. It’s fine. Just feeling it a bit more today. You’re not the only one around here with chronic injuries, not by a long shot.” He adjusts the strap on the brace, and then turns back to Cassian with a sharp grin. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this. How was your _not-date?_ ”

Cassian rolls up to stand, thankful his reps are done so he can escape this interrogation. “Aren’t there any physical therapists here who mind their own business?”

Luke shrugs. “Nope, sorry. And that’s not an answer.” He tries to stare him down, but Cassian isn’t having it. Eventually Luke throws his arms up in a huff. “Fine! You’re free, I guess. You can go see Wedge now, he’s less of a busybody than me.” He waves Cassian off, and goes to jot something down in his file.

**\-----------**

Cassian has some doubts about Wedge being any less nosy than his boyfriend, but heads to his office nonetheless. He would much rather get the appointment over with. And if it doesn’t work out, he can at least tell Kay he tried.

The counseling center looks a little different from the rest of the medical wing, large rugs covering the floors and sound machines on full blast, playing soothing beach noises. (He doesn’t understand what’s so calming about seagulls yelling on repeat, but… whatever.) He’s only forced to sit in the barely comfortable waiting room chairs for a few minutes before Wedge comes out from behind one of the closed doors. He smiles, and gestures for Cassian to follow him.

He’s ready to go through a more formal introduction and feels a bit off kilter when Wedge skips past that stage entirely. He shakes Cassian’s hand and motions for him to sit and just… dives right in.

“So, Cassian,” Wedge starts as Cassian gets settled on the couch. At least it’s not a chaise, that would be too cliche for Cassian to handle. “What do you want to get out of counseling?”

Cassian is quiet for a moment, mulling over the right words and already struggling. What did he want to get out of this? He’d much rather just not be here. But... “I just don’t want to mess anything up,” Cassian settles on. Which is a completely useless answer that both reveals too much and nothing at all.

“You mean with your career?” Wedge asks and Cassian shrugs helplessly.

“Yes? Maybe?”

“Is this… something you fear in your personal life too?” Wedge persists, confirming Cassian’s suspicion that the man had seen straight through him at their first meeting. He fights not to shift uncomfortably in his seat, not to just get up and leave.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“Everyone fears something, yes,” Wedge says. “What makes you feel this way?”

Cassian huffs and rolls his eyes. He’s never been to therapy, but this sounds all too typical. He hates being psychoanalyzed. “What makes me _fearful_?” he drawls, not even bothering to keep the contempt out of his voice.

But Wedge doesn’t rise to the bait and only hums, prompting him to go on. He watches with a placid look that Cassian’s sure is meant to make him feel at ease, no hint of judgment in his eyes. It makes the ire wither in his chest, and Cassian finds himself looking down at his hands instead.

“I guess... losing someone. Losing everything,” he clarifies through clenched teeth. Losing Bodhi, losing his career, losing Kay. He’s already lost his mother, and it seems like the world is determined to pry loose everything he holds dear. But that answer is hollow, and tastes like ash in his mouth. Something feels jarred loose by the question, making his chest ache. “Being happy?” It’s closer, but he’s not sure if this is the correct answer either. He clasps his hands together and swallows, looking up to Wedge just to see if he’s doing any of this right.

Wedge cocks his head at Cassian, looking sympathetic “Cassian, it’s therapy, not a interrogation.” He pauses. “Although it might feel that way. There isn’t a right or wrong answer.”

Cassian nods, and tries to quell the same rattled emotion that had overtaken him yesterday. Wedge had been kind to him then, too, he reminds himself. He doesn’t deserve Cassian being a jerk to him over it.

“Okay, so different approach,” Wedge says, setting a notepad aside and leaning forward. “Cassian, I can’t fix you.”

His eyes widen.

“I _can_ help you fix yourself. This is a lot like physical therapy. But instead of exercises, I teach you coping skills and listen when you need to talk.”

“Okay,” Cassian says, trying to be reasonable. “So just tell me what they are.”

“I would, but I need to know what part of you needs the exercise. Your knee hurts, I don’t need to give you arm curls, get it?”

Cassian blows out a sigh. “You’re saying I’m not going to be done with one session?”

“Maybe. Some people can be done with a few. You might be that someone, but you may not. You may need it for years. You may need it forever--” he lifts a hand for peace when Cassian stiffens. “--and that’s okay, Cassian. There’s nothing wrong with needing help every now and again.”

Cassian averts his eyes, nodding even though he finds that hard to believe.

“Now, you said that being happy makes you fearful?”

“It’s more like… why am I happy, why now, I guess? And what’s going to happen if I let myself feel this way?”

“When’s the other shoe going to drop?” Wedge supplies.

“Right. I don’t want it to, but it feels like everything that’s not on the ice is going to fall apart.”

There’s quiet for a moment, the sound machine still going, the ambient rush of waves over sand. Cassian focuses on the candle Wedge has lit in the room, feeling unable to focus on much else with the weight of his anxiety sinking into him all over again.

“Do you think that anything that’s not your career is doomed?”

Cassian considers this for a moment. When it’s put like that it sounds overdramatic, but… it’s not far from the truth. “Yeah, I guess. I think that it’s supposed to be that way after everything I’ve put into it… like it’s the only thing that doesn’t fall apart. Or so I thought, at least. ...Before all this,” Cassian says, gesturing to his knee, feeling lost.

Wedge hums. “What if you’re happy and you’re not on the ice. What happens then?”

Cassian pinches his mouth into a thin line. “I um...” He thinks of Bodhi, of the girls. “I don’t know.”

“You ever experience this loss that you fear off the ice?”

“My mother,” Cassian says. “I don’t want to talk about her today,” he adds quickly. He can already feel his throat closing tight.

“So you’re thinking, that she made you happy, so you lost her.”

“I didn’t, really. Not back then.”

He fears that Wedge is going to press on that, but he’s clearly taken Cassian’s warning to heart and focuses on something else. “But skating makes you happy?”

Cassian opens his mouth to say yes. Yes, _of course_ skating makes him happy. And then thinks better of it.

Because recently all it’s done is bring him pain, and not just because of his knee. He thinks of the restless nights and early mornings, Draven shouting at him across the ice at any imperfection. Of shutting himself away after each setback with nothing to fall back on. He swallows hard. “I don’t know.”

Wedge lets him think on that for a moment, but Cassian doesn’t want anymore time, eyeing the clock on the wall. Wedge, perceptive as he has been the entire appointment, backs off.

“Our time is about up, Cassian, but I’d like to continue seeing you during your stay.”

Cassian wants to say no, to just deal with things in his own time. The same way that he always has. If he walked away now though, he knows he wouldn’t feel any better. On top of that, Kay would probably rip him a new one.

“Sure,” Cassian answers, trying to muster some acceptance in his tone.

“I know you’re doing this out of obligation, but honestly, whatever works right now. Okay?” Wedge rolls closer in his chair. “Ready for today’s exercise assignment?”

Cassian nods, awaiting the worst soul searching mission.

“Go out and enjoy yourself.”

Cassian frowns at the simple order, eliciting a laugh from Wedge. “That’s it?”

“For you, I’m sure you’ll make it harder than it needs to be. Thank you for spending this time with me, and I’ll see you in two days.” Wedge leads him out and Cassian, overtaken by a wave of sudden exhaustion, travels back to his room for a mid morning nap. He doesn’t want to interact with anyone else for a while.

But Cassian’s phone rings the instant he’s sat down on the bed. He nearly wants to throw it across the room when he sees the name on the screen. _Draven_ of course. Cassian answers, listening to his coach drone on again about what a mistake Cassian is making, complaining about the calls he’s ignored.

_“If you want to accomplish anything, you can’t be sitting up there in some fancy spa wasting both of our times-”_

“I’m improving, really,” Cassian answers tiredly, ready to repeat the same old excuses and thinks better of it. “I have to go, appointment.” He hangs up once the words are out, too emotionally drained to care what Draven thinks. He kicks off his pants and climbs under the covers without another thought, closing his eyes tight and making himself sleep.

**\-----------**

Cassian is woken by the buzzing of his cell and for a moment he worries it’s Draven again. Groggily, Cassian fumbles his hand over the bedside to grab it. He squints at the time, just a little before noon, and opens the new text in his inbox.

**From: UNKNOWN NUMBER**

_Hey, figured I’d actually use your number since Luke gave it to me… hope that’s not too strange. I was wondering if you wanted to come over for lunch again? Just me since the kids are at school. Made Jyn run the store for the day as punishment for annoying me. No big deal if you don’t, making a pizza either way._

_This is Bodhi by the way! :)_

Cassian can’t hold back the smile the message brings to his face. Even after the stress of the morning, Bodhi still makes him feel so light, like nothing could touch Cassian as long as he sticks close. He types back and doesn’t give himself long enough to worry over the wording.

_**I’d really like that. Be over in thirty minutes?** _

_Should be ready by then. See you soon! (pizza emoji)_

Cassian lets out a deep breath, sitting up and rubbing a hand through his hair before getting out of bed to get ready. Pushing his fluttering nerves aside, Cassian looks at the clothes hung in his small closet and tries not to care that Bodhi has seen him in most of them already. He picks out a soft v-neck sweater and some jeans. It’s only pizza after all and it’s not a _date_ as much as Cassian stupidly wishes it to be. He resolutely ignores that thought as he finishes getting ready.

He ducks past the front desk as stealthily and casually as he can to avoid anymore teasing from Norra.

She smirks at him on his way out, which he resolutely ignores.

**\-----------**

There's a knock at the door a bit over the half hour promised. It summons Bodhi from the kitchen, moving to the door quickly to let Cassian in from the cold.

Bodhi can’t keep the bright smile off his face upon seeing him, bundled up in the blue parka that Bodhi had lent him the day before. “Hey, glad you could come keep me company.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Cassian says, stripping off his coat. “Um, sorry I stole your coat last night. Should I just…?”

“Oh, no, keep it. It’s still cold out. And it suits you.” Realizing what he’s said, Bodhi rushes on. “I-It’s not like I need it anyway.”

Bodhi motions for Cassian to follow him back into the kitchen, where he has the homemade pizza and drinks set out for them. Cassian sits and Bodhi takes the seat across from him. They don’t say anything as they grab slices and dig into them, when Bodhi wrestles frantically with something to talk about.

"How is it?" Bodhi asks.

"Good," Cassian replies. "But everything you make is good."

“Thanks.”

They drop into silence once more as they eat, and Bodhi isn’t sure where to go from there. Part of him wants to tell Cassian how glad he is that he's there, how much it means to share these small little moments. He wants to learn more about Cassian. To ask him about his day, about _anything_. But Cassian beats him to breaking the silence.

“So, you said Jyn was annoying you?” Cassian asks, and Bodhi snorts.

“To put it lightly,” Bodhi pushes his plate back. He hesitates to explain - that Jyn specifically annoyed him about his lack of… initiative with Cassian. ( _“Either ask him on a date or just… grab him and kiss him or something, Bo!”_ ) When Cassian only waits for him without pressing, Bodhi bites his lip. He doesn't miss the fact that Cassian suddenly averts his eyes. His heart leaps into his throat.

“It was um, about dating actually.” Bodhi admits. Cassian coughs and quickly takes a sip of his drink. He can only guess at what Cassian is thinking. Has he noticed Jyn watching the two of them with that annoying, knowing look of hers? Does Cassian think about this connection between them?

Does he think about them together as much as Bodhi does?

“Oh?” Cassian asks casually. Bodhi laughs a little, thankful that Cassian is unaware of his crisis.

“Yeah, she has this overbearing tendency to try and set me up with people, well, ever since my ex left. She’s very protective and I love her but...”

“It can get too much?” Cassian suggests. Bodhi nods.

“There’s only so many people in town you know? I can’t just keep being set up with the baker’s cousin’s son, or the librarian’s sister… after a while it’s just too awkward for everyone.”

Cassian is silent for a long moment, staring at his soda. Bodhi briefly wonders if he's even at the table anymore, or if he’s miles and miles away.

“Has it been a long time?” Cassian finally asks, then adds: “Not that you have to… I just wondered since the girls don’t mention anyone and for a while I just assumed you adopted them alone.”

“It’s fine. Um, don’t laugh but it’s been pretty close to… six years?” Bodhi says with a grimace. “Wow, yeah, six… since a serious relationship at least.”

“I wouldn’t laugh,” Cassian says seriously. Bodhi shrugs.

“It honestly doesn’t even feel like that long. But it’s hard, not just because of the kids. My ex sort of ripped my heart out…” He says in an offhand manner, trying downplay the hurt lingering behind the words. “It’s been long enough that I can admit that. She didn’t want anything to do with the girls so… I’m just grateful every day that I have them, really.” Bodhi forces a smile, trying to reassure Cassian he's still okay despite the turn of the conversation.

Cassian twitches forward, his hand reaching out like he wants to touch Bodhi, but he stops short of making any gesture. Bodhi tries not to feel disappointed. “She didn’t want anything to do with the girls?” he repeats, his face going so hard and cold that he’s almost unrecognizable for a moment.

“No, she… ah, signed over custody. She insisted on it.”

There’s a shift in Cassian, a tremor that is all at once so angry and sad that Bodhi nearly reaches out. “I’m sorry,” Cassian says quietly.

“No, it’s done. It’s… What about you?” Bodhi says, changing the subject. “You haven’t mentioned anyone back in LA waiting for you.”

Cassian seems to shake himself free of his thoughts. “Other than my coach? And Kay? Not so much,” he jokes, then his tone turns more serious. “The truth? Definitely more embarrassing than six years…”

“Hey, I won’t laugh either."

“I’ve never been serious with anyone. A lot of flings here and there with different guys but… there’s just been so little downtime in my career. Well, until this.”

Bodhi listens and tries not to read too much into the wording. Even more, he finds himself baffled how anyone would let Cassian slip through their fingers. It’s a crime that someone so wonderful hasn’t gotten the chance to fall in love, to be taken care of. Not that love is always perfect, considering his track record, but still, he hates to see the regret in Cassian’s eyes. Without thinking too much, Bodhi finally gives in and reaches out across the table for Cassian, fingers in a loose grip on his forearm in a comforting gesture. It only lasts a moment before he pulls away, remembering himself, leaving his hand close on the table.

“That’s not… you shouldn’t be embarrassed. I know how it can be… with guys especially, sometimes. You’ll find someone,” Bodhi says. “You’re too much of a catch not to… and that’s coming from a fisherman.”

Cassian smiles at the joking words, and Bodhi can't help but notice how warm Cassian’s eyes are, how sincere. Bodhi almost wants to ask him then and there if Cassian wouldn’t mind terribly if Bodhi tried to catch _him_. It would be a lot to ask of Cassian. It’d be a lot to ask of himself. Still, deep down, he dares to let himself hope.

Cassian clears his throat, making Bodhi realize he’s probably been quiet too long.

“Enough about our love lives, right?” Bodhi says, standing from the table to gather their plates and rinse them in the sink. “Or… ‘like lives’ as the girls would call it.” The words help dissipate the heaviness of the conversation, drawing a laugh from Cassian. The conversation instead takes off into how jealous the girls will be that Cassian visited without them there. He almost asks Cassian to stick around, but doesn't know if it would add to the chaos of shopping that’s to come later. (In search of supplies to make Rose's costume for her play.)

Before he can decide, however, Cassian stands. "I should really get going. Thank you for lunch, though."

"Do you want a ride back?" Bodhi offers, drying his hands. _Do you want to stay?_ It’s on the tip of his tongue.

Cassian shakes his head. “I should really stretch my knee,” he says.

Bodhi narrows his eyes, concerned. “If you skipped an appointment to be here right now, Luke is going to kill me,” he scolds jokingly.

“I’m not, I swear,” Cassian says, though Bodhi feels like there's something Cassian isn't telling him. Bodhi doesn’t press, knowing how the subject can sometimes make Cassian withdraw. Still, he can’t help but worry.

“Good,” Bodhi says, “take care of yourself, please.”

“I will.” Cassian smiles, shrugging Bodhi’s old coat - his coat now - on. Cassian is about to turn and leave but Bodhi is unable to help himself, tugging Cassian into a hug before he can think better of it. Cassian relaxes into the touch, bringing his own arms up to encircle Bodhi’s back and hold him close. There isn’t as much of an excuse for this hug, not without the girls there jumping all over Cassian. That and the way Cassian breathes easy in Bodhi’s arms makes it different this time, a warm feeling coiling in Bodhi’s chest.

It feels _right_.

With each moment that passes Bodhi wishes he didn’t have to let go. It’s with a quiet sigh that he finally pulls back, to give Cassian space and let him leave. Bodhi catches the hint of regret in Cassian’s eyes, feels the hesitation as his arms lower from Bodhi’s frame and doesn’t let himself focus on what it might mean.

Cassian ducks his head, pulling the scarf from his pocket to loop it around his neck. He bites his lip, looking as if he wants to say something. Bodhi brings a hand up, self control still teetering as he tucks the scarf more securely into Cassian’s coat. Bodhi rests his hand on Cassian’s chest a beat longer before pulling away.

“See you soon,” Bodhi says, at war with his heart and his treacherous brain goading him to _say something_. Cassian nods, a grin tugging at his lips like it’s some inside joke, both of them knowing that it won’t be long at all before he’s back. Cassian turns and doesn’t look back as he goes, walking down the steps and away. Bodhi shuts the door, forcing himself not to stare after him, to worry about him walking back.

He goes to the kitchen, in need of distraction from the sudden quiet of the house. He picks up the phone and calls Jyn, to follow up on something at the shop that’s hardly important. Anything to stop himself from doing something stupid and inadvisable. Like running out of the house after Cassian and just...

_"Hello, Hook, Line and Sinker, we deal 'em you reel 'em, who may I ask is on the line?"_

Bodhi stifles a sigh. "Jyn-"

 _"Bodhi! Awesome, I was going to call you later but now works."_ Bodhi doesn't even have time to get a bad feeling about Jyn's comment before she asks, _"How was Cassian?"_

Bodhi rolls his eyes, but he can't even muster his usual annoyance at Jyn's clear overinvestment in his love life. _Like_ life, he thinks with a smile.

"He's good," Bodhi answers simply, far from encompassing everything he feels but still true. As the call continues, Bodhi finds himself hoping that he’ll get up the nerve soon enough to tell Cassian that too.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Area Man Seeks to Divorce Best Friend - States He's Had Enough of This Matchmaking_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? Could it be that something is finally.... HAPPENING?
> 
> You'll just have to see. :D
> 
> As always we just want to take a minute and thank each and every one of you for sticking with us, and for taking the time to read, leave kudos, and comment. It's what got us this far and what makes us so happy to keep on!

\-----------------

Cassian makes an effort to go to all of his appointments for the next few weeks, including more counseling sessions with Wedge. It’s still not great, and Cassian could never call it _fun_ , but the terrified feeling of that first appointment never returns. He still doesn’t necessarily want to open up, but Wedge steers him into enough conversation that it starts to feel natural. Having someone to springboard off of, to help when his thoughts get too negative, is a relief.

He’s honest about his career most of all, finding it easier to pick through memories of competitions when Wedge asks why they’re so important to Cassian, trying to articulate the feeling he gets on the ice. It’s simpler to talk about what he loves about his sport than it is anything else. Draven and his push to bring Cassian back is a subject that is taken slowly, as it makes Cassian feel on edge. By the frown on Wedge’s face whenever they broach the subject, he can tell the doctor has more opinions than his careful suggestions about boundaries and limitations.

He realizes it’s good to have some perspective, to consider some things he might want to change when he gets back home. At his own pace.

Luke is happy with his progress too, impressed with how well Cassian is actually keeping up with his exercises and appointments. “This is because Bodhi was worried, isn’t it?” He jokes one day while guiding Cassian through stretches.

Cassian grumbles, hating that Luke is right. _“Shut up.”_

Bodhi invites him over more. To skate, of course; Cassian gives the girls lessons a few times a week, teaching them new skills or just skating around the pond with them. Sometimes Bodhi opts to watch from the porch instead. He never complains, but Cassian is sure it’s his back. More than before, Cassian ends up just hanging out instead, relaxing around the house with Bodhi and the girls. He sits in Bodhi’s cozy kitchen, watching the girls add extra fistfuls of marshmallows to their drinks when they think their father isn’t looking.

(Cassian catches his eye during one such incidence and Bodhi gives him a conspiratorial wink in acknowledgement. It’s one of several, rapidly multiplying, instances that make Cassian’s heart do flips in his chest.)

Bodhi seems more confident skating than he had before, even when the girls aren’t circling them around the pond. Both of them are becoming more and more adept with each lesson. He can’t wait until he’s well and can finally teach Paige the jumps she’s been yearning to try.

It’s a genuine shock when the girls speed off towards the house one evening, without their usual pleas for more time. Cassian and Bodhi take their time sliding over to the back porch, Cassian tracing in slow, easy loops. He gets ahead a bit and turns so he’s sliding backwards, just so he can see Bodhi trailing along. Bodhi is haloed in the golden light of early dusk, a sight that always makes Cassian’s breath catch, reminding him of the day they met.

Bodhi looks up with a mellow smile, a considering look in his eyes. “This is nice,” he says. Cassian slows almost to a stop at the words. They’re doing nothing in particular and still, Bodhi is there by his side, bright eyed and appreciative.

“It is,” Cassian breathes, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “I think this might be the nicest few weeks I’ve ever had.”

Saying it out loud makes him feel unexpectedly more vulnerable, diverting his gaze to the rough ice at their feet until Bodhi skates forward in an easy glide. He lingers just past the edge of where Cassian wants him, where Cassian yearns to reach out and reel him in. He’s close enough, though, that Cassian catches the way his gaze lingers, trailing over Cassian’s features. Bodhi slides closer then, reaching a hand up to brush against Cassian’s arm.

“Me too,” Bodhi says and Cassian knows this is a moment he could give into if he were only brave enough. Up against the fact that he hasn’t even gotten the nerve to ask Bodhi out yet, he falters a moment to catch up to the very real possibility of Bodhi’s lips edging close to his own. Bodhi tips in and Cassian nearly holds his breath in anticipation before, in nearly a single motion, Bodhi ducks away again. It’s as though a spell were broken, the cold sinking in once more.

“We...um, we better get back to the girls,” Bodhi’s face is flushed - that has to count for something. Cassian tries not to let the disappointment show on his face, knowing it’s his own fault for not moving in quick enough himself, for not telling Bodhi the whole truth.

“Of course,” Cassian answers as Bodhi turns away. All he can do is follow.

Cassian tells Wedge about it the next day in their session, about the palpable feeling that still won’t fade from his chest. Like he’s on the edge of a waterfall just waiting to tip off, a sentiment which he foolishly shares out loud.

“Niagara Falls is a bit far East for that,” Wedge jokes at first, like he’s trying to break through Cassian’s mood. It works a bit but Cassian doesn’t let his features betray that, settling Wedge with a disapproving look instead.

“Is it a bad feeling?” Wedge asks carefully. Cassian shakes his head, wishing he could describe it better.

“No, it’s just… there. All the time when I… when I see Bodhi.” Cassian feels so embarrassed admitting it out loud but he needs some way to just sort it out. There’s no way he’s calling Kay for a heart to heart.

“So, if you like the feeling, what’s the problem?”

“I don’t,” he sighs. “I just don’t know what to do about it. Bodhi has a life and a family and I’m just… me.”

Wedge gives him a very pointed look and Cassian can almost hear his little speech he’d given about _negative thoughts_ all over again.

“Cassian, we’ve talked about this. _‘Just you’_ isn’t exactly the worst guy.”

“I know, negative thoughts and all that. Trust me, I understand. I just… It’s getting harder not to do something about how I feel and Bodhi looks at me this way sometimes...” Wedge looks suddenly more interested, leaning forward.

“What way?”

“Like he might feel the same,” Cassian admits quietly, the words pouring out before he can filter them.

“And?” Cassian doesn’t continue so Wedge goes on. “If he did… you’d be happy right?”

Cassian just nods. The anxiety sits like a heavy stone on his chest.

“I can see why that would worry you, considering your fear that we’ve discussed.”

“That’s the thing. With him and the girls I just... forget sometimes to be scared about losing it.”

“Cassian… can I break with professional protocol for a minute? The session is almost over anyway.”

Cassian nods, feeling wary even as he does, knowing whatever follows will be more blunt.

“You two have been driving the entire town insane. Please, just, consider that you’re a great guy and that Bodhi is a great guy who would be thrilled to go out with you.”

“You really think so?”

“I do,” Wedge insists. “So keep that in mind next time you think he’s looking back at you, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Cassian says, trying to hold himself together and not get overwhelmed with what-ifs.

**\-----------**

Cassian is distracted for his whole appointment with Luke. He tries not to show it but Luke can clearly tell. He watches Cassian too closely and, after a while, speaks up.

“You seem extra tense, what’s up?” Cassian could lie, but with so few people to talk it over with he decides against it. Luke knows Bodhi, after all… he’d tell Cassian if this was a terrible mistake, _right?_

“I’m think I’m going to ask Bodhi out,” Cassian confesses before he can change his mind. Luke’s hand on Cassian’s calf freezes as he snorts out a laugh.

“ _Finally_ ,” Luke says with a bright grin.

“Nevermind,” Cassian says, not sure if he can bear Luke teasing him.

“Hey no, I’m happy for you!” Luke says encouragingly.

“He hasn’t said yes yet.” He isn’t sure if he’s reminding Luke or himself, to stop himself from getting his hopes up.

“Are you kidding me? He had heart eyes for you the entire snow day. I know that look on Bodhi, trust me.”

“I don’t even know how to ask him out. I’ve never really...” Cassian trails off, insecure.

“Just say ‘Hello Bodhi, date me?’ It’s really that simple.”

“You know what I mean. Where would I even take him? All we do over his house his skate and watch movies so those are out. Dinner just… feels really formal. I saw there’s going to be a local hockey game but he doesn’t even like that. What do people even do in Canada?”

“Ice fishing, ice sailing... a lot of ice, really. But with Bodhi? Definitely not hockey,” Luke says, ending with an odd tone. “You’re overthinking it, I’m sure dinner would be great.”

“I guess,” Cassian says, barely refraining from saying that he wants it to be _special._

“Trying can’t hurt, right? Bodhi… has been through a lot, and he likes you and I think it would be silly not to give yourself a chance.”

“He told me a little about his ex.” Cassian makes a face, remembering how resigned Bodhi had seemed when he brought her up.

“You two are already so close, what do you have to lose?”

 _Everything_ , Cassian thinks, even if he knows it’s too dramatic to admit out loud. He sighs, bringing up a hand to rub over his face. Luke continues his pep talk regardless, forcing Cassian to listen.

“He really does likes you, Cassian. I know I’m your doctor and it sounds silly, but, I’m rooting for you!” It _does_ sound silly but Cassian still returns the smile, feeling a bit more steady.

“Thank you, I guess,” Cassian says, unsure of how to respond to so much keen reassurance.

After the talk with Luke, his resolve strengthens. Part of him itches to call or text Bodhi on the spot. He knows it’ll probably go better in person though, trying to sort out the words in his head. He leaves the grounds and walks to Bodhi’s house, running through everything he wants to say, hoping Bodhi will give him a chance. Hoping his palms will stop sweating by the time he gets there.

He knocks at the front door when he arrives, knowing they hadn’t made plans and now feeling thoughtless for not texting ahead. Rose answers the door wearing a tiny apron with pink hearts all over it, grinning bright at the sight of him.

“Cassian! Are you here to help make Valentine’s cookies?”

“Valentine’s?” Cassian pulls up short, trying to remember the date. “Is that… today?”

“No, it’s tomorrow! That’s why we’re making them for school, come _on_.” Rose reaches out to grab his hand and pull him inside.

Bodhi comes up behind her, smiling bright when he sees Cassian. “Hey Cassian, come on in.”

There’s a low swooping feeling in his stomach, and really, Cassian doesn’t have much choice but to stay. He shrugs off his coat - the one Bodhi refused to take back - and follows them to the kitchen. Bodhi hadn’t hesitated to let him in, never asked why Cassian was there at all. Cassian wonders if he’s really spent so much time around that he was expected now - a routine part of their day.

“We could use the extra hand,” Bodhi admits sheepishly. “I was supposed to get started on these earlier while they were at school but I forgot.”

Cassian looks at the kitchen, at the cookie dough Paige is trying to roll out evenly with only some success, smiling when she lights up at the sight of him. She beckons him over and he rolls up his sleeves, getting to work to help her.

He rolls out the dough for Paige while Bodhi does the same for Rose. Cassian passes them cookie cutters after and helps make sure there’s enough flour that they don’t stick, remembering how he and his mother did the same so long ago. Flour gets all over his jeans and in his hair but doesn’t mind, especially with the bright laughter it draws from everyone when he tries to brush it out.

They make an impressive amount of cookies by the end, enough that Bodhi lets the girls sneak a couple after they’re finished. He offers one to Cassian too, a heart flecked one with almost neon pink sprinkles. Cassian tries hard not to think about the symbolism of the gesture as he accepts.

“Thank you,” Cassian says, wondering if it’s greedy to want more when he’s already so happy.

“You helped, it’s only fair,” Bodhi answers. Cassian shrugs and takes a bite, thinking of how little time he has left in recovery (barely a month, barely any time…), trying to think of the perfect words to just _ask_. But the girls call Bodhi away to the living room where they’ve settled in to do their homework and the moment is gone. He resolves not to let the next one slip away.

**\-----------**

Jyn’s mission in life seems to be to make Bodhi’s life as impossible as she can -- or at least for the entirety of Valentine’s Day. He listens to her sigh at him very pointedly for the tenth time and decides he should’ve taken the day off.

“Jyn, whatever you’re thinking, please stop or think it further from my desk.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Jyn asks. Bodhi shoots her a pointed, annoyed look.

“Fine, I’ll think it somewhere else but first I’m going to say it to your face,” she says. “You’re an _idiot_.”

Bodhi’s glares at her. He really doesn’t need this right now. “Jyn-”

“I just can’t believe you didn’t ask him out,” she continues, talking over him. “You even had the holiday as an excuse! _And_ he was at your house last night- _again, I might add._ ”

Bodhi wants nothing more than to lay his head down on the desk and maybe scream. Part of him is just as disappointed in himself, but the thought of asking, of being turned down, feels like a heavy weight in his chest. It’s something he just can’t describe to Jyn.

She must be able to tell some of it from the look on his face, as the next round of commentary is gentler.

“Bo, he clearly likes you. What are you so worried about?”

“He didn’t stay over like _that_. Which by the way, thanks for telling the whole town about that!” It was bad enough to carry this _crush_ around all the time without dismissing all the congratulations around town. It was like being a minor celebrity all over again, something he had never enjoyed.

“ _Me?_ I’m offended. I found out from the mailman, actually.” Bodhi shakes his head, bringing up a hand to cover his face.

“Jyn, he could have asked me out too you know. He hasn’t. I don’t want to push.”

“Bo, have you seen the way he looks at you?”

Bodhi sighs, unable to lie outright. She's not wrong. Just thinking about the glimpses of Cassian's soft eyes, those quiet moments that have been growing between them, makes the fluttering feeling in his chest start up again. Still, Cassian had never even been with someone long term, why would he want to jump into that now with him? With kids and all the baggage Bodhi hasn’t even _told_ him about. Maybe Cassian is just happy to have someone to talk to, maybe that should be enough for Bodhi too.

She looks frustrated with him but remains silent, waiting for him to continue. He can’t bring himself to explain further, nor is he willing to betray Cassian’s trust, so he just shrugs.

“Just drop it Jyn. For now?”

“Fine,” Jyn says sounding put out still even as she leaves his desk, going to muck about in the store room. He really hopes she won’t try to meddle in this, that she trusts him to make his own choices. Unfortunately, he knows all too well that the day Jyn lets something go so easy will be a cold day in hell.

He’ll just have to cross that bridge when he gets there, he supposes.

She’s quiet about it for the rest of the day, and Bodhi gets some actual work done, double checking to make sure they have their orders in for spring, realizing just how soon things will be getting busier -- and reminds him of how soon Cassian will be leaving. Jyn keeps sending him looks that make him feel on edge, and even though he knows the girls aren’t really out of their class party yet, Bodhi leaves work at his usual time. Jyn probably knows as much but he can’t bring himself to care, waving her off as he ducks out the door.

The cold helps clear his persistent headache, makes it less hard to breath even as he overthinks everything. He takes the scenic route around the lake to kill time, parking at an overlook. He gazes out at the lake in the overcast light, ice still shimmering despite the clouds. It just makes him think of Cassian, gliding across the crystalline surface of his pond like he was meant to be there. Meant to be with _Bodhi_. Bodhi leans his head against the steering wheel, fingers curling around it and shudders a sigh.

He was so _screwed_.

Years ago he’d never expected to feel this way about love, about his _life_ , lost in heartache over his own foolish insecurities. He’d never felt this anxious with Nadia -- even at the start, things had just slotted easily into place. With her bright smile and her easy laughter at his stupid jokes, the way she gravitated toward him at the party where they first met.

He didn’t miss her, not anymore, but he missed the simplicity she offered. A path he could have followed gladly if she had only loved him enough. He remembers their last Valentine’s together and nothing about it screamed out as a warning. He supposes the difference was he was still useful to her then. She’d glowed in the candlelit restaurant, offering her wrist so he could settle an expensive bracelet around it. He had felt so grateful, so _lucky_ , it’s almost laughable now. The old bitterness catches in his chest even though most the resentment behind it has long scarred over.

For all her trouble bonding with the girls, he always thought someday she’d get it, that she understood him well enough, that she’d _try_. Recalling so much feels too close to self pity, the kind of thoughts that had held him up for too long. Nadia didn’t ask for his expectations to be put on her then and she didn’t deserve all this regret now.

Cassian has somehow changed everything about his life in so little time, without intent or expectation of anything more than kindness. Bodhi had become so used to being alone that he didn’t realize just how lonely he’d been until Cassian came along. Now he’s facing the realization that he wants Cassian there for as long as possible, wants Cassian _with him_ for as long as possible _._ He should at least try to say something to Cassian. As much as rejection scares Bodhi, the thought of letting this slip past is even more unbearable.

Bodhi looks at the clock and figures he’s spent enough time brooding. He heads to the school, trying to push this all from his mind for the moment, for all the good it’ll do. When he gets to the school it isn’t long before the girls are bounding out to climb into the truck, dressed in the adorable pink outfits they’d picked out for the event. His mood brightens, making him remember just how he has survived so long. He isn’t really alone, after all. His heart is full just seeing them happy.

“Hello sweethearts!”

“Hello dad!” Rose leans into the front seat to give him a half hug before she settles down and buckles up. Paige echoes the greeting with a grin, holding out a pair of handmade valentines to him, one from each of them.

“For me? You shouldn’t have, they’re lovely!”

“We made some for Cassian too,” Rose butts in and Bodhi tamps down his complicated feelings for long enough to nod, starting the car.

“I’m sure he’ll love them,” Bodhi says, focusing his attention on driving and refusing to meet their expectant looks. “He won’t be around today, he said busy with his physical therapy.” Bodhi can tell they are both pouting at that, even without looking.

“That’s so lame dad, you should have invited him for dinner.”

“Hey, I won’t hear more of that, okay? Cassian has a life outside of our house and you have to respect that.”

“But he _likes_ spending time with us. He said so!” Rose interjects.

“He does just… not tonight,” Bodhi says, feeling tired, refraining from snapping. Thankfully the girls leave it at that even if he can still sense their disappointment. All of his protesting is proven pointless when he pulls up to the house to the sight of Cassian sitting on his porch. He puts the car in park, heart racing foolishly past all his doubt.

“Look dad, it’s Cassian,” Paige says all too knowingly, when he looks over his shoulder she’s grinning.

“I see him,” Bodhi mutters, trying not to let on how nervous he suddenly feels.

Rose is already unbuckling and escaping the truck to go greet Cassian, Paige following suit after she sticks her tongue out at him. He knows there’s no stopping them so he doesn’t even try, getting out of the truck to follow at a more normal pace. Cassian stands, flowers in his hand, a sight that makes Bodhi freeze a few feet from the porch. Cassian hands out small bouquets to Rose and Paige in turn. Bodhi unfreezes, his heart warm at the sweet gesture, watching the girls exclaim over the flowers and hand over their Valentine’s gifts for Cassian in exchange.

Cassian grins, holding the paper hearts like they’re precious, and suddenly Bodhi can’t help but notice Cassian is still holding a flower -- a rose. Cassian looks up and meets Bodhi’s eyes, a softness to him that makes Bodhi want to wrap him in his arms again. He somehow remains casual past the twinge in his chest as he walks up to the porch.

“Girls, you should go get those in some water,” Bodhi says. “You can use the vase under the cabinet in the kitchen.” Paige nods, all too eager to leave them alone as she all but pulls Rose away and into the house.

“Hey,” Cassian greets with that gorgeous smile of his, the one that makes his dimple show.

“I thought… we didn’t have plans?” Bodhi blurts, feeling struck by the sight, wondering if Cassian had the same regrets about them not being together on this stupid holiday. Cassian furrows his brow.

“I got a text.” Cassian sounds insecure suddenly, fishing his phone from his pocket. He flicks through and shows Bodhi his screen, leaning into his space to do so.

_If you’re alone tonight you don’t have to be, come over to mine for a movie?_

“I didn’t…” Bodhi starts, realizing what’s happened, and Cassian’s face falls. “Jyn must have, she’s...” He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

“I can leave,” Cassian offers softly, looking completely disheartened. Bodhi nearly admits everything right there, ready to bare his heart, wanting Cassian to know how wanted he is. He opens his mouth and the sudden burst of a car horn startles them both. It’s Jyn in her stupid Jeep, a smile on her face as she rolls down the window.

“Hey guys!” Jyn yells from the car, and Bodhi almost wants to curse her, for her timing and for her meddling. Cassian doesn’t look too happy with Jyn either, if the glare he’s throwing in her direction is any indication. Bodhi’s hardly surprised to see her, though, and there’s no doubt she’s still up to something.

Jyn is out of her car with a bag in hand, walking up to the porch like she owns the place. Bodhi can hear the girls rushing down the stairs inside and knows he’ll only have a moment to chew Jyn out. He meets her in the middle of the yard, Cassian hanging back on the porch. Bodhi really hopes he doesn’t leave after this… damn.

“Thought I’d only have one guest tonight,” Bodhi bites out, annoyed on Cassian’s behalf and his own, for how awkward it’s suddenly made things between them. “What’s the big idea?”

“Oh, just thought you could use a babysitter,” Jyn says. “Since I made you a reservation at Old Vines.” She doesn’t look a bit sorry for it, reaching out to clap Bodhi on the shoulder even as his eyebrows raise.

“Old Vines?” Bodhi repeats, incredulous. “Really Jyn, are you-”

“ _Yes_ , I am. It’s romantic.” Jyn insists. Then, only slightly more quiet: “It’s the perfect atmosphere for at least one of you to get the nerve up, right?” Cassian comes up just as she says it and clearly overhears, turning red like he might combust.

Bodhi resists the urge to facepalm. “Yes Jyn, thank you,” he grits out.

“Old Vines?” Cassian asks as Jyn brushes past to greet the kids who have just rushed out onto the porch. Bodhi can hear her regaling them with an explanation of what a wonderful girls night they’ll have. The kids go along with it, immediately hyped by “Fun Aunt Jyn!” As always.

“It’s a nice place, if you’re up for it?” Bodhi asks, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

“I am,” Cassian answers, seeming sincere, much to Bodhi's relief. “Before I forget…” Cassian holds out the rose he’d been holding to Bodhi. “It was free with, um, the girls’ flowers.”

Bodhi ducks his head, glad for the setting sun to hide his blush. He feels warm, both from the gesture and the knowledge that, meddling or not, they are finally going out. “Thank you,” Bodhi says, accepting the rose. “That was really sweet of you.”

Everyone’s still on the porch, and Bodhi studiously avoids Jyn’s eyes while handing the flower to Rose. “Could you put this in water for me please?”

“A rose, just like my name!” Rose states, grinning, before heading back inside.

As Bodhi steps off the porch, heading for the truck where Cassian is now waiting, Paige and Jyn pass on a little encouragement, though he definitely prefers Paige’s “Good luck!” to Jyn’s “Go get ‘em, tiger!”

“Bye dad! Bye Cassian!” Rose calls out as Bodhi opens the truck door to get in. Paige and Jyn joins Rose waving at them with a bright grin.

Cassian smiles and waves back at them.

“Be good!” Bodhi calls back, a threat that is honestly mostly for Jyn. His friend gives a quick salute before she goes inside, herding the girls in with her.

It might not be how he imagined things going, but the look Cassian is giving him, that shy and _hopeful_ look that echoes Bodhi’s feelings, makes pressure in Bodhi’s chest recede in the quiet of the truck.

If this is a chance, he won’t throw it away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Why one kiss is destroying this small town!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *aggressive drumroll* We passed 50k! Thank you to all those reading along, hope you enjoy this one! :D

\-----------------

“The restaurant’s just down in the town square, short drive,” Bodhi says, shooting Cassian a smile. Cassian isn’t sure if he wants to kill Jyn or kiss her for pushing him and Bodhi into this… not quite date.

Could is count as a date? Bodhi had asked him out, in a way. He’d gone along with Jyn’s schemes. But then, Bodhi might just be doing this to humor her.

Bodhi flicks on the radio and of course it’s a love song that fills the air, just to add to the pressure. Some... cheesy 80’s rock ballad. Bodhi taps along on the steering wheel, glancing over at Cassian when they hit a stoplight. Cassian feels too open and exposed; by the way Bodhi looks at him, gentle and reassuring, he can't be hiding it too well.

“Hey, there’s no pressure for this, you know. Jyn kind of threw us both into the deep end here,” he lets out a laugh. “Valentine’s Day… of all times.” At least they’re on the same page there. (Meanwhile Cutting Crew keeps belting out “I just died in your arms tonight” over and over.)

“It’s just a silly holiday. We don’t have to make a thing of it.”

“Right,” Bodhi agrees. “I’m happy to go out with you though, really. ”

“Me too,” Cassian says, emotion fluttering in his chest, and with Bodhi relaxed, looking at him so _fondly_ it’s hard to be worried. They get to the restaurant and the parking lot is packed with cars for the holiday - if Jyn hadn’t made them a reservation, there would be no way they’d get a table anytime soon. Cassian gets out of the truck and thinks it’s a good thing he had dressed kind of nice… not that he’d been trying to look good for Bodhi or anything. Or that he’d gotten ‘Bodhi’s’ text and his heart had leapt, and that he’d spent the last few hours building this up in his head… only to for it to be Jyn’s scheming.

They walk side by side towards the restaurant and Cassian fights not to flinch as their hands brush. Bodhi meets his eyes and catches Cassian’s fingers with his own. “This okay?” he asks.

( _Stupid_ , he thinks. It’s hardly the first time Bodhi’s touched him. It’s not even the first time they’ve held hands!)

Cassian nods, feeling grounded by the soft squeeze of Bodhi’s hand. They go in and the moment the hostess sees them, she’s grinning. ”Bodhi, thought I wouldn’t see you again until Paige’s birthday!”

“Hello, Ackmena. It was a… spur of the moment decision. I don’t want to know what strings Jyn convinced you to pull to get us a table at all.”

“Anything for you, doll,” she says easily, grabbing two menus from her podium.

“This must be your gentleman I’ve heard so much gossip about,” Ackmena says with a kind glance Cassian’s way. Cassian flushes, wondering if he should rebuff her assumption. But, well, he’s holding Bodhi’s hand still and it doesn’t seem worth it. “What’s your name, darling?”

“This is Cassian. Don’t start anymore of the gossip, please,” Bodhi warns before Cassian can answer, tone joking but also a bit pleading. Ackmena looks between them in clear amusement, miming zipping her lips.

“Come on, I’ll show you two lovebirds to your spot.” Bodhi huffs an awkward laugh, shooting Cassian an apologetic look.

Cassian can only hold his gaze for a few moments.

They’re led to their table, through a sea of other couples, finally forced to unlink their hands to sit. They’re seated in a corner booth by the window, gratefully not too boxed in. Cassian shrugs his jacket off, hanging it on the hook by their booth beside Bodhi’s and sliding in across from him.

“Your waitress will be right over, you two have fun,” Ackmena says, shooting a wink Cassian’s way as she does.

He should be used to the attention by now, with how well gossip seems to travel in this town, but still he can’t help but blush. “Thanks...?”

Bodhi shakes his head with a fondly exasperated look after the woman. “Sorry about all that,” he says softly after she’s gone, fidgeting with the menu in his hands. Cassian relaxes, remembering he’s not the only one this is awkward for. He stretches his knee, trying to get comfortable and their feet brush accidentally.

“It’s um, cozy,” Cassian comments.

“A bit small,” Bodhi agrees, nudging his foot in a way that feels more deliberate. Cassian can’t help but smile, eased by how comfortable Bodhi always manages to make him feel. There’s a flickering candle on the table and Bodhi looks unfairly pretty in the glow it casts. Bodhi gazes at him, eyes soft with amusement.

In that instant Cassian wants nothing more than to just _kiss him_. That way Bodhi would at least understand how he feels, how much he wants this. He can’t rush this, though. Bodhi deserves better, god, better than Cassian could probably give him. But those thoughts are too much for so early in their ‘date.’ Cassian picks up the menu and scans over it just to keep himself from staring.

“Everything here is really great. I usually get the pasta, they’ve got all sorts. It’s fresh made here, really good.” Bodhi rambles a bit. Cassian’s apparently not the only one affected by the atmosphere.

“Oh, that sounds good,” Cassian says, at a loss.

Bodhi nods.

They sit in stilted silence until the waitress comes over to take their drink order. It gives Cassian a moment to get his head straight, at least. He tries to think of something to talk about, that isn’t too much like painful small talk, and settles on the girls.

“Hey, did you see the Valentines the girls made me? They’re really sweet.”

Bodhi’s face lights up. “Yeah, they might have gone more all out on yours than they did on _mine,_ even. Lots of glitter from the glimpse I caught.”

“A lot of it’s probably lining the pocket of my coat now,” Cassian laughs. “Still, they were lovely, very thoughtful.”

“The flowers you got for them, um, and for me, were really nice too. You really didn’t have to.”

“When I got your invite, well, _Jyn’s_ invite I just thought… it was nothing, really.”

Cassian almost tells Bodhi the whole story, how he hadn’t been able to say no when the woman at the florist shop caught him looking through the window. He holds off, remembering how embarrassed he’d been when she remarked how wonderful it was that ‘that nice Rook boy’ found someone so handsome and sweet.

“I really am sorry about Jyn,” Bodhi says, looking a bit chagrined though it’s far from his fault.

“Maybe we needed the push,” Cassian says in a moment of blind bravery, wanting to just admit he’d been planning to ask Bodhi out anyway, that he wants this to be a _real date_. Bodhi looks a little astonished at that, pausing like he’s about to say _something_ when the waitress appears with a chipper smile to drop off their drinks and take their orders. Bodhi seems more settled once she’s gone, taking a sip of his soda and leaning his elbows on the table. He watches Cassian for a long moment, to the point where Cassian has to break the silence, feeling insecure.

“What?” Cassian asks, “I can’t have anything on my face yet… we only have bread.”

That shatters the moment, as Bodhi laughs and ducks his head. He’s still smiling when he glances back up. “Nothing, really… just trying to figure out something to say that isn’t completely ridiculous.”

“We’re in the same boat then.”

“Well… if you take one oar and i take the other… maybe we can get somewhere.” Cassian hesitated, unsure of what Bodhi meant until he got the terrible joke.

“That joke is _awful_.”

“It is.” Bodhi admits, not sounding regretful at all. “I do have a real question though, actually. I see you a lot, but I never get much chance to ask: how’s your recovery been going?”

“Honestly? Better than I’d hoped for. I should be able to take the brace off soon. Then, hopefully, I can get back to practicing my jumps.” Cassian can’t hide how excited he is by the prospect, to get back to one of the things he loves most about skating. The rush of the air and the satisfaction of sticking a landing. Catching sight of Bodhi’s smile feels like that some days, he thinks, cursing himself for the thought.

“Don’t do too many in front of Paige. She’s a bit… overeager sometimes.”

“Your girls? Overeager? I don’t believe it.”

“Very funny, I know. You understand though, I’m sure you were the same at that age.”

“I really was,” Cassian says, remembering how many times he fell over exerting himself when he first started out, trying to prove he was good enough. “What were you like back then? Making yourself the best ice fisherman in town?”

“Not at all,” Bodhi laughs. “I lived in a city most my life. Picturesque Lansing, Michigan.”

Cassian’s lips tug up at the corners. “Really? You fit in so well here - I never pegged you as a city boy.”

Bodhi shrugs, taking a drink out of his glass. “I didn’t really get into the fishing thing until I came here. I was always pretty active when I was younger but… never fishing.”

“Yeah?” he teases, giving Bodhi a warm smile. “What did you like when you were a _city boy_?”

Bodhi’s brow furrows, and he opens his mouth to reply but falters.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Cassian relents quickly. He of all people understands not wanting to dwell on the past.

“No, no it’s fine,” Bodhi says. “I was in a lot of foster homes and none of them… really fit right. Jyn’s family all but took me in in high school.”

Cassian nods in something that he hopes comes off as understanding. “You and Jyn go way back then?”

“I moved to her neighborhood in middle school. I didn’t really _know her_ that well until just before high school, though. She threw a punch at this… asshole who kept saying stupid racist bullshit to me. We both ended up in detention for it.”

“And the rest is history?”

“Basically.”

Cassian fidgets in his seat. “Well, I’m… glad you had her to help you. She’s a good friend.”

“She is.” Bodhi clears his throat, his skin flushed in the candlelight. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re doing well… you seemed a bit down when you first got here.”

“I thought you forgave my awful attitude,” Cassian jokes. But then admits: “I do feel better, though. ...Especially after seeing Wedge.” He stabs his straw into his drink to hear the ice cubes clink, finding it difficult to meet Bodhi’s eyes. He’s been told, over and over again, that there’s no shame in seeing a therapist. But admitting it out loud is still a challenge for him, it seems. The silence is just starting to become too much when Bodhi reaches out and gently touches the back of Cassian’s hand.

Releasing the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Cassian timidly turns his hand so he can grasp Bodhi’s. The angle is a bit awkward but he refuses to let go until the waitress returns with their food. Bodhi doesn’t rush to pull away when she appears beside the table, doesn’t wrench his hand out of Cassian’s grip. He gives Cassian’s hand a parting squeeze before letting go.

He’s so casual about it that it has Cassian’s mind racing with dangerous what ifs. He digs into the food placed in front of him instead, glad for the distraction. “This is really good,” he remarks after the first bite, if only for something to say.

“I told you it was,” Bodhi chuckles.

But the question is too insistent, sitting heavy in his mouth until he can no longer take it. “You don’t seem too angry about Jyn’s little trick.”

A smile, a not altogether happy one, twitches at the corner of Bodhi’s mouth. “It’s not the first time she’s done this. There was a while where I could expect to be thrown into a blind date at any moment.”

“Oh…” He can’t help the way his heart starts to sink at the explanation. But then Bodhi sputters, his eyes flashing up to meet Cassian’s, desperation in them.

“But I mean-- this is different!” he continues hurriedly. “You’re… different. I know you. It’s _nice_ with you…”

And just like that, Cassian no longer feels like he’s sinking into the floor. The opposite, in fact. He feels like he’s flying.

“It’s nice with you, too, Bodhi.”

\-----------

“No, no, no. You have to answer. What’s the worst costume you ever had to wear?” Bodhi asks with a downright impish smile. The rest of dinner has passed almost peacefully, the conversation flowing easier the longer they talk.

Cassian shakes his head. “Oh no. I’m not telling you that, you can find out for yourself easy enough.”

“What, on the internet?” Bodhi laughs.

Cassian clears his throat. “Yeah. I’m, kind of well known?”

“You’re asking me?”

Cassian rolls his eyes, which only makes Bodhi nudge him with his foot. “In the skating world, at least.”

Bodhi apparently takes the admission as an invitation, setting his fork down and pulling his phone out.. “Cassian Andor, skating costumes,” he says out loud slowly, typing it out.

“No, absolutely not.” Cassian reaches across the table and plucks Bodhi’s phone from his hands before he can click search. And ruin Cassian’s dignity forever. Bodhi lets out a squawk of annoyance, but doesn’t even make a move to grab it back.

“You can have this at the end of the date,” Cassian says, putting it in his own pocket.

“Fair enough,” Bodhi says, a touch too softly. Cassian swallows at the realization of what he’s said. He called it a _date_. And Bodhi didn’t correct him. And now he’s looking at Cassian with those soft brown eyes.

Cassian blushes. “I may have been a glitter skeleton,” he admits, panicking, and then slides a hand over his face.

“A _glitter_ skeleton?” Bodhi repeats. He sounds like he’s smiling, though Cassian can’t see it.

“It was Danse Macabre, what was I supposed to do?” He takes a chance and looks at Bodhi, who is beaming.

“Literally almost anything else,” he says, his voice strained with laughter. “Any other bad ones?”

Cassian takes another bite of his food, considering his how much of his pride he’s willing to lose. “There was a routine I did to Wham!,” he sighs.

Bodhi’s eyes widen. “Wham! Like ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’?” Bodhi clarifies, as if there were another less embarrassing option.

“Yeah,” Cassian says slowly. “And I wore the Choose Life shirt.”

Bodhi’s smile widens impossibly. “Is it on YouTube?” He’s practically squeaking.

Cassian freezes. “God, I hope not.”

Their waitress comes back, offering the dessert menu. Cassian is about to make the excuse that he’s too full, but Bodhi stops him with a touch to Cassian’s hand. “Just wait,” he says, like it’s a secret between the two of them. “Can we get the chocolate pavé? To share.”

“Of course, sir,” she says, smiling, and walks away with their empty plates.

“What’s a pavé?” Cassian asks.

“It’s a miracle in your mouth, you’ve got to try it,” Bodhi says.

The dessert comes, and Bodhi was right. It’s light and airy, and dark chocolate and espresso mingle with a crisp wafer of cocoa nibs on the plate. Cassian and Bodhi do the eternal dance of halving the last bite, and Bodhi hums, and licks his lips.

Cassian resolutely tries not to get any inappropriate ideas.

When the waitress comes round, Bodhi asks for the check. Cassian starts to argue that he can pay for his own meal, but Bodhi shakes his head. “I’ll get it. It’s my meddling friend that got us in here, after all.”

Cassian has no choice but to give in, watching Bodhi slide his card into the check holder. “Next time?” he offers.

Bodhi grins. “Yeah, you’ll get it next time.”

They walk out together into the cold winter air, shoulders brushing, a sensation that sends sparks along his arm. “Anything in particular you’d like to do now?” Bodhi asks once they’re clear of the doors.

“A walk sound okay?” The thought of their evening ending here has anxiety twisting in his stomach, and he reaches out for Bodhi’s hand once more. Bodhi fingers intertwined with his feels as natural as breathing.

“Sounds great. Have you ever come around down here at night?”

“Not really, between skating and my curfew at the resort,” Cassian says, with only the slightest hint of an annoyed huff.

“I feel like I’m sneaking you out when you put it that way,” Bodhi teases.

“I still have a couple hours before you’d get me in too much trouble. It’s your choice if you want to risk Norra’s wrath,” he shoots back. Bodhi laughs, and Cassian has a giddy thought that he would have gladly climbed out of his window for a chance with Bodhi.

“I can work with that. I want to show you something.”

They walk along the main street, passing only a few others out in the cold. The town feels different at night, with the storefronts dimmed and the streets quiet. Cassian doesn’t feel the need to break the easy silence, instead memorizing the feeling of belonging that’s lodged in his chest, the weight of Bodhi’s hand in his own.

The night, while cold, is clear, and the stars look so close Cassian feels like he could pluck them from the sky. They reach the edge of a park; Bodhi passes the gate and pulls Cassian along until they reach the gazebo at the center. It’s decked in strings of lights, the snow around it glittering where they shine down from above.

“This is it.”

“It’s beautiful here.” While it’s true, Cassian can barely look past Bodhi to notice anything else. Bodhi settles on a bench and Cassian sits beside him. He wonders, briefly, if he should let go of Bodhi’s hand. But Bodhi makes no move to pull away, and so their hands remain linked, nestled between them on the bench.

“Lucky it’s not summer. Usually the teens hog the space.”

“Yeah?”

“Mostly to make out,” Bodhi says, clearing his throat. His eyes flit to Cassian’s lips and Cassian’s heart skips a beat.

“Sounds like the Olympic village.”

Bodhi laughs quietly, a soft, musical sound in the still air. "You know," Bodhi says after he gathers himself, "I'm glad Jyn gave us a push." Cassian’s breath catches in his throat at the words and he dares to glance up. Bodhi is watching him with such open affection and _hope_ etched in his features, tongue slipping out to wet his lips.

“Yeah?” Cassian says, unable to really think past the fact that the look is for _him_ , that Bodhi is really here with him on the edge of _something_.

Cassian startles slightly when Bodhi reaches out, brushing the lock of hair out of Cassian's eyes, fingers just barely touching his skin. Bodhi's touch lingers sweetly. Waiting. _Asking_. Lifting a hand, Cassian presses Bodhi’s palm to his cheek, and this seems to encourage him. He slides closer, closing the space between them. Cassian can't help but think about how the space between them had been shrinking so much over the past few weeks. His heart is in his throat, begging him just to jump that final gap.

"Can I kiss you?" Bodhi asks, voice low and breathy.

 _Yes, of course, PLEASE,_ Cassian thinks, wants to shout it from the rooftops. But all he manages is a strangled "Yes" before Bodhi leans in and kisses Cassian softly, other hand coming up to cup Cassian's cheek as well.

Cassian feels dizzy, like he’s just done a spin on the ice. He’s thought of this so many times, in a thousand fitful moments, but reality still sweeps him off his feet. The taste of chocolate is still lingering faintly on Bodhi's lips and his breath is so warm on Cassian's face. And Cassian is freefalling and sinking all at once. He digs his fingers into Bodhi's coat, just for something else to hang onto so he doesn't float off into space.

When Bodhi pulls away, Cassian takes a moment, trying to let the reality of what happened sink in. Everything feels so much like a dream he wonders if he’s actually asleep. Finally opening his eyes, all he can see is Bodhi, sleepy-eyed and gazing at Cassian in awe. Bodhi brushes his thumb across Cassian’s cheek and he must feel the heat there, because his lips curve into a smile. Cassian can’t help but return it, overwhelmed by surge of joy in his chest.

Cassian isn’t sure which one of them moves in first for the second kiss, just that he never wants to pull away, wrapping his arms around Bodhi to hold him close. Bodhi tilts his head to deepen the kiss and Cassian lets out a needy sound, shivering as Bodhi’s hand slides into his hair. When Bodhi pulls back, they’re both breathless from the rush.

“Hey,” Bodhi breathes out, “maybe we should get back to the car, warm up a bit?”

The offer sends want swooping through his stomach and Cassian nods.

“Come back to the resort?” He suggests quickly and then flushes to the tips of his ears. “Not like… there’s no pressure.”

Bodhi ducks his head, brushing Cassian's mouth with his own. It's short and sweet, and it's all Cassian can do not to follow Bodhi's lips when he pulls away. He doesn't move back far, just far enough to speak.

"I'd really like that."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is this a kissing book?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After taking a week off (for the event that one of us -- one being me, ANTchan -- was late for) we are BACK with... kissing?
> 
> No wait that doesn't seem right. We're far too slow burn for that. ;D Please accept this 3k of Bodhi and Cassian ~~being IN LOVE~~ finally making out. 
> 
> Once again we'd just like to thank ALL OF YOU for taking the time to read and to give feedback on this fic. It's been a wild ride for all of us so far, and it's going to keep being one. Thank you!

\-----------------

Walking back to the truck with his fingers tangled with Cassian’s feels different now that they kissed. The frenetic energy that had been crackling between them all night is quieter now, replaced with a floating, hazy warmth. His hands still tremble but it’s for different reasons now.

Bodhi can’t stop looking over at Cassian, catching the curve of his smile in the glow of the streetlights and wants nothing more than to taste his lips again. It was worth the wait, is all Bodhi can think. All of the questions and worries were worth it, because this feels like something real. Cassian walks close enough their shoulders brush and Bodhi leans into the warmth. Cassian leans over, pressing a kiss to Bodhi’s cheek like he can’t bear not to. Bodhi lets out a breathy laugh, his heart light.

The sudden hum of a radio comes growling up behind them as a car pulls up, blaring a… surprisingly apt love song. _Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight,_ the lyrics ring out and Bodhi turns to the source of the sound. Of course, it’s _Luke_ in his beat up truck, leaning out the window and grinning from ear to ear as his driving slows to a crawl beside them. He doesn’t shout or heckle them, not that he has to. Bodhi laughs even as he feels himself go flush, wondering how long Luke has been spying on them. Cassian lets out a soft sigh, shaking his head and visibly biting back a smile even as he flips Luke off.

“ _Goodnight_ Luke!” Bodhi calls out, shooing him away with a hand and an insistent look. Luke gives them both a goofy thumbs up and drives away.

They reach the truck not long after and Bodhi’s hand feels a bit bereft when they have to part to get in. It’s silly, and he knows it, but even the mere seconds feels like too long. Bodhi starts the engine to let it heat up a bit, knowing how temperamental the old truck can be.

“Well, the whole town will know by morning now,” Bodhi says, resisting the urge to rub his hands on his thighs. He misses the feel of Cassian’s hand in his already. The truck is still warming up, the cold of the night still seeping in. He looks over at Cassian, and sets his hand between them. Cassian gladly takes the offered hand in his own and Bodhi can’t help but smile. He lets his fingers run over Cassian’s knuckles, loving the way Cassian’s lashes flutter at the gentle touch. As if even the smallest gesture is overwhelming to him.

Pausing for the truck to heat up feels like too long a wait. Cassian must agree, from the way his gaze keeps flitting over Bodhi’s face, his lips, like he can hardly keep focus on anything else. Bodhi doesn’t remember ever feeling like this before, just those looks sending a swell of warmth and want through his chest. He can barely keep himself steady as he leans in to capture Cassian’s lips. Cassian anticipates it and gives in, with a soft sigh of laughter against Bodhi’s mouth. The kiss is gentle and searching all at once, a confirmation of everything that Bodhi had thought he’d been imagining for weeks.

Cassian _wants_ him, and that alone is something magical. He nearly forgets everything else, pressing in again between breaths, losing himself in the soft brush of Cassian’s lips.

By the time they pull back, the small amount of frost on the windshield has melted, and the heat has been blasting for several minutes. Bodhi flushes, squeezing Cassian’s hand pulls away reluctantly, finally shifting the truck into gear.

“I really don’t mind that,” Cassian says.

“The kissing?”

Even in the uneven glow of the streetlamps, there’s no missing the flush that creeps over Cassian’s cheeks. It’s more than a little adorable. “That, uh, that too. People knowing, I meant. Besides, there’s no way we’re going to make it into the resort without being teased by Norra.”

Bodhi huffs a laugh. “I hadn’t thought of that,” he admits. Then the implication that he’s going up to Cassian’s room hits him. Damnit, he’s never going to hear the end of this. Bodhi swallows and steadies himself, making the drive to the resort easy and slow, Cassian looking out the window at the town passing by.

Bodhi parks and they both get out, the cold seeping into their clothes. Cassian grabs Bodhi’s hand at the first available moment and they awkwardly huddle against the cold on their way into the lobby, neither one of them wanting to let go. The burst of heat from inside is a relief, but only a brief one.

Because Norra spies them from across the room, her eyes zeroing in on their entwined hands, and slowly grins, overly sweet and devious. Bodhi shudders a little. He blames it on the change in temperature, and not the flood of dread. “Good evening, gentlemen,” she says, her tone no different from usual.

Cassian waves, his expression schooled, and tugs Bodhi into the elevator without a second glance. Bodhi takes one, though, as Cassian casually jabs the nine and close doors buttons. Norra’s are eyes still on them as she picks up the phone. The doors slide shut, but not before Bodhi catches her wink.

He really regrets living in a small town sometimes.

The ride and walk to Cassian’s room seems too short, but maybe that’s just Bodhi’s nerves talking. It only gets worse once they’re inside. He pauses by the doorway, wondering what to do. His mind only provides options that make him flush. Cassian shuffles awkwardly, possibly unaware of Bodhi’s turmoil, stripping off his coat and taking Bodhi’s to hang in the small closet, mumbling something about getting coffee started. Bodhi nods absently, stuffing his hands in his pockets, trying to get a hold of himself. He watches Cassian go across the room to the small kitchenette to start the coffee maker.

The sputter of it heating serves as a respite from the silence stretching out between them. But neither of them moves to break it for several moments, Cassian pulling mugs down from the cabinet while Bodhi looks on. There’s an uncertainty lingering in the tense line of Cassian’s shoulders, something that Bodhi itches to soothe.

He’s allowed to do that now, he remembers with a start.

He steps up behind Cassian, wrapping his arms around him. He marvels at the way Cassian melts into his embrace, at how easily Cassian yields to his touch. Bodhi rests a hand low on Cassian’s middle, smiling when Cassian covers the hand with his own. Feeling a little bold, Bodhi brushes Cassian’s hair out of the way and presses a kiss to his neck. At Cassian’s pleased sigh, Bodhi slides his hand lower to grip Cassian’s hip, thumb brushing along the bare skin where Cassian’s shirt has ridden up.

“This okay?” Bodhi asks and Cassian hums in agreement.

“Definitely,” Cassian says, voice low and eager.

The thought that _he_ is the one making Cassian sound that way is one hell of a rush. And he only wants to hear more of it, leaning in to nuzzle against Cassian’s neck again, laying a trail of kisses down as far as Cassian’s shirt allows. Cassian shivers pleasantly in his arms, his grip tightening on Bodhi’s wrist. It would be easy to get lost in this feeling, Bodhi knows, to let desire override everything else. Mindful of his tenuous self control, he stills, taking a steadying breath, and eases back to rest his chin on Cassian’s shoulder.

“Taking it slow is okay too, right?” he asks, the question somewhat self-directed as he tries not to get too ahead of himself. He wants this _so much_ and yet he doesn’t want to rush it. This is worth so much more than a quick, fumbling hookup. He hopes Cassian understands that.

Cassian turns in his arms to face him, his gaze intent and honest. He ducks in to lay a kiss on Bodhi’s lips, the gentleness of it banishing Bodhi’s fleeting insecurities.

“Of course,” Cassian says. “I’m with you, okay?” Bodhi nods, heart rushing with warmth and want. He wants nothing more than to kiss him again, to shower him with affection and gratitude right here - for the rest of the night if Cassian will let him. The coffee maker beeps sharply, shattering the moment and making them both jump.

“Are we... actually going to drink this coffee?” Bodhi whispers, Cassian lets out a laugh.

“Probably not.” Cassian smiles shyly. The anticipation is strung between them like a tight wire. Bodhi finally gives in, leaning in to kiss Cassian with gentle intent, sliding his arms around Cassian’s waist to tug him even closer. When he eases back for breath, Cassian looks dazed.

“Want to move to my bed?” Cassian fumbles, sliding his warm palm down Bodhi’s arm. “I promise to stop… if it’s too fast or-” Bodhi cuts him off with a short nod.

“I trust you,” Bodhi says, feeling the weight of the words in his mouth disappear with Cassian’s smile. Bodhi pulls away, walking them backward to the bed and flopping down against the pillows. It feels bold and almost arrogant, but he doesn’t have time to second guess himself. Cassian hesitates briefly when Bodhi tugs at his hand, eyes meeting Bodhi’s searchingly.

“Please,” Bodhi breathes, tugging gently on Cassian’s wrist again. Cassian lets himself be pulled down easily, cautious as he balances his weight over Bodhi. He’s almost shy when he finally presses in, dipping in to brush his mouth against Bodhi’s. The fragility of it makes Bodhi feel like time has slowed as he kisses back. Their lips slide together, their kisses careful and sweet. Cassian relaxes slowly above him, holding himself up on an elbow and letting Bodhi set the pace. Bodhi’s heart thrums in his chest and his fingers curl at the back of Cassian’s shirt.

The weight of Cassian’s body pressed over his own makes Bodhi nervous and excited all at once. It’s a slow, tender burn, sending shivers racing down his spine. The comment about being teenagers earlier was pretty apt, he thinks, trying not to get too worked up. The only sound between them is the soft panting breaths when they part, the rustle of the sheets as Bodhi shifts to deepen their next kiss.

“I can’t--” Cassian breaks the kiss suddenly, alarming Bodhi as he pulls away.

“What is it?”

“It’s my knee,” Cassian says, sounding frustrated with himself. Maybe even a little embarrassed. “Could we switch places?”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. Here--” Bodhi holds onto Cassian’s hips, sliding over so Cassian can settle into the mattress. After a moment of indecision, Bodhi rolls over on top of him instead, careful of Cassian’s knee.

Reaching up, Cassian lets his fingers trace over Bodhi’s face, mapping the contours of his cheeks, the laugh lines slowly etching themselves beside Bodhi’s eyes, even brushing softly over his eyelashes when Bodhi closes his eyes. Cassian’s cradles Bodhi’s face in his hand and finally ducks in again, trailing soft kisses down Bodhi’s neck, open mouthed and searing on his skin.

A quiet moan slips past his lips, and that seems to drive Cassian onward, moving up to the line of Bodhi’s jaw, sucking and scraping his teeth over the same spot. Bodhi knows, he _knows_ that this can only result in some grade school teasing from Jyn, but right now he doesn’t care. He slides a hand into Cassian’s long hair, cradling the back of his head as Cassian hums and finishes off with a slow lave of his tongue. He brushes the pad of his thumb along the hickey he just made, and looks exceedingly proud of himself. If Bodhi’s brain hadn’t suddenly turned to mush, he might be annoyed about it. Cassian runs his hands over Bodhi’s sides, further pushing the thought from his mind. They stop at Bodhi’s waist, fingers just barely delving under the hem of Bodhi’s shirt.

The tremor in Cassian's hands, like he’s been waiting to touch Bodhi like this for ages, is too sweet for Bodhi to handle.

Bodhi kisses him again, with a ferocity he forgets to reign in. It teases a needy sound from Cassian’s lips. He can’t help but shift his weight, just enough to feel the heated line of Cassian’s body arch up against him.

It would be so easy to press a leg between Cassian’s, hook his fingers into the waistband of his jeans, see how far Cassian wanted to go, but…

He forces himself to stop, breathing hard against Cassian’s mouth for a moment before rolling fully off, laying next to Cassian on the bed. Cassian’s hands chase after him, fisting them in his shirt with a breathless, disappointed whimper. He lets go after a moment, as if remembering himself, still looking slightly desperate. Bodhi turns away, studying the intricacies of the popcorn ceiling instead, knowing if he looks at Cassian too long his resolve will crumble.

They lay like that for a few minutes, and the longer the silence stretches, the more Bodhi feels like he needs to apologize. But then Cassian reaches between them to take Bodhi’s hand in his. Their fingers tangle together again, and Bodhi glances over to see Cassian smiling at him.

It’s such a small moment. Nothing simpler than a smile from this beautiful man, and all at once the realization crashes into Bodhi that he is, without a doubt, head over heels in love with Cassian.

“Hey,” Cassian mumbles at him.

Bodhi resists the urge to shut his eyes, to _grin_ like a lovestruck loon. He shifts onto his side, pulling their joined hands up so he can brush kisses over Cassian’s knuckles. “Hi. Doing okay?”

Cassian hums, reaching out with his other hand to cup the back of Bodhi’s neck and draw him back in. They manage to keep their kisses chaste this time, gentle and heartbreakingly sweet. Bodhi sighs and kisses him once, twice, and three more times, before using all his strength to pull away.

“I should probably get going,” he makes himself say. If he doesn’t, he knows he’ll never leave.

“I understand,” Cassian says. He doesn’t look sad or angry, just soft and kind, and Bodhi can’t help but swoop in for a last kiss.

“I really don’t want to,” Bodhi murmurs into it honestly.

Cassian sighs, as if savoring Bodhi’s kiss, before gently pushing on Bodhi’s shoulder. “I know,” Cassian says, flushed and sounding torn. “If you’re leaving, it needs to be now.” There’s an undercurrent in his words, an intent that has Bodhi’s throat going tight. They’re adults. They can do this.

“Right, don’t want to make things harder than they have to be.” Bodhi realizes what he said, he meets Cassian’s eyes for a beat, watching the way his eyes crinkle up in laughter. Bodhi can’t hold back his own giggles, burying his face in Cassian’s shoulder to smother them. Cassian clutches him close and Bodhi can feel his chest rumble in silent laughter.

Eventually Bodhi finds the strength to extricate himself from Cassian’s arms. Cassian props himself up on his elbows, his eyes on Bodhi the entire time as he goes to retrieve his coat. But it doesn’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest, not like Bodhi thought it would be. He’s about to see himself out when Cassian slides out of the bed. “Let me walk you out,” he says, grabbing his resort pass and shoving his boots on without lacing them.

They walk out in silence, the elevator ride down quiet, and so is the trek across the lobby, Cassian’s hand brushing against his own.

Cassian goes as far as to walk him out to his truck, which warms Bodhi to his core.

“Okay, well, goodnight,” Bodhi says, the thick cold air eating his words, making them sound hushed.

Cassian looks at him, eyes wide and glittering in the lights from the center, and leans in one last time. Bodhi reels Cassian in, meeting him halfway. His breathing stutters as Cassian presses his full weight against Bodhi, all but pinning him against the truck as he deepens the kiss. Bodhi’s lips part, warmth spreading through him, until he can’t even feel the night air. He flicks his tongue at the seam of Cassian’s lips, drinking in the sweet gasp he gets for it. Bodhi’s hands creep up Cassian’s chest, clinging to the lapels of his coat to keep him in place.

Cassian pulls away all the same, throwing Bodhi’s entire world off its axis. “Come back,” he pleads, dazed.

Cassian’s lips tug up in a smile. “You have to go home Bodhi,” he says, somehow the voice of reason.

Bodhi bites back the reply that Cassian should come home with him, that he should never leave. But that thought is dangerously irrational and he knows it. He takes a deep breath, letting the cold air fill his lungs, cooling him down from the heated moment. “Right,” he says, mustering what little resolve he has and lets go of Cassian’s coat. “Okay. I’m leaving.”

Cassian smiles and steps back to let Bodhi get in the truck. “Leaving,” Bodhi repeats.

Cassian nods. “Ah, wait, your phone,” he says suddenly, pulling it out of his pocket to hand it over.

Bodhi takes advantage of the moment, yanking him back in to press one more searing kiss to his mouth, slipping his tongue past Cassian’s parted lips until he moans helplessly. Cassian lets out a frustrated sound when they part. Bodhi’s please to see he doesn’t look nearly as smug as he had before. “See you tomorrow?” Bodhi breathes out.

“Yeah,” Cassian says, out of breath himself. Bodhi grabs the phone from loose fingers.

“Okay,” Bodhi says, mostly to himself, and gets in the truck before throws the premise of dignity out the window.

Cassian doesn’t move until Bodhi starts the engine up, in turn, Bodhi waits until Cassian is inside to shift the truck into reverse. And then he’s on the road, the lights of the passing cars lighting up his reflection in the rear view mirror. He catches the sight of the dark spot high on his neck, sure to be even darker tomorrow. Jyn is going to be insufferable, he thinks.

But it’s worth it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small town celebrates new local couple. "They finally got their shit together!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Thank you to everyone for being patient with us for the schedule slip, we've been trying to catch up to ourselves. Warning for attempted erection hiding in the chapter (no, not that kind).

\-----------------

The light of the morning seeping through the curtains is what wakes him. Cassian cringes with a groan, rolling over to escape it. He’d been unable to sleep until late, late into the night, tossing and turning, feeling the ghost of Bodhi’s warmth, his lips still tingling from his kisses, his hands aching to touch Bodhi again. But despite his lack of sleep, the first touch of light has him immediately reaching for his phone, clumsily pulling up Bodhi’s last text from the night. _Just got home. Thanks for a great night out._

Cassian’s fingers hover over the screen. He’d been too keyed up to respond before, feigning having gone to sleep and quietly agonizing over that decision for the rest of the night. He bites his lip, mind stalling over his words, and eventually types: _**Can’t wait to see you again. For maybe a great night in?**_

Is that too much? Too presumptuous? His heart in his throat, he presses send before he can overthink it any more than he already is, and rolls out of bed to get ready.

He’s out of the shower and dressing, standing in the room in his underwear with his shirt half on, when his phone lights up and buzzes across the dresser.

Cassian doesn’t leap for it, exactly, but it’s a close call.

_Come by the shop?_

_**On my way**._

Cassian lunges for his wallet and his shoes… only to remember he’s still pantless. He doubles back, nearly tripping over himself shoving his jeans on, any semblance of skater’s grace forgotten in his hurry to get out the door.

Down in the lobby, Norra doesn’t wait for him to speak, a not quite smothered grin on her lips as she looks up. “Good morning, Mr. Andor,” she says. “Mr. Solo is on his way.”

Cassian blinks, slowing to a stop beside the desk. “It’s Cassian, Norra, please. And... thank you. I didn’t say I needed a taxi.”

“Oh, no need for thanks. I had a feeling I knew where you would be sneaking off to today.” Norra’s eyes sparkle knowingly at him. “I’m surprised Bodhi’s not with you this morning, to be honest.”

Cassian’s face goes hot. “I was a perfect gentleman!”

If anything, the mischievous glint in her eyes only grows brighter. “I never said you weren’t. Only with how the two of you have been pining over each other these last few weeks, no one would’ve blamed either of you.”

“I would have thought _that_ kind of thing was against the rules,” he says under his breath.

“We’re a place of healing and rehabilitation,” Norra recites with rote formality. And then she laughs. “But if romancing Bodhi is what keeps you here and actually _healing and rehabilitating,_ then I’m not above ignoring some rules.” His horrified sputtering only seems to amuse her more, and she mercifully lets the matter drop. “I’m glad you stayed, Cassian. You seemed so set against it when you first started.”

He thinks of the great things he’d never expected to come out of his time here - of the girls, of Bodhi. Of how strange and wonderful just knowing them for these few weeks has been. Cassian clears his throat, too aware that a _dopey_ smile has been creeping onto his face. “Yeah, well… I was wrong.” He shifts slowly away from the desk. “Ah, I’ll just wait outside.”

Norra smiles. “Good idea.”

The now familiar yellow cab is already pulling up to the curb as he retreats through the doors. He slides into the back seat, and before he can even buckle himself in, Solo pipes up with: “Heard you had a good time last night, Andor. Congratulations.”

Cassian flashes a glare at him as he fastens the seatbelt. But there’s a flush rising on his cheeks again. He has a feeling that’s going to be a theme today. “Is there anyone who _doesn’t_ know that we went on a date last night?”

Han laughs. “Not after Luke saw you two. You might as well have had a headline in the local newspaper.”

“Surprised this place even has a paper,” Cassian mutters. If Han even hears it, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Now that I think about it, Windu might have run it.” He pauses, then the corners of his lips rise slowly. “ _Local Fisherman Reels In Romance._ ”

“You’re a laugh riot,” Cassian says flatly.

“And you’re a guy that says ‘laugh riot’, I think we’re even,” Solo says, pulling up to the bait shop. Cassian all but leaps from the cab, but not before Han shouts out, “See you in the papers!”

Cassian slams the door, and turns to flip Han off as he walks away. Hopefully the girls aren’t watching him from the shop windows - but Han gaping at him is immensely satisfying. Cassian is smug all the way to the shop’s front door, right until he enters with the sharp jangling of the bell above the door. He stops just inside, thoughts scattering at the sight of Bodhi at the counter. He’s wearing a scarf today, doing a poor job of concealing the hickey riding high on his throat.

Cassian’s breath catches at the sight of him, a familiar warmth flaring in his chest. But where Cassian had thought it was torturous before, it’s now a _fire_ in his blood. It’s an exhilarating rush, knowing that Bodhi welcomes the affection he’s been dying to give him. That last night wasn’t just some vivid dream.

Bodhi appears oblivious to his moment of revelation, his focus entirely on the task in front of him. He’s working on something colorful and tedious, involving streamers, his tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration. It’s completely adorable.

“What’s this?” Cassian asks, startling Bodhi out of his trance. He looks up, a dazzling grin overtaking his features the moment he realizes who’s standing beside him.

“It’s for Rose’s school play. Remember? She’s a jellyfish.” He holds up the umbrella, and with a whoosh of air the streamers move out and wave. “It might be bad luck indoors, but we’ll have to risk it.”

“It looks great,” Cassian says as Bodhi sets the umbrella down again. Cassian walks around the counter, giving Bodhi a moment to extricate himself from the craft supplies. Bodhi stands slowly, his smile falling into a wince as he stretches out.

Cassian frowns, reaching out to touch Bodhi’s arm. “You okay?”

“I’m alright. Just one of those days,” Bodhi says quietly. His voice lowers hesitantly, eyes avert to his suddenly fidgeting hands. “I had to put my brace on this morning...”

The words are so brittle that it stops Cassian’s questions in their tracks. He swallows them back, forcing the curiosity from his expression. He’s not sure if he manages it. He steps in closer, gently sliding a hand around Bodhi. The spark of need, of affection and desire, that ignites at his fingertips is dulled by his concern. His hand rests high on the dip of Bodhi’s spine, but even here he can feel the ridge of the brace through his shirt.

It’s perfectly sensible that Bodhi would have something to help him with his injury - it’s not as if Cassian has room to talk with his knee right now. But still… “Is it that bad?” he asks, carefully pressing his fingers into Bodhi’s back, wishing he could take away the pain.

“I’m used to it,” Bodhi replies, noticeably straining to lighten his tone. “It’s, uh, been years. And…” He looks like he’s wrestling with his thoughts. Cassian lets him work through it, hoping to offer his support and comfort with only his presence.

(This is all he’s wanted for _weeks_ \- to be close to Bodhi. Even when the thought terrified him, it’s all Cassian had wanted.)

But when Bodhi’s finally turn back to him, the full intensity of his smile returns. “It’s fine. I think I know just the thing for it, actually,” he says, tugging on Cassian’s hand and pulling him towards the back office.

“Advil?” Cassian asks as Bodhi shuts the door behind them and guides him to the desk. Despite himself, his heart leaps at Bodhi’s sudden peal of laughter. Bodhi turns and slides up onto the desk, tugging Cassian to stand between his open legs. “ _Oh_.”

“Oh,” Bodhi echoes, his smile just a touch mischievous. His hands glide over Cassian’s shoulders, a touch so casual that it _shouldn’t_ give him chills.

“Are you sure?” Even as he questions it, he wraps his arms around Bodhi’s waist and steps closer into the cradle of Bodhi’s thighs. “I don’t want to make it worse--”

He doesn’t get to finish, because Bodhi leans in cuts him off with a kiss. Cassian’s thoughts scatter to the wind, swaying into Bodhi’s space for more. The kiss breaks after only a few seconds, but it has all the effect of destroying his concerned protests. Bodhi cradles his face in his hand, thumb brushing through scruff at his jaw. “I don’t think kissing you can make anything worse,” Bodhi says. “Right?”

Cassian nods, helpless to do anything but tip his head up in a silent plea.

Graceful fingers comb through Cassian’s hair, dragging him in again, and Cassian meets him willingly - eagerly. His lips part at the first caress of Bodhi’s mouth on his, forgetting all about keeping things slow or chaste. For a brief moment Cassian is nothing but the need, the desperation to taste Bodhi, to savor the heat of his chest pressed to Cassian’s. Bodhi’s gasp is smothered by the press of his mouth. His hands tug Bodhi’s shirt free get under it, needing to feel the warmth of his skin.

He loses track of how long they stay like that, with Bodhi’s legs not quite coiled around his hips and his hands tangled in Cassian’s hair. When they part it’s only for Cassian to trail kisses across Bodhi’s face, the corner of his lips, the curve of his cheek, his jaw, and down to the hickey flush against Bodhi’s throat.

Bodhi curses, head falling back to bare his neck, and Cassian nuzzles kisses over the mark.

Neither of them hears the door swing open. “What’s that saying?” Jyn’s voice interrupts, startling them both. Cassian stumbles, unable and unwilling to extricate himself from Bodhi’s arms. “Working _hard_ or hardly working? I think you managed both somehow.”

“ _Jyn_ ,” Bodhi growls over Cassian’s shoulder. His voice is throaty and rough, sending a coil of heat through Cassian just from the sound.

Jyn, undaunted, simply laughs at them. Her eyes are sharp and mischievous when she turns to Cassian. “Look, if you’re gonna hang around, you could at least pull your weight and learn to work the register.”

Cassian rolls his eyes at her. He’s not sure whether he’s just confident enough in his relationship with Jyn now, or if he just doesn’t care. Perhaps both.

“I mean, I know technically this is my fault, and you’re welcome, by the way,” she continues, grinning like a cheshire cat and crossing her arms. “But-- Oh my _god_ , you have a hickey!”

“Jyn!” Bodhi hisses, covering the mark with his hand self consciously, as if it would help. Cassian tries to untangle himself from Bodhi’s embrace, only for Bodhi’s arms to wind tighter around his shoulders. He looks up in time to see the man wince, his face pink.

“There’s no one else in the shop!” Jyn says. “I can’t believe this, you have a _love bite_ , this is amazing,” she continues, ignoring Bodhi’s red face and pulling out her phone. “Luke’s going to love this!”

“No!” Bodhi says, sounding a bit desperate. “Please Jyn, I mean--” He casts a glance Cassian’s way, and Cassian is shocked to see the level of panic in them. “Can’t you just give us a minute?” Bodhi’s voice is now a near squeak. But he shifts against Cassian, squirming as if he can somehow use Cassian as a shield against his friend’s gaze and--

The way Bodhi presses closer to him makes it suddenly clear _why_ he’s hiding in the first place, that Jyn’s initial barb hadn’t been entirely inaccurate. Cassian barely stops himself from reacting, his eyes going wide. He turns away from Jyn to hide the furious blush that blooms across his face. It’s Bodhi who catches his stunned expression instead. If possible, Bodhi flush darkens several more shades, his gaze darting away from Cassian’s face to anywhere else.

He’s barely listening when Jyn gives in to Bodhi’s harried request, leaving them alone again with an exasperated, “Alright, fine. But make it quick.”

The door shutting behind him sends the room into damning silence. For several breaths the two of them simply look at one another, until finally Cassian sputters, “You’re--”

“Sorry!” Bodhi jerks back from him, or would, if Cassian hadn’t kept a hand at his waist. “Sorry, sorry I just… need a minute.”

“It’s fine!” His own voice has gone half an octave higher. “No, it’s... “ He lets out an almost hysterical laugh. “I’ll take it as a compliment?”

Bodhi groans, burying his face in Cassian’s shoulder. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not, I swear,” Cassian says. “Hey, look at me.” Bodhi lifts, still clearly flustered and embarrassed, and fixes him with a flat stare. “I like having that effect on you.” He brushes an apologetic kiss to the corner of Bodhi’s mouth, cherishing the quiet sigh that leaves him.

Bodhi tips his forehead against Cassian’s temple, and the two of them breathe each other in for a time. “I’m sorry it got, uh, intense there,” Bodhi mumbles eventually. “I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

Warmth curls in Cassian’s chest, and he nudges Bodhi to cover it. “I’m not exactly innocent here either. I couldn’t sleep last night, I was too busy thinking of you.”

“Ugh, you’re _really_ not helping this whole… problem, Cassian.”

Cassian snickers. “Sorry. And about that hickey, too. I got a little… enthusiastic, I guess.” He reaches up to tuck the loosened scarf back around Bodhi’s neck.

“Don’t apologize,” Bodhi says, cupping Cassian’s face. His thumb traces back and forth over the line of his cheekbone. “I like it.” He draws Cassian in for another kiss, quick and so sweet that Cassian’s heart twists dizzily in his chest. He doesn’t quite chase after Bodhi’s mouth as he pulls away, but it’s close. “I’ll just have to give you one, then,” Bodhi teases, his voice going soft and meaningful.

Cassian’s breath stutters, and he smiles. “I look forward to it.” Bodhi finally releases him, and Cassian obediently steps back to let him down from the desk. “Just… maybe not where Jyn can walk in on us, right?”

“Please!” Bodhi giggles, rubbing a hand over his face. “We’re lucky it was only Jyn. God, if it had been one of the girls...”

They share a mortified glance at the thought.

“We’ll definitely be more careful when they’re around,” Cassian promises. The thought bursts the hazy little bubble he’s been floating in since yesterday, reminding him that it’s not just Bodhi or himself that he has to consider. It’s not even just the girls or even this little town. It’s a whole world around them, their _lives_ to take into consideration. Cassian suppresses his rising nerves before they can overtake him. It’s easier to deal with these anxieties one step at a time, picking apart each problem instead of everything at once. Wedge has been trying to teach him that, at least.

“Do they know about us yet?” he tries to ask lightly, and then fails when his voice hitches over _us_. “More than the date, I mean… If this is...”

Bodhi never gets the chance to answer. A sharp rap on the office door cuts him off, startling them both.

“It’s been way longer than a minute!” Jyn calls through the door. “The supplies for the tournament won’t inventory themselves!”

“Alright Jyn!” Bodhi answers with a sigh, shooting Cassian an apologetic look. “You’d think she was the one in charge around here.”

“She’s not?” Cassian makes an attempt at banter, but the words fall flat, surely revealing his nerves. Bodhi’s gaze lingers, understanding and conflicted. Instead of stepping towards the door he reaches out, tangling his fingers with Cassian’s.

“We’ll talk later?” he offers, squeezing Cassian’s hand in his own reassuringly.

“Of course,” Cassian says. It’s enough to be rewarded with Bodhi’s relieved smile.

“In the meantime, I have a _very_ important favor to ask of you.”

“Yes?” His response is without hesitation. There’s little he wouldn’t do for Bodhi, he’s starting to realize. He wonders if Bodhi has noticed too.

“Could you keep attaching streamers to the umbrella?” Bodhi pleads, looking a little bit desperate for the help. So much so that Cassian laughs. “I really wouldn’t ask, but that thing needs to be done by dress rehearsal next week and it’s a lot more time consuming than it seems. It would be a huge help and I’d make it up to you.”

“Yeah?” Cassian murmurs, and he means it as a joke but the dip of his question betrays him. Bodhi flushes and elbows him.

They return hand-in-hand to the front of the store, met by Jyn’s imperiously pointed expression. “Nice of you to show up for work,” she needles. Her smile soothes the barb, though, so that Bodhi only huffs at her.

“Are you going to hold that over me all day?”

“All day? Oh no, I’m holding this over you for the rest of the _week_. That’s what older sisters are for--”

“I’m only two months younger than you!”

Cassian breaks from Bodhi’s side to sit at the counter. “You know,” he muses, “I’ll just leave you to your bickering.” He plucks the umbrella from where it was left leaning against the counter, examining it for a moment.

He doesn’t quite catch the hissed rebuke that Bodhi attempts to shoo Jyn away with. Bodhi leans over the counter to peck him on the cheek instead. “I’m going to help her unpack this stuff. Have fun with the crafts. But don’t mess it up, okay? Or Rose will kill us both.”

Cassian grins. “No pressure, right?”

“If you’re done mooning over your boyfriend…” Jyn heckles them, the interruption forcing Bodhi to back away from the counter and go join her. Thankfully, it makes him miss the way Cassian’s hands fumble with the googly-eyed umbrella at the word, and the electrified zing that it sends straight to his chest.

Before Bodhi, the idea of being someone’s boyfriend had always felt abstract - something that could never work between his skating schedule and everything else in his life. Now, it’s something real and grounding, and the thought of being Bodhi’s _anything_ fills his stomach with butterflies. He might be getting ahead of himself, he knows, but Bodhi hadn’t stopped to correct Jyn either.

Cassian pushes the thoughts away and sets to work instead, picking up where Bodhi left off in his crafting efforts. It’s a fairly mindless task, making sure each streamer is adhered to the umbrella well enough, twirling it after a every few to make certain he’s doing it right. He wants to do a good job for Rose, and can’t help but smile when he thinks of how excited she’ll be to add it to her steadily growing costume collection.

(He only hopes she doesn’t try to skate with it like she had the clown leggings.)

The ridiculous smile is still on his face when he catches Bodhi looking over, only half paying attention to whatever list Jyn is reading off to him. Cassian expects him to turn away, to at least _pretend_ to focus on work, but he doesn’t, apparently content to watch Cassian instead.

Cassian pretends not to notice at first, holding the umbrella over his head and twirling it to show off his work so far. He glimpses Bodhi’s smile, half obscured by the cascade of crepe paper, and doesn’t miss the way Jyn nudges Bodhi’s side to rein him in again. But even still, Bodhi keeps glancing over at him, especially when Jyn turns her back to climb up and start fixing the display. Cassian raises an eyebrow in silent question, wondering how he could possibly be that interesting. In return Bodhi winks, his grin bright and mischievous as Cassian blushes and averts his gaze, making sure he doesn’t glue himself to the umbrella in his distraction.

When Jyn comes down from the ladder, Cassian knows by the huff of her breath that she’s caught on to them, glancing over to see her looking unimpressed at Bodhi, her hands resting on her hips.

“Alright, this is going nowhere with Cassian here, so I give up. _You_ can sort this out tomorrow morning while I take a relaxing breakfast break,” Jyn announces with a smirk. “And on that note, I’m taking a break _now_ as well. Go kiss him or whatever - and please at least pretend to run the store while I’m out.”

“Thank you, Jyn,” Bodhi calls out, not sounding chagrined in the slightest, coming back over behind the counter the moment she’s outside. Cassian turns in his chair as he approaches, brandishing the now mostly recognizable jellyfish with a flourish. Despite the distraction, Cassian has actually made progress on the umbrella, unlike Bodhi with his supposed work.

“Nice work,” Bodhi says, not even hesitating to step into the space between Cassian’s legs and dipping down for a brief kiss.

“I tried,” Cassian says when they part, trying not to show just how dizzy even a simple kiss has made him. “Someone made it a little difficult to focus, though.” Bodhi smiles at the comment with an unabashed shrug.

If Bodhi’s back, or Cassian’s knee for that matter, were feeling up to it, Cassian could imagine pulling him down into his lap, holding him there and kissing him breathless. His thoughts after that take an even less innocent turn, and he smothers them quickly. Bodhi thankfully doesn’t seem to realize the line of Cassian’s fantasies, because he reaches out, fingertips skimming the curve of Cassian’s flushed cheek. His eyes flutter closed, sighing contentedly as Bodhi cards his fingers through Cassian’s hair. Utterly helpless against the gentle intimacy of the moment, Cassian tips forward, resting his forehead against Bodhi’s stomach.

“Mm. Shouldn’t you be down at the register?” Cassian asks, despite how content he is to stay exactly where he is. Bodhi hums, as if considering. It takes him several more beats to answer, at which point Cassian has all but melted into his touch.

“I suppose I should,” Bodhi says. “Come with me and I’ll actually show you how to use it? If you’d like.” He steps away and Cassian can barely keep the disappointed whine from leaving his mouth.

Unable to do anything but follow, Cassian sidles up behind him at register instead. There’s only the slightest hesitation before he’s carefully winding his arms around Bodhi’s middle, mindful of his back. He relaxes into Cassian’s touch as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, warm and steady in his arms. He rests his chin on Bodhi’s shoulder, peeking over to watch as Bodhi taps at the register.

“Have you ever worked in retail? Summer job or anything?” Bodhi asks.

Cassian laughs under his breath, jostling Bodhi against him slightly. “Not really. Skating was kind of my summer job. And fall, and spring, and _especially_ winter.”

“Oh yeah,” Bodhi says, “easy to forget sometimes that you’re not just good for teaching kids skating.”

“Hey, I’m _great_ at teaching kids skating, I’m sure you’ve heard the rave reviews.”

“Of course, that’s what I meant,” Bodhi replies innocently. Cassian rewards the answer with a kiss just below Bodhi’s ear, delighted when he shivers. If his heart could feel any lighter, it would surely float right out of his chest.

Bodhi breaks him from his trance with a nudge of his elbow. “Hey, you want to learn this or not?”

“Sorry,” Cassian laughs into the juncture of his shoulder. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“Look, it’s simple, I promise…” Bodhi explains things to him simply and patiently over the next few minutes. But Cassian finds it difficult to concentrate on his words - when Bodhi is so solid and _there_ in his embrace. It all feels like a dream, a dream filled with sweet kisses and comforting touches… and instructions on how to work a cash register.

But, _god,_ Cassian never wants to wake up from it.

“Hey, are you listening?”

Cassian’s mouth twitches into a grin, and he smothers it into Bodhi’s shoulder. “Yes. I could manage this.” He loosens his hold just enough to lean around Bodhi’s side, shooting him an arch look. “You’re... not just dating me to have extra help around here, are you?”

A slow smile spreads across Bodhi’s face. “You caught me,” he jokes. “I’ve always wanted a boyfriend to boss around.”

There’s a lot to unpack from that statement - most of which has Cassian swallowing around the sudden tightness of his throat. But Bodhi calling his bluff, calling him his _boyfriend_ , outweighs all of it. It has his stomach doing dizzying flips.

Cassian steps around, keep his eyes on Bodhi’s in hopes that it makes him look braver than he feels. “I’m up for the job if that’s what this is. If we’re...” Cassian doesn’t know how to ask for this - has never had to, really. But luckily for his nerves, Bodhi catches on well enough.

“We are,” Bodhi says, crowding into Cassian’s space, setting his hands on Cassian’s hips. “If you want that, I mean. No pressure of c--”

Cassian cuts him off with a quick kiss, sending Bodhi melting against him. “I’d love to be your boyfriend,” he says as they part, his voice gone breathless and reverent.

“It’s settled then,” Bodhi says, sounding just as glad when he leans in to kiss the smile from Cassian’s lips.

\-----------

Cassian returns to his room that evening feeling light, like his tether has been cut and he might just float away into something dangerously like bliss if he’s not careful. He flops down on the bed and, as much as he wishes he were back at Bodhi’s still, he can’t help but grin. They’d had a lovely day while barely doing anything at all, stealing kisses when Jyn was busy and when there weren’t any customers to help. He even did a bit of work himself, after Bodhi had deemed his crafting project finished. The hours had passed peacefully, and it both feels like no time at all and _years_ away from the fears and anxieties of yesterday.

It’s something Cassian never imagined he could have for himself. It barely even feels real.

Just thinking about it makes him yearn for someone to talk to. He fumbles for his phone almost before he’s finished his thought. There’s only one person he would even consider.

Kay picks up on the second ring.

 _“Cassian? Is everything okay? Is this an emergency?”_ Cassian can’t help it anymore, and laughs. Kay sighs at him. _“Oh, just another of your ‘happy’ calls. I suppose I should get used to these.”_

“You should,” Cassian says, grinning before he adds: “Bodhi and I are dating.”

 _“I’m shocked,”_ Kay deadpans. _“Do you hear how shocked I am?”_

“Kay, please. Like, really dating not just...fooling around. This is…”

 _“Serious?”_ Kay infers. Just the word is a little terrifying, but Cassian’t can’t deny it.

“Is it too early to say that? It has to be.”

_“You’re asking me?”_

“I just… I really like him and somehow he likes me too.” Cassian quietly marvels at his own admission, scarcely believing it. He wonders what Kay must think of this, if he thinks Cassian is being a fool. But Kay has never held back his opinions - even to a fault.

_“You have a habit of taking everything quite seriously, if you haven’t noticed.”_

“Kay...” Cassian trails off, unsure of how to ask for the assurance he needs to hear.

 _“I’m not teasing you, Cassian. I’m just being honest. Even when you had your flings, you could never keep your heart out of it. I knew you had feelings for Bodhi from spending five minutes with the two of you.”_ Cassian cringes, thinking uncomfortably back on every post “break up” mope that Kay has witnessed - where he would swing wildly between melancholy and throwing himself back into his training with obsessive, destructive vigor.

(Dealing with it in poor, unhealthy ways, Cassian is slowly realizing. Wedge has been leaning hard into the coping portion of Cassian’s recovery regimen these past few sessions.)

“Is that a good thing? Kay, if you think I’m being an idiot just…”

_“I do not. Cassian, I think Bodhi is lucky to have you. And that in those five minutes I saw that **he** cared a great deal about you too.”_

“There’s no way that you could possibly know that. You met him once!”

_“It was that obvious. And now **you** know that as well.”_

“Yes, he’s… proved it a bit.” Cassian smiles to himself, his mind drifting back to just earlier this evening. To the sweet and lingering kiss they’d shared on Bodhi’s porch before he left.

_“I don’t need to know about that.”_

“We’re taking it slow!”

_“Oh, that is serious.”_

“Shut up.”

 _“I didn’t say anything. You know I don’t find your… copulation habits all that interesting.”_ Cassian groans and tries to change the subject.

“That’s better than Bodhi’s friends... and half his neighbors. It seems like we’re the talk of the town.”

_“You’re minorly famous, you know. You shouldn’t be surprised.”_

“It’s not even about _me_ though, just people rooting for us to get together this whole time. The woman who works the desk here, the only cab driver in town-- the woman who owns the restaurant we ate at!”

_“Sounds more like a town full of busybodies.”_

“A little. I’d never tell them but... it’s nice, y’know? To have people who care. The community here is just something else. We skate on the pond a lot but they have a year round rink and well… it’s a nice town.”

He stops just short of saying what he’s thinking: that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad just to move here. To stay with Bodhi or get his own place. The town has been nothing but welcoming to him. And honestly, he’s finding it harder with each day to picture himself happy somewhere else. It’s a foolish idea, too soon and too emotional to even speak aloud. What would he even _do_ if he moved up here? Draven certainly wouldn’t uproot to Canada to continue coaching him without a fight.

 _If_ he’s still able to compete, that is.

 _If_ he wants to compete at all.

The thought strikes him so suddenly, that he’s still trying to explain to Kay about Fespin Falls when his mind catches up. He finds himself trailing off mid-sentence, frowning at the course his thoughts have taken. He’s so preoccupied by it that he almost misses Kay’s soft reply.

 _“I can’t deny the change of scenery has been good for you,”_ Kay says, like he knows exactly what’s on Cassian’s mind. He doesn’t press. _“I’m happy for you, you know?”_

“Thanks, Kay.”

After he hangs up, Cassian stares at the ceiling in quiet wonder. His life had been so steady before all of this - he’d seen his future planned out all the way to his retirement from the sport. And now it’s all been thrown off his carefully plotted course, and nothing seems certain.

But for the life of him, Cassian can’t make himself regret it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local Man Bombarded With Questions Regarding His Love Life - You Won't Believe How He Responds!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This chapter has been done for a bit now, and we're so happy to finally get it out to you! :D We'd like to once again thank all of you for your comments and feedback. We just love putting this fic out for you!

\-----------------

The moment the girls clamber into the truck after school, Bodhi’s met with looks, that are too casual to be innocent, and expectant silence. He knows exactly what they’re itching to ask him - he’d miraculously skirted past the subject of _the date_ this morning because they were running late for school. The fact that he’d woken up late was probably telling enough for them. He’d been far too embarrassed to admit the reason why; the time he’d spent lying awake, caught between excitement and doubt over everything; his mouth still tingling from those final kisses.

“How was your day, dad?” Paige asks lightly. Rose leans forward in her seat, looking entirely too intent.

“It was nice. Uneventful. How was yours, sweet pea?” Bodhi deflects, amused when he hears Rose sigh audibly. He glances up and catches the flat look Paige is shooting him from the backseat, and smothers a grin. But she starts in on explaining the science project her class is doing anyway - they’re studying weather systems, and are supposed to keep a cloud journal.

He manages to dodge anymore attempts at an interrogation until they’re pulling into the grocery store, when Rose throws her head back against the seat and groans, “Daaaaaaaaad!”

Bodhi cuts off in the middle of reciting his shopping list. “What?” He barely stops himself from laughing. “Don’t you want food this week? Come on, out.” He ushers them out of the car and into the store, firmly ignoring Rose’s plaintive stare and Paige’s ever watchful eyes. It’s not long at all before Rose is trying again.

“Dad, I wanna know about the date!”

Her voice seems to echo along the aisle, and even though they’re alone on this particular one, Bodhi can so easily imagine anyone on neighboring aisles leaning in to listen.

Paige rounds on her sister before Bodhi can shush her. “Jyn said not to make him talk about it!”

“But I wanna know if they kissed- ”

“Rose!”

“Girls, hey, stop fighting,” Bodhi says, realizing he’ll have to give them something before they catch the attention of the entire store. He clears his throat. “Cassian and I had a really nice time last night.” Their eyes turn to him expectantly, and Bodhi flushes without them even having to ask another question.

He’d hoped he could buy time (as much time as he could get away with, really), that he might actually configure an appropriate way to discuss all this. In the past, Bodhi had never introduced his rare dates to the girls as _dates._ He’d always referred to them as his _friends_ . But merely calling Cassian _his friend_ is already unthinkable.

Not that he wants to have the “I have a boyfriend” conversation in the middle of a grocery store.

“Girls, please, can we talk about this later?” Bodhi says, dropping a box of ziti into the cart.

Rose sighs. “ _Dad._ ”

“I promise! Let’s just get through groceries and I’ll tell you about the date, okay?”

“I guess,” Paige says. They still don’t look thrilled.

“How long are groceries going to take?” Rose whines. Bodhi laughs.

“Just a bit longer, sweetheart.”

Bodhi decides to push his luck and starts sneaking vegetables into the cart - broccoli and mixed salad greens and the ever hated spaghetti squash. Paige gives him a withering look, and Rose looks resigned to her fate through the whole ordeal. It feels like the rest of the grocery trip takes forever, which may be because he keeps looping back for items he forgot, and he feels a little bad about making the girls wait so long for answers.

"Dad, wait!"

Bodhi stops in his tracks, filled, for a moment, with anxious dread. They’d almost made it to the counter. But the girls are making a beeline for the floral section instead of trying to ply him for answers. "What are you doing?" he calls after them. 

"You should bring Cassian flowers," Paige says, matter-of-factly. "And ask him on another date."

"Here, these," Rose announces, having already selected a bouquet of what looks like -- well, like a rainbow of daisies. Paige gives the flowers a critical look before nodding, turning to Bodhi with that expectant look again. Which Rose mirrors perfectly.

"Alright, put them in the cart," Bodhi says after a short pause. He’s not ready to agree to more than that - though his heart speeds up just thinking about it.

Rose hisses out a "yes!" as she places the flowers carefully in the cart.

His decision seems to mollify them for a while, at least. He’s no longer the center of their attention as they check out, the two of them turning to each other to talk about school and their friends. Poe Dameron is the topic of choice today.

Poe’s been a friend of Paige’s since they first moved to Fespin Falls, but now the fact that he’s takes skating lessons at the local rink makes him an even more popular subject of conversation. Bodhi knows it’s only a matter of time before there are playdate demands, making a mental note to shoot Shara a text later.  

He almost hopes that the girls have totally forgotten about their deal as they leave the store, but as soon as Bodhi clicks his seatbelt in, Rose leans forward like she’s been waiting for a signal. “Did you kiss? Are you boyfriends? Are you in _love?_ ”

“Oh geez,” Bodhi mutters.

He doesn’t know how to explain this. It’s great that the girls are already enamored with Cassian - that’s one thing he doesn’t need to worry about. But Bodhi has never found the appropriate words or time to explain to them how deeply the fallout with Nadia had affected him, or why he’s shied away from anything resembling a serious relationship since. He’s never minded casual sex, perfectly content with just having a good time every now and again. He’s still on great terms with most of his past flings. Then a horrible thought comes: maybe it’s that he’s become _comfortable_ with that. Comfortable with not leaving himself open, comfortable with not letting anyone too close.

But now there’s Cassian.  

Bodhi swallows and throws the truck into reverse. He can do this.

“Daaad!” Paige says, somehow managing to make a single syllable into a full sentence. She really is almost a teenager.  

“Yeah, we kissed,” Bodhi admits softly, bracing himself for their reactions. Paige squeals and Rose starts dancing in her seat, her sister quickly joining her in jubilation. Bodhi laughs at the pair of them, his heart lifted. He doesn’t know what he’d do without them. “And just because I’m dating someone doesn’t mean you’re less important to me, okay?” They stop at a light and Bodhi takes the moment to turn to them. “You are both the most important thing in the galaxy to me. 

Bodhi takes it as a good sign that Paige rolls her eyes.  “Yeaaah, but Cassian is important too, right?”

“Yeah,” Bodhi says after a while. “He is.”

Even if things don’t work out, he is.  

\-----------

The rest of the drive home is filled with chatter about Cassian. The news, somehow, seems to excite the girls even more than it does Bodhi. It’ll never cease to amaze him how _enthusiastic_ they are about everything, how carefree they are. Their joy makes lets him push aside the lingering worries he has about this whole thing, the what ifs and the doubts, and just enjoy the moment for what it is. He’s _happy_. He has a boyfriend.

(He’s in _love_ , and the thought sends a fresh wave of fluttering warmth in his chest.)

“We should probably put these in water,” Bodhi says, setting the flowers aside as they unpack their groceries. Paige laughs, shooting him a knowing look that reminds him entirely too much of Jyn.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine until Cassian gets here for dinner.”

“He’s not…” Bodhi starts but realizes that she’s probably right, that Cassian has stopped over nearly every night in the past week, not even counting the date. Bodhi shakes his head, Paige and Rose now looking at him entirely too amused. “I’ll sort them out later, anyway. Don’t you have homework?”

The girls both groan at the word but still obey, going to get their things out and settle at the kitchen table.

His cell phone rings at that moment, interrupting his thoughts and making his heart leapt for a moment. He has a blind hope that it’s Cassian, even if the thought seems silly to him a second later. Instead his screen reads “The Odd Couple.” Bodhi smiles, and swipes at his screen. It flashes, and Chirrut’s face fills the screen, washed out with sunlight. There’s a broad grin on his face, his pale eyes covered with dark sunglasses. Upon seeing him, Bodhi snorts a laugh.  “Hey,” he says, his voice raised mostly to be heard over the sound of the waves coming through the speakers. “What’s the occasion? And why are you calling on video anyway?”

 _“I don’t need an occasion to call my favorite protégé,”_ Chirrut replies brightly.

At his voice, the girls’ heads whip up.

“Oh, no, Chirrut, don’t--” Bodhi starts, and is interrupted by the chorus of “ _Chirrut!_ ” from the table. And then they’re up and scrambling over to him, knocking into his hip as they try to get a good view of his phone. He sighs. “Chirrut, they were about to start their homework.”

 _“It will be quick. I had to see their smiling faces! Are you smiling, girls?”_ Chirrut turns, and the phone goes with him, angling just enough that Bodhi catches sight of Baze lounging in a beach chair beside him. _“Darling, are they smiling?”_

Baze, almost lazily pushes his sunglasses up, peering over at the phone screen with teasing nonchalance. _“No. They’re making faces at you.”_

 _“They would never!”_ At Bodhi’s feet, the girls break into giggles, wiping the funny looks off of their faces. _“They’re_ **_good_ ** _girls, and would never make faces at a blind man. Isn’t that right?”_

“Yes, Uncle Chirrut,” they answer in unison.

 _“Good! Now, I’d like to speak to your dad about something_ **_very important_ ** _. But I want to hear all about what you’ve been doing once we’re done.”_

If the mischievous lilt in Chirrut’s voice or Baze’s barely-heard scoff, aren’t hint enough, then the way the girls scamper off - back to their _homework_ \- without protest is. Bodhi sighs, the sound more long-suffering than he feels, and heads out into the living room for the inevitable.

“Alright, ask. I know you’re dying to.

 _“I_ **_could_ ** _have had something important to ask about the shop, you know.”_

Bodhi waits and arches a brow, knowing full well that Chirrut can’t see it. And also knowing that there’s no way Jyn has kept from telling Chirrut and Baze about everything.

_“Jyn tells me you’re seeing someone?”_

There it is.

He rolls his eyes, but his smile is less exasperated than he lets on. “ _Yes_ , I’m seeing someone.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Chirrut scoffs. _“Well don’t make me wait - I’m old and could croak at any moment!  I want details, Bodhi!”_

“I’m sure Jyn gave you all the details anyway.”

_“A few of them. But I want to hear it from you.”_

“His name is Cassian. He’s a figure skater. And he’s… amazing and infuriating all at once. And I don’t know what to do about it half the time.”

 _“I know the feeling,”_ Baze grunts, and then smirks at Chirrut’s squawk of protest. Chirrut swats with lightning precision, thwacking his husband on the arm and only succeeding in making him laugh.

_“He sounds like a wonderful man, Bodhi. I hear he’s a hit with the girls too?”_

“That’s an understatement. They adore him.” He doesn’t have to elaborate that the girls adore Cassian just as much as he does - but the thought still sends his heart leaping into this throat, all exhilaration and anxiety. “I’m not sure what they’ll do when he leaves.” His voice lowers as the words leave his mouth, his eyes warily darting to where Paige and Rose are still bent over the table.

 _“You think he’s going to?”_ Chirrut asks patiently.

“He’s… not gonna stick around forever, you know? He’s only here while his knee heals. He can’t stay.” Is he arguing with Chirrut, or himself, Bodhi wonders.

_“What if he wants to? What would you do?”_

He mulls over the answer for a few moments. “I-I want him to? I want to try, I think”

 _‘And that scares me,’_ he doesn’t say.

Baze leans further into frame, fixing Bodhi with a look that’s all too knowing. _“If he’s smart, he’ll stick around,”_ he says.

Equally warmed and exasperated by the response, Bodhi huffs softly. He probably reveals too much with his next question. “Baze, how did you know Chirrut was the one?”

 _“He wouldn’t leave,”_ Baze deadpans.  

Chirrut nods sagely. _“I hung on like a limpet,”_ he says with absolutely zero irony.  

“Yeah, okay, I’ll keep that in mind, even if that would probably send him running for the hills sooner.” He rolls his eyes fondly at them. “But how did you get past all the crap, and make it _work?_ It’s not like I have a great track record with this.”

 _“You could teach him to fish, that helped me,”_ Chirrut jokes instead.  Bodhi laughs. Chirrut loves pulling out the story of how he “reeled Baze in like a rainbow trout” (Chirrut’s words, not his) at any given moment.

“I tried that one. I don’t think he’ll be taking to ice fishing.”

 _“You need to trust,”_ Baze says, getting to the heart of the matter.   _“Learn to forgive.”_

Bodhi has the sense that Baze is talking about more than of his relationship with Cassian.  Bodhi swallows. “Well,” he deflects, “it’s not like I’m looking to get married again or anything. But... thanks. It means a lot, from you guys.”

He flushes under the weight of their smiles, overcome with affection for these two men. They opened their lives and their hearts to Jyn, the girls, and himself. They’ve offered Bodhi their friendship and guidance, and have never asked for anything in return. Even now, they meet his gratitude with easy smiles and reassurances.

He talks with them for a while about the shop and the town - mercifully letting Bodhi decide when to bring up Cassian. And when he’s run out of words, he passes the phone over to Rose and Paige, and lets their excited chatter fill the house.

They’re a pair of awful gossips, his girls. He can hear them giggling with Chirrut and Baze from the kitchen as they try (and fail) to keep their voices down. But he doesn’t mind, not with them. Baze and Chirrut became family long ago.

And maybe, for at least a little while, Cassian can be family as well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 Disney Movies You Won't Believe Are Less Sappy Than Local Couple

\-----------------

As the days slowly pass and the freezing Canadian winter loosens its grip, Bodhi soon deems Porkins’ Pond no longer safe for skating, especially the more advanced skating that the girls (and Cassian) are itching to try. And so, their lessons are quickly relocated to the local indoor rink.

Bodhi only has one stipulation: Cassian has to get the all clear from Luke before they can start using the rink. When Cassian does finally ask, after several deep sighs, Luke smirks at him, letting him stew for several moments before giving permission.

(“Take it easy, though! I know you want to impress the Rook family, but they’re pretty enamored already.”

“How would you know?” Cassian huffs, already pulling out his phone and texting Bodhi that Luke gave the go ahead.

Luke waggles his eyebrows and looks utterly ridiculous while doing it. “I saw you on Valentine’s, remember?”

Cassian buries his face in his hands. “This town is too small.”)

When Bodhi’s truck pulls up to the Alliance, the girls are smiling at him from the back of the cab. Cassian returns it genuinely, his heart warming just at the sight of them. He loves getting to spend time with Bodhi, but he loves seeing the girls too. He loves the time the four of them get to spend _together_. The girls immediately start showering him with a million questions the moment he climbs in, so quickly that he can’t tell any of them apart. But he’s come to expect that over these few weeks, and so he just smiles and, unthinking, he leans over to give Bodhi a quick kiss on the cheek.

The chatter comes to an abrupt halt.

Bodhi’s eyes are wide and fixed straight ahead, hands curled around the wheel. It’s only after the silence drops over them all that Cassian’s mind catches up with what he’s done, and the dread settles in. Did Bodhi not tell the girls? Did he overstep? He peeks into the backseat and... Rose is practically vibrating, and Paige is smiling so hard, her face might crack in two.

“Um,” Cassian swallows.

Paige starts giggling at him. That’s good, right?

“Are you two okay with me dating your dad?” he asks. He glances at Bodhi, who promptly turns red and lowers his head until his forehead touches the steering wheel.

That’s got to be good.

Paige rolls her eyes at the question, and Rose keeps bouncing up and down, all but rocking the truck. “Of course!” Rose says.

“We’re just glad you two got your act together,” Paige drawls, sounding far older than twelve. Cassian sees a glimpse of the terrifying teenager she will be.

“I’m glad too.” Cassian smiles warmly, far too sappy for his own dignity, and decides to quickly change the subject before he can dig himself any deeper. “I’m excited about the rink too! A real rink!”

Paige’s eyes light up. “Yeah, we’re meeting with Poe - he’s a skater too!”

Bodhi leans closer, only by a few inches, but it makes the air rush from Cassian’s lungs all the same. “Poe is in Paige’s grade. He’s been skating since he was Rose’s age, or probably younger,” he explains.

“Dad!” Paige gripes. “I was gonna tell him! Anyway,” she says, turning back to Cassian and leaning forward until the seatbelt clicks, “Poe can do a double axel, and he’s _super_ good at spinning.”

Cassian turns to keep talking to Paige as the truck rumbles off. Occasionally his eyes are drawn back to Bodhi, an inescapable magnetism that still sends a thrill through his veins. Bodhi doesn’t interrupt Paige again, biting his lip in an attempt to stop smiling. It’s not working. Their eyes meet across the console, silent understanding and amusement passing between them.

They pull up to the modest, barely marked building only a few minutes later. It’s not like the ostentatious buildings that Cassian is used to back in L.A. The truck is one of the few cars in the parking lot, though Cassian can see how the novelty of a skating rink can wear off in a small northern town. The four of them hop from the car, Paige and Rose making a dash for the door.

Bodhi hesitates a moment longer, gazing up at the building with an unreadable expression. It’s there and gone too quick for Cassian to place a name to it, because when Bodhi’s eyes find his, a timid smile appears on his face.

If it were just that, Cassian would think nothing of it. He offers Bodhi his hand, something warm and wonderful burning his his chest as Bodhi’s face lights up. But Bodhi’s hand shakes just slightly in his, a small detail that makes the exhilaration in Cassian’s chest wither, and there’s a hesitation in his step that follows them all the way into the rink.

Bodhi’s hand slips from his as they go to put their skates on. And it’s only after too many seconds of tense silence from the man that Cassian looks up from his skates, and sends Bodhi a questioning look.

Bodhi doesn’t quite meet him the eyes. “I’m just hang back and watch for a bit,” he says. “Just ‘til Poe’s parents get here, you know?”

Cassian frowns, concerned. It’s not the first time Bodhi has begged off of skating with them. Usually it’s because his back is bothering him. And just as it always is, Cassian barely keeps himself from asking. He smiles, gently, trying not to seem too doting when he relents. “Sure, if you’ll let me teach the kids a small jump while we’re waiting.”

“The kids are ready for _jumps_?” Bodhi asks abruptly, voice tight.

The sudden urgency has Cassian coming up short. He shakes his head, levering himself up so he can reach for Bodhi’s arms, hoping to soothe whatever has just frazzled the man’s nerves. “No, no, not quite yet. Not without me spotting them, at least. I’ll just show them at first, nothing hands on. Whatever... you feel comfortable with.” Even as Bodhi relaxes incrementally under his touch, his eyes still regard Cassian carefully.

“Did Luke say you were okay for that?” he asks, his tone gentle, far from accusation. Cassian doesn’t miss the sudden change in Bodhi’s line of questioning, but he’s unsure how to point it out.

He manages a crooked smile instead, and goes with it. “Not explicitly, but he said I was okay for the rink. And well, he knows me by now.”

Bodhi laughs. “Fair enough. Just… be careful, okay?” A glimmer of anxiety returns in his eyes.

Cassian cups Bodhi’s face in gentle hands and presses their lips together, a dry and warm exchange, sweet and soothing. Behind him, Cassian hear the girls coo, Rose already starting to sing playfully about them K-I-S-S-I-N-G. They part quickly at the teasing, fumbling and embarrassed. Cassian’s glad to see he’s not the only one blushing, caught all over again by the soft look in Bodhi’s eyes.

“Better not keep them waiting,” Bodhi says quietly. Cassian nods, keeping his smile encouraging as he steps out onto the ice.

The feeling of the smooth ice under his skates is almost alarming. He realizes this is the first time in weeks, the whole time he’s been in Fespin Falls, that he’s been on real ice. Ice that gets cleaned every day, perfect and almost too easy to glide over without the bumps and imperfections he’s grown used to on the pond. He hears the shushing of skates on ice echoing around the rink and it feels like he’s back home, perhaps even better with the kids chasing after him with gaining speed.

Even with Bodhi’s wary silence weighing at the back of his mind, Cassian can’t help but be excited about showing off for them. The girls stop at center ice, Rose slipping into a twirl with a flourish and only wobbling a little when she stops. She’s learned so fast, they both have, and Cassian feels a surge of pride in his chest.

“Alright, I have something new to show you today. I’m going to try a single axel for you.” It’s far from impressive but still the girls practically cheer.

“Finally!”

Cassian huffs a laugh. “No promises that it’ll be perfect, but I’m ready to try at least. You two stay there, okay?”

He skates a little further out, giving himself enough space to build momentum. He stills and takes a deep breath, feeling grateful that the rink is nearly empty. Only the girls, Bodhi, and the bored skate rental employee will see if he makes a fool of himself. _It’s now or never_ , he thinks, pushing off, skating in a curve until he picks up speed. His heart races, body tensing as sense memory starts to kick in reassuringly. It’s a reminder that for all the months away, Cassian has years behind him, and ahead of him, on the ice. He can _do_ this.

Finally stifling his worries he leaps into the jump, a single rotation that could last a lifetime for all the pressure he’s been holding. It feels just as easy as it used to, the relief of _flying_ outweighing his fears in a single instant. The landing isn’t perfect but when he touches down, balancing on his bad leg in a way he hasn’t been able to in _months,_ there isn’t the shooting pain he’d been accustomed to. He almost wishes Luke were there to see him, to know how thankful Cassian is to have this back.

Cassian sighs in relief and the girls clap as if it had been a medal winning performance. Bodhi even whistles from his place at the side of the rink, grinning over when Cassian meets his eyes, making him blush and duck his head again. Cassian slows, bowing jokingly as he glides back toward the girls.

“Wow Cassian! Can you show me how to do that?” Paige asks immediately, Rose chiming in mere seconds behind her. He feels so good, the elation making his blood sing, that he _wants_ to teach them just for the chance to do it again. The only thing that stops him is remembering the look on Bodhi’s face, the real terror at the idea. He hopes the girls will be patient.

“Sorry girls, I’m not quite ready for that yet. Wouldn’t want you outdoing me in front of your dad.” They agree quickly, though quiet and disappointed. Cassian wonders if he should be offended that they barely hesitated at the idea. “I’ll race you around the rink, if you’d like?”

That seems to perk them back up. Cassian barely reacts in time as Paige and Rose dash around him, shrieking with laughter as he shouts “That’s _cheating!_ ” after them. They circle around one end of the rink to the other in sprints, Cassian slowing his long strides to give them a small edge. At least, that’s what he assures himself. In truth they give him quite the run for his money, their energy boundless as he starts to tire. His endurance isn’t what it once was but, he knows he’ll get there eventually. The thought of all the training he’s missed out on not as overbearing as it had once been. He has _time_ , the thought of extending his stay seeming more appealing with every bright laugh, each grin and thumbs up from the sidelines.

He resists the urge to skid to a stop every time they pass Bodhi, to kiss that beautiful smile. He knows there will be plenty of time for that later, instead devoting his attention the girls as much as he can. The girls soak it all up, following along with him until Poe arrives and thoroughly disrupts their ‘practice’. Cassian isn’t even aware that they have guests until they suddenly veer off course, rushing over to the boards faster than Cassian can catch up. By the time he sidles up Paige is already chattering away, explaining the jump Cassian had shown them. Just as Poe is in the middle of answering them, he freezes, eyes going wide and awestruck at the sight of Cassian.

“You’re really _Cassian Andor_! I mean, Mr. Andor, hi! It’s such an honor, I’m Poe Dameron!” Poe clumsily sticks out his hand and Cassian shakes it, trying not to laugh at how flustered the boy is. “You’re my favorite skater, this is _awesome_."

“You can call me Cassian. I’ve heard you’re quite the skater yourself. It’s really nice to meet you.” Poe lights up at the compliment, sputtering that he’d love to show Cassian his moves. Smothering a grin, Cassian agrees gladly and Poe rushes to get laced up. While he waits, the girls go back to the center, and Cassian’s gaze slides over to Bodhi where he’s talking with a woman with dark curly hair, her smile similar enough to Poe’s that there’s no mistaking that she’s his mother.

He remembers his own mother, watching from the side of the rink at every practice and event. And for the first time in so long, the memories don’t sting. He hardly has time to dwell on them, or to even greet Poe’s mother yet, not with Rose tugging at his sleeve, pulling him back out to skate with Paige and Poe.

The kids break off, skating around on their own and showing off for each other. Poe turns to skate backward and Paige mirrors the move, sticking her tongue out at him when he scowls at her. Cassian skates in a smooth circle around them both, and notices the way Poe’s gaze is following him, still a bit starstruck.

He might as well give the boy a chance. “Why don’t you show me what you’ve got, Poe?” Cassian asks.

It earns him a wide, eager grin. “Of course, Mr. Andor! I’ll show you part of my routine!”

“Just Cassian is fine.”

If anything, that only seems to dazzle him more. “Okay Mr.- uh, Cassian! Just watch!” Poe skates ahead of the girls, giving himself enough space and calling out, “Just pretend there’s music playing!”

Cassian just barely manages to smother a smile.

The boy takes a deep breath, and Cassian can see him silently counting off in each measured breath. He starts off smoothly, certainly a talented young man, for all the simplicity of the short routine. Cassian drifts over the ice well out of his way, watching as Poe goes through his series of moves. He does a backwards crossover, a lunge, a few twirls. It’s not quite disciplined, but the talent is there. It’s not until he picks up speed and does clean a double axel that Cassian notices how restless Paige is beside him on the ice.

There’s a hunger in her eyes, perhaps even so far as _jealousy_ , that Cassian recognizes. He remembers it well from when he was younger - the frustration of wanting to do everything all at once. To run before he can walk. He’ll have to talk to Bodhi about teaching her seriously, if that’s what she wants. If she even wants to pursue skating after Cassian leaves.

Poe comes to a stop, breathing exhilarated and blushing when the girls clap. Cassian hears clapping off to the side as well from both Bodhi and Poe’s mother. “Good job, baby!” she calls across the ice. If anything, it only makes Poe blush darker.

Predictably, Cassian is begged to teach Paige and Rose the same moves. Even more predictably: it’s the double axel they want to try most. Cassian just manages to talk them down from that by conceding _assisted_ forward lunges and _assisted_ twizzles. That seems to work for a time, until Rose breaks away to tap Poe on the arm and Poe chases her around, before tapping Cassian as he passes with a bright “Tag!” And that’s how Cassian is roped into an impromptu game on the ice for the next several minutes.

Eventually he manages to sneak away, when Paige is it and the kids are distracted, laughing and chasing each other around the rink. He slides to a stop at the boards where Bodhi and Poe’s mother are chatting at the bench. Without even pausing in his conversation, Bodhi’s eyes catch his own and a bright smile flashes across his face. Cassian goes to him gladly, settling for an affectionate touch at Bodhi’s shoulder rather than the kiss he’d much rather give him.

“So this is the famous Cassian Andor,” the woman says, before Bodhi can even greet him. Cassian smiles at her, glad to meet another of Bodhi’s friends even if he does feel a bit like he’s been shoved into the spotlight.

“Not really famous. I just… skate a bit.”

“Oh, I wasn’t just talking about skating. For sweeping Bodhi here off his feet, too. You’re the talk of the town there,” she says, nudging Bodhi teasingly. Cassian blushes, unsure of how to respond to that.

“Shara,” Bodhi huffs, “what did I say about embarrassing me?”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.” She holds out her hand for Cassian. “I’m Shara Bey-Dameron. It really is nice to meet you. It’s sweet of you to skate with the kids.”

“It keeps me from getting rusty. Poe is definitely outshining me today, though. Reminds me of myself at that age.”

“He’ll be thrilled to hear that. He really loves it, y’know? Don’t know where he gets it - his father and I are nowhere near as graceful. We send him off to camp over one winter and suddenly he’s _obsessed_ with skating.”

Bodhi snorts. “I’ve seen Kes dance, lack of grace is an understatement.”

“Hey, only I can make fun of my husband, Rook. Just like only you can make fun of Cassian here.”

“Oh he can, can he? What’s he been saying about me?” Cassian interjects, keeping his voice light.

“Nothing too bad: just how you met in the first place - when he came to your rescue. Pretty adorable, if you ask me.”

Cassian laughs. “I admit, I made a _slight_ misjudgment of my injury. It was good that Bodhi was there.”

Bodhi reaches out, tangling Cassian’s fingers with his own and tugging him down onto the bench with them. “I’m glad I didn’t just let the neighbor go out after you.”

“Me too. Then again, I don’t know who your neighbor is. Are they single?” Cassian teases, as if he could possibly be interested in anyone else. Bodhi rolls his eyes and shakes his head at the comment, looking fond.

Cassian notices the way Shara is watching them both, realizing how sickeningly sweet they must seem. Still, he doesn’t shy away, wishing he could show off to the entire world just how lucky he’s gotten.Shara’s phone buzzes in her pocket and she checks it, brow furrowing in exasperation as her eyes scan over the screen.

“Someone at the airfield lost the keys to the Cessna. How do you lose the keys to an entire plane? I’m gonna have to cut this short to sort things out. Poe is gonna hate this,” Shara sighs.

“Oh, that sounds like a mess. I could keep an eye on Poe for a bit while you go help?” Bodhi offers.

“I couldn’t ask you to-” she starts and Bodhi levels her with an insistent look.

“How many times have you bailed me out at school functions? I owe you one. It’s no problem, really.”

“If you’re sure… You’re a lifesaver, Bodhi. Next playdate is at my place. Give you two a chance at some alone time, right?”

“I thought that plane situation was too urgent for teasing. Really, Shara.”

“Nothing’s too urgent for teasing! But alright, I’ll go tell Poe and get going, try to get this sorted before dinner if I can help it. Try not to let Cassian distract you too much!” With a final grin Bodhi’s way she jogs around the rink towards her son to tell him where she’s headed, making him come over to meet her on the boards, leaning over to peck him on the cheek before she goes.

“Shara can be ridiculous sometimes,” Bodhi says apologetically, “but in comparison to Jyn’s antics lately...”

Cassian laughs, answering honestly, “I like her.”

A soft smile touches Bodhi’s lips. “I’m glad. She’s a good friend. And I’m glad she left before she could tell you any embarrassing stories about me.”

“I somehow doubt your past is more embarrassing than mine. And no, you still can’t see the costumes.”

“Someday I’ll wear you down,” Bodhi teases, leaning in to press a kiss to Cassian’s cheek, the casualness of it taking Cassian by surprise all over again.

“I don’t doubt it,” Cassian answers, loving the smile it draws from Bodhi’s lips, wanting nothing more than to taste it. He presses in and Bodhi laughs against his mouth, pressing back momentarily, keeping it chaste as their both well aware of their possible audience showing any time. It’s still nice, steady and gentle and when they pull apart Bodhi shivers. “Cold?”

“Forgot how chilly the rink can get,” Bodhi murmurs. “Should have worn a thicker sweater.”

Cassian knows how to solve that for certain, finally giving in to the urge to move closer. He slides close enough to wrap an arm around Bodhi. His heart leaps when Bodhi leans in to the touch, resting his head on Cassian’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

They stay like that a moment, listening to the calm swishing sounds from the rink, of the kids laughing and gliding around the ice. Cassian turns his head, watching Bodhi watch the kids, drawing his eyes over Bodhi’s features. It feels impossible to look away, to think of much at all apart from the man at his side. Bodhi’s gaze flicks up, no doubt catching the fond look in Cassian’s eyes, a smile curving on his lips.

“It’s a bit distracting when you look at me like that, you know? I’m supposed to be the adult supervision right now.” There’s amusement in his voice, warm and assuring.

“I’m sorry. You’re just too…” He trails off, a bit exasperated at his inability to explain. To find the right word that doesn’t sound totally corny for once. Bodhi raises his eyebrows at the silence.

“Very specific,” Bodhi says, laughing. He leans in a bit closer. “For the record, I feel the same way.”

With Bodhi this close and laughing (even if it is at Cassian’s expense), Cassian can’t help but steal another kiss, brief and teasing. Bodhi is red when Cassian pulls away, eyes darting between the ice and Cassian.

“You have to stop that. The girls are going to tease me so much over this. There’s no way they haven’t noticed,” Bodhi says mournfully. Cassian looks over at the girls on the ice and sees Paige fishing her phone out of her pocket in a rush, the sudden flash of her camera going off making him laugh.

“Yeah, they definitely have,” Cassian agrees. “We could always get up and skate instead, if you want.”

He won’t push, but can’t deny that he wants to skate more, that he wants Bodhi by his side more than anything. To be able to glide along with him, to hold his hand and not shy away when their sides brush, would be nice. Bodhi hasn’t seemed in pain, hasn’t said anything, but he hesitates still. Cassian is just about to backtrack, to promise that there’s no pressure, when Bodhi finally nods.

“Yeah, we should.”

\-----------

Bodhi laces up, trying to focus on Cassian’s bright smile instead of his own creeping anxiety. He’d gotten past this before, with Cassian and the girls by his side, and he’s determined to do it again. It shouldn’t be any different, he tries to rationalize. But he can’t deny that there’s difference between being on the pond or out on the lake by the shop, and skating at an actual rink again. The similarity to the ones he’d played on before, regional banners hung from the walls and ceiling, the hum of the freezer unit keeping the ice solid, all condensed into sense memory. It puts him on edge. The open space reminds him of everything he’s pushed away for years - of early morning practices, of the days he’d show up to the community rink as a teen; overeager and itching to run drills on crappy rented skates.

They used to be things he was proud of... and now it just feels like a waste most days. He’d never tell the girls that, of course. And he can’t even imagine admitting anything about his former life to Cassian, not yet. He only hopes his hesitation doesn’t show too much.

He doesn’t want what happened to him to ruin _another_ good thing in his life.

Cassian steps out onto the ice first, offering out his hand as Bodhi follows. If Bodhi clings a little too tightly, he hopes Cassian can’t tell.

But of course, Cassian _can._ “Okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Bodhi forces a smile, taking a deep breath as they push off together. They take it slow. Cassian is so careful with him and it’s sweet, but it makes him self conscious. He tries not to falter as they move, not wanting to hold Cassian back when he’s been so clearly itching to skate again. Seeing him in less pain after all the time they’ve spent is a relief as much as it is a selfish disappointment. It’s a reminder that Cassian won’t be staying in Fespin Falls forever. That soon he’ll be well enough to go back to his own life, and leave Bodhi to his.

He pushes the thoughts away when Rose notices them, waving and ready to rush over to greet them. Paige spots them and waves too, holding her sister back with a gentle hand, saying something that distracts Rose enough apparently. Bodhi is grateful for it, as much as he loves her, glad for the moment of quiet, to just stick close by Cassian as they circle around the rink while he gets himself together.

On a turn they pass closer by the boards, and Bodhi tenses, hating how much it affects him. Even just the tiniest flinch makes him angry at himself. Determined, he doesn’t let himself look up, doesn’t let the memory take hold. Instead he turns to watch Cassian, who smiles gently at him.

“You’re really not too bad at this,” Cassian says, as if Bodhi were only nervous about embarrassing himself. He wishes it was that simple.

“I’ve had a great partner,” Bodhi replies.

Cassian squeezes his hand at the comment and it helps. It takes a bit but Bodhi feels the tightness in his posture start to fade, letting himself get caught up as Cassian tells him about the rink he grew up skating on.. It shouldn’t be a calming subject but it is, Cassian describing how he’d bribed the woman who owned the rink with pastries for a month before she agreed to let him in an hour before the place opened on weekends.

He’s laughing at the accent Cassian pulls, of the Russian woman asking for the recipe after all that time, when he hears Paige call out over the rink.

“Cassian, Dad, watch this!”

Even before Bodhi turns his head, the dread hits. The sound of blades hitting the ice at high speeds sends his blood racing. His eyes fly across the rink, to Poe and Rose standing off to the side with their eyes rapt. And finally to Paige as she zips across the ice, her face set in determination. Paige picks up her pace, gliding over the ice, and Bodhi realizes exactly what her plan is even before she braces her knees in preparation for the jump. He doesn’t get the chance to shout after her before she’s in the air.

He can see it’s gone wrong the instant her skates are off the ice, and he cannot _breathe_. Can only watch as she fails to imitate Cassian’s easy turn. Her skate stutters on the ice, dropping too fast for her to get her footing, and then she’s flat on her back on the ice. All Bodhi hears is white noise.

He doesn’t even register letting go of Cassian’s hand, and then Bodhi is flying across the ice towards her.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _100 Reasons Why Skating Is Bad for You - You Won't Believe It!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey we got it within a month this time!
> 
> ANTchan here~ and we'd like to apologize for the cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter. Well. "Apologize." We had to inject some drama into this somehow now that they've FINALLY KISSED right?
> 
> We hope you all enjoy the aftermath of last chapter, and the building tension towards the revelation. It's (hopefully) to come soon!

\-----------------

Bodhi loses touch with time. In one breath he’s standing frozen in horror beside Cassian. And the next he’s skidding to a stop at Paige’s side, his back twinging as slips onto his knees beside her. His mind races, unable to hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears. She’s so _still_. His mind immediately leaps to more and more terrifying prospects - is she conscious? Did she hit her head, is her neck angled awkwardly?

But no, no. She lets out a small gasp of pain, her expression scrunching. But her eyes are clear when she opens them. In the periphery he can hear Rose and Poe’s worried voices, Cassian coming up beside them. It’s all out of focus in comparison to the sharp feeling in his chest, the sinking fear.

Paige starts to sit up and Bodhi reaches out for her instinctively, wrapping a hand around her elbow to still her.

“Don’t move! Don’t move, sweetheart. Are you in pain?” Bodhi asks in a panicked rush. Should he be calling emergency services? Oh god, if she broke anything…

Paige takes a shaky breath and grasps his hand. It’s so small and yet it anchors him. He can almost breathe again through the fear. It’s not the same as his accident, it’s _not_. It’s not even close.

Right?

“I’m fine, Dad,” Paige speaks even though she looks rattled. She ignores his steadying hand and sits up, wincing a little. He thinks about stopping her, his mind supplying him with every horror story he’s ever heard from a fall, but she doesn’t appear injured. If anything, she just looks embarrassed. “I think my hip is going to bruise. Ow.”

He looks her over one last time, only helping her up when he can think straight again. He hugs her close, trying to take deep breaths and to stop shaking. Cassian’s hand touches his back, his voice a murmur at a careful distance, relieved. Bodhi can’t react yet, can’t do anything other than look at Paige and see her falling, over and over.

“Paige, why would you do that? You’ve never even tried a jump before, you should know better! You know what could--” Bodhi squeezes his eyes shut to avoid finishing that thought. He knows he must seem hysterical.

“I was just trying something, it’s no big deal!” She looks over to Poe and seems to shrink in on herself, the picture of humiliation. “You don’t have to freak out about it. Can’t I just get back to skating?”

Bodhi shakes his head, unable to reign in his emotions. “Absolutely not!” he exclaims. “You shouldn’t have been trying something like that without Cassian there, without _me_. You could have gotten hurt!”

Now Paige just looks mad, her brow furrowing stubbornly as she speaks. “Dad! It was _fine!_ We’ve been learning for _forever_ and we never get to do anything! Poe knows how to jump, why can’t I learn?” Poe looks guilty when Bodhi glances over to him. And he feels bad for him, for both of them. But Paige has to know, has to be more careful than this.

“It wasn’t fine. It isn’t. We’re going home.” It sounds cold even to his own ears but he can’t stay here any longer, needs space to come down from the anxiety clawing at his chest so he can talk to Paige more rationally. He tries to remember the things they’d taught him in therapy about dealing with his triggers, about how to make himself feel safe, and the only thing he can think of is getting _away._

“No! What about Poe’s practice? You can’t!” Paige cries sharply. Bodhi risk another glance over at the boy, who’s watching this wide eyed, uncharacteristically silent and hesitant in the face of the argument brewing between his friend and her father.

“Paige…”

“That’s not _fair!_ ”

“ _Paige!_ ” The force of his own voice takes even him by surprise, sounding even louder as it echoes around the empty rink. His daughter falls abruptly silent, her expression going shuttered. It’s rare that Bodhi _ever_ raises his voice to them. But he can’t do this right now. He can’t do this _here._

He gathers what control he has left, and turns to Poe. “I’m sorry,” Bodhi says, “I’ll call your mother. We can give you a ride home.”

Poe just nods and Bodhi feels terrible for making such a scene in front of him, in front of Rose, who sticks to Paige’s side, and in front of Cassian. He’s barely taken the time think of Cassian since this started and he feels _dreadful_ about it. Humiliation and frustration burns hot in his throat. What had started out as a nice day together had spun so far out of control. Cassian is there though, putting a hand on Paige’s shoulder. Looking unsure between them but trying to support him nonetheless.

“Hey, your dad is right, anyone would be shaken up after a fall. It’s good to take a break sometimes.”

“I don’t want a break,” Paige says shrugging off the hand and crossing her arms. Bodhi wonders for a moment if she’ll just refuse to leave the ice altogether, but when he turns to get away, to get his skates off before he can deal with anything more, she follows. She appears to be alright, although moving stiffly. But what’s more disturbing is how quiet she’s become.

The ride to Poe’s house is tense. To say the least.

Shara’s nothing but understanding when he calls, telling her a clipped version of what happened. She knows enough about his injury to not ask questions, and just reassures that it’s okay, that Poe can make up his skating later in the week. Kes is home and when Bodhi walks Poe to the door there’s a moment where he thinks Kes might hug him.

He must really look like a wreck.

When he gets back in the car with the girls and Cassian, it’s almost worse than it was when they left the rink. Paige stares out the window and refuses to speak. Rose seems fraught, clearly hating the tension just as much as Bodhi does. Bodhi starts the engine up and pulls out of the driveway, finally finding the strength to look over at Cassian. There’s a question in his gaze, one that Bodhi can’t answer right now, but there’s also so much warmth that the tension in his shoulders relaxes, just a little.

“I could take you back to the resort,” Bodhi offers in apology. As much as he selfishly aches for Cassian’s support, he’s sure Cassian would rather not be around right now.

Cassian reaches out instead, his hand gentle as he squeezes Bodhi’s knee. “I’m not in a rush.”

Bodhi doesn’t deserve him. He’s gotten a glimpse of what an absolute mess Bodhi is on the inside, there will be no hiding that now. Just thinking about Cassian being there to witness him finally break and become hysterical is humiliating and terrifying. But still, Cassian’s asking to stick around.

When they return to the house, Paige sulks all the way up to the door, her arms crossed over her chest. Bodhi needs to talk to her, but needs a moment to get his thoughts together even more. He has a feeling she doesn’t want to listen to him right now anyway.

“I want you to go to your room Paige, understand?” Bodhi manages to keep his voice even, but Paige still looks betrayed. She nods curtly, not even waiting for the rest of them before she’s pushing into the house and and stomping up the stairs.

Bodhi barely keeps back a sigh. He thought he had a few more years before this level of high drama.

Bodhi ushers Rose through the door. She hesitates in the foyer while taking off her coat, her expression heartbreaking and anxious. “Are you going to fight with Paige more?” she questions, tugging reflexively at her sweater sleeves. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop her from trying to jump. She just really wanted to!” Bodhi winces, hating that he’s the bad guy in this, hates that he’s caused this, and hates that Rose feels like she has to be put between them this way.

He forces what he hopes is a comforting smile onto his face. The effort hurts, but he’d endure it for Rose without a second thought. “We’re not fighting,” he soothes, reaching for her shoulder. “I just... really need her to understand that she needs to be careful. She might not like that but… it’s because I love you both so much. You know that, right?”

Rose nods, but still looks worried. Bodhi can’t think of any other way to explain and can only hope she understands. Cassian playfully nudges her forward, and it at least brings a small smile to her face. Cassian’s own smile, Bodhi notices, is a little strained at the corners. And it dims slightly when he looks Bodhi’s way.

Bodhi’s heart, if possible, sinks further.

Rose wanders into the living room without them. He hears the tv come on a moment later, and can’t even bring himself to ask her about the state of her homework. Bodhi heads for the kitchen to start dinner instead, hoping that having something to do might calm him down enough to talk. There’s still Paige. There’s still Cassian. Two talks he’s really not ready to have.

Cassian’s quiet footsteps pad behind him, his presence lingering in the doorway while Bodhi rummages around in cabinets. Bodhi can feel the eyes on him, and it makes his throat go tight. Makes his hands shake.

He keeps it together for a minute or so, before the quiet of the house presses in. Without Rose or Paige around to see, he can’t stop the panic from crashing down on him. He slams a pot onto the stove with a quiet, trembling curse. It’s happening all over again, in a way that it hasn’t in so long. Not in years. His breath hitches sharply, too loud to hide. And then Cassian is there, pulling him away from the stove and into his arms.

“I’ve got you,” Cassian says and Bodhi nearly breaks at the gentleness of his voice. He twists, burying his face into Cassian’s neck. His eyes burn, breath shuddering in his chest. But he can’t let himself cry - if he does, that’s it, he’ll be useless for the rest of the night. He won’t be able to face either of the girls if he lets go now. Cassian’s head tips gently against his, and his next words are hesitant. “Unless... you want me to go?”

Bodhi clings tight, fisting his hands in the back of Cassian’s shirt. For a second all he can do is shake his head against Cassian’s shoulder, his voice trapped in his throat. “Please… please, don’t.”

Cassian doesn’t let go, rubbing smooth circles across Bodhi’s back, and it’s the only thing that keeps him grounded. “Of course,” Cassian says, his voice rough in Bodhi’s ear. His arms tighten around Bodhi’s waist, clutching him right back. Bodhi was so sure he’d run away, like others had (like _Nadia_ had, a small voice whispers in the back of his mind). But he’s _here_.

“I’ve got you,” Cassian whispers again. “You’re okay.”

And Bodhi _shakes_. “Thank you.”

A kiss is pressed into his hair. “You don’t have to thank me for this, Bodhi.”

He does. He _does_ because he loves this man, he needed him, and Cassian had stayed. “Cassian--” he tries, but the words will not come. There’s too many trying to fight their way out of him. All the love and hurt that he has. He wants to just _give in_ and tell Cassian everything. He wants to stop being afraid and get it over with, no matter what happens.

But he’s not ready. Not ready for the risk, especially not now, feeling so raw and at the edge. _Especially_ not when Paige is still upstairs, angry and hurt, and Bodhi still needs to be the adult in this situation, rather than the selfish, lost boy that he feels like. He can’t hide in Cassian’s arms indefinitely.

Bodhi makes himself pull away and Cassian lets him, though he stays close. His hands rest gently at Bodhi’s waist, his eyes still regarding him carefully. Bodhi wonders how he must look, rattled and more than a bit pathetic over an argument with a twelve-year-old; over a fall that should hardly leave any damage. Kids are meant to play, to make mistakes like this, and here he is falling apart over it.

There’s no pity in Cassian’s eyes, though. Bodhi’s had enough of those looks in his lifetime - back when he was going through rehab in the city. No, Cassian just seems worried, gaze open and caring, like he’s waiting to do anything Bodhi asks of him.

“I-I have to talk to Paige,” Bodhi says, because he can’t just stand there, can’t face up to Cassian’s unwarranted devotion.

“Of course,” Cassian says. “I’m sorry, you know. If I hadn’t--”

Bodhi cuts him off, shaking his head, unable to place blame on Cassian for even an instant. “I know, trust me, it’s not your fault. I’m going up now, just… wait for me?”

“Anything. I’ll be here.”

Bodhi wants nothing more than to believe that - for more than just this moment. He nods and finally steps away, taking a deep breath before he walks up the stairs.

When he reaches the upstairs hall, everything is quiet. There’s none of the easy laughter he usually hears from the girls’ room, and it makes guilt twinge in Bodhi’s stomach all over again. But he refuses to let himself get frozen by it. He and Paige have always had a great understanding of each other. One little fight isn’t going to ruin that. Right?

He knocks at the bedroom door lightly, not wanting to seem too forceful after everything. She doesn’t answer and he calls out softly, “Paige?”

“I’m not coming out!” Paige fires back. She’s not shouting, in fact he can hear how hard she’s trying to keep her voice measured and (what she believes is) mature. Somehow, that’s almost worse. Bodhi rests his head against the doorframe.

“Can I come in then? Paige, I just want to talk. I’m not mad at you.”

“Well, I _am_ mad! Go. Away.”

Bodhi sighs. “Paige,” he tries again, “...I understand you’re upset. Please, can we just talk?”

There’s no answer, and for the first time in a long time Bodhi feels out of his depth parenting, as lost as he’d been when they’d first come to live with him. He can’t make her to talk to him, can’t stand the thought of making her resent him for it. He swallows hard.

He’d settle for just _seeing her_ , just to be sure she’s alright. At least, then, it might calm the panicked storm still raging inside his head. But it wouldn’t be fair to Paige.

“Okay,” he relents, loud enough for her to hear. “I’ll send Rose up for you when dinner’s ready.”

Bodhi turns and heads back down the stairs, feeling numb. In the kitchen, Cassian has kept vigil at the stove, stirring at the now boiling pot of potatoes Bodhi had left behind. He’s using the serving fork Bodhi had left beside the stove instead of the wooden spoons they have stored away and it’s funny and endearing, almost enough to break through Bodhi’s troubled thoughts. Almost, but not quite.

Pulling out a chair at the table, Bodhi sits down heavily, resting his elbows on the table and burying his face in his hands. He presses the heels of his palms to his eyes, trying to ease the painful tension that’s built up there. He doesn’t look up when he hears the scrape of a second chair, nor when Cassian settles in beside him. It’s only at the gentle touch on his forearm that he peeks through his fingers, not resisting as Cassian tugs softly at his wrist. Cassian’s hand slides up over his own, fingers intertwining with his.

“Is she okay?” Cassian asks.

Bodhi shrugs sharply, feeling lost. “She won’t talk to me. She’s _never_ not talked to me. I overreacted and now she hates me for it.”

“Hey, she could never hate you. She just needs a chance to come around. She loves you.”

Bodhi knows that, deep down. But the words still can’t settle the sick feeling inside, like he’s always going to hold the girls back, that he’ll never be the same man he was when he first promised to take care of them. He’s all they’ve got and he can’t help but wonder if someday they’ll feel short-changed for that fact.

“I just hate not knowing how to fix this,” Bodhi admits.

“Maybe… let her have her space? I remember getting like this at her age, especially when it had to do with skating. My poor mother...” Cassian trails off and Bodhi doesn’t press, knowing there’s baggage there too. The way he’s dragged Cassian into this is hardly fair at all. He can’t expect Cassian to share something like that when Bodhi can’t even _admit_ to his own baggage.

“You don’t have to stick around. I know this wasn’t the night we all had in mind,” Bodhi says, even though it’s still far from what he wants. He needs Cassian to know that he won’t resent him if he can’t do this, or if he changes his mind about Bodhi. ( _When_ he changes his mind about Bodhi and goes back to his own life.)

“And miss dinner?” Cassian jokes lamely, fingers squeezing Bodhi’s reassuringly. “I’m not leaving, unless you ask me to.”

Bodhi sighs and nods. He should be letting Cassian slip away into the night before they both fall deeper than they already are. But Bodhi is tired of letting his doubts take hold. For this moment, at least, he wants to appreciate Cassian’s offer and bask in the warmth of Cassian’s presence without thinking too hard about what tomorrow might bring. He might regret it later but still he wouldn’t trade it, not with the reassuring look on Cassian’s face sending warmth through his chest.

“Thank you,” is all Bodhi can say in return. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner, complete with a side of emotional crisis.”

Cassian smiles. “Of course.”

Bodhi wants slide his chair over so he can bury his face in the crook of Cassian’s neck again, to stay in his arms as long as he can. Reason barely wins out as he untangles his hand from Cassian’s and checks the pot on the stove. It feels almost too natural to have Cassian puttering around at his side, grabbing ingredients when Bodhi asks, or just leaning back against the counter. When there’s nothing left for them to do but wait, Cassian curls his arms comfortably around Bodhi’s waist, guiding Bodhi back against his chest and presses a soft, chaste kiss just beneath his ear. It doesn’t make everything alright, but it’s… _better._

Eventually Rose wanders in to join them, drawing pad and pencils in hand. Cassian clears his throat directly into Bodhi’s ear at the sight of her, startling Bodhi. Cassian’s arms do an interesting dance of constricting and relaxing around Bodhi’s waist, clearly unsure if he should extricate himself from Bodhi as quickly as possible. He finally steps away, but not before they receive a sparkly eyed stare from Rose as she situates herself at the table.

“What are you working on?” Cassian asks her, his deflection painfully obvious. Bodhi merely watches as Cassian goes over to join her at the table. Cassian is far better company than he is at the moment, distracting and even cheering Rose up a bit.

By the time dinner is ready, Cassian has joined Rose coloring, drawing is a sloppy version of what Bodhi thinks is meant to be a jellyfish, like Rose’s own drawing.

“I promise I’ll hang them both on the fridge,” Bodhi says, earning him a laugh from both Cassian and Rose. He feels almost normal again - Bodhi just hopes that Paige has calmed down. He sends Rose up to get her while he plates the food. Rose comes back down a few moments later. Alone. Her disheartened expression tells Bodhi everything.

“She said she isn’t hungry,” Rose announces, sadly reclaiming her seat at the table. She looks to Bodhi expectantly, as if waiting for him to fix everything. Bodhi wishes it were that simple.

“That’s alright,” Bodhi tries. “Maybe she’ll change her mind.” He’s sure he doesn’t sound convincing, but Rose doesn’t press him. Cassian looks like he might reach out for Bodhi, but instead he just scoots his chair out a bit, meeting Bodhi’s eyes.

“I don’t want to overstep,” he begins hesitantly. “But... maybe I could go check on her? I could at least bring her up a plate.” He’s using that understanding tone he always has with the kids, patient and ready to be rebuffed.

Bodhi takes a deep breath. “Yeah, okay.” It can’t hurt. After all, Paige loves Cassian. “Please.”

Cassian grabs the plate that had been set out for Paige and climbs the stairs. It feels like a lifetime, sitting with Rose, listening as she tells a story about school that diffuses the silence.

He wonders if it should feel strange that Cassian has a better chance of talking to Paige than he does at the moment. Or if he should feel ashamed for that fact. Either way, he’s only thankful for the help.

It’s a few more minutes before he finally hears the creak of footsteps on the stairs. Bodhi looks up just as Paige, with her plate in hand, and Cassian appear at the bottom of the steps. Cassian reaches out, squeezing Paige’s shoulder once before he comes to sit at the table. He shoots Bodhi a reassuring look, and some of the tension ebbs away. Paige, on the other hand, eyes Bodhi almost warily before she sits down beside her sister and pointedly doesn’t look his way again. It hurts, but he doesn’t let his expression betray that. He’s more relieved that Cassian had convinced her to join them at all.

After a painfully subdued meal, Bodhi gets up and collects the dishes, wanting nothing more than to shut down all over again. Even with Cassian here, doing more to help than Bodhi deserves, the bone crushing exhaustion doesn’t subside. He feels like someone has carved out his chest, like he’s been stretched too thin. And it’s all so _stupid_ , because he’d only panicked when Paige could have been hurt. He sets the dishes in the sink and leans against it, taking a deep breath.

“I’m gonna go finish my drawing in the living room,” Rose says suddenly, jumping up from her seat. Her eyes drift slowly around the kitchen, the ringing silence to her announcement drawing her up short.

Bodhi turns a comforting smile on her, feeling only a little of it himself. “Of course, sweetheart. I’m sure it will be beautiful.”

Rose returns his smile, hesitant and sweet. And then she glances quickly at Paige, fidgeting with her sketch pad.

“Do you want to color with me?” Rose asks her sister gently. Paige looks unsure at the offer, her eyes flitting over to meet Bodhi’s for the first time since arriving home. Bodhi keeps his expression placid, wanting to let her make up her own mind, not wanting to give her another reason to be upset with him.

“After I help Dad with the dishes,” she answers. The words loosen the ache in Bodhi’s chest, knowing that it’s a start. Cassian clues in quickly.

“How about I come finish my drawing too,” Cassian suggests easily. “It needs a lot more work than yours.” He holds it up from where it had been set aside, showing it to Paige. She lets out a laugh at the sight of it and Bodhi feels the tension lift a bit more. Cassian shoots him a final, encouraging glance before Rose grabs his hand and tugs him back to the living room.

Paige joins Bodhi at the sink, as promised. She rolls up her sleeves and grabs the dishcloth from the hook. “I’ll wash, you dry?” she asks, sounding guarded.

Bodhi nods, and they clean the dishes in silence. It’s an alien experience from their usual routine of companionable chatter. He wants to say something, to try and mend things, but doesn’t know how to start without feeling like he’s pushing too hard.

“Is your hip feeling alright?” Bodhi asks after a while. It’s a safe enough place to start.

Paige nods, running water over a plate, still not meeting his eyes. “It’s okay. The bruise isn’t too bad.”

“That’s good. You’ll want to ice it before you go to bed, though. Keep it from swelling.”

Paige shrugs, biting her lip before she speaks again. “You’re really not mad at me?”

“I’m not, I swear. You just…” Bodhi huffs out a breath, “Really scared me, y’know?”

“I know,” Paige says quietly. “I just really wanted to try. I _know_ it was stupid and I’m so sorry.” She sounds miserable as she says it, drawn in on herself, and Bodhi _never_ wanted that.

“Hey, no, it was just a mistake, we all make them. You can’t just take risks like that, but, I messed up too. I didn’t have to react like that.” He sighs, the weight of his fear pressing on his chest again. It feels like a wild animal trying to crawl up his throat.

Maybe he needs to dig Evaan’s number out of his contacts. He’d never taken her up on her offer for more counseling since she moved her practice to the next city over. Bodhi had thought he was past needing therapy. That he’d recovered well enough. But if things like this are rattling him this badly…

Maybe it’s time to rethink that.

“I just--” Paige falters, her eyes alarmingly overbright. Bodhi’s heart tries to leap from his chest at even the slightest hint of tears. “I just wanted to prove that I could do it. I wanted to show you, and Rose, and Cassian, and Poe too.” Her voice shakes with frustration and shame.

“I’m sorry for embarrassing you. Seeing you fall just...” He trails off, because even through the tension between them, that understanding is still in the gaze she fixes him with.

“I know. I _remember_ , Dad. T-That’s why I feel so bad.”

Bodhi swallows the sudden lump in his throat and takes a deep breath as Paige continues.

“I remember your fall, I remember you in the hospital. I… I remember thinking, for the first time, that you needed me, and it wasn’t just me needing y-you.” Her voice cracks on the last word.

Bodhi lets the dish towel fall to the counter, and just draws her into a hug. Her soapy wet hands fist into his shirt, but he doesn’t mind that at all as he instinctively rocks back and forth. She sniffles against his chest. “Paige,” he calls to her, “I needed you before you were born. I’ll always need you.”

Paige looks up, lip quivering. There’s a faint trace of tears on her lashes.

“But you don’t have to do so much. It’s my privilege to be your dad, and that means that I get to take care of _you_. You shouldn’t have to worry about taking care of me until I’m in dentures. I remember what it felt like to find that thing that just clicks. It might be over for me... but I won’t keep you from what you love. I can’t do that.”

She gives a watery laugh. “It’s just, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t. But, Dad…” Paige’s jaw clenches, and the first tears finally slip free. Bodhi’s throat closes tight. “Dad, I wanna _skate_. I _love_ to skate. I want to be like Cassian, on the ice. I want to fly like you used to. I know that you hate it, and I don’t want you to be scared like today and what if it makes you remember every time?”

Bodhi leans in and wraps Paige in another tight hug. “I’ll just have to work through it then. Paige, that’s not on you to fix. It doesn’t matter how I feel about the ice because you come first. Because it’s what you love. Because I love _you_ , no matter what, okay?”

“You saw what happened! I’m hardly good enough to really be anything. Is it really worth hurting you over?” she asks quietly, almost to herself.

And Bodhi can’t have that. He might still be scared, but he refuses to let her doubt herself like this, not if it means giving up on a dream she clearly wants to make real - Bodhi knows all too well what giving up on a dream does to a person’s heart. “Hey, that’s definitely not true and I can bet Cassian will tell you that’s ridiculous.”

She only shrugs, and Bodhi realizes he needs to set her straight. He turns off the faucet, abandoning the pretense of dishes to turn and look at her.

“Paige, I can’t promise you that you’ll compete, or that your life will be like Cassian’s. But what I can promise you is that you’re going to keep trying, you’ll learn more and get better and then you get to decide to quit or not. Not now, and definitely not because of me. You understand?” He takes her hands hands in his own, feeling overwhelmed. “I would do anything to make you happy, just, give me a bit of time on this one. You will do jumps, and you’ll be amazing at it, but only if you don’t rush it, right? Remember, I’ll love and support you no matter what.”

“Okay,” Paige nods, fresh tears flow down her face. Bodhi sighs, wrapping her in his arms and not bothering to keep back his own tears that slip free. He holds her until her breathing evens out, and squeezes a little tighter even if his arms are getting tired.

“Ermph, Dad, you’re kind of crushing me.”

“Oh.” Bodhi lets out a small laugh that’s thick with emotion. “Sorry honey.”

She smiles up timidly up at him when he lets her go, and it makes him feel emotional all over again. Paige may not be a little girl anymore, but watching her and Rose grow, seeing the people they’re becoming fills him with amazement and pride. Honestly, Bodhi has no idea what he’d do without either of them.

“Think we can finish these dishes without any more crying?”

There’s a tap at the door frame. Bodhi looks up to see Cassian standing in the archway between the kitchen and living room. “I hate to interrupt but… I should probably get going. I’ve got Solo coming to pick me up,” he says quietly, looking relieved that the two of them have worked it out. Bodhi knows he probably looks like a mess, eyes puffy and shirt speckled with soapy water. But he doesn’t mind being vulnerable in front of Cassian, at least with this.

“You were right, Cassian,” Paige says, rubbing her eyes against her arm, before making a beeline for Cassian to wrap him in a hug. “Thank you.”

Cassian looks up at Bodhi, emotions flickering across his face too fast for Bodhi to catch them all. The expression that finally settles on his face as he hugs Paige back is so soft that Bodhi feels like crying again.

After Paige releases Cassian, she returns upstairs, though far more at peace than the last time. Bodhi listens to her footsteps for a moment, then peers out into the empty living room. “Where’s Rose?”

“She went upstairs a few minutes ago. Something about homework.”

Bodhi raised his eyebrows. “She went on her own?”

“I might have nudged her a little,” Cassian admits.

Bodhi walks Cassian out, stopping to take Cassian’s hands in his once they reach the door. “You really helped tonight. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Cassian replies quietly. Bodhi brings Cassian’s hand up to presses a kiss against his palm. It brings that impossibly soft smile to Cassian’s face again, and he tugs Bodhi closer, wrapping him in a warm hug. Bodhi hugs back, possibly a little too tightly (if the grunt from Cassian is anything to go by), but Cassian doesn’t complain. Bodhi buries his face in the crook of Cassian’s neck, breathing deeply, letting himself relax as Cassian rubs soothing circles on his back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Bodhi asks, voice muffled against Cassian’s neck, not caring if it comes off as clingy. Cassian must know by now already how much Bodhi wants him around. _Always_ , if he could.

“Yeah.” Cassian pulls away slightly, meeting Bodhi’s gaze. “I… was wondering if I could take you out again. Or for the first time, I guess. A _real_ date.”

He sounds almost _nervous_ despite their current position and Bodhi can’t resist the urge to gently tease. “I don’t know,” he drawls, pretending to consider before his grin gives him away. “Last time was real enough for me.”

Cassian mirrors Bodhi’s grin. “Say yes anyway?”

“You really twisted my arm, but, yes. I’ll ask Jyn when she can watch the girls and we’ll take it from there?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Bodhi reels Cassian back in with little protest, this time pressing a kiss to his mouth. It’s chaste only at first, lingering and soft. And then one kiss becomes two, and then three, until they bleed together, arms curled tightly around one another until the sound of a horn honking outside breaks them apart. Bodhi just barely holds back a whine at the loss.

“Damnit, Han,” he mutters.

“That’s my cue,” Cassian says, pulling away just as reluctantly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Bodhi dips back in pressing a final brief kiss to Cassian’s mouth. “See you.”

When the door closes behind Cassian, Bodhi leans his head against it, letting out a long breath and closing his eyes.

 _“Stay with me,”_ he doesn’t call out, no matter how much he wants to.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 80 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Put A Twenty In The Token Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are sorry about the long wait, but here, finally, is the next chapter!

\-----------------

When Cassian had asked Bodhi on their date, _technically_ the first and only date that’s been initiated by either of them, he had every intention to find something suitably romantic and meaningful.

And then he finds _Dak’s_.

He passes the unremarkable building with the off center neon sign on his way back from Bodhi’s, the light from the wide windows enough to illuminate the entire street block. _Dak’s_ , formally known as _Dak’s Game Emporium_ , is the only arcade in Fespin Falls.

And there’s nothing that can stop Cassian from taking Bodhi there. Not even Bodhi’s teasing.

“I can’t believe you picked the arcade,” Bodhi snickers at him as they hop out of the truck. Neither of them has dressed up for this date. But somehow even in a comfortable looking sweater and jeans, Bodhi still manages to take his breath away. Cassian has spent the entire ride to the arcade fighting the urge to kiss him.

“It’s the only year-round attraction in this town,” Cassian says. “Aside from you, of course,” he adds, unashamed when it makes Bodhi laugh.

Bodhi lips twitch up at the corners in a good-natured smile. “You, Cassian Andor, are a dork. A giant, handsome dork.”

“Yeah, well…” Cassian holds a hand out for Bodhi’s, tugging him towards the beacon of the front windows. “This dork is gonna beat your ass at skee-ball, so watch out.”

“ _Skee-ball?_ ” Bodhi laughs.

“It’s the best arcade game, bar none.”

“No, no way. Galaga. Pac-Man. _Time Crisis II_. _DDR_. Any of those are better!” Bodhi counters. He grins at Cassian’s affronted noise, simply holding the door open for him.

Cassian slips inside, thankful for the blast of warm air to ward off the winter chill. He turns and fixes Bodhi with a dramatic glare. “You’re just afraid you’re going to lose.”

“Oh I am? We’ll see.”

They wander over the threshold, immediately engulfed in the electronic _pew pew_ of lasers and the artificial engines revving. And under it all is the chorus of whistles, bells, and coins jingling into containers. It makes Cassian feel like a child all over again.

Bodhi must see the wonder in his expression, because he nudges Cassian’s arm with a fond smile and beckons him over to the token machine in the entryway. Bodhi starts for his wallet, but Cassian quickly protests.

“No, hey. It’s my turn, remember? You paid for dinner last time.” He bats Bodhi’s hands away until he rolls his eyes and shoves his wallet back into his pocket. Cassian takes out his own, grabbing two bills and feeding it into the machine. He realizes his mistake a moment later, when the machine flashes up with _$40_ , and a cascade of tokens come pouring out of the machine.

He lets out a curse, trying in vain to catch as many coins as he can. They quickly spill from his hands and back onto the machine, in danger of rolling off onto the floor. “Grab them, quick!” he yelps, nearly drowned out by Bodhi’s laughter - bright and clear as he swoops in to help. He stretches out the hem of his sweater and starts scooping the coins up.

“Here - just--” Cassian can’t even feel humiliated when Bodhi’s face has lit up, unable to even speak for his giggles. “Go to the counter and ask Dak for a basket!”

“Alright, alright,” Cassian chuckles, and pours his handful of tokens into Bodhi’s poor sagging sweater. He walks quickly over to the glass counter and the attendant who has been making a poor attempt not to watch them. He’s a lanky man with dark hair swept back from his face, and there’s a distinct smile playing around his lips, dark eyes sparkling in barely restrained laughter. “Hi,” Cassian says, doing his best to ignore it. “Dak? We need--”

A plastic basket is slid across the counter before he can finish his request. “How much did you even put in that thing, man?”

“Too much, obviously.”

“Well, enjoy your date. You’re going to be here all night with all that.”

Cassian doesn’t dignify that with a response, snatching the basket up off the counter. He can’t be sure, but he thinks Dak winks at him as he turns away.

He returns to Bodhi’s side, and together they manage to gather up all of the tokens from Bodhi’s sweater. And the coin machine. And the floor.

Bodhi’s still laughing.

Cassian should be embarrassed, he thinks, but all he really feels is an overwhelming relief to see Bodhi smile and laugh, especially after yesterday’s crisis with Paige. He’d do anything to keep that smile on Bodhi’s face right now. Including making a fool of himself.

They grab the last of the tokens that had managed to escape onto the carpet before climbing to their feet, Bodhi helping Cassian right himself. It feels like second nature now, letting Bodhi support him, even though his knee doesn’t need the help nearly as much anymore. Still, it’s a nice excuse to keep him close.

“Alright,” Cassian says as they start off into between the game machines. “Let’s make a bet.”

“A bet, huh? This should be rich.”

“If you can beat me at skee-ball...” he trails off as Bodhi lets out a guffaw of disbelief, “then you can ask me anything you want.”

“Anything...?”

“Yeah - about those costumes you’re so interested in. Or my most humiliating routines or… anything.” At this point, Cassian would probably answer any questions Bodhi has for him, about his life, about his fears, about things he finds difficult to talk about.

“And what if you win?” Bodhi asks.

“If I win… I can ask you whatever I want.”

Bodhi seems to sober at this. His eyes drift downward, something unreadable and particularly anxious falling over his face. And Cassian _knows_ that this is something, something big. The answer to all the things Bodhi has been holding back. His sudden anxiety attack on the ice is certainly for the same reason - Cassian doesn’t doubt that now.

And Cassian can’t help but wonder. His mind keeps drifting back to the sight of Bodhi speeding across the ice, faster and steadier than Cassian had ever seen him skate before. He desperately wants to ask Bodhi about all of these things, but the closed off expression on Bodhi’s face stops him.

Instead, Cassian tilts his head and offers a hesitant smile. “Nothing _too_ intrusive, I promise. Nothing you’re not comfortable with answering. Trust me?” He waits until Bodhi’s shoulders relax before continuing slyly: “But if you’re not up for the challenge…”

“The hell I’m not,” Bodhi says, looking relieved, loosened. “Let’s do this.”

They find a pair of free skee-ball machines and insert their tokens. “Three seems like a lot for one game,” Bodhi remarks under his breath.

“That’s because you’re old,” Cassian quips.

“I’m only two years older than you and _you’re_ the one who picked _skee-ball_ of all things.” The balls come clacking down into the chute, and Bodhi smirks over at him. “Ready?”

“I should be asking you that, since you’re going to lose.”

Bodhi scoffs, and picks up a ball. “I already know what I’m going to ask you,” he threatens, and slings the first ball up the ramp where it pops into the middle. He crosses his arms, smug.

“Oh?” Cassian quirks a brow at him, throwing his into the same hole. Then the next one in the ring outside, and the next one in the middle. “Keep up, Rook,” he says, smiling.

It turns out that Bodhi is a more than match for him. He wins their first match by more than a few throws. But after much playful trash talk and a few more tokens, Cassian takes the second game.

“That means we both get a question, right?” Bodhi snickers as the tickets come pouring out onto the floor at their feet.

Cassian sighs. “I guess that’s fair. Unless I can beat you at something else, too? What do you say? Think I can take you at that… _Time Crunch_ game?”

“ _Time **Crisis**. _ Cri-- you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

They spend the next hour or so wandering from one game to the next, trying to use up their truly _unfortunate_ amount of tokens. Cassian is _bullied_ , as he teases Bodhi, into playing several arcade games, including a snowmobile racing game that he loses spectacularly at. He can’t even say he’s annoyed about it either. Not when he genuinely enjoys going up against Bodhi like this, or when Bodhi finally looks so carefree and _happy._ He laughs sharply when Cassian challenges him to a game of air hockey, laughing until it sounds like he has trouble catching his breath.

(Dance Dance Revolution is where they draw the line, however. They watch a couple of teenagers up on the game platforms for a few songs, before Bodhi winces. “Maybe… not that.”

“Yeah, I don’t think my knee could take that,” Cassian agrees. He shifts his weight off his bad knee instinctively. “Even if I had my brace, I don’t think it could.)

By the end of it they still so many tokens that Cassian gives up and presents them to a group of children running around the arcade. “That was sweet of you,” Bodhi says with a warm smile.

Cassian shrugs. “I think we have more tickets than we’ll ever need anyway.” He bundles up their substantial amount of tickets, considering them thoughtfully. Maybe they’ll have enough to pick out some prizes for the girls? They return to the prize counter, where Dak greets Bodhi warmly and hums as he feeds their tickets into the counting machine.

“So how’s the date going?” the man chirps at them. Cassian can’t even say he’s surprised about that, and lets Bodhi grumble and glare at him. “You guys are going to be a boost to my reputation around here. You’re like the local celebrity romance in town - once they figure out you had a romantic night here, this is going to be the hot new dating spot.”

“I think you’re overestimating your arcade,” Bodhi scoffs at him, his glare turning pointed. This only makes Dak laugh, a boisterous sound that fits in perfectly with the vivid colors and cacophonous noise of the arcade. Bodhi gestures to the hanging bundle of stuffed animals. “Just let us trade in for a couple of those, you jerk.”

“Sure! You’ve got enough for two. Perfect for your girls.” Bodhi chooses a pair of stuffed animals after a bit of consideration - a chubby pink dinosaur with a snaggletooth and a stuffed Nyan Cat. “You’ve got a some tickets left,” Dak suggests once they’ve been handed over. “Enough for something small.” He taps at the glass display case under his hands.

Cassian leans his elbows against the glass, inspecting the various cheap trinkets inside. His eyes catch on a display of gaudy plastic rings, with giant plastic jewels in a rainbow of neon colors. He points them out before he can second guess himself.

“What about those?”

Bodhi’s eyes follow where he’s pointing and he grins. But when he looks back up at Dak, he seems to falter. “The um… we’d like to look at - at the rings please.”

Dak’s eyebrows arch pointedly, his expression doing a spectacular attempt to not break into a smile. Bodhi turns a faint shade of pink, his glare clearly daring Dak to say something.

“Of course,” Dak says in an even tone, and pulls the box from the display case.

Cassian sifts through the rings, trying to ignore that his hands have gone a little sweaty, or that he’s suddenly finding it difficult to meet Bodhi’s eyes. The sheer absurdity of the whole thing strikes him as Bodhi plucks one at off the base, studying it with a faint blush on his cheeks. It’s all so stupid - it’s not like they’re picking out _real_ rings.

That’s a thought Cassian shoves away. He doesn’t think he can even handle picturing _that._

“I like the blue,” he mumbles quickly.

“And I’ll… take the green,” Bodhi adds. He picks up a blue ring, holds a hand out for Cassian’s, which he gives without a second thought. It’s his _left hand_ , and Cassian has to bite back a slightly hysterical laugh, because he can see that Bodhi notices that as well. There’s a gleam in Bodhi’s eyes that makes it incredibly difficult not to laugh, all humor, fond affection, and incredulity.

His expression schooled into seriousness, Bodhi attempts to slide it on Cassian’s ring finger, but the ring is too small. It won’t fit completely on Cassian’s pinky either, as it’s clearly made for a child’s hands. There’s a beat of silence, and the pair of them finally break into helpless laughter. Bodhi presses the ring into his palm instead, his smile dazzling under the lights.

Cassian reaches in the box and pulls one of the green rings out, dropping it into Bodhi’s hand. His eyes catch Bodhi’s and the urge to kiss him wells up all over again. It takes Dak rolling his eyes and muttering something about how sickeningly cute they are for Cassian to realize there’s nothing holding him back from doing just that. He ducks in and Bodhi catches on quick, meeting him halfway in a chaste but lovely kiss. The feeling of Bodhi’s smile as they part makes is enough to make Cassian dizzy. The entire thing is surreal, a parody of an experience that is too serious and too soon for either of them to even consider.

But even still, the thought has him feeling warm as he laces his fingers with Bodhi’s.

For dinner they keep it simple and grab slices of pizza from the adjoining restaurant to the arcade, huddling at one of the picnic tables out back. It’s a clear night, the air chill but no longer freezing, and it only adds to Cassian’s need to touch Bodhi. He settles for hooking his ankle around Bodhi’s under the table while they eat, loving the way Bodhi smiles and doesn’t move away.

Bodhi leans one elbow onto the picnic table. “So, what do people talk about on a real date?”

“You know? I have no idea,” Cassian laughs. “Maybe our little wager from before can help us out a bit? What’s the score now, anyway?”

Bodhi loses some of his ease at the words, fidgeting with the straw wrapper on the table. He shrugs hesitantly.

“It… really depends what your question is.”

There’s no warning in his words, but Cassian hears it loud and clear anyway. And he doesn’t want to push it, not when it’s so obviously set Bodhi on edge. He thinks of brushing off the joking wager entirely but figures out another way through it. He reaches out to cover Bodhi’s hand on the table with his own, the motion careful. Bodhi waits like he’s bracing himself.

“I meant what I said, you know…” he says gently, putting as much understanding into his voice as he can. “You can still back out if you want to, with any of this.” He ruthlessly shoves down the need he has to know, to understand what it is that Bodhi has been keeping back. But the thought of risking losing Bodhi over that is not even something he wants to consider. “So I was wondering - for the sake of bolstering my confidence that this _isn’t_ it - what’s the worst date Jyn has set you up on?”

Bodhi exhales, huffing out a laugh. “Oh, is that all? God, there’s a lot to choose from...”

Cassian grins. “They can’t have all been bad.”

“You’d be surprised. Okay, I’ve got it. One I can tell in public, at least.” Cassian’s eyebrow raises at that, but Bodhi keeps talking. “This one really wasn’t the guy’s fault well, not entirely. But I’d have to say...Dak.”

“Dak...as in _Dak’s_ Dak? The guy from the counter?” Cassian asks, nearly swiveling his head around to see if he can spot the Dak in question through the big arcade windows. Bodhi laughs nervously.

“Yeah - how many Daks do you think are in this town?” Bodhi teases. “Relax, please. It was… almost five years ago? And it _really_ didn’t go right, not that he’s a bad guy! But...we argued about Star Trek through half of dinner and then the main event was a midnight movie. Some Italian horror flick at the arthouse theater downtown. I’m not proud to say I fell asleep in the first five minutes. Snored through the whole thing. He was right to be a bit miffed afterward.”

“He could have just woke you. The girls were young then. Not your fault you needed the sleep.”

“Kind of you to defend past me. But really, it was pretty bad. I wasn’t exactly in the swing of dating again just yet...not that I’ve improved much now.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Cassian says, earning him a smile.

“Sweet of you to say so,” Bodhi says. “But compliments won’t get you off the hook. Same question - and _please_ tell me you have something at least close to that embarrassing to tell me about.”

Cassian considers his answer for a few moments. “I...think I could manage that, unfortunately.”

“Go on.”

“Alright so...like all my most embarrassing stories, of course this took place in the Olympic Village.”

“Show off,” Bodhi teases, before quieting for Cassian to go on.

“Definitely not with this one. Just picture me: young, stupid and naively enamoured. I’d hooked up with this beautiful snowboarder after the opening ceremonies and I was thinking we’d have...not _forever,_ but at least a few nice days. We had a… a decent, unimaginative night together - I thought it was great at the time. I went back to my room after he promised to see me the next morning and all that.” Cassian sighs before revealing the most embarrassing part of it all. “And then, in a move I probably should have seen coming, he stood me up for breakfast. Left me sitting alone in the McDonald’s at the center of the Village.”

Bodhi’s brow furrows sympathetically. “That’s awful. Who in their right mind would stand you up?”

“Snowboarders.” Cassian shakes his head, feeling warmed by the protective note of Bodhi’s voice. “I sat there until the hashbrowns got cold and I finally realized he wasn’t coming. Just in time for my coach to come and yell at me for not being at the rink yet. That was that for me and Laze ‘Fixer’ Loneozner.” Cassian’s hopes the sarcasm he feels when saying the nickname is brutally obvious.

“Remind me not to root for him in the winter games if he’s still competing.”

“If I don’t remind you, Kay will for sure. He never let me hear the end of it, with good reason. I might not have got through it at all if not for him.” Cassian’s unable to keep the fondness from his voice, feeling grateful that, even though their interactions had been brief, Kay really seemed to like Bodhi.

“You miss him, don’t you?” Bodhi asks, catching Cassian’s smile.

“The snowboarder?” Cassian tilts his head, knowing exactly who Bodhi means and teasing all the same.

“No! I should hope not. I mean _Kay._ He’s your best friend right?”

“Yeah. Don’t tell him, though. He’d never let me live _that_ down either.”

“My lips are sealed,” Bodhi promises jokingly. “Is he the only thing you miss? I mean...California and everything. I hardly know anything about your life there. We must seem pretty small time in comparison. And cold on top of it.”

“Wouldn’t have chosen skating if I didn’t like the cold,” Cassian reminds him. “As for the rest… there’s really not as much to miss as it used to be.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not like I’ve really had much of a chance to lay down roots with all the travel I do. And without my mom there anymore...it’s not like there’s much to feel connected to, you know?” Cassian trails off after that, unsure if he’s sharing too much. “Sorry, I’m not trying to bring the mood down.”

“You’re not, trust me. I understand,” Bodhi says, features etched in sympathy. “Not that it’s exactly the same but...when I first moved here, I kind of felt like that too. I had the girls and Jyn of course, but the whole idea of a home flew out the window with...well, the whole divorce thing.”

There are significant gaps between his words, like Bodhi is skipping pieces of the larger story. Cassian wonders if Bodhi will ever tell him the whole tale.

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

Bodhi smiles sheepishly, and tucks his collar up around his throat. “Sorry. It’s not you, really. It’s just… it’s a lot. Soon though?”

“Whenever you’re ready to tell me,” Cassian says, shoving back all of the questions that are fighting to be asked.

As they finish up their slices of pizza, Cassian takes a moment to fish the ring out of his pocket. The blue plastic of the gem sparkles shamelessly in the yellow light. He undoes the chain around his neck and drops the ring onto it. It clacks un-musically against the medallion, looking a little strange and out of place, which couldn't be further from how Cassian feels right now.

"I've wanted to ask, what is that?"

"This?" Cassian holds his medallion up by the chain. "It's a St. Cassian medallion." Cassian can't help but laugh at the expression on Bodhi's face as he continues. "It was my abuela's. My mom gave it to me when I started skating competitively. I feel like... it's kind of a way to keep them close."

"I get it," Bodhi says softly. At a loss for anything else to say, Cassian puts his medallion back on. Bodhi digs his phone out and checks it.

"We still have a little time before we need to head back," he says as Whitney Houston comes over the radio, singing about wanting to dance with somebody. "Anything else you want to do?"

"Want to make out in the truck?" Cassian asks, half joking.

Okay, maybe not joking.

Bodhi appears to think about it for barely a second. "Okay," he says, and Cassian sits up a bit straighter. He watches, just slightly mystified, as Bodhi pushes himself to his feet.

They dispose of their plates, and as they leave Cassian almost takes Bodhi's hand, but struck with a moment of boldness he slips an arm around Bodhi's waist instead. Bodhi doesn't even hesitate returning the gesture, arm slipping around Cassian's back. They make their way back to the truck like that, only parting reluctantly to go to their separate sides. Cassian barely has the door shut before he’s sliding over and nuzzling Bodhi’s neck, kissing just below his ear.

Bodhi shudders. “Hey, can you let me turn the truck on?”

“You can multitask-”

“ _Not_ when you’re doing that.” There’s a note of amusement in Bodhi’s voice as he speaks, but there’s also a strained, breathless quality to it, too.

“Doing what?” Cassian asks innocently, pressing another kiss to Bodhi’s throat. Bodhi curses and manages to get the keys in the ignition before turning to Cassian and tipping his chin up so he can press a slow, achingly sweet kiss to Cassian’s mouth. Cassian lets his eyes drift closed, practically melting into Bodhi as he gently cups Cassian’s face with his hands, Cassian’s fingers curling into the knit of Bodhi’s sweater.

Bodhi breaks away and Cassian has to suppress a whimper at the loss. “Okay, I really need to move the truck - we’re way too close to the arcade. There are too many kids here.”

Cassian arches an eyebrow at him. “And people you know? Like Dak?”

“He has Luke on speed dial.”

A wave of horror ripples through Cassian. The _last_ thing they need is more mood music _._ He releases his hold on Bodhi and slides properly into the passenger seat. “Move the truck.”

Bodhi is laughing again as he starts the truck and moves it to the back of the lot. Then moves it again so they’re not parked directly under a streetlight.

“Subtle,” he teases. Bodhi only shushes him.

Once Bodhi turns the truck back off, they’re almost immediately back in one another’s space. Cassian is nuzzling Bodhi’s neck again, dropping gentle kisses here and there as he works his way down towards the collar of Bodhi’s sweater. Bodhi tips his head back, granting him better access, the relative silence punctuated by Bodhi’s sighs. Sighs that turn into gasps when Cassian begins to bite and suck at the base of his throat.

“Are you giving me another hickey?” Bodhi asks breathlessly, the sound of his voice buzzing against Cassian’s lips. Cassian hums in response, pulling away.

“Yes,” he admits, running his fingers over the reddened spot, making Bodhi sigh.

“Now that’s not fair. You’ve given me two and I haven’t given you one yet.”

Cassian grins. “Well, why didn’t you say something before?” Leaning away slightly from Bodhi, he pulls his hair away from his neck, watching Bodhi’s eyes on him, watching his tongue dart out to wet his lips, hearing his breath hitch. But instead of immediately making good on Cassian’s offer, Bodhi cups Cassian’s face in his hands again and lays light kisses on his forehead, eyelids, cheeks, one all too brief kiss on the lips, before Bodhi finally slides his lips onto Cassian’s throat.

Cassian has the distinct feeling he’s enjoying this too much, the feeling of Bodhi’s lips, tongue, and teeth working over his neck. He tilts his head back further, letting his fingers dig into the muscles of Bodhi’s back, getting completely lost in the feeling of Bodhi’s mouth on his skin. At least until, in an attempt to tug Cassian’s collar to the side, Bodhi’s arm accidentally smacks into the steering wheel, the blare of the truck’s horn startling them both. Cassian can’t help it, he buries his face against Bodhi’s shoulder and starts laughing. Bodhi joins in a second later, his laughter still as bright and clear as it had been back in the arcade. Wrapping his arms around Cassian’s shoulders, Bodhi presses his face into Cassian’s hair, and despite how ridiculous everything feels, Cassian also feels so utterly content it’s almost too much.

Cassian lifts his head carefully so as to not accidentally knock Bodhi in the chin and presses another kiss to Bodhi’s mouth. Bodhi kisses back, arms tightening around Cassian’s shoulders before Cassian breaks away. “Maybe we should move into the back seat?”

Bodhi grins at Cassian, digging his plastic ring out of his pocket and dropping it carefully in a cup holder. “Race you.”

Bodhi decides to get out of the truck and get into the backseat via the back passenger door. Cassian decides to crawl over the front seats into the back and manages to get stuck. Bodhi has to help him, which doesn’t go so smoothly considering how much Cassian is swearing and how much Bodhi is laughing.

“Is your knee okay?” Bodhi asks once he’s able to draw a decent breath, finally pulling Cassian into the backseat.

Cassian grumbles a reply, his pride is stinging but it’s drowned out by the soaring feeling of his heart racing in his chest.

“I thought figure skaters were supposed to be graceful,” Bodhi says as he wraps his arms around Cassian’s middle and presses their cheeks together.

“Shut up,” Cassian huffs without venom. He looks at Bodhi, which is difficult considering the angle. “You going to kiss me again or what?”

“Bossy.” Bodhi leans so he’s whispering directly in Cassian’s ear, making him shiver. “It was cold outside, you should warm me up.”

Cassian doesn’t get a chance to respond because Bodhi leans in for more kisses. The angle is awkward, kissing over Cassian’s shoulder, so they attempt to find a more suitable position. They end up laying against the seats, it being much more comfortable than trying to lean against the doors (or straddling each other, something Cassian is positive he wouldn’t survive), but it also means both of them have one leg hanging off the seats. It’s manageable, however, as their mouths find each other again. Bodhi sucks on Cassian’s bottom lip before kissing him open mouthed, making Cassian groan in appreciation. The kisses become lazy, thick and sweet like honey. Cassian tilts his head for a better angle, letting his hands roam Bodhi’s back.

The press of Bodhi against him, the heat of his mouth on Cassian’s own, soft and sweet, is almost overwhelming. It would be so easy to let his hands slip up under Bodhi’s clothes, to run his fingers along his smooth skin and trace the dip in his spine. It would be so easy to let this continue into something more. And they _could_ , if they were quick and quiet - they could have a breathtaking, somewhat clumsy tumble in the back of Bodhi’s truck if they let it happen. There’s enough heat sizzling between them for it, an edge in their kisses that leaves them both shaking. But as much as Cassian wants to, there’s an even deeper _want_ that fills Cassian: he doesn’t want to mess this up. He cares about this, about _Bodhi_ too much to rush this. His head is filled of thoughts of other things too, of soft things. Of far off, unspoken things. Of cuddling with Bodhi on the couch and falling asleep together. Waking up in each others arms. Getting up early on weekends to make breakfast with the girls. Picking the girls up after school, helping them with their homework. Spending quiet moments together after the rest of the house is asleep.

The weight of the emotions make Cassian ache, and he can’t seem to breathe past the lump in his throat. He breaks from the kiss, closing his eyes to reign himself back in. There are so many emotions whirling through Cassian that it ties his tongue in knots and he swallows hard.

“Cassian?” Bodhi’s breath is still warm on his face, his voice is just as soft as his kisses, making Cassian’s heart ache even more. He feels Bodhi’s hands in his hair, scraping it back gently from his face, and the motion is soothing enough that Cassian dares to open his eyes. Opens them to look this beautiful, kind, wonderful man in the face and wonder how he ever got so lucky.

“Are you okay?” Bodhi’s voice is still soft, but Cassian’s voice is still broken, so he nods. He leans up and kisses Bodhi again, hands framing his face as he pours every wayward emotion into the kiss. Bodhi’s fingers tighten almost painfully in Cassian’s hair, but Cassian doesn’t care, pressing further into the kiss until both he and Bodhi are breathless when they finally break apart.

The expression on Bodhi’s face is unreadable, but it reminds Cassian of aging sunlight slanting through open windows. Bodhi carefully untangles his fingers from Cassian’s hair, cupping his face and stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. When Bodhi takes another shuddering breath, it’s Cassian’s turn to ask, “Are _you_ okay?”

“Yeah,” Bodhi breathes. “That was a hell of a kiss.”

“I take it you approve, then?”

Bodhi smiles. “I always approve of you.” Something twinges in Cassian’s chest at the words, and he leans up to kiss Bodhi again, this overwhelming feeling slowly, slowly turning into something utterly intoxicating.

They’re stopped abruptly by Bodhi’s phone buzzing at them. Bodhi breaks the kiss with a groan, laying his head on Cassian’s shoulder for a second before retrieving it. His mouth flattens into a straight line as he pokes at the screen.

“It’s Jyn. She’s asking where we are.”

“Is that _all_ she said?” After having experienced Jyn, Cassian has a feeling there’s more to the message.

Sure enough, Bodhi’s face, which is already flushed, flushes even darker. “Never mind. Come on, let’s get going, otherwise we might have to break you into the resort.”

“I could always sleep on your couch again.”

Bodhi pauses, looking at Cassian with that unreadable expression again. But before Cassian can fully launch into worrying that he said something wrong, Bodhi leans back in, breath tingling Cassian’s lips as he kisses the tip of Cassian’s nose.

“You’d be more comfortable in a bed.”

Cassian has to immediately beat back the thought that jumps into his head at that comment. “Dork,” he says instead, voice fond. Bodhi grins at Cassian.

“Takes one to know one.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Local Tour Guide Says Lots of Lakes Nearby, Would Be A Shame if Something Happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with us for so long! We're finally THERE. Where? You'll see...

\-----------------

When they pull up, Jyn is already out on the porch waiting for them. Cassian doesn’t need to see her face to know she’s going to tease them; he’s accepted it at this point.

“You’re half an hour late,” she announces with too much enthusiasm as they exit the truck. “Bodhi better not have any more hickeys!”

“We’re just here to get Cassian’s brace,” Bodhi cuts in quickly, shoulders raising up to his ears in an unsubtle effort to hide the redness blooming on his throat. “Then I’m taking him back to the resort, as quick as I can. I’m so sorry Jyn, I lost track of the time.”

Jyn waggles her eyebrows at that and Cassian can’t help but laugh, earning him a nudge from Bodhi in response. Cassian reaches over and adjusts Bodhi’s scarf over the mark, barely able to hold back a smile. This playfulness between the three of them has become familiar now, almost comforting. Something rather dangerously like friendship.

“His brace is already in the Jeep,” Jyn says too innocently. “It’ll be a nice chance for me to get to know him better, right? It’ll be fun.”

Something like dread passes over Bodhi’s face. It even gives Cassian pause, though he shrugs and goes along with it. The offer doesn’t warrant arguing against, not when it’s so late already and Bodhi has to get the girls up in the morning.

“That’s thoughtful of you,” he says diplomatically. There’s… probably no reason to worry at all, right?

“Play nice, Jyn,” Bodhi chimes in. “Is that alright with you, Cassian?” The silent _“are you sure?”_ hangs in the air.

“Yeah, of course.” Cassian’s smile is tinged with nerves, which doesn’t get any better when Jyn’s returning smile is slightly too predatory. He’s never been on the receiving end of a shovel talk before, but for Bodhi he’ll brave it. Jyn is the one who set them up in the first place, he reminds himself. How much can she really have against him?

“Perfect,” Jyn says. “I’ll be just a minute.”

Jyn turns and disappears back into the house, probably to gather her things. A few moments pass and Cassian’s realizes she’s probably taking longer than she has to, giving Bodhi and him the space to say goodnight. Standing in front of Bodhi on the porch feels startlingly cliché, like every teen drama he’d ever caught snippets of on TV, and he can’t help but laugh quietly to himself at the thought. He never thought he’d have this. With his whole life so rigidly planned, there had never been the time to even imagine it.

Even if he had, he’s not sure he could have come up with someone as wonderful as Bodhi - someone so strong and kind and beautiful. Bodhi fidgets under Cassian’s gaze, nose wrinkling at the attention.

“Is there something on my face?” Bodhi asks, sounding hilariously sincere.

“Not yet.”

Bodhi barks out a laugh. “Cassian, that’s terri-”

Cassian cuts him off with a kiss, swallowing his laughter. It fades into something soft and pleased as Bodhi melts into his kiss, bringing his arms up to wrap around Cassian’s waist and hold him. He’s so warm that Cassian can do nothing but curl close, even knowing this is meant to be goodnight. After their fumbling in the car, the heat of beard burn still flush on his throat, they should both be bored of this. Cassian thinks he never will be though, not as long as Bodhi lets him stay close.

They break apart and Bodhi looks as dazed as Cassian feels, taking a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself before he has to go inside. But he still hasn’t let Cassian out of his arms and Cassian can’t help but duck in again. It’s a soft, chaste kiss this time before Bodhi lets him go, pushing lightly on his chest.

“We’ll be out here all night if we keep doing this,” Bodhi laughs, letting his hand linger over Cassian’s heart.

Cassian brings his own hands up to cover it, lacing his fingers between Bodhi’s. “Jyn will interrupt us eventually.”

Bodhi’s resolve seems to be failing when Cassian’s argument proves true, though much faster than he’d anticipated. Jyn’s voice cuts through the scene. “Some of us have places to be. By _tomorrow_ ,” Jyn gibes and Bodhi rolls his eyes, easing away from Cassian with regretful finality.

“Your shift starts at noon, Jyn,” Bodhi replies, like he’s perfectly willing to argue just to get a few more minutes with Cassian out in the cold. She shrugs off the remark.

“Still, no time to waste. DVR to catch up on, certain new boyfriends to interrogate...”

“Jyn,” Bodhi says in warning. She only smiles back sweetly, or as close to it as Jyn can muster, heading down the steps to start her Jeep without another word, leaving Cassian to follow.

“I’m grateful for the ride, don’t worry,” Cassian assures Bodhi, feeling warmed by his defense all the same. “Besides, Jyn likes me, right?”

“That’s what scares me,” Bodhi says, ducking in to press a quick peck to Cassian’s cheek before he backs away, leaving a step between them in a concerted effort not to get caught up again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, though, after rehab?”

“Don’t remind me of that,” Cassian sighs. “But yes, you’ll see me at the shop.”

“Well, I can get your mind off of rehab after, at least,” Bodhi offers, adding conspiratorially. “Maybe we can slip off and-”

Jyn honks the horn, cutting them off. It feels strange to curse someone other than Han Solo for the interruption.

“I better go,” Cassian laughs. “I...yes, to everything. Goodnight.”

Cassian turns before the temptation to stay becomes too much. He makes himself not look back until he’s inside Jyn’s Jeep, and feels heat rise on his cheeks when he finds Bodhi still standing on the porch, watching after him. He waves from his spot and Cassian can’t keep the dumb smile from his face as he returns it, only turning away when Bodhi finally heads inside.

He knows how ridiculous he must seem, but can’t bring himself to care, even when Jyn laughs and remarks: “Thought Bodhi might never let you go. Or that you’d never leave. You’ve got it bad.”

She throws the car into gear and pulls out of Bodhi’s driveway. Cassian realizes this is the first time he’s really been alone with her, even after so many hours spent lazing about the shop. She flicks her amused gaze to him, as if waiting for him to deny it but he only shrugs. “Yeah, I guess...I do.”

She laughs in response but after a beat, continues, “So… does that mean you’re planning to extend your stay?”

Cassian knows he shouldn’t be caught off guard by the blatant probing. Jyn is a tried and true meddler, but still, the question gets him. She’s only voicing what he’s been thinking already, but hasn’t known how to put it to words that actually sound sensible.

“I…” Even now he fumbles with how to say it, for anything that will make him sound like something other than a besotted idiot. “All I can say is I want to be here, with Bodhi. You know that.”

“I get that,” Jyn admits, eying him with something he’s almost sure is fondness. “And I know you wouldn’t hurt Bodhi on purpose, and _you_ know that if you did you’d be at the bottom of the lake right now.”

Cassian huffs a nervous laugh, certain of her seriousness. “I’d deserve it.”

She flashes an approving smile at that, before continuing. “He’s been through a lot and I know it’s not my business, not really, but,I just want to know what to expect. When you go… hell, is it really too presumptuous to say ‘ _if’_ now?”

Even though he knows she’s teasing, his heartbeat quickens. The idea of him and Bodhi being permanent, the same way it had when they exchanged their ridiculous toy rings, invades his thoughts once more. He lifts a hand to feel it under his shirt, still hanging from the same chain as his abuela’s medallion, considering how much to give Jyn.

“Not...entirely presumptuous,” he murmurs. “If I didn’t have so much of my own shit to sort out...” He trails off of the subject and Jyn seems to accept it. “I just hope he’ll give me the time, that he’ll still want me around if I can be.”

Jyn’s expression goes soft at the words. “I think you have a fair shot of that.”

Cassian wants to ask what she knows, what Bodhi’s said about _him_. For all the sense he has that Bodhi feels the same, the thought of knowing outright is a temptation he has to fight to ignore. He nods, turning to look out the window, the small town passing by, wondering if he’ll ever really be worthy of calling this place, calling Bodhi, his _home_.

He goes quiet thinking about it and Jyn doesn’t press, keeping one hand on the wheel as she nudges Cassian’s shoulder with the other. “Try not to worry so much, okay? We’re good. And I really believe you’re good for him.”

Cassian’s grateful for her, for the fact that Bodhi’s had her in his corner all these years. “Well, as long as _you’re_ convinced.”

Jyn laughs as they finally pull up to the rehab center, draping her arm over the seat as she parks them in front of the doors. “This is your stop. That’ll be ten dollars.”

Cassian opens the door and gets out, shaking his head. “Goodnight Jyn.”

“Night Romeo,” she replies with a wink. Cassian rolls his eyes and turns away, leaving her to drive off.

\----------------

Cassian returns to his room, feeling untethered by gravity. Like he could just float off the floor and never come back down. It’s a giddy, dizzy sensation that he’s grown surprisingly used to over the past few weeks.

For the first time in so long, Cassian is at peace. Something that only used to come to him on the ice, something that’s been missing from his life for years. The very idea that he’s going to have to leave this place and this peace in barely a month, and return to his career, is starting to become unnerving. He doesn't like thinking about it.

He stares at his reflection in the mirror as he takes his coat off, the new turn in his thoughts settling uncomfortably over him. The silence, the loneliness of his room suddenly presses in on him from all sides. He flips on the TV to drown it out, filling the room with the constant chatter of sports anchors talking about some hockey game or other on ESPN. Cassian lets it wash over him, flopping onto his bed and staring at the popcorn ceiling for the hundredth time since coming to Fespin Falls.

He replays the night over in his head - the happiness and wonder, the nagging questions in the back of his mind, the thrill of Bodhi’s hands on him, the sweet heat of his mouth. Of Jyn’s words in the dark, still night.

To say that he hasn’t considered how to ask Bodhi about a long distance relationship would be a lie. It’s a far better idea than just leaving and never looking back (an idea that, even thinking about it, makes something icy and terrible slide into his stomach) and more sensible than uprooting his entire life (or what little of it still has roots) on a relationship they’ve only had for a couple of weeks.

It’s not what he wants, deep down. What he _wants_ is to stay. Stay right here in Fespin Falls and build a life here. With Bodhi, Paige, and Rose. With Jyn. Even with Luke and Wedge, or Norra and Solo, or the rest of this little meddling town. Trouble is, Cassian has no idea how to broach that subject with Bodhi. He doesn’t think he could bear it if Bodhi turned him down, much less the possibility that Bodhi only expects this to last only until Cassian leaves Fespin Falls. Heaving a sigh, Cassian rolls onto his side, pillowing his head on his arm. He reaches for the remote to turn up the volume, hoping to drown out those hopes and anxieties with the drone of whatever sports program is currently playing.

 _“...can we talk about that for a minute?_ ” one of the sports anchors is saying to the other. _“If you really want to prove a point about something, do like Bodhi Rook did.”_


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Local's Big Secret Not Actually That Secret_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to take a moment to apologize on behalf of all four us for that MASSIVE CLIFFHANGER last time.... and maybe for the events of this chapter. _*runs off into the night*_
> 
> Secondly, we have new chapter banners! All previous chapters now include a little headline from the Fespin Falls Gazette~ Enjoy!

__

_ \----------------- _

_“He was so upset about not being selected for the Olympic team, Bodhi Rook made it his mission to make everyone regret it. He ended up not only having the best season of his short career, but managed to set a new League record, **and** helped the Imperials bring in another Stanley Cup win.”_

_“I believe they call that playing out of spite.”_

The sports anchors laugh tonelessly, but Cassian isn’t listening anymore, too caught up in the impossibility of what he’s just heard. At first, he even _doubts_ what he’s heard. But Bodhi Rook is hardly a common name, much less one that has been used twice and is clearly not a trick of Cassian’s mind.

The show hosts move on to another topic, leaving Cassian with no clearer answer than before. He smacks at the remote, irritated and oddly jittery. The quiet of the room crushes in on all sides, anticipation clawing its way up his throat. His phone is in his hand without thinking, typing out the name into the search engine on autopilot. He hesitates at the last moment, thumb hovering over pressing enter for a breath before going through with it.

There’s no calling it back as the page loads. A familiar face stares up at him from his phone, younger, his hair long and pulled back from his face. But unmistakably _Bodhi_ in a hockey jersey.

The girls hadn’t been kidding about the long hair being a good look on him.

One of the first results is a YouTube video. _Top Ten Worst Hockey Injuries EVER!!_ it proclaims. Cassian doesn’t click on it. If Bodhi was injured badly enough for a YouTube Top Anything, Cassian isn’t sure he can stomach watching it. The memory of the surgical scar down the small of Bodhi’s back is enough of an elaboration. There’s a Wikipedia article under the video link, just blazing up at him. Taunting him with answers.

Cassian climbs to his feet, paces his room even as his knee aches. He brings up another window, scrolling carelessly through his contacts until he finds the one he’s looking for, and hits call. The phone rings four… five times....

He clicks the Wikipedia link before the sixth ring.

 _“Cassian, if you’re calling to fawn over your boyfriend again…”_ Kay sighs at him over the speaker.

Cassian can’t help the pitched, rattling laugh that tumbles from his mouth. It sounds half hysterical to his own ears, and utterly foreign to him.

It must sound that way to Kay too, because there’s an almost audible change in his friend’s silence. _“Cassian?”_

“I…” His eyes skim over the article on his screen.

_At the peak of his career, Rook could skate at thirty two miles per hour, earning him the nickname “The Pilot.” Rook was nearly selected for the 2010 Winter Olympics hockey team, but was passed over. He voiced his disappointment over this in an interview in 2011._

_During the 2010-11 season, Rook broke Jari Kurri’s and Reggie Leach’s standing record of goals scored in a single season, including playoffs with 21 goals. It’s believed that before his injury, he was well on his way to breaking his own record._

“Christ.”

_“Cassian, if you tell me that the two of you broke up over some stupid fight…”_

He clenches his eyes shut for a moment, bringing himself back to the present. “No, no, Kay, I just… I heard Bodhi’s name on TV. He was a hockey player?” Cassian thumbs through the list of records Bodhi had broken during his career. “Fuck, a really _good_ hockey player.”

There’s a prolonged silence, and then a slow intake of breath. _“Cassian, listen to me. Turn the TV off.”_

“It’s off already.”

_“Good. Now, the last thing you want to do is be an idiot and google him.”_

He freezes. “Um.”

_“...Cassian!”_

Cassian flinches guiltily, but doesn’t close out of the article. “It’s just the Wikipedia page?” he reasons. But his eyes have found the section of the page labelled _Injury and Retirement._

_During a game on March 22, 2012, between Rook’s Hamilton Imperials and home team Baltimore Rebels, Crix Madine of the Rebels shoulder checked Rook in an attempt to stop a pass, sending Rook crashing into the boards. Rook was prone on the ice for several minutes and taken off on a stretcher._

_Rook suffered a minor concussion and a spinal injury, cracking vertebrae in the lower lumbar region of the spine, which had to be repaired with surgery. The injury kept him out for the remainder of the 2011-12 season, and the Imperials bought out his contract on compliance on June 20, 2012. Rook retired from hockey a few months later._

Each word Cassian reads makes him feel sicker than the last. Kay’s right, this was a mistake. Cassian should never have seen this. “Kay,” he says hoarsely, “I think I fucked up.”

Kay, never one to sugar coat things, only answers with a calm: _“A little bit, yes.”_

He curses under his breath, still unable to completely pull his eyes away from the text glaring up at him. It’s like his own personal trainwreck. “What do I do, Kay? This is… it’s bad.”

_“It is.”_

“No wonder he reacted so badly when Paige fell.”

Kay doesn’t stop to ask what he’s talking about, only hums. _“Injuries like that do tend to result in lasting trauma, yes.”_

“But why wouldn’t he-- wait.” Cassian glares into the middle distance, for lack of an actual best friend present. “How do _you_ know about it?”

Kay sniffs primly. _“I said **you** shouldn’t google him, as his boyfriend. As his boyfriend’s best friend, **I** am entitled to a quick search to make sure my best friend isn’t dating a serial killer.”_

“Kay!”

_“You should talk to him about it.”_

Cassian’s laugh is bitter. “Should I lead with that? ‘Hello Bodhi, how was your day? Oh, and I looked up what you used to do for a living last night.’”

_“Maybe not **lead** with that. But it’s better to come clean with it than to hide it until it’s too late.”_

It makes sense. It’s even objectively the right thing to do, but Cassian can’t help the knee-jerk reaction to disagree. His mind churns, frantically trying to envision away out of this that doesn’t end in Bodhi hating him. But surely, he wouldn’t. Right?

“I’ll talk to you later, Kay,” he eventually says, ignoring Kay’s unsurprised sigh.

He hangs up and limply sets his phone on the bed. He stares at the hideously striped bedspread until it’s burned into his skull and is forced to close his eyes. Cassian’s mind goes in a loop for a few minutes, of _cracking vertebrae in the lower lumbar region of the spine_ to _but it’s open information_ to _Bodhi would have told me if he wanted me to know._ That’s the nail in the coffin of Cassian’s anxiety ridden feedback loop, that if Bodhi wanted him to know, Bodhi would have told Cassian.

Cassian sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He knows he’s crossed a line, a painful one that is harmful to their budding relationship. For a brief moment Cassian actually considers just pretending he’d never read it. Like he knows nothing about Bodhi’s past, like before.

That, to Cassian, is even more painful.

Cassian groans in realization that Bodhi, even after all they’ve gone through, doesn’t trust him. But then again, Cassian thinks, he did just google Bodhi’s past, inherently breaking that trust. So why would Bodhi have reason to trust him?

Things start falling into place for Cassian, thinking back on all of the things he’d seen, been outright _told_ in some circumstances. It should have been more obvious to him, now that he sees the answer. Nearly everyone he’s met in Fespin Falls has known about it. (Did they discover Bodhi’s pain along the way, he wonders, or had Bodhi trusted _them_ with it?)

And now Cassian knows, but he wishes he was still in the dark.

He picks up his phone again, hovering over Bodhi’s name. But in the end, he only shuts his phone off. He’s done enough for tonight. Enough for a lifetime, he thinks. When he does fall asleep, it’s restless, knowing he’ll have to face this in the morning.

\----------------

Cassian doesn’t meet him at the shop that day.

He sends a text ahead, though, with an apology and a promise to meet him at the house later, so Bodhi takes it in stride. It’s not until Cassian reaches the house, noticeably quiet as he hangs his coat, that Bodhi knows something is off. He does his best not to worry, only waiting him out patiently.

“PT run long today?” he asks gently, hopefully.

But Cassian’s smile is strained at the edges. “It’s been…” he trails off, doesn’t finish. It’s something else then, Bodhi reasons, tipping in to press a kiss to Cassian’s cheek. He casts his mind about, trying to remember what days Cassian has appointments with Wedge. Perhaps it’s not the _physical_ therapy that was rough today. He certainly knows what that’s like.

Cassian’s stance is stiff, and so Bodhi backs off tactfully. Quietly puzzling over the sudden shift in mood, Bodhi aims again for comfort. “Still pretty cold out there, huh. How about some tea?”

“I can get it,” Cassian answers quickly, almost insistent, taking a step toward the kitchen before Bodhi rests a hand on his chest, stilling him.

“No rush, I’ve got it. Just relax, alright?”

Cassian looks like he might argue but nods instead, taking a step back, away from Bodhi’s touch. “I’ll just...I’ll wait,” Cassian says, rather than following him into the kitchen. The note in his voice is what sparks something in Bodhi, a sick feeling of his own dread and his own insecurities. Maybe this is the Talk they both know has been coming.

About Cassian leaving Fespin Falls, leaving Bodhi behind.

He shakes the thought away, willing himself to remain calm - to let this play out however it has to, if it’s coming to that. If that’s what’s going to happen today, at least Cassian cares enough to be rattled, he thinks, trying to find something to take comfort in. He stares at the shiny surface of the kettle, willing his warped reflection to give him the guidance he needs. Each second feels like a lifetime, dragging on in his own spiralling thoughts.

Maybe he's reading it wrong. It’s the smallest of hopes, to consider that Cassian is looking for something that lasts longer than his stay in town. That what they have can be real. Still, he wants to hold on to it.

He tries not to let his worry show as he returns to the living room, the warm, hopefully comforting, mugs in hand. Cassian still looks uncomfortable and expectant, and wholly out of place from the man that has been so relaxed in his home over the past weeks. He looks like a man before the gallows. Bodhi wants to tell him that it’s okay, that he knows what’s coming. Whenever Bodhi thinks of their time together, the unavoidable brevity of it, he only wants to pull Cassian closer, to savor what they have left.

Not to pull away the way Cassian seems to want to now, looking like he might bolt. Cassian’s gaze remains firmly on his tea, the swirl of liquid transfixing him, as if it might hold some answer Bodhi can’t give him.

Bodhi takes a sip of his own, before setting it aside, unable to pretend he hasn’t noticed any longer. “What’s wrong?”

Cassian meets his eyes, reluctance in every inch of the shift, and he looks...guilty. Ashamed, though Bodhi can’t fathom why. It sets Bodhi’s nerves on edge.

“I’m fine,” Cassian clearly lies, his voice strained. “But,” he finally looks at Bodhi, his expression twisted, “I have to tell you something.”

Bodhi tenses, bracing himself. Here it comes. “Alright…whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. Just tell me.” He tries to make himself seem casual and reassuring, sitting back on the couch and throwing an arm over the back. He feels none of it.

Cassian turns, almost shying away from the brush of Bodhi’s arm at his shoulders. It hurts but Bodhi knows well enough not to press, to let Cassian get out whatever he needs to, even if it’s something he doesn’t want to hear. It’s another beat before Cassian takes a deep breath and finally speaks.

“I know that you probably don’t want to talk about this, and that you have every right not to but, Bodhi, I have to be honest. Because...because I care about you _so much_ ,” Cassian starts and there’s something in his face that sparks real dread in Bodhi’s. The pitying grief in Cassian’s eyes is too familiar. It looms at Bodhi straight out of his memories, of a city and a life left behind. And this is _not_ something Bodhi is ready to face. “I found out how you hurt your back.”

Bodhi freezes at the finality of it. Of Cassian knowing.

He’s not ready, is the thought that spirals through him for several breaths. He’s tried so hard to muster the strength, to tell Cassian himself, on his own terms. And now all that is just...meaningless. In the wake of the admission, Bodhi’s so tense that he can’t move, and in a terrible sense of mockery, his back twinges in pain. He swallows against the sudden, cold lump in his throat, and Cassian’s face twists up in regret, and he’s saying something, but only a few of the words come through the buzzing in Bodhi’s head.

“Are you okay? I… Bodhi, I’m so sorry.”

“Who told you?” Bodhi asks, trying to keep it together, to keep his voice even, to be logical. If it was someone like Luke or Jyn, he could almost understand. They worried about him, worried too much, and it might have been a mistake or--

“I heard your name on the TV last night and I just, I wondered...” Cassian says, going quiet after, like he’s unsure what else to say. _I should have known,_ Bodhi thinks bitterly. It wasn’t like this was the first time the media had delivered a hard blow to his personal life. He’d hoped the world at large had been past all that, that his pain was old hat. Instead it had only been a matter of time before they circled round, dusted off his past again and left his present overturned.

Bodhi shuts his eyes, unable to process it all at once. “They talked about my injury on the TV?” he grits out, the words coming out disconnected. He opens his eyes again but can’t bring himself to look at Cassian straight on just yet, not ready to be looked at differently than before all this, when they were happy and he was just a nobody.

“No, not all of it. I,” Cassian sighs, a new hesitancy making Bodhi finally glance up, wondering just how much worse things could get. “I googled you.”

His breath bursts out in a laugh, and it sounds cold in his ears. “You-- of course you did.” It would be. Of course it would, of all the absurd...

“I’m--”

Bodhi lifts a hand to stop him. Part of him wants to be understanding but his emotions finally win out, the entire stupid conversation feeling like a set up to some terrible punch line. Cassian had looked him in the eyes and promised to give him time… and in the end that hadn’t been good enough, had it?

He can only imagine the way things were phrased on whatever Wikipedia page or news story that had come up, the tragic details of his life laid out in perfect order. How the injury shattered him and shuttered him away from the public. How the team dumped him as soon as they could. How Nadia had left. A perfect sob story, the kind sports journalists had fed on for months until they finally realized no amount of money would turn him into some inspirational tell all of the week. He pictures Cassian pouring over the words and his heart aches. Were the details of his pain really so trivial?

“Bodhi, I…” Cassian tries again. Bodhi doesn’t stop him this time, but he trails off anyway, like he can’t even fathom what to say to Bodhi now.

That hesitation and sympathy only makes Bodhi feel embarrassed now, for what a fool he’s been all this time. For thinking that Cassian _knowing_ wouldn’t change the way Cassian looked at him, for thinking he could outrun the past forever and just _live_. He could only take so much pity in a lifetime. Not like this, not from Cassian of all people.

Cassian could have _called_. He could have asked _Jyn_ if he really wanted to go behind Bodhi’s back about it. Looking him up feels like such a deliberate slap in the face. Anger overrides his sadness, cruel curiosity breaking through the desire to push Cassian away.

“Why didn’t you just ask me?” Bodhi blurts out, starting to shake. Cassian was right at the start - he doesn’t _want_ to talk about it. Doesn’t want to be _understood_. He isn’t a puzzle to be unraveled or a charity case to be fixed. “I thought I could trust you, I thought-” He trails off, holding back words that will only hurt them both, the rest coming out weak and frail, but the underlying anger is rising beneath them.

“I didn’t think,” Cassian tries to explain, sounding lost. “I’m sorry.”

“I trusted you. I really thought you understood, but now-” Bodhi trails off, the ache in his chest overwhelming. He takes a shuddering breath, just barely holding himself together.

“How could I when you won’t tell me anything?” Cassian bites back, his frustration clear. “Were you ever planning to tell me?”

Bodhi folds his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling very small, at war with himself over the answer. “Does it even matter now?”

Cassian’s brow furrows but he doesn’t speak, and if this is too much for him to handle then Bodhi always will be. The bitterness of the thought drives Bodhi to continue.

“Oh,” he says, his voice growing in volume, so thankful the girls aren’t in the house to witness it, “like I needed to tell you it was painful for me? A terrible time in my life?” He pushes himself up off the couch and starts pacing. He feels his throat starting to close up, that telltale sign that he’s holding back, that he’s furious. “What was I going to tell you, Cassian?” he asks, crossing his arms, pausing to glare at a gawking Cassian. “Some sob story about how I gave up?”

Cassian shakes his head, stands up to reach out and comfort, and Bodhi pulls away.

“Of course not,” Cassian says, and it sounds weak to Bodhi’s ears.

“It was a long time ago. Why is it even important to you?” And then, “What does it matter?”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Cassian insists, sounding frantic, pained. Bodhi’s heard that before, more than enough, still remembers the way it sounded from Nadia in the ER. The attempt to soothe only shores up Bodhi’s anger. Cassian reaches for him and Bodhi flinches away, needing distance. “Bodhi-”

Bodhi’s breath comes short, his nerves frayed, the million possibilities holding him down. “You’re right,” he manages to choke out. “it doesn’t matter; you’re leaving soon anyway.”

Cassian stops, lowers his outreaching hands and takes in a short breath. “Bodhi.”

It’s too much. “I can’t do this right now,” Bodhi says, ready for this conversation to be done. “I need you to leave.”

He walks to the door and opens it pointedly, standing there until, zombie-like, Cassian follows after him. He stops beside Bodhi, the small distance feeling like a canyon stretching out between them. If Bodhi were calmer, he might be moved by the anguished expression on Cassian’s face. But all he can feel at the moment is the need to be away from this. And the seconds where Cassian tries to come up with something to say, his eyes pleading, are unbearable.

Eventually Cassian only nods, his shoulders slumped, grabbing his jacket before he finally leaves.

Bodhi shuts the door behind him, not waiting to watch him stumble in the sludge, or pull out his phone to call Han.

He walks away to keep from watching from the window, instead stomping over to the couch and sinking onto it. The anger sputters out into tears, and then tremors.

After a while, he doesn’t feel anything at all.

\-----------------

Eventually, Bodhi forces himself to do something other than lay on his couch. By the time he glances at the clock, he winces, finding that more than two hours have passed. In that time, Bodhi has raged, has cried, and gone numb, and now just wishes he could go to sleep.

He can’t do that. Not only because every time he closes his eyes, he can see Cassian’s regretful expression, but because the girls will need to be picked up from school… soon.

Bodhi can see exactly how that will go, though. He can go through the motions of their day, can force everything down with a brave face and that _might_ fool the girls for a few hours. But it’s not something he can keep at bay forever. Eventually one of them is going to notice. Going to ask what’s wrong. And how in the hell is Bodhi supposed to answer that? How is he supposed to explain that Cassian knows who Bodhi is now? He shouldn’t have to deal with this, shouldn’t have to put them through him being this way again. He’d gotten past this before, built a life for them, he was happy before. He might not have had romance but he had enough.

Even now, when he’s still so angry with Cassian, he feels off kilter without him around. He’d come into Bodhi’s life and been so perfect, for just a little while, and then he had to go and ruin it. Bodhi’s shaking again, shutting his eyes as his breathes come hard. He can’t do this again, he can’t. And in that moment he wants to hate Cassian - he should hate him after what he’s done, the false sense of security he’d lulled Bodhi into just to bring it crashing down.

The words feel wrong in his head, even as his anger wells up all over again, too harsh, too distant from the man Bodhi knows. Or thought he knew. Everything feels muddled, like he’s treading through water just to see the light.

The last time he’d felt like this had been years ago, at his very lowest, when he could hardly bear to talk to anyone outside of Jyn and the girls. He thinks about calling her now, explaining what happened, asking her to pick up the girls. To make excuses for him like she’s done before out of kindness. He opens his eyes, looks at his trembling hands, clenching them into fists just to remember he’s tangible. He could call her, and she’d answer. She’d tell him everything was alright, but he won’t. It’s not her responsibility to fix him, after all.

He takes a deep breath, follows all the steps of guided meditation he’d buried deep down somewhere, and realizes what he has to do, the person he should be calling. There’s no getting around it anymore. He knows the signs well enough, the signs he’s been ignoring for too long - the tightness of breath, the continual loop of his own diatribe blaming Cassian, blaming himself.

He pulls out his phone, willing his hand to remain steady as he scrolls through his contacts, hoping Evaan hasn’t changed her number.

 _Evaan, it’s Bodhi Rook,_ he types. _Is there any way…_ he erases the text and starts over. It he does it again twice more before he finally ends up with: _Evaan, it’s Bodhi Rook. I need an appointment asap, if possible._

After sending the text he lies back down on the couch, giving himself at least a few more minutes before he has to get up to get Paige and Rose. His phone buzzes after only a few minutes.

 _Come in early tomorrow, 10:00,_ it reads.

Bodhi nods. “I… I can do that,” he says, even if it’s only to himself.

He can do this. Bodhi can make it until then. The drive out to the city will do him good and from there he would just have to see what happens.


End file.
